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I just received my final grades for the Spring 2018 Semester. Unsurprisingly, they are all quite well. The typical thing to do is show my family, because they are going to ask anyway.

It is hard to feel proud though. I just do the work and the numerical feedback is spit out a few days later. I don't really get a whole lot of "personalized" feedback. I'm not doing rocket science either. It feels kind of odd because I'm not doing something traditional. It seems more and more that grades don't matter and it's all about the stuff one isn't doing in class. The best feedback that I have received is from English Teachers. They actually try to read, critique and think alongside the student.

Ironically, I feel more pride when I just barley make the cut. When I took a certification exam a couple of months ago, I passed by 40 points on a scale that was out of 1,000. It was relieving, it felt good to know that I did it. I wasn't concerned with having 100%. I was concerned with passing and the feeling was tremendously different. There's something about pass or fail tests that change everything.

I've come across a terrible number of envious people and arrogant people for them to be envious of. There's one guy who makes up these ridiculous stories that he hacked the Petagon. I have no doubt that he is a great programmer, he certainly has the background it seems but what's the point of these grandiose claims? Then there is this one kid who could barley explain 3 lines of code and he's out there saying, "This is guy is excellent. Look at this guy he is excellent." So on and so forth. What is with people and calling anyone who knows a thing or two an expert when they have little comprehension of what is going on?

I was arguing with this guy. I was saying that I just hated one of my classes because there was little interaction with the professor, the topics weren't very interesting, etc. He's like, "Yeah but you got an A in it, I think anyone would want that." Yeah, but I didn't learn much. I didn't do anything substainial. That's what I think it's supposed to be about, exciting and passion inducing. Not dry and uninteresting.

Question: How do you feel when someone praises you for something you aren't proud of?

I hardly like the concept of "selling myself" and advertising anyway. But it's so much worse, so much more awkward when someone else starts bragging about me and they don't even know what I'm doing.
 

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I mean, there's not much to be excited about in clearing a series of impersonal standardized courses that only exist to ensure you've ticked all the prescribed boxes for specialized employment, especially when the course work doesn't emphasize/reward individuality or creativity. You can however be excited that you're closer to being able to express your individuality and get paid for it. That's really the achievement people would look to compliment you on - they're just excited to see you living a fulfilled life. People who gloat are insecure and/or lacking in substantial personality, and sycophants just want to be close to the successful. You know why you're there, and they're simply less self aware.

I've become much better at accepting praise, especially related to artwork I've put a lot of myself into, even if I'm not completely happy with the outcome. That kind of praise is just a recognition of resonance, and resonance/communication is the point of being alive and of making things. Misplaced praise simply doesn't make me feel uncomfortable anymore.
 

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I hear ya. Also, I'm not big on titles. You know like one of those promotions where you are given more responsibility but not much more money, but is supposed to carry prestige. Yeah, does nothing for me.
 

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I mostly don't bother with these people and move on with my day. It would require for me to explain what is wrong with the education system (or any other system really) and that is usually an endeavor that is both time-consuming and unlikely to achieve anything.
 

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Question: How do you feel when someone praises you for something you aren't proud of?

I hardly like the concept of "selling myself" and advertising anyway. But it's so much worse, so much more awkward when someone else starts bragging about me and they don't even know what I'm doing.
Their praise is about how they feel about what I did, if I disagree, I thank them anyway if it is a sincere compliment because they could've just as easily not said anything and gone on with their day. Positive gestures are nice in themselves provided they are sincere.

Opinions are just opinions. If I mulled over and dissected every opinion I disagreed with I wouldn't have the mental real estate for anything else.
 

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Their praise is about how they feel about what I did, if I disagree, I thank them anyway if it is a sincere compliment because they could've just as easily not said anything and gone on with their day. Positive gestures are nice in themselves provided they are sincere.

Opinions are just opinions. If I mulled over and dissected every opinion I disagreed with I wouldn't have the mental real estate for anything else.
That was a really great post. Good job :happy:
 

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I think I've mentioned this before, but when I got my final list of grades at the end of high school my dean said I should be proud. I told him I hadn't worked for my grades, so I didn't feel proud of them.

If someone praises me for something I'm not proud of, I politely explain to them why they're wrong.
 

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When someone praises me for something I'm certain is not true, I might tell them to mind their own businesses, glare at them or just ignore them, depending on whether I feel and how long's it's been going on.
However, there are times when someone praises me for something that I haven't noticed about myself.
If it's something physical, I thank them and move on.
If it's about how I behave or think, then it often leads to more contemplation on it.

Of course, there's that undeniable fact that no matter I want it or not, a small part of me puffs his chest at the praise.
 

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I think that feeling proud about something implies that you did something you are not used doing. In your case getting good grades might be your confort zone, in my case studying hard is the opposite of it, i just tend to try hard enough if the lesson interests me.
So my grades have always been mid upper section or so with some exceptions (interesting subjects for me, mainly the ones who involeve too much research, dynamic enviornment and team work).
If you are used to your strengths, you are not going to care much for compliments (ex. lost weight after i had gained a lot when i was 19 and now im good physically but got used to it and i want to become better, so why would i need complements, i prefer the opposite since its motivational).
On the other hand you are trying to hit on a girl you like who is playing hard to get. What would you feel once you succeed?
Pride. Way more pride than grades gave you. why? Because you went and achieved something out of your confort zone.
 

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I often think I like praise, but it's not that great when it actually happens. I tend to spend more time wishing I had won rather than celebrating my other wins in other things. Compliments only matter if they're meaningful and I like the person, but usually I don't.
I get mad at myself if something was "easy" and I didn't do it perfectly and mad if something was "hard" and I didn't do it well. If it's not obvious I have some perfectionism problems, but sometimes they come in handy.
 

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I often think I like praise, but it's not that great when it actually happens. I tend to spend more time wishing I had won rather than celebrating my other wins in other things. Compliments only matter if they're meaningful and I like the person, but usually I don't.
I get mad at myself if something was "easy" and I didn't do it perfectly and mad if something was "hard" and I didn't do it well. If it's not obvious I have some perfectionism problems, but sometimes they come in handy.
Still there must be something that makes you proud when doing it. So work doesnt make you proud? Any kind of work? How about socialising? Or maybe other small things like improving your body or style.
Getting guys attention?
please tell im curious
 

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Still there must be something that makes you proud when doing it. So work doesnt make you proud? Any kind of work? How about socialising? Or maybe other small things like improving your body or style.
Getting guys attention?
please tell im curious
I'm not going to say accomplishing things doesn't feel good. It just isn't all it's cracked up to be and it doesn't usually motivate me to more, which I think is the missing ingredient.

Getting any guy's attention is a failure:laughing:

If I make a friend that's an accomplishment but that rarely happens so I have little experience to draw from.
Some compliments make me very, very proud. They're just few and far between.
 

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Sometimes it takes social praise to realize that we've exceeded our own expectations. That's when it feels good, and we get proud. When we don't exceed our own expectations, however... then of course, it's even a bit annoying when people praise you. It's not necessarily that they underestimate you, but it can feel that way sometimes too.

It also depends on whether you want affirmation or not. Sometimes I think it's good to hear "good job" by the right type of person regardless, because it cements my confidense in my abilities, even if it wasn't necessary.

Not pretending to be an expert, but there's etiquette for how to praise someone. Socializing in general. If someone only get top grades, it doesn't help saying "Wow, congratulations getting an A!", but rather try something along "I'm not even surprised at this point." Your standards/expectations of the person you're praising should be either on equal level or higher than him/herself or the praise will have little meaning. It will turn awkward because gratefulness would be insincere, and an actual sincere response would come off wrong to many, maybe make them feel like you're pretending to be in another league.

As for strictly affirmation praise, it depends more on who you are. You need to have the right type of respect to make it work. Like if you're a professional football player and you come home after a match to your wife and she tells you that you did amazing. It's comforting, but while you fully respect her in her own ways, she's an idiot when it comes to football, so it doesn't give you the same affirmation as if it was your coach doing the praise. You need to be respectable yourself in said genre - at least in terms of knowledge. Not knowing exactly what you're praising and the actual value of said achievement is what makes the praise hollow.
 

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I’m usually at a loss of what to say since it doesn’t matter; only what I think does. I, typically, just acknowledge their positive comment(s) and leave it at that.
 
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Just lap it up, or pretend to. A quick smile and a "thank you". Least effort, and they'll leave you alone.
 

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I just received my final grades for the Spring 2018 Semester. Unsurprisingly, they are all quite well. The typical thing to do is show my family, because they are going to ask anyway.

It is hard to feel proud though. I just do the work and the numerical feedback is spit out a few days later. I don't really get a whole lot of "personalized" feedback. I'm not doing rocket science either. It feels kind of odd because I'm not doing something traditional. It seems more and more that grades don't matter and it's all about the stuff one isn't doing in class. The best feedback that I have received is from English Teachers. They actually try to read, critique and think alongside the student.

Ironically, I feel more pride when I just barley make the cut. When I took a certification exam a couple of months ago, I passed by 40 points on a scale that was out of 1,000. It was relieving, it felt good to know that I did it. I wasn't concerned with having 100%. I was concerned with passing and the feeling was tremendously different. There's something about pass or fail tests that change everything.

I've come across a terrible number of envious people and arrogant people for them to be envious of. There's one guy who makes up these ridiculous stories that he hacked the Petagon. I have no doubt that he is a great programmer, he certainly has the background it seems but what's the point of these grandiose claims? Then there is this one kid who could barley explain 3 lines of code and he's out there saying, "This is guy is excellent. Look at this guy he is excellent." So on and so forth. What is with people and calling anyone who knows a thing or two an expert when they have little comprehension of what is going on?

I was arguing with this guy. I was saying that I just hated one of my classes because there was little interaction with the professor, the topics weren't very interesting, etc. He's like, "Yeah but you got an A in it, I think anyone would want that." Yeah, but I didn't learn much. I didn't do anything substainial. That's what I think it's supposed to be about, exciting and passion inducing. Not dry and uninteresting.

Question: How do you feel when someone praises you for something you aren't proud of?

I hardly like the concept of "selling myself" and advertising anyway. But it's so much worse, so much more awkward when someone else starts bragging about me and they don't even know what I'm doing.
I feel you man.
I am a doctor and I hated when people would call me "doctor"
I know I got through school and "earned the title" but I am just a dude (or dog in this forum).
I didn't think it was particularly a grand achievement - it's more like.... I think anyone could do this if they wanted to.

The most mortifying moment I remember like the back of my hand.
I was eating with a buddy of mine (I think he's an ENxP) .... I just finished graduating.
This waitress is serving us and he tells her - You know my friend is a doctor?
And she looks at me (I look young) and says - yeah right and walked away.

I was like..... dude what the fuck? Why would you do that?
He's like because you are.
I told him, yeah but throwing that out there to try to impress people is fucking cringy.
(No comments on the irony of me mentioning it in the forum, please)

But all I can tell you is stay humble man.
Work hard and pursue your goals.
Those same people that need praise to feel good about themselves are the same people who are miserable later in life when they can't get the kind they want.

At the same time I would say accept the genuine compliments people give you for your accomplishments.
It's annoying when you compliment someone and they blow you off - so at least be gracious.

I commend your focus on learning over grades.
 

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I feel you man.
I am a doctor and I hated when people would call me "doctor"
I know I got through school and "earned the title" but I am just a dude (or dog in this forum).
I didn't think it was particularly a grand achievement - it's more like.... I think anyone could do this if they wanted to.

The most mortifying moment I remember like the back of my hand.
I was eating with a buddy of mine (I think he's an ENxP) .... I just finished graduating.
This waitress is serving us and he tells her - You know my friend is a doctor?
And she looks at me (I look young) and says - yeah right and walked away.

I was like..... dude what the fuck? Why would you do that?
He's like because you are.
I told him, yeah but throwing that out there to try to impress people is fucking cringy.
(No comments on the irony of me mentioning it in the forum, please)

But all I can tell you is stay humble man.
Work hard and pursue your goals.
Those same people that need praise to feel good about themselves are the same people who are miserable later in life when they can't get the kind they want.

At the same time I would say accept the genuine compliments people give you for your accomplishments.
It's annoying when you compliment someone and they blow you off - so at least be gracious.

I commend your focus on learning over grades.

Ehm.... whats up doc?
 
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