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Discussion Starter #1
Do you find that your So focus interferes with your enjoyment or even interest in one-on-one relationships?

I guess the question may also apply to people with aux So if Sx is their last instinct.
 

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Do you find that your So focus interferes with your enjoyment or even interest in one-on-one relationships?
No, not at all, but I am so/sx.

In fact, I find big group things really tedious, especially if the interactions lack meaning and an ability to develop a one-on-one connection. I like tight-knit small groups that freely flow between soc and sx connection - I really need to have the perfect soc connection. By contrast, I've never had sx, one-on-one connections disappoint me - I love digging deep into people and truly understanding what makes people tick and how our energies mix.

But in terms of feeling truly fulfilled and happy, that boils down to soc and why I am so clearly soc-dom.
 

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Do you find that your So focus interferes with your enjoyment or even interest in one-on-one relationships?

I guess the question may also apply to people with aux So if Sx is their last instinct.
I'm curious, in what way would it interfere?
 

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Discussion Starter #4
I'm curious, in what way would it interfere?
Someone could be so focused on conformity or group cohesion that individual differences seem like a threat or are very uninteresting, yet noting and accepting individual differences is vital to a one-on-one relationship.

Someone dissatisfied with the social milieu could try to get that satisfaction from a one-on-one relationship, thereby straining the relationship with unrealistic expectations.

Someone tries to choose friends or a significant other on the basis of social status rather than compatibility.
 

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Someone dissatisfied with the social milieu could try to get that satisfaction from a one-on-one relationship, thereby straining the relationship with unrealistic expectations.

Someone tries to choose friends or a significant other on the basis of social status rather than compatibility.
I don't think my enjoyment of one on one relationships is inhibited because I'm so-dom, but my so needs can interfere with my one-on-one relationships in the above ways, more or less. I don't choose partners based on social status - I'm so given to dissecting intragroup pandering and value displays that if anything I internalize that stuff less than half the so-lasts I know do. But I do place having certain shared politics above other considerations. And being able to access social satisfaction in an abstract way (trading ideas, etc.) through my interactions with a partner is also very important. That doesn't always make my relationships easy.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
But I do place having certain shared politics above other considerations. And being able to access social satisfaction in an abstract way (trading ideas, etc.) through my interactions with a partner is also very important. That doesn't always make my relationships easy.
Me too, exactly! But looking for my particular politics in others causes me problems.
 

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No. Usually I form friendships by finding the person I like the most out of a group of acquaintances and inviting them to do things.

While I sometimes go "hey friends, you know what you all have in common? ME. Come do stuff with ME despite the fact that none of you know each other!", overall my friendships are more like a constellation of people than an interconnected circle. As long as I know that there's people out there who care about me, I feel loved.

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I don't care too much about shared politics unless it's a truly deep values/ethical rift that bleeds outside of the political arena. For example, I'm really against political witch-hunting. People who strongly believe that (1) you cannot bargain or sympathize with evil and/or (2) revenge is the right action to make against past wrongs? We usually find ourselves incompatible past the acquaintance stage: it's not for the politics, it's because I'm going to see them as vindictive and they're going to see me as spineless and disloyal.

Sometimes you can work with differences of values, and those can be very productive friendships (think buddy cop movies), but it means there's other places where you're going to have to put the foundation of the relationship. Oftentimes there's just not enough there to get over a values clash.

That, I think, is one of the ways friendships diverge from familial relationships--I wouldn't naturally become BFFs with most of my family, but there is so much else to the relationship that the high level of connection is very much worthwhile.
 

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Someone could be so focused on conformity or group cohesion that individual differences seem like a threat or are very uninteresting, yet noting and accepting individual differences is vital to a one-on-one relationship.
Yikes no, certainly not


Someone dissatisfied with the social milieu could try to get that satisfaction from a one-on-one relationship, thereby straining the relationship with unrealistic expectations.
I'd be happy enough to find one person and leave any groups or social milieu behind
But it's true that I might expect that one person to be all my entertainment, emotional support etc which is perhaps unfair

Someone tries to choose friends or a significant other on the basis of social status rather than compatibility.
No again, maybe I can imagine it happening if I lived in a different time period, hard to imagine but of course if you're raised in a certain way...and I like to seem Very Practical, used to brag about wanting to marry for money but I didn't really mean it, I just liked the idea of being that kind of person

Political differences wouldn't be a problem either within reason, I mean I wouldn't marry a Nazi, and actually anyone who's really caught up in one political movement is going to be...well, unattractive to me (not the same as someone working for a specific cause, if the difference is clear)

And some political attitudes might be a deal-breaker

But in general it's the other person who's going to have to be ok with my views and my general lack of caring about politics

________________

I do want someone to be intelligent and conversationable which can fall into social realm

And...I like feeling on home base, sometimes when I'm in some countries I think "I'd honestly kill myself if I had to marry someone from here", when certain cultural things don't line up so consistently, constant cultural clash like...I want to be with someone who I can complain about some annoyance and they'll get it, or...I even just want to be able to make references that are understood, there's a sort of intelligent conversation that can be difficult cross-culturally which is fairly important to me, but also when everyone from a culture does something that jars me to my core, I do things that jar them to their core, feels almost insurmountable, it seems really petty and it would probably change if I fell in love with someone from one of these places, but it's something I've thought about, I'm not sure how I'd deal with that

For a stupid example I'm a person who doesn't care about umbrellas, rain coats etc., sometimes I'm in a place where everyone will make a big deal about it, that really drags me down lol, feel like I need to end up with someone who gets why it's not the end of the world if it rains on me, won't notice or at least will find it endearingly quirky rather than soul-threateningly bizarre

But that's pure speculation, it's possible I wouldn't care at all irl
 

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On the whole, no. My Soc and Sx seem quite cooperative.

The main pitfall I seem to encounter is sometimes I'll try to engage with too many people either during overlapping times or all back-to-back and I feel like I can't have as quality a time connecting because I overbooked myself. Alternatively I do spend a great amount of time with one person and then I feel like I missed out on time with others. I just want to spend hours digging into everything with everyone. Every once in a while I seem to get the balancing game just right and it's sheer bliss.

Occasionally I'll also have some semi-related issues, like loving an Sx dom but not being able to keep up with them for as long as I'd like, or utterly failing at Sp concerns and that interfering with my attention, ability to provide an intimate/private space, etc.
 

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Do you find that your So focus interferes with your enjoyment or even interest in one-on-one relationships?

I guess the question may also apply to people with aux So if Sx is their last instinct.
Im still unsure about being sp/so or so/sp but Im definitely sx last.

One on one relationship can get difficult as I get to know somebody well enough. It's hard especially if I'm the one constantly trying to come up with conversation topics and I just can't be bothered at times.

I feel more comfortable with a small group of people, where I can sorta just back away from a conversation if Im not interested anymore without feeling pressured to reply or feeling responsible for letting it die, as there would be other people who can carry the conversation on.
In terms of group chats, it also has a better chance of having somebody to talk to right away whenever I feel like talking and Im not just waiting for one person who may be busy.

This is not to say that I am comfortable with a huge group of people. I'd rather one-on-one than a big group. But small group is most preferable
 

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I'd like to say no, and deep down I feel like now it doesn't hinder one-on-one relationships for me. But in practice on occasion it has made me seek group recognition over focused friendhship. And this isn't a major issue that stops me from having close friends either.

Mostly in work environments I do not seek to make 1-on-1 friends, I eventually end up doing so but I'm usually the guy bouncing around from person to person trying to fill an impressive role in the environment, never fully stopping at one person. And I don't usually like to form intimate bonds with one person that isn't a romantic interest. I do have a few close 1-on-1 friends though, but I didn't seek these friendships and I'd imagine it might be due to their SX instead of mine since mine is last.

I do notice that I'm more comfortable in a group where I can entertain multiple people than locked down in long conversation with one person, unless I already know that person pretty well and we have alot to talk about. Maybe more comfortable isn't the word, I get a different kind of joy being able to make a group laugh than getting super secret details from somebody I barely know.
 

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I've long thought: its easier to have relationships with lots of people than be intimate with one. SO dom, SX aux I think.

I like being in groups of 3-8... if i know the person well, I dont mind and will eventually want 1-1 time to deepen the relationship.
 

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I am not so-dom (in fact I am so-last), but was in a serious long-term relationship with one. I don't think it inhibited our capacity for intimacy, or to hold meaningful conversations, or the ability to enjoy one-on-one time together. All those things were lovely for us. But, we're also both introverts.

On the other hand, what did cause conflict, was when they wanted to "include" me in groups (close-knit, nothing huge usually), and was so fixated on the cohesion, and the various roles within a group. Meanwhile, I couldn't have cared less about that sort of thing so I ended up being awkward and not very... impressive. Luckily my partner didn't judge me for my awkwardness, but, they kept pushing me... expecting me to eventually come out of my shell when I knew that wouldn't be happening. I felt pressured to engage in social stuff I felt uncomfortable with, or to like activities I really wasn't into. Then they'd express disappointment at my lack of integration, I expressed frustration with the continued push to be something I wasn't. I felt guilty for not fitting properly into this social aspect to their life and values, which they valued so highly.

The breakup was complicated and had many layers, but I strongly believe this incompatibility was at the root of many of these layers...

I had another partner who was probably sx/so but possibly so/sx, either way the so was strong. They admitted they were "a little embarrassed" when I got anxious or didn't try to fit in with their group. And they also felt like I didn't really care about them, when I resisted group shit with their friends/family. Blah.

We didn't last long, for other reasons, but I'm sure this would have continued to be an issue.
 

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I'm sp>=so. I've never been in a sexual or romantic relationship but I have developed close relationships with friends. I wouldn't call them as intimate, because we're just friends and there are some things I wouldn't share with them and I'm kinda fine with that. I do think that looking for friends has interfered in my search for love or a relationship. Not exactly because it has directly interfered, but because I have preferred it over the other, because I feel more at ease with it, it comes easily to me. I guess it's because when we're just two and we have to share an emotional, physical and mental space together or otherwise it doesn't work, then it's more "intimidating", mostly because I am not sure if I can and I'm willing to share that space with someone else, even if the idea of it sounds lovely. With groups and with friends, there's always at least a finger distance that we can't cross and I deliberately put myself in that situation. It's comfortable, but also fulfilling. I guess sometimes I feel pressured to experience the tightest of bonds and love as usually portrayed in media, but I have experienced love and I have cared for others as sometimes lovers haven't.
 
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But it's true that I might expect that one person to be all my entertainment, emotional support etc which is perhaps unfair
Yeah, that'd be more my problem than other things.

Also for some reason I'm thinking of this song now, but it might not be quite on point:

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It's weird for me to imagine how So would interfere with my interest in one-on-one relationships, but then I'm not a Social dominant (I don't think - instincts are confusing me somewhat). I mean, I could see ways social things might affect a relationship dynamic, and I can feel so disillusioned in a way, wishing I could do away with relationships in favor of more beneficial things... but in the end I'll always be drawn to engaging someone one-on-one.
 
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