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A lot of people consider not looking in the eyes as bad social skills and I guess soft-spoken people?
I'm pretty sure I do both of these >.>
 

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Discussion Starter #3
When I was a child and early teens I had that problem bad. People did not understand that I just could not look at people in the face. I was to shy.
 

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For me it's very context and person-specific.
I look for meaning and come to understand who the person is behind the behaviour.

Somebody being argumentative could have bad social skills, or they could have a good intellect and be very entertaining at the same time.

Somebody teasing or mocking me could be being rude, or they could be having a laugh with me, and expect the same back.

Somebody being very quiet and not engaging with me could be hostile, or they could be a little shy and need some time to warm up.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
For me it's very context and person-specific.
I look for meaning and come to understand who the person is behind the behaviour.

Somebody being argumentative could have bad social skills, or they could have a good intellect and be very entertaining at the same time.

Somebody teasing or mocking me could be being rude, or they could be having a laugh with me, and expect the same back.

Somebody being very quiet and not engaging with me could be hostile, or they could be a little shy and need some time to warm up.
That is one neat way to look at situations and people. As an INFJ can you always tell the difference in how people use these social skills? I can sometimes but not always. I am getting better with more knowledge of personality types.
 

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When I was a child and early teens I had that problem bad. People did not understand that I just could not look at people in the face. I was to shy.
I know what that's like, I had to ask my brother to go buy things cause I was too shy to face the cashier... but I'm better now :proud: still kind of shy but working on it.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
I know what that's like, I had to ask my brother to go buy things cause I was too shy to face the cashier... but I'm better now :proud: still kind of shy but working on it.
The older you get and more experiences with people will help you in coming out of some of that. Shyness is a very hard thing to overcome. I am 45 soon to be 46 years old and I still struggle with it.
 

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Not looking people in the eye is a good start. Even though it usually comes from being shy or having low self-esteem, it can often make one come across as rude, insincere, or uninterested to others. Also being unable to initiate or continue conversations can really cripple people socially. This is definitely one of my main problems. I cannot even count how many times people have started conversations with me, only to become uninterested immediately once I fail to respond appropriately, if at all. In this sense, a vast majority of my conversations consist of long, awkward pauses, which eventually culminate into me ignoring the person completely or leaving the conversation entirely. I tend to bail ASAP. I know I usually come across as snobby, which I try to justify by insisting that it's better than surrendering the fact that I'm actually dangerously shy underneath my facade of apathy. I guess you could say I have a mild form of agoraphobia.
Another one would be failing to 'read between the lines' (I don't mean this as a tirade against full-blown xSxx's, i'm just sayin). This is often called 'social ineptitude.'
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Not looking people in the eye is a good start. Even though it usually comes from being shy or having low self-esteem, it can often make one come across as rude, insincere, or uninterested to others. Also being unable to initiate or continue conversations can really cripple people socially. This is definitely one of my main problems. I cannot even count how many times people have started conversations with me, only to become uninterested immediately once I fail to respond appropriately, if at all. In this sense, a vast majority of my conversations consist of long, awkward pauses, which eventually culminate into me ignoring the person completely or leaving the conversation entirely. I tend to bail ASAP. I know I usually come across as snobby, which I try to justify by insisting that it's better than surrendering the fact that I'm actually dangerously shy underneath my facade of apathy. I guess you could say I have a mild form of agoraphobia.
Another one would be failing to 'read between the lines' (I don't mean this as a tirade against full-blown xSxx's, i'm just sayin). This is often called 'social ineptitude.'

I have this problem too. Most of the time I just don't know what to say to other people in return and let them do all that talking.
 

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Bad social skills to me is when you can't communicate your own ideas and thoughts to others. Being unable to find the right words and put them into coherent sentences. It's even worse when you don't please someone by your words.
 

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Bad social skills to me is when you can't communicate your own ideas and thoughts to others. Being unable to find the right words and put them into coherent sentences. It's even worse when you don't please someone by your words.
hahaha yeah thats one reason i began reading heavily a few years ago, vocab is key!

as well more signs of poor/weak social skills:

- not initiating conversation
- not displaying any acknowledgment of someone's being, as in nodding, or saying hello (greeting them), i guess it ties in with initiating conversation, but its a little different, you don't always have to communicate verbally.
- not asking for clarification when you don't understand something (often you think your stupid because you missed or didnt understand something being said, but then you end up looking even stupider when you have completely no idea what is being talked about anymore)
- not introducing friends who your with and dont know each other
- putting people down
- talking negatively about others
- over complementing

i donno. the list goes on...
 

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There isn't something you do that will work in all situations. It basically means being aware of your surroundings and other people and how well you can read their cues as well as communicate your ideas and insights effectively. Like decided said, it's person specific.
 

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So many people are often sarcastic, and if you can't tell when someone's being serious, that could be bad for you socially. That happens to me sometimes. It's embarrassing. Then there's the times when I'm being sarcastic and people just give me blank stares.
 

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people who are coming off as annoying than someone who's more pleasant to talk to has definitely in need of major improvements with their social skills.
 

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I've encountered a few people over the years that when you ask them a question they won't answer... One in fact wouldn't give any answer besides "I don't know," no matter what question you asked him. And it's not a language barrier or hearing issue either. This same guy wouldn't even order his own meal at a fast food place. He would tell his brother or whoever he was with what he wanted. I've never seen someone that shy or so afraid to talk to people.

Another one that I would consider bad is when people initiate a conversation and ask how you are or something about your life and then interrupt you before you can even respond and begin talking about themselves. That immediately makes me uninterested in anything they have to say.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
I think people not respecting boundaries is a bad social skill. I see this happening all the time. After a person continues to not respect my boundaries I usually get rid of them pretty fast.
 

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I think people not respecting boundaries is a bad social skill. I see this happening all the time. After a person continues to not respect my boundaries I usually get rid of them pretty fast.
Ugh... This brings back memories... A former friend would not understand that we were friends, and kept trying to push that boundary.He didn't even care that I was already in a relationship. I ditched him after several failed talks about him crossing the line too many times and too often.
 
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