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I'm pretty sure that I actually shed myself every year or so and out arises an entirely different person with an entirely novel perspective on life. It's exhausting.

After some comments that my friends made I realized that I almost never initiate social contact. I think that if people didn't make contact with me, I'd never talk to anyone besides at class and work. When I actually do end up spending time with other people, I light up and love it, but I don't feel like I crave it like I used to.

Anyone else feel this way? And how did you go about NOT pissing off everyone in your life and alienating all your friends? Great.
 

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Yes, I too have the same issues. I hardly ever initiate conversations with others. But when I do end up out and about and chit chatting I feel great afterwards. I also feel like I reinvent myself every year, new look, new furniture, new hobby or interest, fat or losing weight. I get rid of things constantly. I feel like I'm always on the precipice of some new discovery of who I really am. I have alienated most of the people throughout my life, friends, family, past lovers. I am now, at 38, trying to reconnect with some and make new friends. But I don't really regret it that much. In my mind if they wanted to know me they would have tried to keep in touch as well. Besides people get married, meet new friends, have other goals. It's the normal fluctuation of life in my mind.
 

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I feel the exact same way.It's weird because I'm almost always social and exuberant around my friends and new acquaintances, but attending/planning social events is a chore for me. I'm bad about keeping in touch and motivating myself to do these things, but I always feel good after the fact even though I begrudgingly accepted in the first place. I've come to force myself because I know I will get so much (joy) out of it.
What works best is to live/work in a environment where you can easily interact with friends/people so that you don't have to overcome the inherent reluctance to in the first place.
Regarding people you don't know, I think we're reluctant to initiate contact because we HATE small talk and get bored of conventional conversations really fast. Once we break the ice and start feeling comfortable to say whatever we want then it becomes actually fun
 

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You're back! I've missed you. :happy:

To answer your question: yes. I'm never really the one to initiate contact unless I have intent. I see a lot of my friends talk to strangers just because there is a human being occupying a space close to them. However, if a stranger talks to me, I'm very talkative and will keep a conversation going. It's good to know I'm not the only one.
 

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In High School I became much more outgoing (I think I was further developing Fe at the time). I guess I became a bit more confident in my socializing skills and I basically found it a lot easier to start conversations with other people and form friendships. I don't just approach people and talk to them but if they are within reach and I find them interesting and see a reasonable opening I go for it. It's always somewhat hard to do...just in the sense that it is not a 100 percent natural thing to do without consciously thinking about it...because for most of my life i've been shy and quiet and reserved but in recent years things have just changed I guess.

I do enjoy my time to myself though. I use it to sharpen creative skills...just create in general and to relax and reflect. I also sometimes need a day to just be by myself. I get tired of constantly being around people. I don't like it.

I think that being around people doesn't allow me to use Ne as freely as i'd like and Ti is a bit stifled too so it can become a bit frustrating if I don't have time to myself to fully and freely entertain and explore my thoughts.

It is very important for the ENTP to take small breaks from social activity just by politely letting their friends know they need time to themselves.
 

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I do change a lot as well...

I am often slow to make initial contact with people, but once that is done, I'll happily contact them...Usually I am the one doing the reaching out, but most of my friends are introverts. My thing is I fear scaring people off. lol
 

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Depends on where I am. If I'm surrounded by strangers, I'll go around and talk to random people, out of sheer boredom. If I'm in school, I'll freely talk to those around me, but I won't just wander the room talking to random people. (most times) If I'm with a few friends though, I'll sometimes become introverted, choosing to cling to my small group rather than talking freely to strangers. I dunno why, but friends bring me down for some reason, I suppose it's that feeling of being watched, mixed with a lost sense of adventure/exploration.
 

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You know, it seems like everyone says they hate small-talk....I've never heard anyone claim that they *liked* small talk.

So why does it even still exist. :bored:
 

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You know, it seems like everyone says they hate small-talk....I've never heard anyone claim that they *liked* small talk.

So why does it even still exist. :bored:
Boredom, fear of silence and thus awkwardness? (in their heads at least) Pulp Fiction nailed it though:
Pulp Fiction - Uncomfortable Silences
 
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Strange. I'm almost always the one to initiate contact, but I never keep it up.

As for re-inventing myself, I guess my world view changes every few months. My interests and goals probably change every couple years.
 

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Yes, I too have the same issues. I hardly ever initiate conversations with others. But when I do end up out and about and chit chatting I feel great afterwards. I also feel like I reinvent myself every year, new look, new furniture, new hobby or interest, fat or losing weight. I get rid of things constantly. I feel like I'm always on the precipice of some new discovery of who I really am. I have alienated most of the people throughout my life, friends, family, past lovers. I am now, at 38, trying to reconnect with some and make new friends. But I don't really regret it that much. In my mind if they wanted to know me they would have tried to keep in touch as well. Besides people get married, meet new friends, have other goals. It's the normal fluctuation of life in my mind.
This is me too. Facebook is so handy for getting back in touch / keeping in touch with people with no need to go out and sociable.

What works best is to live/work in a environment where you can easily interact with friends/people so that you don't have to overcome the inherent reluctance to in the first place.
I agree, I've always tried to live right in the cbd of whichever city I'm in so it's as easy as possible to go out and do things and I don't become a total hermit.
 

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I have an almost obsessive drive to connect to anyone happening to sit beside me in an aeroplane or similar situation. Especially if a foreigner. Then I just HAVE to talk the language, or use some mix of them to communicate. Could be a drive to learn of course. ... But perhaps I just want to socialize for energy. And I still make new, near friends.

My gift is that people immediately feel that they can trust me. "You are crazy, but a good guy".

You notice the incompatibles right away....
 

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I quite often will act more extroverted than i really am just out of boredom. I will approach complete strangers and just start yapping. I can be really wacky and weird with it too, it makes for a lot of fun in places like walmart or the mall. I have even made some friends doing this but it almost never fails to be interesting!
 

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I have an almost obsessive drive to connect to anyone happening to sit beside me in an aeroplane or similar situation. Especially if a foreigner. Then I just HAVE to talk the language, or use some mix of them to communicate. Could be a drive to learn of course. ... But perhaps I just want to socialize for energy. And I still make new, near friends.

My gift is that people immediately feel that they can trust me. "You are crazy, but a good guy".

You notice the incompatibles right away....
Ditto, except for chatting up the person sitting next to me immediately. Once eye contact is made if they are foreign I will start the interrogation. If it's a nationality that I am familiar with I will start spouting off ancient history factoids that will appeal to their ego.
 

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You know, it seems like everyone says they hate small-talk....I've never heard anyone claim that they *liked* small talk.

So why does it even still exist. :bored:
I like small talk. I use it as a tool to build a sense of security so i can get into real talk, and the realer the conversation the bigger my woody gets. I just love uncensored honesty from people about the most unspoken subjects... you may not understand what i am talking about but some who read this, will.
 

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I like small talk. I use it as a tool to build a sense of security so i can get into real talk, and the realer the conversation the bigger my woody gets. I just love uncensored honesty from people about the most unspoken subjects... you may not understand what i am talking about but some who read this, will.
Yes I understand.... I once (some 7-8 years ago) sat in a traincar and happened to end up (pure circumstance) next to a 18 year old girl. There had recently been a debate about whether teen women felt "pressured" to have to do ...ahem...anal sex and other stuff, against their desires so to speak. After about five minutes of establishing trust I went to the point and asked questions about this, fair and square. The girl was a tad surprised but started to answer truthfully. I have never heard a full traincar being so quiet, not even a cellphone call...:)

The girl? She wanted me to give her my phone number after we arrived.... I believe that this honesty is what some people seek even if they can have a hard time taking it sometimes. I know I really look for bold honesty.... that is really attractive. But it sure is a fine line to walk....
 
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