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MOTM Jan 2014
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The Social Three: "Prestige"

The Social Three has a desire to be seen and to have influence with people. This three acts out in vanity through the desire to shine before the whole world: Social Threes enjoy being on stage. This subtype is the most vain of the Threes, and the biggest chameleon.

The name given to this subtype is "Prestige," which reflects the idea of needing everybody's admiration and applause. This Three, more than the other two subtypes, likes and needs to be recognized, so they tend to be more out in front, basking in the spotlight. As children, it was typically important for Social Threes to "show" something, to look good and demonstrate competence in doing things, to get love. Support most likely came in the form of an approving "look" from parents.

Social Threes are socially brilliant. They know how to talk to people and how to climb the social ladder. These Threes feel a need to frame words carefully to get the maximum benefit, which is measured in terms of making the right impression, getting what they want, and reaching their goals. Their fuel is social success, though what exactly constitutes "success" can vary depending on the history and context of the individual Social Three. Some show intelligence, culture, or class; others have degrees and titles; and others have material symbols of social status - a nice house, an expensive car, designer clothes, or expensive watches.

The Social Three is very concerned with competition and winning. This is the most competitive Three. They are also focused on power, whether or not they are the one who has it. They tend to be demanding and authoritarian, though these characteristics may be hidden behind a presentation that is smooth, decorous, and humorous. Social Threes may view others in terms of how they potentially further or block the process of reaching their goals. They look at things in terms of how they can exert control over them, and they don't allow themselves to be surprised by life.

The Social Three is also the most aggressive of the Threes, possessing a strong and assertive character. Because they are good at numbing out their feelings, they can - in the extreme - be cold.

Social Threes have a corporate mentality and a passion for doing the job in the best way it can be done- especially in terms of outward appearances. They think about what is best for the group, especially in terms of what will sell, what looks good, and what will reflect well on them. Doing what works for the group also works to further their image of success. For the Social Three, image and moneymaking may override good intentions or virtuous actions. In the current age, corporations are primarily oriented toward making money above all else, and this is reflected in the Social Three's concern with finding an efficient way to meet corporate goals and enhance the bottom line, which may or may not take into account the destructive consequences for others in a wider sense.

This Three also has a lot of confidence in leading a group where they want to go. If a leader is not leading a group well enough, the Social Three can feel a strong desire to take over, as it can be frustrating for them to see the way forward and not be able to guide people in a more efficient or successful way. The Social Three enjoys being at the center of things.

These Threes have a highly developed talent for image-making and a strong ability to sell themselves (or whatever product they might want to promote). According to Naranjo, these Threes look so good, there's almost a sense that they have no faults. It's hard to see their flaws because they do such a good job at creating the right image. They look so good and seem to do things so well that any sense of there being a problem or of anything being left out is overshadowed.

However, Social Threes do feel anxiety about being overexposed. They feel vulnerable to being seen as having no worth. Because they place so much importance on making a good impression, criticism can be devastating to them, though they aren't likely to show it. Wanting to look good also means it can be hard for them to fully reveal themselves to others, so they may feel a need to keep people at bay. They want so much to be seen positively, and so they can fear that people might see through their image if they get too close. It can be hard for them to open up and let up on managing their image. This strong need to look good can also prevent Social Threes from knowing and being connected to their real selves and their real feelings.

Social Threes aren't likely to be confused with other types, as this Three is in many ways the most obvious Three, especially in terms of how Threes have historically been characterized in Enneagram books.

__________

William, a Social Three, speaks:

When I was young, I lived with my grandmother and hung out with the older guys. I wanted to be accepted by them because of the prestige that came with the image. Whenever they chose sides for football, I was one of the first players chosen. One day during an intense neighborhood game, I was playing quarterback. I called a rollout right fake double reverse pass. I was supposed to hit my cousin Robert on a post pattern but I faked the pass, put the ball down, and started to run. One guy had a good angle on me, but I was faster. As he got close to me I made a cut and went behind him and scored a touchdown. I heard one of the older guys say, "Damn, Sonny is good!" I felt drawn to the game because I knew it was something I could do well. The praise from the older guys confirmed what I needed to hear and made me feel special. After that day, socially and athletically, I knew I wanted to be at the top of the food chain.

I continued to excel at football and eventually became a professional in the NFL. As a running back people often asked me how I could take the punishment play after play. When you play football on any level, you can't do it half-assed, you have to be all in or not at all. Some call it internal fortitude or guts, others may equate it to will... I call it heart! I learned that it took hard work to come back again and again and succeed at the game on the highest level, and I was prepared to do it. The desire for this sense of being "Somebody" that came with playing football was huge. To be a part of something bigger, to get results and achieve success on that big a stage, was the fuel that drove me. Years later, through therapy and learning the Enneagram, I've changed a lot. I've realized authentic self-acceptance doesn't come through what I do or how I look to others; it's an inside job.


________

The Path from Vice to Virtue for Social Threes:

Social Threes can travel the path from vanity to hope by making conscious use of setbacks, failures, and the experience of their own vulnerability to broaden their sense of who they really are. When Social Threes can relax their efforts to get recognition and learn to trust that people will see and appreciate their value if they just allow themselves to embrace more of who they are, they can release the need to control what happens and enter into an experience guided by hope. If you are a Social Three, aiming for hope means challenging any fears about exposure or rejection you might have and learning to see that you are much deeper and richer than your social mark permits you to be. Expressing more real feelings is an act of hope for this Three because it can be so hard to let go of an imagined or idealized self and risk that others will love who they really are. In line with this, it is important for this Three to see failures and setbacks as an invitation to a deeper experience of life - and a felt experience of the real self.
 

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MOTM Jan 2014
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Discussion Starter #3
Thanks for the posts.

As 3 with So last, it doesn't sound very me.
Yeah, I've noticed there is a great variety among 3s, based on instincts much like with 4s. I've also noticed that the more 'threeish' social 3 is easier to identify whereas Sx and Sp 3s have trouble identifying as 3, especially if social last.. due to being completely unlike this more classical 3 description based on old enneagram texts. As a Sx 4 myself I had a lot of trouble - I couldn't relate to the whining, melancholy, drawing attention to one's negativity, lack of willpower, etc... which is more often social 4. Sx 4s are competitive and "superior" rather than "inferior." So I guess each type has this sort of spectrum, though it seems to be more diverse in some types than others.
 

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Yeah, I've noticed there is a great variety among 3s, based on instincts much like with 4s. I've also noticed that the more 'threeish' social 3 is easier to identify whereas Sx and Sp 3s have trouble identifying as 3, especially if social last.. due to being completely unlike this more classical 3 description based on old enneagram texts. As a Sx 4 myself I had a lot of trouble - I couldn't relate to the whining, melancholy, drawing attention to one's negativity, lack of willpower, etc... which is more often social 4. Sx 4s are competitive and "superior" rather than "inferior." So I guess each type has this sort of spectrum, though it seems to be more diverse in some types than others.
It wasn't hard for me to identify with 3. It has been obvious since the first day I read about enneagram. Yet, reading descriptions, I always felt that they are idealized, exaggerated. All this "climbing social ladder", being a part of groups, be impressive to everyone is not really me. Well, it is, but it's more like between me and individuals, rather than everyone.

I think 2 and 3 are So heavy. So last 2 also struggle. 4 struggle if they are Sx doms. I feel like image triad's descriptions are the most misleading ones.

Gonna take a look later. It's possible I am Sx/Sp tho.

EDIT: I highly relate. Makes a lot of sense. :kitteh:
 

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MOTM Jan 2014
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Discussion Starter #6
It wasn't hard for me to identify with 3. It has been obvious since the first day I read about enneagram.
Ah.. I admire that. I think I was typing the disparity between myself and my idealized self-image; in other words, I typed my 'lack,' the qualities that I felt were standing between me and my ideal self.. which 4s over-identify with. Yet, I didn't type the process that caused that to happen, which stems from 4. I'm still embarrassed about my lack of self awareness. 4s are supposed to "know themselves.." what a useless 4 I am..lol. That said, people have always told me I'm so self-aware and insightful about my darker emotions. And to be fair to myself, it's not easy to identify with feeling inferior when you have a tendency to make up for your inadequacy by acting superior or trying to win (even if you know deep down where it comes from, 4s are portrayed as pathetic whiners, so it doesn't line up at a glance).

Yet, reading descriptions, I always felt that they are idealized, exaggerated. All this "climbing social ladder", being a part of groups, be impressive to everyone is not really me. Well, it is, but it's more like between me and individuals, rather than everyone.
Yeah. Makes sense for sp/sx.

I think 2 and 3 are So heavy. So last 2 also struggle. 4 struggle if they are Sx doms. I feel like image triad's descriptions are the most misleading ones.
Yeah and my issue was identifying with my self-image rather than my self, so I'm sure that doesn't help image types either, especially those with complicated lives (trauma etc which has happened to me).


Gonna take a look later. It's possible I am Sx/Sp tho.

EDIT: I highly relate. Makes a lot of sense. :kitteh:
This is the Sx 3 description.

http://personalitycafe.com/type-3-forum-achiever/341498-sexual-threes-according-beatrice-chestnut.html

But glad it makes sense :)
 

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Ah.. I admire that. I think I was typing the disparity between myself and my idealized self-image; in other words, I typed my 'lack,' the qualities that I felt were standing between me and my ideal self.. which 4s over-identify with. Yet, I didn't type the process that caused that to happen, which stems from 4. I'm still embarrassed about my lack of self awareness. 4s are supposed to "know themselves.." what a useless 4 I am..lol. That said, people have always told me I'm so self-aware and insightful about my darker emotions. And to be fair to myself, it's not easy to identify with feeling inferior when you have a tendency to make up for your inadequacy by acting superior or trying to win (even if you know deep down where it comes from, 4s are portrayed as pathetic whiners, so it doesn't line up at a glance).


Yeah. Makes sense for sp/sx.


Yeah and my issue was identifying with my self-image rather than my self, so I'm sure that doesn't help image types either, especially those with complicated lives (trauma etc which has happened to me).




This is the Sx 3 description.

http://personalitycafe.com/type-3-forum-achiever/341498-sexual-threes-according-beatrice-chestnut.html

But glad it makes sense :)
I relate to this. I also sometimes didn't even realize that what I relate to is actually what I lack, need, for perfect me, is my improvement point. This depends on the mood as well. Sometimes I feel like 8, or other type, I'd idealize who I am. I also do feel like I am aware of my darker emotions, as I quite often even seek thinking about negative things, dark emotions, but all that gets converted into motivation in no time. I am not afraid of darker me, it's like a tool for me. Weird. lol

Yea, agreed.

3 sx kinda sounds like 2 influenced to me. I do relate to wanting to see others succeed, helping them, making them superior from nothing. Actually, 3w4 Sx/Sp would explain why I feel very 2. I do want to succeed, but it would be pointless, if it didn't include relationships. I look for people I could help, I want to take them to the success with me. Individuals, not groups. Those who have potential. But again, it could be hidden logical intention, as I always think of what something is going to be useful in the future.

"Attaining love or desire from others becomes a goal, an achievement, a conquest for Sexual Threes". I totally relate to this.

I don't know. I can't concentrate atm, as I am in a corner of a room with 10 people shouting - talking. I will try to analyze both. It really seems I could actually be Sx/Sp. It makes as much sense. I am definitely Sx focused, but also extremely careful, and quite security focused.

Btw, your avatar is awesome. lol
 

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And to be fair to myself, it's not easy to identify with feeling inferior when you have a tendency to make up for your inadequacy by acting superior or trying to win (even if you know deep down where it comes from, 4s are portrayed as pathetic whiners, so it doesn't line up at a glance).
It's quite interesting to hear that. I was struggling to decide if I was 3w4 or 4w3 and even if I think and I am pretty sure I am 4 now after what I read, acting superior and trying to win was one of the thing that made me think I was maybe more 3 than 4
So good to see I am not the only four to act like this !
 

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Discussion Starter #9
It's quite interesting to hear that. I was struggling to decide if I was 3w4 or 4w3 and even if I think and I am pretty sure I am 4 now after what I read, acting superior and trying to win was one of the thing that made me think I was maybe more 3 than 4
So good to see I am not the only four to act like this !
:) glad if it helps.

I'll check out your typing thread as soon as I can so I can comment further on this.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I relate to this. I also sometimes didn't even realize that what I relate to is actually what I lack, need, for perfect me, is my improvement point. This depends on the mood as well. Sometimes I feel like 8, or other type, I'd idealize who I am. I also do feel like I am aware of my darker emotions, as I quite often even seek thinking about negative things, dark emotions, but all that gets converted into motivation in no time. I am not afraid of darker me, it's like a tool for me. Weird. lol
I find it so funny that some people idealize 8. Although I get it. I kind of idealize 3 and 1. I've always wanted to be a 3... and 1s are just downright amazing.

I have a strong 8 fix to the point where those closest to me, eventually end up asking me.. are you sure you're not an 8?? They come to realize that I am indeed a 4, but... well the 8 is very there. So, my feelings about it are not very warm since I've been traumatized and seen the uglier side of it. And it doesn't help that I also go to low-2.

Also about tool - I don't think it's weird. I think it's a constructive use of darkness. I also make music and writing out of my darker experiences and emotions - I've done so all my life. It's just a longer process. I'm not sure I'd say it gets converted into motivation as much as, converted into inspiration. But, I can be motivated when I have a strong project about my emotional experiences that I want to complete.


Yea, agreed.

3 sx kinda sounds like 2 influenced to me. I do relate to wanting to see others succeed, helping them, making them superior from nothing. Actually, 3w4 Sx/Sp would explain why I feel very 2. I do want to succeed, but it would be pointless, if it didn't include relationships. I look for people I could help, I want to take them to the success with me. Individuals, not groups. Those who have potential. But again, it could be hidden logical intention, as I always think of what something is going to be useful in the future.

"Attaining love or desire from others becomes a goal, an achievement, a conquest for Sexual Threes". I totally relate to this.

I don't know. I can't concentrate atm, as I am in a corner of a room with 10 people shouting - talking. I will try to analyze both. It really seems I could actually be Sx/Sp. It makes as much sense. I am definitely Sx focused, but also extremely careful, and quite security focused.
I'd love to hear your thoughts once you have a chance to go over this later :) if you do. I'm curious :)

Btw, your avatar is awesome. lol
Haha thanks :) @Rala picked it out as something that reminded her of me and it's SO spot on - I have a photoshoot of myself doing the exact same thing, being an animal in nature. But this one is cooler. It's my favorite thing ever and so perfect for my personality, even kind of looks like me.
 

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:) glad if it helps.

I'll check out your typing thread as soon as I can so I can comment further on this.

Cool thanks !
Actually I was a bit lost a few days ago, because I felt I was a four and a 3, but after a lot of reflexion I think 4w3 makes sense. Also, I read a description of the sexual four that suits me a lot and can explains why I can be competitive, "dominant" in my relationships (even if on the other hand I can't fall in love with a guy if I "win", that's maybe why I am so desperate in my love relationships lol), but very anxious at the same time.

Part of the description was : "With a mate they are prone to jealousy. Want to be the most important person in mate's life. Related to the dependent side of 2."

Is it true for you ?

It is so true for me but very annoying because I hate being like this. I can't control it but it doesn't fit my "three side" and leads to a lot of opposite feelings
 

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@Animal

I am gonna comment all 3. It would be better if I made a post, connecting them, rather than leaving comments, but it would take a day. lol

Now I doubt I am Sp/Sx again.

So

 

The Social Three has a desire to be seen and to have influence with people. This three acts out in vanity through the desire to shine before the whole world: Social Threes enjoy being on stage. This subtype is the most vain of the Threes, and the biggest chameleon.
I really care about influencing people, being seen as well, but not as much. I don't enjoy being on stage, but maybe that's because I am awkward. Biggest chameleon...I am one, kinda, but definitely not that big, as I imagine So 3 would be.
The name given to this subtype is "Prestige," which reflects the idea of needing everybody's admiration and applause. This Three, more than the other two subtypes, likes and needs to be recognized, so they tend to be more out in front, basking in the spotlight. As children, it was typically important for Social Threes to "show" something, to look good and demonstrate competence in doing things, to get love. Support most likely came in the form of an approving "look" from parents.
I don't think I jump into spotlights that much, but I'd like to. Yes, I needed approval, kinda, but I always went the way I wanted, then seeking approval, and I'd be fine if I got none at that moment, as I knew that I just need to get better. Like, bad example. Lego. I remember I showed what I did, and parents said "meh". Then I worked on it for weeks, and made amazing stuff. I don't think approval was the thing that motivated me mostly, but competence, and not giving up. Approval - only the sign that I succeeded.
Social Threes are socially brilliant. They know how to talk to people and how to climb the social ladder. These Threes feel a need to frame words carefully to get the maximum benefit, which is measured in terms of making the right impression, getting what they want, and reaching their goals. Their fuel is social success, though what exactly constitutes "success" can vary depending on the history and context of the individual Social Three. Some show intelligence, culture, or class; others have degrees and titles; and others have material symbols of social status - a nice house, an expensive car, designer clothes, or expensive watches.
I don't care about social ladders. Also, I don't know how to talk to all people. Many are just different, and like, I wouldn't talk about weather with them, as I don't like that. I can't put chameleon mask all the time. Social success doesn't matter to me. Social status is also not something I care much about. I'd like to choose myself what to wear, what to buy, and want others to follow that.
The Social Three is very concerned with competition and winning. This is the most competitive Three. They are also focused on power, whether or not they are the one who has it. They tend to be demanding and authoritarian, though these characteristics may be hidden behind a presentation that is smooth, decorous, and humorous. Social Threes may view others in terms of how they potentially further or block the process of reaching their goals. They look at things in terms of how they can exert control over them, and they don't allow themselves to be surprised by life.
Yes, yes. I relate, but I don't know why is that exactly So.
The Social Three is also the most aggressive of the Threes, possessing a strong and assertive character. Because they are good at numbing out their feelings, they can - in the extreme - be cold.
I don't think I am very aggressive or assertive.
Social Threes have a corporate mentality and a passion for doing the job in the best way it can be done- especially in terms of outward appearances. They think about what is best for the group, especially in terms of what will sell, what looks good, and what will reflect well on them. Doing what works for the group also works to further their image of success. For the Social Three, image and moneymaking may override good intentions or virtuous actions. In the current age, corporations are primarily oriented toward making money above all else, and this is reflected in the Social Three's concern with finding an efficient way to meet corporate goals and enhance the bottom line, which may or may not take into account the destructive consequences for others in a wider sense.
Yes, but why is that So? lol. I don't care about what's the best for groups, I care about individuals, who have potential, or those who could possibly help me in the future. I am very future focused, like I may say hi to someone I don't know, as that could possibly help me later, even if it's in 5 years. lol.
This Three also has a lot of confidence in leading a group where they want to go. If a leader is not leading a group well enough, the Social Three can feel a strong desire to take over, as it can be frustrating for them to see the way forward and not be able to guide people in a more efficient or successful way. The Social Three enjoys being at the center of things.
Yes.
However, Social Threes do feel anxiety about being overexposed. They feel vulnerable to being seen as having no worth. Because they place so much importance on making a good impression, criticism can be devastating to them, though they aren't likely to show it. Wanting to look good also means it can be hard for them to fully reveal themselves to others, so they may feel a need to keep people at bay. They want so much to be seen positively, and so they can fear that people might see through their image if they get too close. It can be hard for them to open up and let up on managing their image. This strong need to look good can also prevent Social Threes from knowing and being connected to their real selves and their real feelings.
Yes.
Social Threes aren't likely to be confused with other types, as this Three is in many ways the most obvious Three, especially in terms of how Threes have historically been characterized in Enneagram books.
I doubt I am So.
__________

William, a Social Three, speaks:

When I was young, I lived with my grandmother and hung out with the older guys. I wanted to be accepted by them because of the prestige that came with the image. Whenever they chose sides for football, I was one of the first players chosen. One day during an intense neighborhood game, I was playing quarterback. I called a rollout right fake double reverse pass. I was supposed to hit my cousin Robert on a post pattern but I faked the pass, put the ball down, and started to run. One guy had a good angle on me, but I was faster. As he got close to me I made a cut and went behind him and scored a touchdown. I heard one of the older guys say, "Damn, Sonny is good!" I felt drawn to the game because I knew it was something I could do well. The praise from the older guys confirmed what I needed to hear and made me feel special. After that day, socially and athletically, I knew I wanted to be at the top of the food chain.
I relate to this logic. Compliments, approval tho...I absolutely hate when others say that, but aren't serious about that. But no, I don't think about being approved that much, as So 3 seem to.



Sx

 

The victory or goal that the Sexual Three subtype is interested in (that expresses this Three’s vanity) is one of sex appeal and beauty rather than money or prestige-but they are just as competitive in pursuing these goals as a business executive is in work matters. In this Three, vanity is not denied (as with the Self-Preservation Three) or embraced (like the Social Three); rather, it's somewhere in between, being employed in the service of creating an attractive image and promoting important others.
Probably not.
The Sexual Three is sweet and shy and not as extroverted as the Social Three-especially when it comes to speaking about himself. It's hard for these Threes to promote themselves, so they often put the focus on others they want to support.
Totally. :shocked:. I hate when I am asked to describe myself, I feel awkward. xD. I don't like saying positive things about myself. I really hate saying my strengths. I'd more likely say my weaknesses, so others can underestimate me. lol. So yea, I am bad at promoting myself. My focus is indeed on others. I am extremely helpful, and kinda seek having "weak" friends, who I could help and lead to the success. I don't think it would be that hard to promote them, but if asked about myself, I'd turn into stone.
Although they are just as capable as the other Threes of achieving worldly success through competence and hard work, these Threes don't feel the need to achieve goals in the external world because their focus is much more on pleasing and making themselves attractive as a way of earning love. They see their accomplishments in the successes and happiness of the people around them.
No, achieving goals in the external world definitely matters to me. I guess, as my focus is on others. But I think that's because I can't do much now myself, so I am trying to help others. It's easier. But all this could be very selfish, actually. I think it's possible that I help others, as I want them to become better than me, which would motivate me to work, keep up with them, become better. I want to be the best. If I am, like back in school, I don't feel motivated to work.
Although Ichazo called this type "Masculinity/Femininity," Naranjo explains that this is not Hollywood-style masculinity or femininity, or even necessarily a very sexualized masculinity or femininity This type is more concerned with having an attractive presentation as a man or a woman-and, subtly at times, with pleasing others by being attractive in a classically masculine or feminine way. And while Threes are heart types, in this subtype the pleasing may occur less through emotional connection or sexual seductiveness and more through a mental connection or enthusiastic support. Naranjo changed the name to "Charisma" to reflect the special way Sexual Threes motivate and excite the admiration of others through a quality of "personal magnetism."
I don't know...xD
Sexual Threes achieve within relationships. These Threes are pleasers and helpers; they tend to work hard in support of someone else, expending a lot of energy in promoting others. Sexual Threes can be very ambitious and hardworking, but it’s always to make someone else look good. Often this Three doesn't seem like a Three because they are not so focused on their own status and achievement, but for them it's more about being attractive and supporting others-it's enough for them to be beautiful; they don't have to achieve to get love. It's the pleasing that brings approval or love, so they don't have to be conventional achievers.
Yup...I definitely spend lots of energy promoting others. And Nop. lol. I am highly focused on my status as well. I have to achieve too.
Sexual Threes put a lot of energy into seducing and pleasing others. They may have a fear of disappointing others, and so they justify themselves with excuses to avoid confrontation. People with this subtype may have fantasies about the "ideal partner," and they may want to change their partner to be like they would like him or her to be. They may have fantasies of waiting for "Prince Charming" (or "Princess Charming") and living "happily ever after."
...Yes, but I don't think I really care about pleasing. I really don't.
These Threes tend to be oriented toward pleasing others in the sense of having a family or team mentality. They may focus narrowly on what is good for the family (at home or at work) and project the image of someone who is good in this way.
NO.
Because so much depends on their being attractive to others, Sexual Threes think they need to be good and perfect to be loved. They tend to be very helpful to prove their lovability-they aspire to have the image of the "best lover" or the "perfect wife."
Yes. And...Like if I think of finding a girlfriend any time soon, and she'd be like better than me, I'd feel like I have to move my bones and work 24/7. I'd need to become better, and perfect-enough for her. Not a creature like now.
Attaining love or desire from others becomes a goal, an achievement, a conquest for Sexual Threes. To support this, they have a passion for projecting a handsome, pretty, or sexy image. They feel an urgent need to be looked at and recognized as attractive by people they want to attract (romantically)-perhaps reflecting a lack of attention and admiration from their mother or father.
Yes. If I find someone I desire, it would be come a goal, and I could spend hours learning things, so I could achieve that. It's serious.
Idk.
In this Three there is a sense of disconnection from feelings and from the real self. They often have no real contact with themselves or others. This disconnection is emotional, sexual, and physical. One Three with this subtype commented, "it's like we put out an 'Out to Lunch' sign." This is the main issue for Sexual Threes. They typically experience a feeling of emptiness, like a void. This Three experiences an empty feeling in terms of having a lack of a clear sense of self or identity. This is related to the fact that the Sexual Three experiences difficulty in being, feeling, and expressing authentically. While they may be very attractive, they may also have low self-esteem and be unable to love themselves. In the face of this, they may "put on a good face" and look sweet and complacent while hiding their strengths as a way to look good for others.
Yes. Hiding their strengths? I remember when I had self-esteem, I put worse image than I could, as I wasn't confidant in my strengths etc.
The Sexual Three is the most emotional of the Threes, so you are more likely to see them expressing their feelings. This Three doesn't wear the kind of social mask that a Social Three wears. There is a deep sadness within the Sexual Three. They often had a difficult early life, and they use "disconnections" from themselves as a way to forget, or to make up for and minimize, past abuses. There is a lot of fear of feeling emotional pain and sorrow, and so they learn to disconnect from their deeper emotional experience. They also experience criticism as very threatening, as it destroys their mask of being a "perfectly good person."
I would wish good luck for anyone who would want to hear me expressing my feelings. But I think that's just INTJ. Yea, I definitely don't wear social-ish social mask at all. Idk maybe, I rarely think about what I feel. I do, if something touches me, then I explore it, make the situation seem terrible, which I convert into aspiration/motivation in no time, somehow. I learnt this before getting into psychology.
Sexual Threes can look like Twos or Sevens. They can look like Twos because they seek to connect with others through being pleasing and attractive. They differ from Twos, however, in that they focus more on a specific image of physical attractiveness and less on shape-shifting, prideful self-elevation, and meeting emotional needs. They may be mistaken for Sevens in that they tend to be positive and enthusiastic in their support of others. They can be excellent cheerleaders. However, while Sevens are fundamentally self-referencing, Threes reference others as a way of determining how to be. Threes are more disconnected from themselves, while Sevens typically know what they need and want.
I do feel like 2. No. I don't think I want to connect with others through being pleasing and attractive, but helping, promoting, making them successful. That's not pleasing. I relate to everything else.
I have to admit that all my life I've only looked at myself trough the mirror of others. And one thing was pretty clear to me: nobody liked the ugly. As a child, people used to say I was perfect, cute, and pretty. I was like a doll that my parents showed the world-but as time went by, they were so overwhelmed with their problems (and three more children) that they stopped looking at me; especially my mom. From then on, I developed an extreme intolerance for going unnoticed. I had a neurotic need to please and be liked, and a neurotic vulnerability to flatter that made me "sell myself" to anyone who said nice things to me. Many times I engaged in abusive relationships without noticing I was being abused.
I never had neurotic need to please and be liked, don't think ever will. Oh no. I don't think that would ever happen to me.
Finding the "ideal" partner became an obsession. I cared about success, image, work, and all those other things we Threes typically care about, but they didn't mean anything to me if I didn't have someone to share them with. I deceived myself into thinking that love was the answer to everything.
Yes! I don't know what to comment, as it's just so 100% me.
Sexual Threes can travel the path form vanity to hope by learning to live for themselves and not for a real or imagined partner. This Three moves toward hope by getting to know and experience more of their real self. People with this subtype are a paradox: beautiful, enthusiastic friends and supporters who don't love and support themselves the way they do others. This Three can move toward hope by learning to put the same faith and love toward their own self that they offer so generously to others. Launching an intensive search for the "real self"-finding a sense of identity and trusting that it will lead you in the right direction-is what hope is about for this Three. If you are a Sexual Three, consciously share your feelings with the people you support so well and know that hope will guide you toward establishing the deep connections you long for.
Bolded - yes. Not sure about everything else.



Sp

 

People with this subtype often had a childhood in which they didn't have enough protection and resources. In response to those conditions, these Threes learned to be active and efficient doers, oriented to taking care of themselves without help from others. They have developed a special focus on autonomy in the face of a jeopardized sense of security.
I doubt. Tho, when I was young, I was very quick to react to pain. I have this attitude of taking care of myself, not wanting any help.
This preoccupation with security can also extend out to others. This person emanates a sense of security; they are solid people who you might go to for advice. They seem outwardly calm and organized, like they have it all together, but they are anxious underneath. These are assertive people who specialize in solving problems and getting things done in a high-quality way–and while they work very hard, they don't show their stress. They are usually financially secure, highly productive, and "in control," but they also report feeling an underlying sense of anxiety related to the effort it takes to achieve the sense of security they crave.
I like to be seen as someone who you could go for advice. Yes, I don't like sharing stress. I am not always financially secure. Like, 1 week ago I had 1 dollar, as I knew I'd get like 10 soon. I am not that careful with money. I think I am security focused, but not as much, as this description paints.
Self-Preservation Threes strive to be the ideal model of quality in whatever they do. They want to be the best example of how to be in whatever role they play: the best parent, the best partner, the best worker, the best at whatever they do. They feel a need not only to be seen as good, but also to actually be good. They do this both to achieve a sense of security and to inspire admiration in others without being obvious about their vanity. They want to be admired because they do things well, and they want to do the things they do in the best way possible–not just to have a good image that people will find attractive, but also to live up to that image. Their tendency to adapt to a "model" also motivates them to forget their own feelings.
Indeed. The best in anything I do. I couldn't handle being the average, or below average at what I do. I'd rather lay in the bed and eat apples. Perfectionism - yes. Live up that image, and actually be good at something, not only make others think you are. Definitely me.
Following the perfect model of how things should be done means being virtuous, and being virtuous implies a lack of vanity. In this sense, the Self-Preservation Three "has vanity for having no vanity." This means that while this Three wants to look attractive and successful in the eyes of others, they don't want other people to know they want this–they don’t want others to see that they have actively created an image to look good to others. They don't want others to catch them in the act of wanting or working to look good because they have an ethic that say that "good,” or virtuous, people are not vain. Some Self-Preservation Threes are aware (and will admit) that they want people to admire them for their good image–though, generally, they want to keep this a secret–but some Self-Preservation Threes believe so firmly that it is wrong or superficial to want the approval of others that they won't admit this desire even to themselves. These are people who want to be so perfect that it's not in their code of honor to allow for vanity.
3 Sp sounds like 1. lol. I see where it is coming from. It's risky to show others you want to be seen as successful in the eyes of others. I relate to this, but at the same time not. In some cases I would definitely show that, in some I would avoid that. I definitely don't want anyone to see me working hard, as then my successes wouldn't be that impressive to them. Its not wrong to want the approval of others. Interesting. My desire for approval seems like between high and low. I think I seek approval, but I don't want others to know that.
In denying the presence of vanity, the Self-Preservation Threes represents the countertype of the three Three subtypes–that is, this Three is the "counter-passional" type, the Three that doesn't necessarily look like a Three. Though these Threes are motivated out of vanity, just like the other Threes, they deny their vanity to some extent, and so their character is shaped more around going against the energetic pull of vanity. And there is a natural opposition between the vain desire to attract attention and a primary instinctual drive toward security and self-preservation. Unlike Social Threes, who will more openly brag about their accomplishments, Self-Preservation Threes avoid talking about their positive characteristics and high-status credentials because they believe it's bad form to advertise their strong points, even if they also want others to see them as successful. They may be either modest or falsely modest.
So basically only 3 So looks like 3. Okay. Actually, it's exactly how it is. lol
When I succeed in my eyes(for others me winning something could be awesome, but for me it could possibly be meh), I want everyone to know about that, I tell everyone. lol. But yea, I avoid talking about my strengths, or describing myself.
Self-Preservation Threes display a strong workaholic tendency and are motivated to work very hard to achieve security. They have a compulsion to be self-reliant and to feel in control of their lives. They also feel responsible for making everything happen, and can even have a sense of omnipotence. Along with their need for control and their underlying anxiety, they may experience a sense of panic when they need help or lose autonomy.
I relate, kinda, but again, it actually doesn't seem that security is my main motivation...? lol.
The passion for security in this subtype leads them to oversimplification in life, reducing their focus and interest to what is "practical and useful." These individuals have an imperative need to know they can handle it all and that all will be good for everyone surrounding them. They don't show weakness. They may think things like, "I have to do everything, because I do it better." Situations that feel beyond their control can leave them confused and lost internally, causing them to freeze up, and in an effort to reestablish control, they can become invasive. These are the most rigid of the Threes.
I think it's opposite. I make it more difficult than I could handle, and I can't handle that. xD. I want more, everything, not just stay at the same level and be in control. Even though I am very careful, I'd say I am a risk taker, when it comes to my future. I just left uni, which I recently started, as it is low level. Also, If I was asked which uni I finished in 4 years, I would feel terrible. That uni is not prestige, it would be a shame. I want to face something I couldn't handle, or enter the uni, where others would be better me, it would motivate me to work. Basically everyone in this uni tho, I realized that I could easily outmatch them, and then there would be no competition, so I started questioning whether it's actually worth to stay, as I would possibly get lazy in some time.
With so much energy focused on work and efficiency and security, there can be little mental and emotional space left for these Threes to be able to engage deeply with others. Though they may work hard to maintain relationships, they may have trouble making deep connections. When Self-Preservation Threes–especially less self-aware Self-Preservation Threes–do make connections, they can be superficial. They can view feeling their emotions as a waste of time, and this inhibits their ability to connect in intimate relationships, since a true relationship comes through each person being in touch with their feelings and their "real self."
I don't really understand the idea of being connected with someone. It kinda confuses me. I am definitely somewhat disconnected from my emotions. I see my emotions as a tool, actually. lol. Like, even if I am attracted to someone and want to get attention from them. My emotions, what I feel, is like a tool, which helps me to actually work hard. :laughin:
 
help


I've always been an achiever. In preschool I finished tasks so early that I was assigned to help others in order to say engaged. By first grade, the school counselor explained to my proud parents that my insistence on perfect homework and exemplary behavior were early predictors of later anxiety, I have worked incredibly hard throughout my career and am now an officer of a Fortune 500 company. Married and divorced twice, my pattern was three to five years of being the perfect wife, followed by emotional exhaustion and an angry husband. Vulnerability or relying on others makes me uncomfortable. I love being counted on to tackle difficult challenges and strive to be hyper-responsible, fair, and generous. Although I crave admiration for these traits, I avoid seeming to care about superficial appearances. I need to be the good traits. When I first studied the Enneagram, I rejected the idea that I could be an image-conscious Three. I made myself a Six, even "performing" once as a model Six on an Enneagram workshop panel. My goal now is balance: vulnerability (versus fierce autonomy) and stillness (versus overactive doing).
School...I used to finish tasks very quickly, and then sit, looking at others working from time to time, wanting teacher to ask me if I am already done. Such a good feeling. Especially if I did nothing at classes, and others saw that. I guess that's seeking admiration. I never did homework, as I could still effortlessly be the best at school. When I entered high school, there were few times I'd spend hours on doing something, and then pretend I did nothing at home. I also avoid superficial appearances, kinda. I never rejected the idea that I could be image type, but I think few people who know me, would.

Idk. I am very careful, and care about details that could possibly cause me problems later. Like, my perc etc passwords are quite difficult. But why? I could make it 123456789, it's very unlikely anyone would try to guess it anyway. But still, there is a risk. I want to prevent others finding any flaws in me. Tho, I recently had my real name as my perc name. lol. I am thinking now. Do I really seek security?
 

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Social 3w2 with a strong 8w7 fix could very well be my mother. I initially typed her as a sp 8w7 (highly integrated) with a strong 3w2 fix. I think so 3 fits better, at least on the surface. She's very competitive, driven, and focused on appearances and status. She's originally from the Philippines, but she embraces and identifies with the status consciousness, competitiveness, achievement oriented, and appearance consciousness of American society. Since American culture view these things as markers for success, she adopted those values.

She was the only girl out of six brothers and endured abuse from her mother. She grew up as a tomboy who loved to get into fights. Strength is very important to her. But even after all these years, I still find her hard to read. She's not introspective nor a deep thinker (she's not much of a thinker to be honest). She's not very in touch with her feelings. My stepfather is more transparent than her and he's very aloof.
 

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So, what does a positive example of this subtype look like? The Self-Preservation 3 and Sexual 3 I both look on with sympathy, but the Social 3 seems like a ruthless egoist. (then again my own Subtype is portrayed somewhat along those lines also)
 
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