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I was doing so well...but this week abusing benzos, painkillers, and smoking a fuck ton of weed. I have schizoaffective disorder and my hallucinations are coming back. Delusions too? Possibly? I don't know my therapist says so but she could be lying to me. My drug of choice is usually alcohol and issues with that were what made me want to be sober in the first place last year. This streak started with a couple shots of tequila but that's it as far as alcohol goes so far. I feel bad, but I don't want to end this. Am I going to have to destroy my life again and nearly end it again or is there a way to avoid that? I'm in therapy but she's kinda worthless, and I go to group but lately haven't been talking about much. Just looking for some advice here.
 

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Remember, one day at a time. I know it is hard, I really do. I feel your pain, but you are not alone, I know that is not much of a comfort either but :/

For me, if the shrink doesn't work, then it is time to find a new one. Do you have a sponsor and are you in AA? I know there is a group for people who abuse benzos and such, I just can't remember the name. I believe that you can avoid it, I believe in you. Like you said, you are in therapy, that means on some level you do want to get better, and that is a good step towards actually getting there.
 

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Remember, one day at a time. I know it is hard, I really do. I feel your pain, but you are not alone, I know that is not much of a comfort either but :/

For me, if the shrink doesn't work, then it is time to find a new one. Do you have a sponsor and are you in AA? I know there is a group for people who abuse benzos and such, I just can't remember the name. I believe that you can avoid it, I believe in you. Like you said, you are in therapy, that means on some level you do want to get better, and that is a good step towards actually getting there.
Thanks man, I really needed that. I went to a couple AA meetings last year, but I'm not actively going. I should. Maybe I'll try NA this time around. Again, thank you.
 

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It's your decision to stop this cycle now. That's what it comes down to, right? It can always happen to slip back a bit here and there, that's fine. Don't worry about it. But whether you want to lead a sober life or a delusioned life is up to you. It's not an easy choice to make, I know. Especially in hard times. I'm also still struggling with it, although I'm currently sober for about 4 months.

+ what @Lovable said.
 

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Some random thoughts that may or may not help. Sorry I'm late to the party.

Don't beat yourself up. I used to do that a lot, as a sort of motivator to get my butt moving or to stay the course. But it doesn't work. It just makes you feel bad about yourself, and the pain of self-recrimination reinforces your desire to not even try again.

Remember you're not a damned robot, and like all humans, you make mistakes. Just get back on the horse and keep on riding, no matter how many times you fall off. Eventually you'll learn to stay on most of the time, and you'll get in the habit of just getting back on when you do slip up.
 

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If you're on antipsychotics, or even simply have psychosis issues the WORST thing you can do is take hallucinogens such as weed.
You're making it worse. Regular cigarettes, however, can lessen the symptoms (you didn't hear if for me).

Also, relax. Listen to some calming music, and touch something solid and cold to get more grounded into the real world.
If you got better before, you can likely get better again. But i wouldn't try tempting 'faith' too much.
 
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