Sometimes when I'm bored, I use a texting app to prank people, sometimes in the middle of the night. Today, at 1:06 AM, I decided to prank a guy I know. Let's call him G. Here is the conversation (with the F bomb censored and things that could be used to identify him changed to respect his privacy):
(I actually sent him a picture, not a link.) And I'm 20. I'll never see G again anyway because I moved to another city over two hours away and we weren't close friends, but that doesn't make what I did any less horrible. And there's still some horrible part of me that feels amused when I read through that until I get to the part where G says I made him petrified! Shouldn't I be able to tell that it's not appropriate to do that to a 14-year-old in the middle of the night?! I've been in a Fi-Si loop for the past nine years and I've been depressed on and off for nearly as long and people tell me that I'm not a horrible person and I need to forgive myself, but doesn't this just prove that I really am a horrible person and I'm no better than I was before?! *crying* (If you want details about bad things I've done before, I talked about them in depth in another thread. It shouldn't be hard to find because I usually only post when I need help with something.) What am I supposed to do? I have detailed instructions for how to get out of a Fi-Si loop (given to me by a really awesome friend who used to be in a Fi-Si loop himself), but if I haven't changed, how the hell am I supposed to forgive myself and move on and actually be happy? I obviously don't deserve to be happy if I keep doing stuff like this.Me: I see it.
G: I'm sorry?
G: I believe you have the wrong number.
Me: No I don't.
G: ? Elaborate?
Me: I see it.
G: Who is this?
G: I dont know who the f*** you think you are, but it isnt f***ing cool or appropriate to text some one at 1 IN THE F***ING MORNING. Saying weird stuff, and pranking people, but it isn't cool. If you are someone I know tell me now.
G: Why what? Why am i asking you to tell me who the fuck you are?
Me: Basically, yes.
G: Because you are texting a person at 1 AM. Saying random stuff and not identifying yourself- dont you think thats a LITTLE unsettling?
G: So please, tell me who this is.
Me: What would you do with the information?
G: Sleep peacfully, i assume.
Me: Okay, first I need to make sure I know which G you are, because that will tell me how best to tell you who I am... You're a member of (name of home school group) and (name of LGBTQ group), right?
G: I'm unsure of what (name of home school group) is. (Name of LGBTQ group), yes.
Me: You know, that home school group. I'm Katie and I'm really bored.
Me: This isn't my real phone number. Don't change it in your contacts.
G: Katie, dont ever. Ever. Text me again.
Me: Okay, so I SHOULDN'T have told you who I am.
G: You made me petrified and i started sobbing. My friend is worried sick because i cant move.
G: It doesnt matter who the hell you are, what matters is that what you said and did is f***ed up.
Me: Sorry, I didn't realize it would scare you...
G: I think it would scare anyone in their right mind.
G: Its 1 am, i'm fourteen and everyone is ASLEEP. You are texting from a n umber i dont Recognize. How is that not gonna scare me?
G: "I see it." Did that not sound a TAD horrific?
Me: I only expected it to weird you out... (Also, that was something that the character I sent you a picture of said. So that's the story behind that. I didn't expect you to get the reference, but I also didn't think it was scary...)
G: I don't care what you say. Katie, it doesnt really matter who you are, but i am never speaking to you again. If you try to reach out to me on any other things you will be blocked.