That is one neat way to look at situations and people. As an INFJ can you always tell the difference in how people use these social skills? I can sometimes but not always. I am getting better with more knowledge of personality types.For me it's very context and person-specific.
I look for meaning and come to understand who the person is behind the behaviour.
Somebody being argumentative could have bad social skills, or they could have a good intellect and be very entertaining at the same time.
Somebody teasing or mocking me could be being rude, or they could be having a laugh with me, and expect the same back.
Somebody being very quiet and not engaging with me could be hostile, or they could be a little shy and need some time to warm up.
I know what that's like, I had to ask my brother to go buy things cause I was too shy to face the cashier... but I'm better now roud: still kind of shy but working on it.When I was a child and early teens I had that problem bad. People did not understand that I just could not look at people in the face. I was to shy.
The older you get and more experiences with people will help you in coming out of some of that. Shyness is a very hard thing to overcome. I am 45 soon to be 46 years old and I still struggle with it.I know what that's like, I had to ask my brother to go buy things cause I was too shy to face the cashier... but I'm better now roud: still kind of shy but working on it.
Not looking people in the eye is a good start. Even though it usually comes from being shy or having low self-esteem, it can often make one come across as rude, insincere, or uninterested to others. Also being unable to initiate or continue conversations can really cripple people socially. This is definitely one of my main problems. I cannot even count how many times people have started conversations with me, only to become uninterested immediately once I fail to respond appropriately, if at all. In this sense, a vast majority of my conversations consist of long, awkward pauses, which eventually culminate into me ignoring the person completely or leaving the conversation entirely. I tend to bail ASAP. I know I usually come across as snobby, which I try to justify by insisting that it's better than surrendering the fact that I'm actually dangerously shy underneath my facade of apathy. I guess you could say I have a mild form of agoraphobia.
Another one would be failing to 'read between the lines' (I don't mean this as a tirade against full-blown xSxx's, i'm just sayin). This is often called 'social ineptitude.'
hahaha yeah thats one reason i began reading heavily a few years ago, vocab is key!Bad social skills to me is when you can't communicate your own ideas and thoughts to others. Being unable to find the right words and put them into coherent sentences. It's even worse when you don't please someone by your words.
Ugh... This brings back memories... A former friend would not understand that we were friends, and kept trying to push that boundary.He didn't even care that I was already in a relationship. I ditched him after several failed talks about him crossing the line too many times and too often.I think people not respecting boundaries is a bad social skill. I see this happening all the time. After a person continues to not respect my boundaries I usually get rid of them pretty fast.