Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 46 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
117 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Are we prone to look back and beat ourselves up for our mistakes, screw ups, and what we now have to live with because of our own fault(s)?

Many things I have a hard time accepting I was the cause but once I do I fight to move on but I think I'm at the breaking point... I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

I'm ready to die...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,245 Posts
Are we prone to look back and beat ourselves up for our mistakes, screw ups, and what we now have to live with because of our own fault(s)?

Many things I have a hard time accepting I was the cause but once I do I fight to move on but I think I'm at the breaking point... I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

I'm ready to die...
linax - How is your love life going? I know a while back you had some questions about a relationship or something...OK! Bad timing to ask about that, I'm sure! I just thought to follow up. Well anyhow, YES, I feel suicidal. Everything I am now experiencing is likely due to stupid errors I have made in the past. All that is left to due is either DIE or HOLD ON. I take the second, because I think the first is too drastic. But believe me, I think about it every day.

Also I was hit once by a vehicle. I frequently think about those moments when I woke up, why did I wake up? I say...But just even thinking about these things right now as I am writing it...I just still kind of have some 'push' inside to go on. I have no clue what that is, or where it comes from. I honestly don't have much to look forward to. The past is just that, perhaps leaving it there, and leaving it alone would be best, if you are feeling these intense emotions of disappointment and regret...Sorry I didn't reply in a more chipper way, as some may have gotten used to. I too am running out of Fuel, to get by these days.

Perhaps in a few days, after others have input their feelings too, on this Thread. I will try to accumulate some solutions, so that I feel less useless posting how I feel right now. I would say to go outside, call up a friend, eat something or do something pleasurable (both at the same time, perhaps! hahaha) and try to stay afloat. Keep that head above water.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
737 Posts
Are we prone to look back and beat ourselves up for our mistakes, screw ups, and what we now have to live with because of our own fault(s)?

Many things I have a hard time accepting I was the cause but once I do I fight to move on but I think I'm at the breaking point... I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

I'm ready to die...
I have had those days. I sometimes felt like what you've described during my adolescence. Those days were exemplified by the words and mood to the Alice in Chains song 'Down in a Hole'.

And I have felt what you've described more so recently, but I feel that is because I'm undergoing a lot of psychological growth.

But what helped me is this: stop yourself now and counteract your feelings and thoughts. Ask yourself: what have you done right? What are your successes? How have you grown through your 'mistakes'? Then find those answers. It's helpful to ask a close friend or family member, but most of the time it's important to simply find those answers within yourself.

And it also helps to simply admit to yourself what you feel. Start by saying, "I feel [insert feeling]" . It's much more difficult to admit to yourself that you feel a certain way. But understanding how you feel is the catalyst for subsequent action to counteract 'negative' feelings and thoughts or enhancing 'positive' feelings and thoughts.

If you serious at attempting suicide, however, you should find help immediately. Think to yourself of one person you care about that would be devastated to find out that you're dead via suicide.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
117 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
Think to yourself of one person you care about that would be devastated to find out that you're dead via suicide.
Thank you for the tips but about what you said within the above quote, I've thought about that and she'd get over it. It's my fiancee.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,005 Posts
Prone to this? Um yeah I've had such thoughts before. I've noticed that with INFJs, and perhaps NFs in general, we tend to reach extreme highs and extreme lows. The extreme low being such thoughts while extreme highs appearing like a radiant beam of sunshine.

Things will get better, trust me...... it always does.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
117 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
linax - How is your love life going?
It has been very good, until last night when she got into a I don't want to talk mood because something happened and didn't want to talk to me or tell me anything about it.

I fight and try to control things outside of my control at times and that adds to my stress. I only want my fiancee happy and when it's outside of my control or she gives me the ISFP shutdown I HATE it with a passion. I tried to respect your request to leave her alone but it became too much of me that I called 3 times last night and awakened her. I can respect her need for rest though so I told her we need to talk when she's able and let her go.

I'm just furious today.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,005 Posts
It has been very good, until last night when she got into a I don't want to talk mood because something happened and didn't want to talk to me or tell me anything about it.

I fight and try to control things outside of my control at times and that adds to my stress. I only want my fiancee happy and when it's outside of my control or she gives me the ISFP shutdown I HATE it with a passion. I tried to respect your request to leave her alone but it became too much of me that I called 3 times last night and awakened her. I can respect her need for rest though so I told her we need to talk when she's able and let her go.

I'm just furious today.
I dated an ISFP.... made me had the similar reactions that you are having right now -- so similar that its scary. I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. It was the most emotionally screwed up relationship I think I could have ever been in... sad to say. :unsure:
 
  • Like
Reactions: linax

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,794 Posts
I often have highs and lows. Just remember that it WILL pass. Hold on to that, hold onto hope even if there is nothing else.

I have a habit of holding onto negative things that have happened in my past. Sometimes they creep up on me. Especially times when I've said something stupid and embarrassed myself or upset some one. It's hard to shake these things off because we hate people judging our whole character and integrity on one stupid mistake.

I am a perfectionist so I am my biggest critique. It's hard but sometimes you just have to take a step back and not allow yourself to think so negatively, as soon as a bad thought comes to mind dismiss it and move on. Or find away to distract yourself. Remind yourself of the beauty in the world, even if you can't see it now.

I think ultimately suicide is selfish, even if the person may eventually get over it it is still selfish. You think that your fiancée will get over it? But what if she doesn't? What is she blames herself? Is that fair?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,156 Posts
Yes, I have been there before. For me there is always a breaking point. A time when I cannot go any lower, am stressed beyond endurance, and the only place to go is back up. I have sunk very deeply into depression on occasion, once for five years. At its worst point I was very suicidal, and spent many days trapped in my apartment curled up on the floor, or drunk, or both. Sometimes I consider suicide in an almost casual manner; Hamlet's to be or not to be. The rub is always the same.

At times I have thought that I screwed things up beyond all fixing, that I could never go back, and thus could not go on. Now I do not think that there is anything outside the human sphere that cannot be fixed, and if it related to humans, such as relationship, if it absolutely cannot be rectified, I am more apt to let it pass, and to look to the future. Sometimes you do not know if such things can be fixed until you try. Even if it is my fault, it is not the end of the world. Both parties can learn to continue with their lives.

I have never dated an ISFP, but I can assure you that whatever is between you two, you have done all you can. Your fiancee is responsible for her happiness. You can compliment this happiness, and augment it, but ultimately it is she who is responsible. If she will not open up to you, there is nothing you can do to make her. You are doing what you can, showing your support, letting her know that you care and are there for her. She will talk when, and if, she is ready, and not before. It is understandable that you are upset, but you have no way of even knowing why she is upset. Like as not it is not even related to you.

I am not sure the source of your other stress, but if it is possible to worry about something and make yourself sick over it, I can assure you, I have worried about it. I am sure you have not done anything so terrible as to warrant such disproportionate feelings of guilt (if it is guilt you feel). Your mistakes are your own, and though they may have brought you to a place you are not satisfied with, they are only mistakes, and any situation can be changed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,553 Posts
I'm in the same boat.

Once again, the world is coming down around me and I'm at a loss for what to do with myself. In fact, I'm pretty sure I made a thread akin to this one not too long ago...

Unfortunately, I have no advice. Who am I to lead when I'm so depressed myself I've stopped eating? Even forcing food down my throat doesn't work, as soon after I become nauseous.

Though it isn't likely, I do hope you can find solace in the fact that you're not alone here. Whatever plagues you today I hope is naught but a distant memory in the near future. I wish you well in your endeavors today.
 
  • Like
Reactions: linax

·
Registered
Joined
·
117 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
I dated an ISFP.... made me had the similar reactions that you are having right now -- so similar that its scary. I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. It was the most emotionally screwed up relationship I think I could have ever been in... sad to say. :unsure:
No, our relationship is solid for the most part, we have our usual mis-understandings that any couple would have. We have our bumps here and there. I know what her issue is, I'm almost always right. I already know what has to happen to fix it to or at least I think I do.

I came into our relationship understanding the fact that she's an ISFP and what that means and such. I just struggle sometimes though and what another comment about she's responsible for her own happiness really drives home the point.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
117 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
I think ultimately suicide is selfish, even if the person may eventually get over it it is still selfish. You think that your fiancée will get over it? But what if she doesn't? What is she blames herself? Is that fair?
Yes very true and it is selfish. You are correct and I can see her blaming herself, it's not fair. I could view it as do I want to make her life harder or possibly try to make it easier for her. She's had a hard road as-is and I wouldn't make it any easier. I cannot guarantee I could make it easier for her but that would make it harder.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
117 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
Yes, I have been there before. For me there is always a breaking point. A time when I cannot go any lower, am stressed beyond endurance, and the only place to go is back up. I have sunk very deeply into depression on occasion, once for five years. At its worst point I was very suicidal, and spent many days trapped in my apartment curled up on the floor, or drunk, or both. Sometimes I consider suicide in an almost casual manner; Hamlet's to be or not to be. The rub is always the same.

At times I have thought that I screwed things up beyond all fixing, that I could never go back, and thus could not go on. Now I do not think that there is anything outside the human sphere that cannot be fixed, and if it related to humans, such as relationship, if it absolutely cannot be rectified, I am more apt to let it pass, and to look to the future. Sometimes you do not know if such things can be fixed until you try. Even if it is my fault, it is not the end of the world. Both parties can learn to continue with their lives.

I have never dated an ISFP, but I can assure you that whatever is between you two, you have done all you can. Your fiancee is responsible for her happiness. You can compliment this happiness, and augment it, but ultimately it is she who is responsible. If she will not open up to you, there is nothing you can do to make her. You are doing what you can, showing your support, letting her know that you care and are there for her. She will talk when, and if, she is ready, and not before. It is understandable that you are upset, but you have no way of even knowing why she is upset. Like as not it is not even related to you.

I am not sure the source of your other stress, but if it is possible to worry about something and make yourself sick over it, I can assure you, I have worried about it. I am sure you have not done anything so terrible as to warrant such disproportionate feelings of guilt (if it is guilt you feel). Your mistakes are your own, and though they may have brought you to a place you are not satisfied with, they are only mistakes, and any situation can be changed.
Best advise I've heard all day ! Thank you ! Ok, I might get better before the end of the month :).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
166 Posts
hi Linax

I'll share a few things that helps me, you probably know it already, if not well I hope it will help.
I try to equilibrate the important things in my life; friends, family, home, yourself, the community, work...
so that when one thing goes wrong, you have the rest to look up to.

the other thing I do is that I tell myself that the stress i'm living is much worse then what I'm stressing about.
It probably sounds stupid or hard to do but for me it helps.

and when I was realy low and my mind could not stop runing, I would either have a movie that made me feel good going in my mind from the bigining till the end or a song.
and try to look at the details of all the things that surrounds you, it helps to stop focusing on what you think in you head.

just trying to help, hope it does /hug
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
233 Posts
Are we prone to look back and beat ourselves up for our mistakes, screw ups, and what we now have to live with because of our own fault(s)?

Many things I have a hard time accepting I was the cause but once I do I fight to move on but I think I'm at the breaking point... I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

I'm ready to die...
Exactly where i am, i want to die, i've just had enough of surviving day to day, so yes i'm prone to it, especially now as it seems because i've messed up with the woman i love and also she wasn't as understanding as thought she would be i told her we're better off as friends, but all i feel now is the emptiness i've had all my life and now it seems the rest of it will be the same.

All i can say to you is during these horrific times we can only get through it by sheer grim determination, if you have friends/family who'll support you during this time reach out to them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,005 Posts
I know what her issue is, I'm almost always right. I already know what has to happen to fix it to or at least I think I do.
Sounds EXACTLY like me. Trouble I had was that my ISFP at the time did not appreciate my insightfulness and, I think deep down, despised me for it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: linax

·
Registered
Joined
·
117 Posts
Discussion Starter #17
Sounds EXACTLY like me. Trouble I had was that my ISFP at the time did not appreciate my insightfulness and, I think deep down, despised me for it.
I think it's a fine line. Since I've told her before what she was thinking and then she said "Why do you want to know the answers to questions you already know the answer to?" I told her because although I think I know sometimes I doubt myself and it's always better out of your mouth.

It was fun one time she said are you psychic or something? Get out of my mind in a playful way. It's been fun but there is a fine line. I can normally sense when it's not good but she also has a bad habit of shutting down and it just makes things worse for her. So I struggle with when to push and when not to push.

I think she's the best compliment for me though since her realistic approach and my dreaming it will work out mentality when it comes to risks compliments each other. In fact that's 90% of my problems, risks and dreams that I thought would work out. I'm very entrepreneur oriented and it has caught up with me.

We are looking for a home to live now and I had to take over because the stress was too much for her. I just heard from the realtor because our credit is bad that they want double deposit. I told them if that will get us in the home then I don't care, make it happen!

Just more and more stress though. I wish things would just get better. I wish I was married already and I could just pear into the eyes of my ISFP and demonstrate my love since she's more about action then words for affection. It's hard. I want this wedding over with and we're getting so close but financially we are not ready.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,156 Posts
Ok, I'm feeling better. My finance has even been bugging me trying to call me. I don't wan to talk though. Kinda feel like going a week alone still though. Oh well. As everyone has said, it will pass... Now where's my Bacardi?
I am glad you are feeling better. Drink one for me.
 
1 - 20 of 46 Posts
Top