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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Trying to gauge dynamics between the two above types for a possible long-term relationship...

I've scoured old posts but they are few and far in between. Could it be perhaps that the ENFJs and ENTJs are actually a fantastic match, and their absence from these forums indicative of a blissful and satisfactory connection that transcends the need for discussion? :p

I know exactly how I feel about him and I'm also aware that each relationship is unique beyond MBTI type. What I'm looking for is general comments about your experiences, whether romantic or non, with ENFJs.

Any input? Would be much appreciated!
 

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I thought we had a decent number of visiting ENFJs...
They are a good match in general though.

As for a romantic relationship it depends on how mature both of them are. If they are mature and in the right place in life, it can work well (if you're just going by typing).
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
We are both pretty busy people, but the connection, commitment and perseverance is there. I always imagined the ENFJ-ENTJ as a powerful couple (kind of like Cuddy/House if you watch House) but I don't really know if that correlates with real life
 

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My personal relationship with an ENFJ is sadly documented in the lurker thread. I was a lot younger and it didn't work out but the connection and commitment were really strong even at that point in our lives.
 

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Do not know a lot ENFJ's in my life. You say you make a powerful connection. I read devil's post and I understand it a bit more.

Could you elaborate more on your frame of 'a strong connection'?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Do not know a lot ENFJ's in my life. You say you make a powerful connection. I read devil's post and I understand it a bit more.


Could you elaborate more on your frame of 'a strong connection'?

We both have a no-nonsense approach to the underlying principles of our friendship. We know exactly where we stand with one another. We hold one another in high regard, there is a mutual respect for the other's independence.


That is the baseline. Everything else such as his absurd sense of humour and my downright insanity as examples, are built on top of this foundation. It's because we're both very determined and strong individuals that enable us to connect with each other so honestly.


I have a lot of respect for his goals because I'm an advocate of fulfilling ones potential. He is always there to listen to me and since I asked him to make more time for me and give more credence to his feelings, has opened up to me a lot more.


PS- Devil, which post are you referring to?
 

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We both have a no-nonsense approach to the underlying principles of our friendship. We know exactly where we stand with one another. We hold one another in high regard, there is a mutual respect for the other's independence.


That is the baseline. Everything else such as his absurd sense of humour and my downright insanity as examples, are built on top of this foundation. It's because we're both very determined and strong individuals that enable us to connect with each other so honestly.


I have a lot of respect for his goals because I'm an advocate of fulfilling ones potential. He is always there to listen to me and since I asked him to make more time for me and give more credence to his feelings, has opened up to me a lot more.


PS- Devil, which post are you referring to?
Sounds like perfect to me. Thanks for the elaboration.
 

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http://personalitycafe.com/entj-for...rker-visitior-confessions-15.html#post3996952

Also that sounds pretty much like how it was when it was good. I'd be much more capable of handling one today. There is one thing about ENTJ-ENFJ relationships and that's ENFJs do influence ENTJ's feelings and ENTJs influence ENFJ's thinking.
Which is great in my opinion. Helps both individuals grow and become more well-rounded. I think ENFJ and ENTJ could be great. Our Fe lets us understand their way of thinking and their Te could potentially allow them to cognitively understand our way of being.

Personally, I get annoyed with my own sensitivity and Fe and wouldn't want a match with the same characteristics because I would probably get annoyed with it/that person really easily. I like being challenged and pushed a bit, which an ENTJ isn't usually afraid of doing.
 

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Don't ask me why since l have no personal investment, but l've wondered about the ENFJ-ENTJ match and have actually thought that it seemed good.


The popular matches are heavily based on a matching feeling function, which l've found to be minimally important to me. l'm much more satisfied with a matching perceiving function.

l haven't dated anyone who lead with a feeling function though, which is an important consideration.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
http://personalitycafe.com/entj-for...rker-visitior-confessions-15.html#post3996952

Also that sounds pretty much like how it was when it was good. I'd be much more capable of handling one today. There is one thing about ENTJ-ENFJ relationships and that's ENFJs do influence ENTJ's feelings and ENTJs influence ENFJ's thinking.
Read your post, and tale itself isn't that "boring", the happy memories there are made up of doing the little normal things, and that sort of reliability and simpleness within a relationship becomes what matters most. I can certainly apply it to my relationship with the ENTJ. Little things here and there - going to the cinema, getting a coffee - they cement the happiness in my mind. Also agree with your last sentence, I cherish the trade off.

Which is great in my opinion. Helps both individuals grow and become more well-rounded. I think ENFJ and ENTJ could be great. Our Fe lets us understand their way of thinking and their Te could potentially allow them to cognitively understand our way of being.
Personally, I get annoyed with my own sensitivity and Fe and wouldn't want a match with the same characteristics because I would probably get annoyed with it/that person really easily. I like being challenged and pushed a bit, which an ENTJ isn't usually afraid of doing.
I love pushing and enjoy myself being pushed because in a way it shows that you care (rather than bossiness, which it can be mistaken for). Also I agree with not going with someone who is the same as me. My ex who was an INFJ smothered me in feelings and eventually that was why our relationship ended. On the other extreme, I went out with an INTP who was very clinical and when his feelings DID come out they confused and drowned me, which I processed and tried to understand... until he got cold feet and bailed on me. The ENTJ I find is a good balance between the two: fiesty and assertive about what he wants, and not afraid to learn to use his feelings, at the same time assessing when and how is appropriate to use them. I could learn a thing or two about that from him.


Don't ask me why since l have no personal investment, but l've wondered about the ENFJ-ENTJ match and have actually thought that it seemed good.


The popular matches are heavily based on a matching feeling function, which l've found to be minimally important to me. l'm much more satisfied with a matching perceiving function.

l haven't dated anyone who lead with a feeling function though, which is an important consideration.
You should most certainly try it!
 

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The ENTJ I find is a good balance between the two: fiesty and assertive about what he wants, and not afraid to learn to use his feelings, at the same time assessing when and how is appropriate to use them. I could learn a thing or two about that from him.
Sounds ideal to me! I am curious what other ENTJs think though. I wonder if more would respond if you posted this in their relationship advice thread. (They may or may not be picky about the creation of multiple threads).
 

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@motionpicturesoundtrack
I was just trying to dismiss further investigation by dismissing it was boring (that failed, pretty much). The story may or may not be interesting to someone else but it played its part in my life.
@freezeframe
Like you mentioned it could be great. However, it does depend on the individuals and how well-developed they are - there's always the chance of the stronger personality influencing the weaker on one line of thought. That particular thing can be both a boon and a curse. But with the right maturity and such it works out fine.

On a personal note, I must say I do enjoy observing and studying personal and others' emotional responses. I did a lot of that when I dated a couple and have to say it did work pretty well in writing stories and screenplays. If Pixar and co can manipulate emotions on the screen,there's a pretty neat methodology to it. Prior to that, I must confess I did have some trouble on that emotional side to stories.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Sounds ideal to me! I am curious what other ENTJs think though. I wonder if more would respond if you posted this in their relationship advice thread. (They may or may not be picky about the creation of multiple threads).
Will most definitely pose that question there. Thanks for your comments!
 

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I think that typologically, it looks like a matchup from hell. Maybe the second worst pairing for the ENTJ type, only beat by ENTJ -ESFJ.

In ENTJ - ENFJ pairings, the top function of one part is the demon function of the other. This would mean that the things the ENFJ values most (Fe related things), are the things the ENTJ doesn't give a flying f about (except when antagonizing it), and vice versa.

I guess the ENFJ would quickly start seeing the ENTJ as a blunt, uncaring, selfish tyrant who imposes his/her own will on everything. The ENTJ on the other hand would see the ENFJ as an overly accommodating pushover without any integrity of their own, who is unable to make rational decisions or stand their ground because they are too busy caring about people's opinions.

This is usually what Te and Fe doms look like to each other. This is because Fe users lives in the world of opinions, where they attempt to compromise and find consensus-based solutions that all parts can agree on - While Te lives in the world of non-subjectivity, where all opinions (even the ENTJ's private thoughts on the matter) are sacrificed in favor of external, pragmatic logic.

To the ENFJ, the Te steamroller looks like the ENTJ is imposing their will on everyone and everything because in Fe space, Te decisions looks like personal preferences or opinions (which they are not). From that perspective, it looks like the ENTJ is just domineering everyone else. Fe usually lacks the ability to see that Te ignores even the Te user's own opinion on the matter in order to find the best solution.

To the ENTJ, the consensus based, diplomatic methods of Fe usually just looks like bad decision making, shiftyness and lack of integrity. This is because for Te, opinions are worthless, biased junk that has to be done away with to find objective, pragmatic solutions. Te usually lacks the ability to see that switching from a pragmatically, objectively optimal choice to a popular choice may sometimes be the best course of action.

I don't think it's a good idea at all.
 

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@NiDBiLD
You're speaking of both the ENTJ and ENFJ in their most extreme forms though. We're all shades of our type and don't necessarily utilize our functions in the exact order and manner deemed appropriate for our type. A mature and healthy person can access and develop more functions to become well-rounded.

I'm Fe dom and yet I can say I think it's a dumb idea to discount the matching based on the extremes. I can also say that it's your opinion though, so I have nothing against it.
 

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@NiDBiLD
You're speaking of both the ENTJ and ENFJ in their most extreme forms though. We're all shades of our type and don't necessarily utilize our functions in the exact order and manner deemed appropriate for our type. A mature and healthy person can access and develop more functions to become well-rounded.

I'm Fe dom and yet I can say I think it's a dumb idea to discount the matching based on the extremes. I can also say that it's your opinion though, so I have nothing against it.
Indeed. Most people are quite nuanced, and I am sure a mature, healthy, well rounded ENTJ-ENFJ couple could learn to compromise and communicate to lessen the impact of their differences. But as far as type pairings go, in theory I think this is one of the worst. This does not mean there aren't millions examples of this pairing working out fine

In theory, for an ENTJ, I think pretty much any other type except for the ESFJ would make a better partner.

I personally think the best pairings come from matching dom functions. For ENTJ, that's the other dominant thinkers - ESTJ, INTP, ISTP. Of these, I think the INTP would be the best match overall, because they have mirroring function orders. This makes them very alike in some respects, and very, very different in others.

For an ENFJ, that's ESFJ, INFP, ISFP, for the same reasons, with INFP being the best probable match.
 

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@NiDBiLD I think it really depends though because firstly it's hard to specifically type people and suggest their best matches whether you use Socionics, Myers-Briggs or even Enneagram. You might have someone who's a Te dom ENTJ, as you suggest but in other respects they use different functions though tests put them as LiE, ENTJ or such. The nuances are far too strong, not to mention there are differences in the sort of relationships that people can have in both a platonic and a personal way.

Personally I think, that relationship can't be theorised based on personality types, since values comes into play and in any relationship if your values don't match it's going to be hard to accept. If all else remains the same and we're strictly down to personality types, it becomes a bit interesting but human beings are far too different to categorise on those regards. I've had good relations with practically every kind except a couple of ISFPs which would be one of the ideals as per personality typing.

As is personally, I still hold the notion that matching people per type remains flawed because the standard deviations are far too great for it to be a good metric.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
@NiDBiLD I think it really depends though because firstly it's hard to specifically type people and suggest their best matches whether you use Socionics, Myers-Briggs or even Enneagram. You might have someone who's a Te dom ENTJ, as you suggest but in other respects they use different functions though tests put them as LiE, ENTJ or such. The nuances are far too strong, not to mention there are differences in the sort of relationships that people can have in both a platonic and a personal way.

Personally I think, that relationship can't be theorised based on personality types, since values comes into play and in any relationship if your values don't match it's going to be hard to accept. If all else remains the same and we're strictly down to personality types, it becomes a bit interesting but human beings are far too different to categorise on those regards. I've had good relations with practically every kind except a couple of ISFPs which would be one of the ideals as per personality typing.

As is personally, I still hold the notion that matching people per type remains flawed because the standard deviations are far too great for it to be a good metric.
Similar values matter hugely. If the INTP I was dating had wanted a serious relationship (the semantics of which I will not go into because I doubt he was even sure what he wanted. Told me that he had love for me yet broke it off anyway) then I think we woulda been a great match. And actually, because of the ENTJ's ability to judge and know what he wants, he's able to communicate similar values to myself (never mind that he took over half a year to realise that I had feelings for him and was too late acting upon it. It was my dating the INTP that spurred him into action! Man, my life is full of drama). So the J here really works for us both.

If going by any predetermined theory, I'd say that Intuitives together in whichever combination of letters, works well as a starting point for romantic relationships.
On another note, slightly related to your argument, why do so many ENTJs confuse themselves for ENFJs and vice versa?
 
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