[Monte]

Now this is completely based off of my experience before all of you rush in with your "Everyone's an individual" crap.

So this whole time, I thought I was dating an INFP, when in all actuality, I've been dating an INFJ. I had him take the test and he tested as INFP, but when I went back and looked at his percentages, he was only 53% Perceiving. After paying more attention to him, it was quite obvious to me that he was an INFJ, it was the only possible conclusion.

I shall list why this sucks and you shouldn't get caught up in what everyone around here says about them. Maybe it's just male INFJs I don't know, but... wow.

1. He needs to plan EVERYTHING. Again, this is speaking generally, but with him even if I said I MIGHT do something, he wanted to know the place and time, which I annoys the shit out of me because I hate planning. A planned life is a boring one.

2. He let his emotional outbursts loose before actually thinking. If something upset him, he just flew off the handle, no logic, no rationality, nothing. And then he would come crawling back with his pathetic apologies. Now, he is improving on this after I pointed it out to him, but he's still just getting there.

3. He always wanted to know what I was feeling when I told him before we even began out relationship that I wasn't that girl. I don't open up about those things, I never have and I probably will one day, but not after two months of dating. He claimed to understand, yet he would bring it up ALL the time.

4. Not a good listener at all, even if he knows he isn't good at something. Example, I can navigate our town way better than he can. I know every shortcut, he doesn't. I try to guide him, he claims he wants to do it his way when it's really just him not wanting to listen to me.

5. Very pessimistic. I don't know if this is an INFJ thing or no, correct me if I'm wrong, but he was very much concerned with what could go wrong over what was realistic or could right. He used this to justify a lot of his out burst and it just got really annoying.

6. Needy as fuck. I hung out with him exclusively for about a week and then when my friend, who'd been out of town, came back and I wanted to hang with her, he questioned whether or not I was still going to make room for him that day. And if I ever wanted to spend time with my friends, he'd either throw a little fit or bug me to come. Luckily, I'm great at ignoring people.

7. Very insecure. He always bugged me about why I was dating him and what was wrong with me and, now that I think about it, there was something wrong with me to have put up with that.

I could go on, but I'll shut up now. I'm curious about INFJ opinions, similar experiences, or just ranting all together.

I will give him this though; He was amazing in bed~

But I've actually met this ENTP and I originally said I would never date someone exactly like me, but... hm. He's fucking amazing and it's creepy how alike we are and I love it~

Anyway, I disagree with the idea of ENTPs and INFJs being compatible, even if they are closer to being balanced.

 

[Cauliflower]

Well I can only say for myself, I think it's all pretty close to the truth...I need verifications that I'm being loved, otherwise I get edgy and feel guilty about being this emotional. I can't see how could an INTP fulfill my emotional needs at all...

 

[snail]

Yeah, I'm not an INFJ, but I've had terrible luck dating NTs who couldn't handle my feelings. I'm not sure NFs and NTs are really made to go together, despite the occasional success story. Each temperament category seems to need different things from a relationship, and sometimes those needs are in conflict. Only couples in which at least one of the partners is right on that T/F border seem to be able to manage their differences very well. Like, my dad is an ISTJ, and my mom is an INFJ, but when she took the test, her F and her T were nearly tied. Even though she is on the border and has had a successful marriage for over thirty years, the T/F clash does still lead to some subtle irritation occasionally. I'm not sure why all of the books seem to say that relationships between Thinkers and Feelers are a good idea.

 

[ENTrePenuer]

infp.

Stop it.

 

[ENTrePenuer]

That said, infj's are feminine entp's are more masculine.

Some type relations won't work where the roles are switched.

 

[vel]

Your statistical sample is very small (1 person). Too often I see people citing their experience with one person and saying that type X isn't working out for them because of this one experience. Well there are over 100 million different INFJs walking on this planet (1.8% of 6 billion). We cannot be all like this guy can we I was in a relationship with a decently balanced ENTP and we haven't had a single fight in years, only a few heated arguments about politics and religion and stuff like that. And I didn't need to know what he was feeling all the time because I could easily guess.

I've met some healthy and not so healthy ENTPs. Since you guys are more common in population it is easier for us to meet people with ENTP preferences than the other way around. The unbalanced ones ... lets just say that if I was in a relationship with them I could predict how they would simply drive me up the wall. That's why even though there was mutual attraction going I simply getting too close to them. Because I knew that if this happened, that not only would I be up the wall but also angrily crawling along the ceiling for the duration of such a relationship.

In any case, date the person not the MBTI type. There are many INFJs who seem to have found love with INTJs, ISTPs, INFPs, ENFPs and other INFJs and I bet there are also happy ENTP-ENTP couples, so if you have met a great ENTP guy then forget this dude who is giving you so much trouble and go for the guy whose company you enjoy. If he is behaving like this I don't think it even matters whether he is INFJ or INFP.

 

[YourMom]

I think what an ENTP girl needs is a guy that is somewhat indifferent/distant towards them yet at the same time open up for a brief period of time and then go back to being indifferent. Actually that's what every girl needs. So basically you and every other girl on this planet needs an ENTP.

 

[thegirlcandance]

Ok now let me break down the various things you stated about this guy in relate to my experience with people who have dominant Fi (I dated an ISFP so they're very similar to INFP with the exception of Ne and Se difference) as well as what I've learned about type through the years by reading and observation.


1. He needs to plan EVERYTHING. Again, this is speaking generally, but with him even if I said I MIGHT do something, he wanted to know the place and time, which I annoys the shit out of me because I hate planning. A planned life is a boring one.

Planning does not automatically mean J just as being spontaneous does not automatically mean P. I'll admit I like to have certain things thought of beforehand, but I'm still too disorganized according to SJs. Look at how the person processes information and now necessarily how organized they are to determine their type. That being said, my ISFP ex hated that I wanted to plan stuff, but he was more on time to class than I was and would get pissed at me for being late 90% of the time. Same difference and, to face the music, that's the world we live in -- we always have to learn how to cope with people who are more spontaneous or more planners in certain aspects than ourselves.

2. He let his emotional outbursts loose before actually thinking. If something upset him, he just flew off the handle, no logic, no rationality, nothing. And then he would come crawling back with his pathetic apologies. Now, he is improving on this after I pointed it out to him, but he's still just getting there.

My ISFP ex would do this. He'd randomly flip out over something and I'd be sitting there with this confused look on my face and then I'd get upset. When he finally realized he was being an idiotic jackass and came crawling back with his pathetic apologies I realized how ridiculously illogical the conflict was and how it could have been easily solved if he simply LISTENED and THOUGHT. That was so frustrating.

3. He always wanted to know what I was feeling when I told him before we even began out relationship that I wasn't that girl. I don't open up about those things, I never have and I probably will one day, but not after two months of dating. He claimed to understand, yet he would bring it up ALL the time.

Sounds like my ISFP ex again a little bit. He'd always ask me if I was upset when I was really just in my "zone" of daydreaming or thought. He'd claim that he knew I was upset, when he was truly hardly ever right. Just annoying.

4. Not a good listener at all, even if he knows he isn't good at something. Example, I can navigate our town way better than he can. I know every shortcut, he doesn't. I try to guide him, he claims he wants to do it his way when it's really just him not wanting to listen to me.

Um yeah my ISFP ex = horrible horrible listener. I would try to guide him with such things as driving direction as you said and he would just not listen to me.

5. Very pessimistic. I don't know if this is an INFJ thing or no, correct me if I'm wrong, but he was very much concerned with what could go wrong over what was realistic or could right. He used this to justify a lot of his out burst and it just got really annoying.

Eh, I can see this being more of an individual thing rather than a type thing. I think any F type could do this to some degree if they were just insecure enough.

6. Needy as fuck. I hung out with him exclusively for about a week and then when my friend, who'd been out of town, came back and I wanted to hang with her, he questioned whether or not I was still going to make room for him that day. And if I ever wanted to spend time with my friends, he'd either throw a little fit or bug me to come. Luckily, I'm great at ignoring people.

Eh, I never had this problem but yet he were both F types. I will comment that I felt like the more secure one in the relationship, because he would CONSTANTLY think I'd be pissed about him going to hang out with friends when I seriously never EVER had an issue with it.... unless he was doing something flat out stupid of course like cheat on me.

7. Very insecure. He always bugged me about why I was dating him and what was wrong with me and, now that I think about it, there was something wrong with me to have put up with that.

I've seen that in both of my ex's... I've never said such a thing though. I've always felt like I've been the "foundation" or "words of reason/wisdom" in my relationships while they're the insecure ones that can't stand on their own and seem to have to go through a midlife crisis while dating me.

I could go on, but I'll shut up now. I'm curious about INFJ opinions, similar experiences, or just ranting all together.

Well, you got my opinion and experiences...

I will give him this though; He was amazing in bed~

My ISFP ex = not so much.... however, ESTP = amazing physically and ENTP = wonderful all around.

But I've actually met this ENTP and I originally said I would never date someone exactly like me, but... hm. He's fucking amazing and it's creepy how alike we are and I love it~

After meeting an ENTP in real life that I can confirm is one... you guys very much so intrigue me. It's like the ideal person that I've always wanted around but haven't found or been able to keep.

 

[thegirlcandance]

Yeah, I'm not an INFJ, but I've had terrible luck dating NTs who couldn't handle my feelings. I'm not sure NFs and NTs are really made to go together, despite the occasional success story. Each temperament category seems to need different things from a relationship, and sometimes those needs are in conflict. Only couples in which at least one of the partners is right on that T/F border seem to be able to manage their differences very well. Like, my dad is an ISTJ, and my mom is an INFJ, but when she took the test, her F and her T were nearly tied. Even though she is on the border and has had a successful marriage for over thirty years, the T/F clash does still lead to some subtle irritation occasionally. I'm not sure why all of the books seem to say that relationships between Thinkers and Feelers are a good idea.

I have read that INFPs only do really well with fellow F types. I think the ideal mate for them was ENFJ if I remember right.

 

[entplay]

So this whole time, I thought I was dating an INFP, when in all actuality, I've been dating an INFJ. I had him take the test and he tested as INFP, but when I went back and looked at his percentages, he was only 53% Perceiving. After paying more attention to him, it was quite obvious to me that he was an INFJ, it was the only possible conclusion.

I shall list why this sucks and you shouldn't get caught up in what everyone around here says about them. Maybe it's just male INFJs I don't know, but... wow.

1. He needs to plan EVERYTHING. Again, this is speaking generally, but with him even if I said I MIGHT do something, he wanted to know the place and time, which I annoys the shit out of me because I hate planning. A planned life is a boring one.

2. He let his emotional outbursts loose before actually thinking. If something upset him, he just flew off the handle, no logic, no rationality, nothing. And then he would come crawling back with his pathetic apologies. Now, he is improving on this after I pointed it out to him, but he's still just getting there.

3. He always wanted to know what I was feeling when I told him before we even began out relationship that I wasn't that girl. I don't open up about those things, I never have and I probably will one day, but not after two months of dating. He claimed to understand, yet he would bring it up ALL the time.

4. Not a good listener at all, even if he knows he isn't good at something. Example, I can navigate our town way better than he can. I know every shortcut, he doesn't. I try to guide him, he claims he wants to do it his way when it's really just him not wanting to listen to me.

5. Very pessimistic. I don't know if this is an INFJ thing or no, correct me if I'm wrong, but he was very much concerned with what could go wrong over what was realistic or could right. He used this to justify a lot of his out burst and it just got really annoying.

6. Needy as fuck. I hung out with him exclusively for about a week and then when my friend, who'd been out of town, came back and I wanted to hang with her, he questioned whether or not I was still going to make room for him that day. And if I ever wanted to spend time with my friends, he'd either throw a little fit or bug me to come. Luckily, I'm great at ignoring people.

7. Very insecure. He always bugged me about why I was dating him and what was wrong with me and, now that I think about it, there was something wrong with me to have put up with that.

I could go on, but I'll shut up now. I'm curious about INFJ opinions, similar experiences, or just ranting all together.

I will give him this though; He was amazing in bed~

But I've actually met this ENTP and I originally said I would never date someone exactly like me, but... hm. He's fucking amazing and it's creepy how alike we are and I love it~

Anyway, I disagree with the idea of ENTPs and INFJs being compatible, even if they are closer to being balanced.

INFP for sure! This sounds exactly like an INFP male friend of mine. He dated this girl for 3 weeks, then she dumped him, and he was still talking about why it didn't work for the next 6 months to anyone who'd listen. The INFJ males I know are much stronger in terms of independence. They don't carry around a badge of emotional suffering like the INFPs I know.(sorry INFPs, but you're super sensitive).

I've been dating an INFJ for a year, and we go together really well. I think she can get into the socionical supervising role, but we're both aware of that, and hell, I need supervising most of the time.

 

[elissabowden]

After reading this, I definitely agree he's an INFP also. I'll have to agree that most of us are super sensitive and extremely irrational. Maybe opt for an INFP with a high T preference? Even then, we have an extremely annoying tendency (even to ourselves) of over-analyzing and over reacting to every situation. The majority of us understand it and realize the stupidity in it and try to fix it. Unfortunately, we do have the stereotype of being Hamlet and annoyingly emotional. And self depricating as I've clearly shown here...

With an INFP like this, I'm surprised an ENTP like yourself was able to stick around long enough. For being an NT, you really do tolerate a lot more than the other NT types. Granted, my father is an INTJ and tough as a rock with almost no F whatsoever. So, I may have just adapted to his expressionless lifestyle.

 

[yesiknowbut]

I don't know, I would buy that as INFJ. It sounds like the negative aspects of my ENFJ husband, and also my ENFJ son does some of this stuff. I suppose the difference for us is that the negative things don't come out all that often, so they are more than counterbalanced by the good stuff.

Certainly, the things that get me down about my NFJ boys are the occasional leaps into passionate negativity (as an ENFP friend beautifully put it, "when negative thoughts go fractal"), the need to plan, the reluctance to listen, the occasional insecurity, although thank heaven he's never done the jealous thing.

More than balanced by the warmth, the wit and liveliness.

 

[thegirlcandance]

I don't know, I would buy that as INFJ. It sounds like the negative aspects of my ENFJ husband, and also my ENFJ son does some of this stuff. I suppose the difference for us is that the negative things don't come out all that often, so they are more than counterbalanced by the good stuff.

Certainly, the things that get me down about my NFJ boys are the occasional leaps into passionate negativity (as an ENFP friend beautifully put it, "when negative thoughts go fractal"), the need to plan, the reluctance to listen, the occasional insecurity, although thank heaven he's never done the jealous thing.

More than balanced by the warmth, the wit and liveliness.

Remember that ENFJ's are primary feelers. So any person with a dominant Fe or Fi is going to be more sensitive than a person who is a secondary feeler, such as INFJ.

 

[yesiknowbut]

I don't buy that. Extraverted feelers are extraverted feelers. The bit that they interact with the outside world with is the same, regardless of whether it is primary or auxiliary for them. They will be hurt by the same things, and therefore I think are likely to be similar. Accepting of course that there are variations in degree across types anyway. There is probably as much difference between an INFJ whose preference is closer to the T line and one who is more F than an ENFJ and an INFJ.

 

[thegirlcandance]

They will be hurt by the same things, and therefore I think are likely to be similar. Accepting of course that there are variations in degree across types anyway.

Not true at all. I have been friends with two ENFJ's during college and though we both have similar tendencies, my biggest conflict with them has been that they consistently have trouble accepting and understanding my limitations with doing things for people. They find it offensive for me to have "selfish" moments, but, with me, if I don't see the task good according to my "vision" I just don't do it. ENFJs put people first ALWAYS, while INFJs will say "I strongly care about people, but if its something somebody else wants of me versus what I intuitively see is right then I will follow my intuition every time because I can't lie to myself."

That being said, an ENFJ will be offended and hurt by someone who is seen to them as "selfish" but an INFJ will readily see it, look at the whole picture, and say "Well _______ is why they did _______" or "That was still a good thing for them to do because ________".

Through observation, I've noticed when I'm with a group of all dominant Fe types I am less likely express my Fe at times because of these limitations. For example, I could be sitting in a car with all ESFJ's and ENFJ's and one asks where we should eat for lunch. Everybody in the car around me continuously responds in saying things like:
Sarah: "Ashley, you've been driving us around all day and I appreciate that so I think you should decide".
Ashley: "But I think you should choose because you are more hungry than me."
Sarah: "That's nice of you, but it does not matter to me where we go"
Ashley: "Lea, where would you like to eat?"
Lea: "Thanks for asking, but I will eat wherever you guys want to eat".

If I was in a car with a non-dominant Fe type I would initially act the same way as these girls, but in this situation with all dominant Fe types, this is the point where I start to get annoyed and just want a decision made so I'll likely just throw out something just so something is decided, but then on occasion I'll have a dominant Fe person become offended by my lack of "fluffy words" at that stage of the conversation.

Also, INFJs are much more stubborn than ENFJs as well because we trust in our Ni so much. So if I come up with some great idea for a project and nobody else in the group wants go to along with it, I will become hurt and very offended, while an ENFJ wouldn't care because they don't trust in their Ni as much.

So yeah... ENFJs and INFJs are VERY different, but have some similar tendencies.

 

[ENTPreneur]

Not true at all. I have been friends with two ENFJ's during college and though we both have similar tendencies, my biggest conflict with them has been that they consistently have trouble accepting and understanding my limitations with doing things for people. They find it offensive for me to have "selfish" moments, but, with me, if I don't see the task good according to my "vision" I just don't do it. ENFJs put people first ALWAYS, while INFJs will say "I strongly care about people, but if its something somebody else wants of me versus what I intuitively see is right then I will follow my intuition every time because I can't lie to myself."

That being said, an ENFJ will be offended and hurt by someone who is seen to them as "selfish" but an INFJ will readily see it, look at the whole picture, and say "Well _______ is why they did _______" or "That was still a good thing for them to do because ________".

Through observation, I've noticed when I'm with a group of all dominant Fe types I am less likely express my Fe at times because of these limitations. For example, I could be sitting in a car with all ESFJ's and ENFJ's and one asks where we should eat for lunch. Everybody in the car around me continuously responds in saying things like:
Sarah: "Ashley, you've been driving us around all day and I appreciate that so I think you should decide".
Ashley: "But I think you should choose because you are more hungry than me."
Sarah: "That's nice of you, but it does not matter to me where we go"
Ashley: "Lea, where would you like to eat?"
Lea: "Thanks for asking, but I will eat wherever you guys want to eat".

If I was in a car with a non-dominant Fe type I would initially act the same way as these girls, but in this situation with all dominant Fe types, this is the point where I start to get annoyed and just want a decision made so I'll likely just throw out something just so something is decided, but then on occasion I'll have a dominant Fe person become offended by my lack of "fluffy words" at that stage of the conversation.

Also, INFJs are much more stubborn than ENFJs as well because we trust in our Ni so much. So if I come up with some great idea for a project and nobody else in the group wants go to along with it, I will become hurt and very offended, while an ENFJ wouldn't care because they don't trust in their Ni as much.

So yeah... ENFJs and INFJs are VERY different, but have some similar tendencies.

Interesting.... Thx.

 

[yesiknowbut]

Hmm. Ok, getting off topic now, and this is for argument's sake, but....introvert and extrovert natures with the other three letters are the closest types, because dominant and auxiliary functions are the same, only switched. It seems for me that the real difference between them shows more in the tertiary function. The difference between tertiary and inferior in emphasis seems to be greater than that betweem primary and auxiliary. So maybe ENFJ, with tertiary of Se, is more alive to the outside world and thus more "sensitive" to nuances of all sorts of here-and-now signals than the INFJ, with tertiary of Ti. (Certainly this works for ENTP vs. INTP: the ENTP's tertiary of Fe makes for a warmer manner usually than the INTP's Si.) I think what I was trying to imply was that, in terms of how you define sensitive, the ENFJ will not feel any more hurt than an INFJ for any given slight, but I agree that they might notice them more as living more externally.

 

[Inquiery]

Sounds like a male INFJ to me, and unpleasant, sorry.

I think the male and female INFJs are incredibly different. The INFJ women really fits nicely into society as they are caring, sensitive, martyr-like and always trying to help others (pretty feminine traits).

The men on the other hand, have the same traits, but those traits really conflict with their perception of themselves as men. As a result they are just incredibly insecure and go into defensive mode at the drop of a hat. During defensive mode they project (the manipulation technique) and change subjects like crazy to "win" the the "argument".

ENFJs men are the same, only longer winded.

 

[MNiS]

The person does sound rather INFJ, as I know several INFP guys who don't exhibit such behavior. At any rate, the OP's ex sounds like a rather negative example of the type.

During defensive mode they project (the manipulation technique) and change subjects like crazy to "win" the the "argument".

That sounds horrible and incredibly devious.

 

[vel]

... I think what I was trying to imply was that, in terms of how you define sensitive, the ENFJ will not feel any more hurt than an INFJ for any given slight, but I agree that they might notice them more as living more externally.

I think in a normal state ENFJ will not personally feel more personally hurt than INFJ if there are social norms being violated or conflict brewing on the horizon, as that would require Fi, but just more distressed and alarmed and more strongly prompted to do something about it. However a stressed out ENFJ in shadow mode will start taking things very personally as in their shadow mode the primary extraverted feeling becomes expressed as primary introverted feeling - they start acquiring traits of unbalanced INFP which would react to slights more personally than would an INFJ in stressed out mode.