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It's fuckin' weird.

And I just really feel like I'm missing something that other people have.

The ONLY time I'm sexually interested in someone, is if I'm in love with them. Which hardly happens. That or drunk, but that doesn't count.

But it's so strange. Whenever people come on to me, they say really raunchy things and they MEAN them. And it just completely freaks me out. Like they really really REALLY want my cock in their mouth. Or something. And that is so fucked up for me. Like I just don't understand how people can lust for something like that so strongly. It's crazy to me. It's just like watching a dog in heat fucking a couch. It's just this crazy inert animalistic urge that takes people over, and it's nuts to me.

Don't get me wrong. I have a sex drive. I jay off just as much as the next guy. And date and things. And like it's enjoyable for SURE haha. But it's just like... I don't know.

Something seriously irks me about it though.

What do you guys think about sex and the way it functions for people?
 

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Well come on you are surrounded by ESTs most likely while out at clubs. You are INTP which doesn't make it any easier. You guys don't get out there and flirt or talk dirty in general. You have an uphill battle.
 

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Oh yea for sure I need booze for clubs hands down. Haha.

But even within my life. Like my room mates. One in particular. We're all very good friends and very close, but they're all esfp/enfp. And they REALLY like sex, and they really like me. So they get so frustrated at me that we're so close and I'm not interested in fucking them.

It's annoying. But I understand that they got something I don't, so I don't hold it against them. It's just...very odd to me.

Sex is weird. A part of me kind of thinks it's bad for humanity. But not completely, so nobody jump down my throat.
 

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I feel the same way. I'm glad someone started a topic.

I assumed for the longest time I had no sex drive. It just doesn't come out without a relationship first.

I just can't relate to people who are on a constant search for sex. I really don't ever think about it and don't look if I'm not getting it. I feel so out of place when I realize how sex powered society can be sometimes.

I didn't get crushes in school and I never check out the guys. Flirting typically goes over my head and I find myself frequently apologizing for leading someone on which I didn't know I was doing.

The idea just seems so foreign to me. I don't understand how the act is the ultimate bonding experience most people treat it as. I'm always more excited to lie close with a loved one and talk.
 

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I think what you guys are talking about is pretty normal. Everyone is different about sex and their drive for it. I would say a lot of people feel like they cannot get that interested in sex unless they are in love with the person. I might get turned on by numerous things at random moments, but those are erges and drives, being in love and a persons heart and mind is a bigger turn on than any meaningless attraction, for sure. I would say, not to feel bad or like there is something wrong with you, that is just how you are and everyone's different.
:)
 

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I have a somewhat related question for everyone. First, I'll provide some background.
Some of you are aware that I have certain feelings for a very close friend of mine, but what you wouldn't know is how I came to have these feelings. He has been my friend for over a year (maybe even close to two years), and we've been close friends for at least nine months. For a while, I didn't consider him because he's gay. Obviously, it would be a waste of time for me to fall for him because he wouldn't be able to return my affections in full. However, after one night of playing around, I found myself rather aroused by him. It wasn't exactly sex, but the situation certainly had strong sexual overtones, or so I thought. Afterwards, I couldn't help but begin to see him in a rather romantic sense. It seems rather like the facial feedback hypothesis in emotional psychology. Is this generalizable to any physiological event? That is, can any sort of physical action cause a corresponding change in emotion? I could only have intimate relations with someone I know and love, so the reasoning would be "Since I am aroused by him, know him, and am already quite attached to him, I must be in love." Has this happened to anyone else?
 

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So I'm not the only one who feels this way...:proud:.
 
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I'm assuming you two are addressing Kevinaswell?
Yeah, I was addressing him in the response, but I can somewhat kindasorta relate to what you said. I never "played around with her," but I was just laying down on the grass right next to my best friend at the time, and I was never really sexually attracted to her, but we kinda just looked at each other deeply in our eyes and something went on within me that seemed to sexually attract me to her. Not sure, but maybe it's related to what you were experienced?

After you "played around," did you find yourself sexually attracted to most people in general or just him?
 

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Yeah, I know where you are coming from...no pun intended. But anyhow, yeah its because the act of sex is so primitive and you have trained yourself to be educated and more sophisticated. As a former INTP that's been there...dude...GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF AND ENJOY IT! Go out with some crazy chicks that "know things" and get in touch with the primitive animal you were meant to be...then learn how to control "the beast" and thank me later.
 

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Yeah, I was addressing him in the response, but I can somewhat kindasorta relate to what you said. I never "played around with her," but I was just laying down on the grass right next to my best friend at the time, and I was never really sexually attracted to her, but we kinda just looked at each other deeply in our eyes and something went on within me that seemed to sexually attract me to her. Not sure, but maybe it's related to what you were experienced?

After you "played around," did you find yourself sexually attracted to most people in general or just him?
Just him. And yes, that sounds similar. Wow, "played around" looks really dirty when in quotation marks. Then again, it doesn't sound nearly so sexual as a literal description of what happened.

DeadDove, different people have different views of sex. Some have your philosophy and some genuinely find it difficult, if not impossible, to be aroused in any situation involving someone one isn't otherwise attracted to. What you suggest seems like telling a gay man or lesbian woman to just be straight. It goes against that particular person's instinct. Not everyone will appreciate the approach you suggest.
 

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I find myself sexually aroused by women I have feelings for in a different way than I'm sexually aroused by women in general; but I can't say that I never desire to have "no strings attached" sex.

Nightriser, I wonder if the fact that your friend is gay (and I assume you don't mean bi-sexual) somehow disarmed your emotional barriers and made you more vulnerable to him because you knew you couldn't have him, and he wouldn't try to use you for his own benefit.

I've heard that pickup artists sometimes claim to be gay as a "negative-disqualifier" when hitting on women because a woman will disregard his flirtatious behavior under the false belief that he is sexually uninterested. Only after he has spent a considerable amount of time disarming her and gaining her interest does he reveal that he's not actually gay at all. Apparently, it works on some women.
 

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Maybe it has to do with projection. When I think that everyone has the characteristics of the one im looking for.....then I may be turned on by everyone. Personally ....my sex drive tends to leave when I realize how many people don't possess the characteristics I am looking for.

Oh and....there is something alluring about having sex with someone who you dont know....because you could pretend they are someone they arent. Thats what porn does.....it gives you a person to project your anima/animus on to.
 

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Just him. And yes, that sounds similar. Wow, "played around" looks really dirty when in quotation marks. Then again, it doesn't sound nearly so sexual as a literal description of what happened.

DeadDove, different people have different views of sex. Some have your philosophy and some genuinely find it difficult, if not impossible, to be aroused in any situation involving someone one isn't otherwise attracted to. What you suggest seems like telling a gay man or lesbian woman to just be straight. It goes against that particular person's instinct. Not everyone will appreciate the approach you suggest.
Point noted. But like I said I feel like I've viewed sex the same way when I was younger. For me personally when I finally "Got over myself," and learned to turn off what was in my head that I was able to get over what was a substantial barrier which led to interacting within society completely different from how I had in the past. Anyhow, its the first "beach night" of the year, and I'm running late. Later.
 

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Nightriser, I wonder if the fact that your friend is gay (and I assume you don't mean bi-sexual) somehow disarmed your emotional barriers and made you more vulnerable to him because you knew you couldn't have him, and he wouldn't try to use you for his own benefit.

I've heard that pickup artists sometimes claim to be gay as a "negative-disqualifier" when hitting on women because a woman will disregard his flirtatious behavior under the false belief that he is sexually uninterested. Only after he has spent a considerable amount of time disarming her and gaining her interest does he reveal that he's not actually gay at all. Apparently, it works on some women.
No, I don't mean bisexual. I've considered this possibility. At times, he does seem to be hitting on me, and he has suggested that it is possible that he is bisexual, that he just hasn't met the right girl to be attracted to. But it's difficult to tell if he's joking around, especially for someone as inexperienced as myself. However, I have also fallen for heterosexual and bisexual men, though never in the same way. There was a bisexual male friend I had previously whom I had fallen for. The common theme in both situations was that I felt safe with both of them, regardless of their sexuality. Both gave me a sense of having a kindred spirit whom I could confide in.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I have a somewhat related question for everyone. First, I'll provide some background.
Some of you are aware that I have certain feelings for a very close friend of mine, but what you wouldn't know is how I came to have these feelings. He has been my friend for over a year (maybe even close to two years), and we've been close friends for at least nine months. For a while, I didn't consider him because he's gay. Obviously, it would be a waste of time for me to fall for him because he wouldn't be able to return my affections in full. However, after one night of playing around, I found myself rather aroused by him. It wasn't exactly sex, but the situation certainly had strong sexual overtones, or so I thought. Afterwards, I couldn't help but begin to see him in a rather romantic sense. It seems rather like the facial feedback hypothesis in emotional psychology. Is this generalizable to any physiological event? That is, can any sort of physical action cause a corresponding change in emotion? I could only have intimate relations with someone I know and love, so the reasoning would be "Since I am aroused by him, know him, and am already quite attached to him, I must be in love." Has this happened to anyone else?
I've been on the opposite side of this situation, so I think I got some insight. I couldn't even count the number of lady friends I've had that have tried to advance it to something beyond that >.< Which is not meant to imply any type of arrogance, cuz boy do I not ask for it. The resulting conversations are always so annoying >.< Anyhow. Were you drunk? During this incident? Cuz that matters. Gay guys always get drunk and make out/get dirty with their lady friends >.< It's just fun. Iunno. Probably just cuz it's such an obvious badass benefit because the rest of the world holds women on such crazy sexual pedestals, and we're just all "what's up?" and liking boys so all of a sudden hardcore grinding is completely okay and innocent. Until it's misinterpreted.

Which is no ones fault, really. Any type of thing like that has the potential to be some type of trigger for some embedded emotional cue within you, which could range from this "playing around" to laying in the grass and having a sweet moment of eye contact.

But. I'd say, if he hasn't progressed since then, he's probably just gay and it was a situational incident. Otherwise, you'd know for sure and it wouldn't be a problem.

But then again. I could be giving him too much credit and he could just be a silly fairy gay guy that wouldn't know what to do with his life if he couldn't put hair product in his hair or go to the Gay 90's to rock drag queen night >.< But that's not saying he is either, it all really depends on the person all I got is skepticism.

Yeah, I know where you are coming from...no pun intended. But anyhow, yeah its because the act of sex is so primitive and you have trained yourself to be educated and more sophisticated. As a former INTP that's been there...dude...GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF AND ENJOY IT! Go out with some crazy chicks that "know things" and get in touch with the primitive animal you were meant to be...then learn how to control "the beast" and thank me later.
I've trained myself?

Really?

Well. Iunno how you handled it. But I never remember EVER seeing displays of......hormones without thinking that. There was no convincing. Just like "really?" And didn't you read my post? I've dated people >.< And I've done some shit. I'm well aware of what it's like, I just think it's weird and I'm far from crazy interested in it. If I wasn't aware my opinion would be bullshit, minus the fact it was my opinion.

See? That whole paragraph you typed just irked me.

*shudders*
 

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The common theme in both situations was that I felt safe with both of them, regardless of their sexuality. Both gave me a sense of having a kindred spirit whom I could confide in.
Interesting. A lof of women seem to get bored easily with the "safe" heterosexual man. I've even heard women say that safe equates to boring.
 

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I've been on the opposite side of this situation, so I think I got some insight. I couldn't even count the number of lady friends I've had that have tried to advance it to something beyond that >.< Which is not meant to imply any type of arrogance, cuz boy do I not ask for it. The resulting conversations are always so annoying >.< Anyhow. Were you drunk? During this incident? Cuz that matters. Gay guys always get drunk and make out/get dirty with their lady friends >.< It's just fun. Iunno. Probably just cuz it's such an obvious badass benefit because the rest of the world holds women on such crazy sexual pedestals, and we're just all "what's up?" and liking boys so all of a sudden hardcore grinding is completely okay and innocent. Until it's misinterpreted.

Which is no ones fault, really. Any type of thing like that has the potential to be some type of trigger for some embedded emotional cue within you, which could range from this "playing around" to laying in the grass and having a sweet moment of eye contact.
Neither of us were drunk, and it was not actually sex, it's just that if I described it, it would sound like a string of euphemisms. Aw hell, I'll describe anyway. I have a bit of an aversion to people touching me, so something he does when he's bored is threaten to poke me by pointing his finger at me, without actually touching me. Even that produces a response at times. I can actually feel him poking into my space, and it has a slight tickling feeling. One night, he actually started tickling me, and my response to being tickled is to curl up into fetal position. He then pinned me to the ground and tickled me some more, and I did my best to keep his fingers away. However, I found myself quite "excited" by the whole thing.

But. I'd say, if he hasn't progressed since then, he's probably just gay and it was a situational incident. Otherwise, you'd know for sure and it wouldn't be a problem.

But then again. I could be giving him too much credit and he could just be a silly fairy gay guy that wouldn't know what to do with his life if he couldn't put hair product in his hair or go to the Gay 90's to rock drag queen night >.< But that's not saying he is either, it all really depends on the person all I got is skepticism.
No, he's not that sort. I'm not much for prissy guys. If he's higher maintenance than myself, chances are that I would hardly be friends with him.

Anyway, thanks for the advice.

Shadow, what I mean by "safe" is a guy who makes me feel secure about my identity. I don't feel like he's going to push me around, try to put me down for introversion or eccentricity. He accepts me as I am. I don't know if that's what they mean by "safe" choice, but I look for a guy who accepts my personality, who makes me feel safe.
 
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