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I'm wondering what are opinions of, and what have your experiences been with INFPs? I'm asking because i just recently ended a very close friendship with one, and kind of sad i didn't end it sooner, no offense to any other INFPs on the forum. From my experience so far, i would say INFPs can be pretty good people if born into good circumstances but if not they can get very "whinny" and gloomy. The one who i use to be friends with, more like a brother- sister relationship to be honest, had some pretty bad things happen in her past and therefore she was very emotionally damaged. Being the INTP problem solver that i am, i thought i would help her (big mistake) since she "said" she wanted to change. Well, this involved many nights talking with her when she got upset (sometimes in th middle of the night) and do stuff with her online. it grew apparent after while that (1) she was so preoccupied with her own feelings that she didn't really help when it came to the feelings of others (helping them out in their time of need), (2) whenever she wronged another person she would "always" blame it on something that happened on her past or something that was happening within her life in the present, hence taking no responsibility at all, (3) she would feel emotions so powerfully to the point of practically being Bi-polar; she would be happy and fun one moment then as soon as she thought of something bad that happened she would automatically get depressed and it would ruin her day, and (4) she would be a drifter as far as relationships is concerned. I heard that some INFPs have few friends, but i would say this girl had practically almost no friends. All her friendships would usually last a few months and follow a certain pattern. Girl meets person A, shes ethusiastic about the relationship (talks 9 hours on the phone, etc), this would go on for a while then girl meets person B and then person B becomes the center of her universe while she practically makes no time for person A. Person A gets frustrated, they get in more arguements, then it ends. pattern repeats for person B, though person A might still call every few months to try and "rekindle" the relationship (pattern didn't happen to me, just what i observed through the last few months).

In conclusion i would say the intense emotions that a INFP has makes you feel more alive than ever but can being emotionally draining if the feelings are more negative. I will admit, this experience has made me less likely, except for in the case of ENFJs and ENFPs, to get involved with any other Feeling types in the future.

Any comments, questions, or similar experiences (even if not with INFP) would be greatly welcomed.
 

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well, I"m an INFP, and I can sure as hell say i am NOT LIKE THAT.
That girls nuts! No wonder you don't trust the Feeling types anymore!
Let me tell you, we're not all like that. Unlike that chick, whose obviously has some psychological problems a bit worse than others that she should get checked out, I would like to say that *ahem* I am not a psycho-emotional freak. Basically, I can use my brain. Also, I value my friends for who they are and I never try to be so caught up in my own intense emotions that I have no time for my friend. This girl sounds like she needs to calm down and get her head into reality.
Also, my best friend is an INTP - and I know how lucky I am to have her as a friend. She relies on me to be her closest confidante, and I do likewise. We have a win-win situation; she's not so caught up in intellectual bs that she has no time for my feelings - she can relate and doesn't think I'm 'impossible' like some thinkers think about INFP's) and I can relate to her. Together we can have *very* deep conversations. I think this is because 1) my feelings vs. thinking is only about 65% and vice versa with her, meaning we are basically the flip side of the same coin, and 2) we listen to eachother and don't get so caught up in ourselves that we are ridid/not willing to hear the others beliefs if they don't jive with our own.

Saying this, I urge you not to hate other Feelings types based on your experience with one person! It's unfortunate that your first experience with an INFP had to be such a bad one, because I do believe we are a wonderful type :)
 

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My personal experience with an INFP (ONE, just an individual case. Just thought I'd throw it out there, not trying to make generalizations) has been... sort of meh, really. I'm not entirely sure it's simply due to her personality type.

On the outside, we seem pretty similar (I suppose you could say this about a lot of INFP's and INTP's). Both practically living on our computers, both quiet recluses who aren't particularly concerned about organization or image. When we're face to face, we can trade nonsense and simply have fun with it - but whenever I try to engage her in a deeper conversation, or try to get to know her a bit better, she either reacts very flatly, or simply doesn't have any thoughts at all. If I try to talk to her online, she barely speaks, period.

Overall, I get the impression that she's very absorbed in her own head, (Gee, wouldn't know anything about that >_> ) and a little further socially repressed by mild depression/shyness. I'd say that it might be that we simply don't "click", but I've never really seen her act differently with anybody else.
 

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I hate to give advice, but I see the thought in your post Darth. Take the following with skepticism please.

I have had similar experiences with girls. I can tell you that you seem far,far, FAR more mature than she sounds. It is great that you were able to work out and rationalize the relationship and experience. In similar circumstances, I have been less than lucky and started harming myself with excessive booze and such. I like the title 'user' instead of 'drifter'. I could be wrong, you know her better than me and seem smarter than most. In the future I would do one of two things.

1# Avoid this type of person. You cannot let someone dominate your mind and feelings that has a damaging effect on you. If they care about you, they wouldn't let you commit yourself heavily. I would never let my mother or GF (if I had one atm) spend 8 hrs worrying about me and bog her down with my problems. Everyone has problems. I love her, care about her, and I'm sure she has better problems to attend to. I would show a friend the same respect.

2# Use your thinking and intelligence to make alot of money, get the 'stimulating but damaged' girl a new car and a credit card, some little dog or something, maybe a pre-nuptial, and then nod and smile alot when she goes nutso. If friendship is your goal you can skip the car, credit card, dog, and pre-nuptial. Then though, she may go nutso wondering why you do not want sex.

I watch my ESTP brother go through these types of relationships all the time and it breaks my heart - She defends herself with her past, then he defends her against himself with her past. Finally he defends her current actions based on her past against me, himself, his friends, and everyone he knows. The last girl like this lead him into bankruptcy then, after two years, she left one week after the money was gone, and she was forced to get responsible about life. I wouldn't say this to my bro, but she got bored and moved on to the next thrill. I saw it coming about a year ago but could do nothing.

I see it as much simpler.

To quote a Pet Shop Boys song, 'However I look it's clear to see, I love you more than you love me.'
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Thanks

Thanks everyone for the replies!

Bell: Don't worry, i'm not going to make this ruin my "whole" view on Feeling types. Though i will probably be somewhat weary for a while. Thanks for the example between your friend and you, made me think that the INFP and INTP relatinship can work out.

Rin:yeah, i seemed to notice that this INFP girl was somewhat the same as you describe the INFP you know, minus the emotional bagage.

Nothing:Believe me, if i even sense that the girl i'm interested in has lots of emotional bagage i will think bery seriously before i get involved. I kind of develped a new standard for now on that if the person i'm with influences (negatively) me more than i am influence them (positively), then i'm just going to leave the relationship alone. As for your other advice, given that we have close to a 50% divorce rate, which 7 out of 8 times is initiated by the woman for the reason (90% of the time if i remember correctly) of "i dont "feel" loved anymore, whether the person is a nutso or not i defintely plan on getting a prenuptial either way >.>
 

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To quote a Pet Shop Boys song, 'However I look it's clear to see, I love you more than you love me.'
I believe the song you're thinking of is Getting Away With It by Electronic, not Pet Shop boys...though the message still aptly applies.

I agree that this is not the norm for all feeler types. Although I've known INFPs to get whiny, they can usually take a little criticsm if you call them on it and then it's all good. I was in a relationship with someone for seven years on and off with a bad past and can relate...what you describe in her behavior does not necessarily reflect her personality type but rather a personality disorder - specifically borderline personality disorder. There's a book "I hate you, don't leave me" that explains it pretty well and is geared towards those surrounding a person who is like that...emotional, intense, clingy, and then just drops you.
You are a good friend to stay by her side and try to help and I hope she realizes that someday, but it seems she is too preoccupied with herself right now to appreciate that (hence my agreement with the song lyric). Unfortunately you can't help her, you have to look out for yourself. Don't be afriad to let her know why you can't be at her beck and call, she needs to hear it and it's best coming from an INTP. I've known your type to be very direct, honest, and practical and am receptive to hearing bad news/criticism from INTPs because i know there's no malicious intent. If anything it sounds like you've learned from this experience and can now recongnize some of the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship, but please, don't let this turn you off of feeler types...there are some pretty awesome ones out there who complement your type nicely.
 

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I think she needs to understand that finding the root of the problem is not the same as solving the problem i.e. seeing causes for her behavior in past does not somehow solve her issues in the present. And also that despite what people have done to her in the past, she still carries responsibility for her own actions, and ultimately she will have to live with consequences of these actions, not those other people.

I've known several INFPs and they don't behave like anything that you described. They can have strong feelings and values, they can vocalize their feelings especially if they are negative. It can sound as if they are whining to those of us who use Fe. But the INFPs I have known do not jump from one person to another in manner you described or accept no personal responsibility. I think her strong emotions have something to do with her MBTI type but not these later two things. These in fact can be symptoms of several different personality types in unhealthy state.
 

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I personally love INFPs... in theory anyway. I've only met an ENFP, and she is one of the best friends I've had. She does get sad about her life sometimes [which I find dumb, but I try to underdtand], but she doesn't drown me in her emotions. Usually, if she's sad, she'll want to hear the logical answer to her problems, which I can provide.

This girl seems to have emotional problems. Suggest a psycologist.
 

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I just got out of a relationship with an INFP actually...So take my experience with a grain of salt as this was only a specific case.

When we were together it was all great and fun and such, but her parents thought I was some sort of deadbeat because of misinterpreting some things I do (or maybe they interpreted correctly and I am a deadbeat, one never knows hahahaha)

She never told me about this, and having no eye for subtle emotional ques I was taken rather by surprise that her parents decided we couldn't see eachother...but we decided we could still go out just not seem as serious as boyfriend-girlfriend kind of deal...

That's what she said, then she ended up ignoring me for 3 weeks and left me for another guy...but point of all this is

If you are to interact with an INFP (least in my experience) be prepared to have to come right out and confront her about any and all suspicions or problems....else they will keep you in the dark to be eventually blindsided as a result of her wanting to avoid any and all negative emotion associated with conflict and a inborn near maternal need to shield you from life.
 

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I am an isfp and have a good friend that is an infp. She also puts a lot of her time and energy into internal emotional upheaval. Feeling is a wonderful thing if used in a positive, upbuilding way. I am constantly reminding her of the "positives" in her life and trying to direct her focus away from herself has often helped. I am also one her very few friends.
 

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Heh. This is funny, because I'm the optomistic person and most everyone else around me is constantly whining.
Whining is annoying. All types do it and it sucks the life outta ya after a while.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Thanks for the input everyone!

I know what you mean amanda, that was part of the thing that started getting to me. I felt like when she kept whinning about things it just sucked the life out of me. The big warnning sign that made me give up and made me really see something was wrong was when she called me the night before she was going to take the blood test to see if she was Bi-polar, and she was "literally" crying over the phone about getting the shot!

Starr: thanks for the info, i will defintely read up on the subject now.
 

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I personally love INFPs... in theory anyway. I've only met an ENFP, and she is one of the best friends I've had. She does get sad about her life sometimes [which I find dumb, but I try to underdtand], but she doesn't drown me in her emotions. Usually, if she's sad, she'll want to hear the logical answer to her problems, which I can provide.
We do have some similar traits, but are ultimately pretty different :p however, I can become ENFP-like sometimes, depending on my mood and person i'm with.
 
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