[cnote]

And he's an ESFP.

And I HATE that I like him. He's such a social butterfly and he just always wants to keep moving and meeting new people. Even if I reeled him in for about a week, after that I'm afraid he'd just take off.

So what in the WORLD does it take to get an ESFP to commit? Age? Because if that's the case, I'm done. And I'm not talkin marriage, dude. Just ... relationships wise.

He keeps coming around and then taking off and I can't stand it.

 

[Parade of Sparrows]

What does he say when you tell him you feel this way?

 

[Gwenspirit]

So what in the WORLD does it take to get an ESFP to commit? Age? Because if that's the case, I'm done. And I'm not talkin marriage, dude. Just ... relationships wise.

He keeps coming around and then taking off and I can't stand it.

I want to know the exact same thing. PLEASE someone give some insight!

I'm an ISFP. I was in a relationship with an ESFP guy who really left a mark on me. We met at a sophomore college party. Magnetic attraction right away. He told me off the bat that he didn't want to get married until he was older. He wanted to do a lot of traveling first, and he was terrified of getting 'boring' like his married-couple friends. I was fine with that, I wasn't in a hurry to settle down either!

He fell for me (I was already completely head over heels) and asked me out very romantically.

We dated for about 5 months. He was the guy of my dreams and I felt like I was the 'perfect' supportive and funloving girlfriend. It was really exciting going to clubs and restaurants and events (not something an introvert like me does all the time, but I absolutely loved it with him!) His values were pretty conservative, but he was one of those guys who could never sit still for too long. His friends told me I was his first serious girlfriend.

One night when we were leaving a club we got pulled over. He was *barely* over the alchohol limit but they still put him in handcuffs and got ready to haul him to jail for the night. I'm an introvert, but I just started crying and crying, I felt so horrible for him; nothing about it was fair. Inside, I was realizing how much he really meant to me. When I tried to hug him before leaving he told me to "Just go".

From that point, slowly, he started becoming more distant. He was a pro at talking alot without really saying anything substantial. Whenever I tried to ask what was up, he would shift the conversation to something jolly, or jump into whatever our next activity was. He started to hang out with friends without inviting me along. He was always cheerful but I could tell something was wrong.

He asked me to meet him for a talk one day. I thought "Great, he's finally going to apologize for ignoring me so much, and this phase will be over". He told me his "feelings had changed" and he didn't want to keep dating, and he traced it back to that one night. It was like the ground dropped out from under me. I just couldn't believe it was that simple. It was a what-the-hell-just-happened, jaw-dropping pain moment.

This was several years ago. He never came back around; he had a lot of chances but he made it a clean break. I finally emotionally stopped waiting.

What was he so afraid of??? He didn't start dating other women as far as I know.

And how can someone so talkative have such a HUGE communication problem?

 

[ashmk3]

I want to know the exact same thing. PLEASE someone give some insight!

I'm an ISFP. I was in a relationship with an ESFP guy who really left a mark on me. We met at a sophomore college party. Magnetic attraction right away. He told me off the bat that he didn't want to get married until he was older. He wanted to do a lot of traveling first, and he was terrified of getting 'boring' like his married-couple friends. I was fine with that, I wasn't in a hurry to settle down either!

He fell for me (I was already completely head over heels) and asked me out very romantically.

We dated for about 5 months. He was the guy of my dreams and I felt like I was the 'perfect' supportive and funloving girlfriend. It was really exciting going to clubs and restaurants and events (not something an introvert like me does all the time, but I absolutely loved it with him!) His values were pretty conservative, but he was one of those guys who could never sit still for too long. His friends told me I was his first serious girlfriend.

One night when we were leaving a club we got pulled over. He was *barely* over the alchohol limit but they still put him in handcuffs and got ready to haul him to jail for the night. I'm an introvert, but I just started crying and crying, I felt so horrible for him; nothing about it was fair. Inside, I was realizing how much he really meant to me. When I tried to hug him before leaving he told me to "Just go".

From that point, slowly, he started becoming more distant. He was a pro at talking alot without really saying anything substantial. Whenever I tried to ask what was up, he would shift the conversation to something jolly, or jump into whatever our next activity was. He started to hang out with friends without inviting me along. He was always cheerful but I could tell something was wrong.

He asked me to meet him for a talk one day. I thought "Great, he's finally going to apologize for ignoring me so much, and this phase will be over". He told me his "feelings had changed" and he didn't want to keep dating, and he traced it back to that one night. It was like the ground dropped out from under me. I just couldn't believe it was that simple. It was a what-the-hell-just-happened, jaw-dropping pain moment.

This was several years ago. He never came back around; he had a lot of chances but he made it a clean break. I finally emotionally stopped waiting.

What was he so afraid of??? He didn't start dating other women as far as I know.

And how can someone so talkative have such a HUGE communication problem?

minus the specifics this is exactly what i go through with the ESFP that I know. it's TERRIFYING how quickly they change their minds. and how very abrupt and sudden it is. Up until this weekend I was convinced that he was NOT interested, and I was okay with that because I'm terrified he would never commit to me, and now I'm pretty much freaking out that this is exact thing will happen - one day - change his mind - and be gone.

 

[BluSkyes]

Feel the same way. I find it mind boggling that they change their minds so quickly. The commitment thing... I honestly do not know the answer to that, but I feel for you. All I know is that I care about him too much to say anything about it. xD I'm hoping I'll just get used to it, and that it'll help me grow into a better person who is less...(for lack of a better word) clingy.

 

[Thrifty Walrus]

All my friends are ESFP's, and while I love them, they do that all the time. Unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do

 

[BluSkyes]

Scratch my first reply. The ESFP I love just broke my heart. dont trust 'em.

 

[Gwenspirit]

The silence from the ESFP's is deafening :crazy:

Either they're all out partying, or there's really nothing they'll commit for... :frustrating:

 

[RobinHood]

I'll talk. My Cog functions test places me as a ESFP and the myers-briggs gave me a ESTJ so, take it with a grain of salt.

I was in a long relationship with this girl [ISTJ] (4 years) which I started dating my first year of college. First year was awesome fun and just everything was great. Second year had much of the same. After those 2 years I found myself in the relationship just because it was comfortable. I hung out with my friends more, and ended up letting the relationship deteriorate to the point that she cheated on me. During those years I remember thinking to myself what is a good way out of the relationship. It had become quite boring.

I am currently in a relationship with another ISTJ however she is a little more healthy than the previous. We both have our own space and our own time to do our own thing. It is a much better balance and she is also quite more mature than the previous as well.

I don't mind being in relationships, but I still have the need to have my friends and to hang out with them.

 

[Parade of Sparrows]

I want to know the exact same thing. PLEASE someone give some insight!

I'm an ISFP. I was in a relationship with an ESFP guy who really left a mark on me. We met at a sophomore college party. Magnetic attraction right away. He told me off the bat that he didn't want to get married until he was older. He wanted to do a lot of traveling first, and he was terrified of getting 'boring' like his married-couple friends. I was fine with that, I wasn't in a hurry to settle down either!

He fell for me (I was already completely head over heels) and asked me out very romantically.

We dated for about 5 months. He was the guy of my dreams and I felt like I was the 'perfect' supportive and funloving girlfriend. It was really exciting going to clubs and restaurants and events (not something an introvert like me does all the time, but I absolutely loved it with him!) His values were pretty conservative, but he was one of those guys who could never sit still for too long. His friends told me I was his first serious girlfriend.

One night when we were leaving a club we got pulled over. He was *barely* over the alchohol limit but they still put him in handcuffs and got ready to haul him to jail for the night. I'm an introvert, but I just started crying and crying, I felt so horrible for him; nothing about it was fair. Inside, I was realizing how much he really meant to me. When I tried to hug him before leaving he told me to "Just go".

From that point, slowly, he started becoming more distant. He was a pro at talking alot without really saying anything substantial. Whenever I tried to ask what was up, he would shift the conversation to something jolly, or jump into whatever our next activity was. He started to hang out with friends without inviting me along. He was always cheerful but I could tell something was wrong.

He asked me to meet him for a talk one day. I thought "Great, he's finally going to apologize for ignoring me so much, and this phase will be over". He told me his "feelings had changed" and he didn't want to keep dating, and he traced it back to that one night. It was like the ground dropped out from under me. I just couldn't believe it was that simple. It was a what-the-hell-just-happened, jaw-dropping pain moment.

This was several years ago. He never came back around; he had a lot of chances but he made it a clean break. I finally emotionally stopped waiting.

What was he so afraid of??? He didn't start dating other women as far as I know.

And how can someone so talkative have such a HUGE communication problem?

For your situation Gwen I ask myself have I done this exact same thing ? The answer is yes, but its never so simple when I finally decide to just cut all communication. I spend an enormousness amount of time thinking of all the things I've done wrong. I weigh out my own actions and think about all the situations that have happened between when the relationship started and how that's affected me and her.

Yeah we have a communication problem, its hard for us to express our negative emotions especially to those we care about. I find that those who put up a fight tend to have a better chance to get me to tell them whats going on than those who just try to let me figure it out on my own.

It could have been "that simple" for him to drop you but in my opinion it probably wasn't. I'm sorry for your situation and I have no answers.

As for the silence from the ESFP's thing well I've learned that I can't stand this forum anymore and I'm leaving. There are only like 3 others here aside from myself that have more than 100 post. A LOT of new ESFP's have told me that the stereotyping here is strong, and I use to try to look beyond it so that maybe more understanding could be reached. Lately though as I see all the generalizing, all I think to myself is... Maybe they're right and maybe we're just horrible people. Anyways, this will be my last post its mostly a personal problem

maybe you've read this already too but yeah you can read this maybe it will help
http://personalitycafe.com/esfp-forum-performers/25607-esfps-relationships.html

 

[Gwenspirit]

Hey Talon, thanks for taking the time to write something :blushed:

I really appreciate what you said and I hope you have a good "retirement" from PerC...

But I don't think ESFPs are horrible people... exactly opposite, I think you're amazingly fun, genuine and warm people that I'd like to hang out with more than any other (stereotypical) type. There is so much life to live and you live it head-on, bringing us along for the ride!

I've just been trying to understand what happened to stop the ride ... everybody has weaknesses and setbacks. Now I realize it might have been best to leave that relationship at the friendship level. Maybe then we'd still be hanging out once in a while. :happy:

Or maybe I should have been more aggressive about getting answers, like you said. :wink:

Anyway -- thank you very much!

 

[MissyMaroon]

ENFP here. I already knew beforehand there would be much stereotyping and generalizing before I started becoming an active member. I know that I'd do it myself occasionally, BUT I knew what I was going to be doing and I knew not to limit my views to the general idea I have of a type/person/concept/etc. I hope you had good run while you were here and I wish you good luck with the rest of your life.

Just please understand that you'll encounter more of this in real life as well as on here, whether it is overtly thrown in your face or within people's hidden thoughts and motives. I'm fairly savvy to detecting the latter and it doesn't escape my notice, so I'm well aware that it's happening, be it on the open outlet that is the internet or the rashness of "RL". I take it as it is, ignore it, endure it, or defend my stance. Fortunately in your case, you can say no to PerC.

I wanted to comment because I found it funny (oh, look, her comes a generalization..but it's to make a point, bear with me) that this is where several NF's and NT's (hey, S's too) come every day to retreat from the hectic grounds of "RL" to seek some kind of understanding. So to see the opposite is somewhat perplexing, but I get it. roud: Also, it's the internet - best place to be a hater! :laughing:

Enjoy your life.

 

[kiwigrl]

And he's an ESFP.

And I HATE that I like him. He's such a social butterfly and he just always wants to keep moving and meeting new people. Even if I reeled him in for about a week, after that I'm afraid he'd just take off.

So what in the WORLD does it take to get an ESFP to commit? Age? Because if that's the case, I'm done. And I'm not talkin marriage, dude. Just ... relationships wise.

He keeps coming around and then taking off and I can't stand it.

It won't change. You will have to deal with them being fawned upon by everyone, and lapping up the attention. They hate being alone and in their minds more is more. It might be slightly less with a male esfp but they tend to like & attract drama in their lives. This is coming from another E, I couldn't live with an esfp. I'm struggling just being mates with one. In the beginning they are darlings and you think you're so lucky to have found them... and then the dramas begin...

 

[Gwenspirit]

I have finally demanded answers of my ESFP ex, and got closure!

I think thread readers should know what happened in my case:

He only saw it as a fling -- anything I perceived on my end was an illusion (I'm idealist enough to fool even myself, I think)!

He didn't show any remorse for leading me on; to him it was all fun in the moment, a good thing that came to an end when it started feeling "stagnant" to him.

He thought our conversation to clarify things was "unnecessary" because in his view, I was starting a "blame game" when there was "NO BLAME!"

Everything he said sounded very selfish and/or superficial, but I'm glad I finally have answers and can put this totally behind me! I won't be staying in contact with him.

I'm not condemning all ESFPs. It could have had less to do with him being an ESFP, and more to do with his charm as a narcissist. Beware narcissism!

 

[sunflower823]

Ignore him for a while, ladies. Do it while looking great. I guess its easier when you're an ESFP yourself. I understand the pathology. Oh, and these guys are all DIVAS! Be careful what you wish for: he may bore YOU inside six seconds. Make sure you've got a good one...

 

[Neon Knight]

I have finally demanded answers of my ESFP ex, and got closure!

I think thread readers should know what happened in my case:

He only saw it as a fling -- anything I perceived on my end was an illusion (I'm idealist enough to fool even myself, I think)!

He didn't show any remorse for leading me on; to him it was all fun in the moment, a good thing that came to an end when it started feeling "stagnant" to him.

He thought our conversation to clarify things was "unnecessary" because in his view, I was starting a "blame game" when there was "NO BLAME!"

Everything he said sounded very selfish and/or superficial, but I'm glad I finally have answers and can put this totally behind me! I won't be staying in contact with him.

I'm not condemning all ESFPs. It could have had less to do with him being an ESFP, and more to do with his charm as a narcissist. Beware narcissism!

See I would never do that, that's just messed up. Closure is very important to me too so I don't get why he was such as asshole. There's probably more to it than just MBTI types and lies in his motivations rather than methods because like I said, I would never think of doing such a thing.