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Hello. I am an INTJ and I was wondering if you had a situation(s) similar to mine and what did you do then.
I was at a students social event and it was very crowded, cca 500 people. I was with my friends and we were drinking and talking and so on. All of them are extroverts. And those extroverted friend asked their acquaintances to join us. And from the moment exchanged names they started saying stuff like "Why are you so serious? Laught a bit. Why are you not smiling?" It was so annoying. I told them that if i am not smiling that does not mean i am not happy and similar stuff, but to no effect. And they continued to be annyoing.
What is up with that? Why do those people think that everbody should smile if told to? Do they feel better because somebody is smiling in their presence? Do they feel liked? If somebody is not smiling near them, do they feel hated? It is a bit puzzling to me.
 

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Neurotypical people respond to body language. It is our way of knowing whether someone is enjoying our company or not.

A blank face is usually a good sign that the person you're speaking with
1) isn't finding you interesting, funny, enjoyable to listen to . . .
2) probably wants you to go away
3) is in a bad mood
4) is ignoring you
5) something else
 

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Neurotypical people respond to body language. It is our way of knowing whether someone is enjoying our company or not.

A blank face is usually a good sign that the person you're speaking with
1) isn't finding you interesting, funny, enjoyable to listen to . . .
2) probably wants you to go away
3) is in a bad mood
4) is ignoring you
5) something else
That is very well put. Since I do work in public relations, I do soft smiles - something that I'm quite getting good at doing. It's not something that indicates complete and utter fun, but it puts extroverts at ease that I am having (or seemingly having) a good time at a function.
 

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They feel uncomfortable in your presence and their insecurities are leading them to request that you change so they can feel better. Welcome to planet earth.
 

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I guess because of your gender, you weren't taught that you must smile in social situations.

Seriously, I teach my kids to put on an extroverted hat when needed. Surely you can observe how others are interacting, and go with the flow. It certainly sucks the energy out of a person, but it's doable.

That said, when my extroverted hat is on too long, my social smile melts away and I get a bit of a glazed zombie stare. Perhaps that is what happened to you, OP. lol.
 

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Extroverts are constantly surrounded by other extroverts. Almost every other person in society is an extroverts. Most Extroverts might never even meet an introvert. They don't know they are extroverted, they are just the way they are and as far as they know everyone else is too... then they met YOU. You're different and they don't understand it as they only have their own experiences to judge by.

They mean well, but they're ignorant.
 

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People often expect you to emulate their behaviors, or they will think you are being socially inappropriate. Psychology tells us that if you see two friends sitting next to one another, sometimes you'll notice due to this emulation that they'll sit in a similar way (the same way birds fleet in a particular pattern.) Because INTJs lack Fe, it is harder to do that. It is definitely something that can prove difficult in business situations, but really- don't think about people who serve no purpose in your life. Just be polite to important figures and you'll do fine.
 

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I guess because of your gender, you weren't taught that you must smile in social situations.

Seriously, I teach my kids to put on an extroverted hat when needed. Surely you can observe how others are interacting, and go with the flow. It certainly sucks the energy out of a person, but it's doable.

That said, when my extroverted hat is on too long, my social smile melts away and I get a bit of a glazed zombie stare. Perhaps that is what happened to you, OP. lol.
It seems to come back full circle. Oh how I hated those moments in my upbringing! But you're right, they have to get along in this world.
 

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They feel uncomfortable in your presence and their insecurities are leading them to request that you change so they can feel better. Welcome to planet earth.
:dry: I try to stay away from those people.

Sounds like OP is suffering from a variant resting bitchface syndrome.

Yeah, it happens to me from time to time. Probably more when I was younger and had less control over my social interactions. What bothers me more is "say cheese!" it's the most contrived and awkward thing ever to smile because a lens is in your face. I always say if you have to "try", it's not worth it.
 
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:dry: I try to stay away from those people.

Sounds like OP is suffering from a variant resting bitchface syndrome.

Yeah, it happens to me from time to time. Probably more when I was younger and had less control over my social interactions. What bothers me more is "say cheese!" it's the most contrived and awkward thing ever to smile because a lens is in your face. I always say if you have to "try", it's not worth it.
That's hilarious! The Resting Bitch Face phenomenon... I had this as a child and it caused much confusion with parents and teachers. Having to convince people that I was indeed 'happy' or participating in class. And yes, it can be tamed as one grows in their social skills. The best explanation I've heard of the RBF was from an INFJ friend of mine, that it's just an honest neutral expression. Negativity probably has nothing to do with it most of the time. I suppose the reverse of the RBF is "Honey Bugging", where there's that high cutesy fake voice, and a lot of pet names and over the top compliments.
 

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People used to say that to me, now I smile too much it just creeps them out.


That's hilarious! The Resting Bitch Face phenomenon... I had this as a child and it caused much confusion with parents and teachers. Having to convince people that I was indeed 'happy' or participating in class. And yes, it can be tamed as one grows in their social skills. The best explanation I've heard of the RBF was from an INFJ friend of mine, that it's just an honest neutral expression. Negativity probably has nothing to do with it most of the time. I suppose the reverse of the RBF is "Honey Bugging", where there's that high cutesy fake voice, and a lot of pet names and over the top compliments.
I'm more likely to get asked if I'm depressed when I'm not (or just "are you okay?" which is ambiguous). But I also get the sense people think I silently judge them, so they don't even want to approach me about my face to begin with in those cases. lol
 

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This happens to me. I remember when we went out drinking and my acquaintances were like "I've noticed that you never smile." but they were nice enough and told me "Don't worry tonights just going to be happy night You Will Smile" lmao i thought it was funny

HOWEVER, theres this one prof whom I really hate o gods. During group meetings, she always tells the group "There are some of you who never smiles. Why won't you smile? Why are you always frowning" and she would go on telling my groupmates "Oh, look at her. Her smile is beautiful. You should be like her" SHE DOES THIS TO EVERYONE EXCEPT ME. I'm just like "why wont u tell it to my face u dumb crap. Also, I wasn't smiling before bc I didn't feel like it. But now, I'm cant smile bc u exist"
 

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It does takes effort for me, but it's worth it because: it keeps ppl from telling you to do it/wondering why you're not, it makes them feel better, and you look better.
 

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If something makes me smile, then I will. I do not smile just for the hell of it, or to fit some social rule. I'm as sincere as they come, if I'm happy to see you I will definitely offer a smile, and you will see in my body language that I'm happy. If you don't see it in my general body language, you will know I am because I will most likely begin chatting with you.

But it is not that I don't like to smile. Something has to be worthy of a smile. Two kids jumping around, enjoying their youth; that makes me smile. Two people expressing sincere love, not the showman love that I see so often displayed in public; that makes me smile. You walking up to me and putting on a fake smile and greeting won't make me smile; although if I can feel your sincerity, I will soften my gaze a bit just to show appreciation.
 

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I won't smile for cameras unless someone makes me laugh. I just can't do it.

I've been told my more than a few people I am "stoic."


And I pretty much have a permanent smirk on my face.
 
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