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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, I've heard this too many times.

Its a blunder on my part to ever think I'm "suave," I'll leave that to the NFJ's. but I do know I am graceful.

But what does it mean when people say I'm socially awkward? What does that even mean? I hear this phrase thrown at me so many times that its lost meaning. How do I fix it?
 

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I dunno, have you asked the people that say this to you to elaborate on what they mean?

I'm not sure what would constitute "socially awkward" - it would really depend on who's doing the judging, yeah?

In my case, personally, I can be "awkward" depending on my mood, the crowd, the environment, etc. I'd say I'm socially inconsistent, at least to my peers - but for me, it always makes perfect sense why I withdraw, or why I don't talk much in some situations, whereas in others I'm very sociable.

I've never been told I was socially awkward, but I've been asked "is something wrong?" a LOT in social situations. Usually when conversation goes on too long and I check out, or when the conversation turns to something I'm REALLY not interested in, and I get up and walk away... or when I just plain don't feel like joining in at all and I find something else to do.

Do you have a sense of what behavior causes your friends to call you awkward? Or is it some general overriding "dude, you're fucking awkward" kind of thing? I'm guessing you just check out of conversations when they get boring or over-long, or that you walk away from people without any warning (the way I do), which isn't necessarily awkward, it's just knowing what you like and following your instincts.

I think I just said absolutely nothing with the most amount of words possible. Yay me.
 

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I am socially awkward, lastly not because I truly am as I think I communicate just fine, but that my way of communicating doesn't fit well into societies standards. I don't like hugs whatsoever, hand shakes are fine. Hand shakes for everyone, regardless of circumstances. Also, I'm no one to carry a conversation, if you have nothing to talk to me about, don't talk to me in the first place - this can lead to awkward silence in plenty situations, while the awkwardness lies within the other persons as we're just comfortable with silence.

In return, I for one have problems to judge whether or not the person I talk to has interest in what I'm brabbling on about. Given I talk about a topic of interest to me I can just go on and on and access the topic of choice on millions of levels and viewpoints - I'm likely to not notice there was no interest until the other guy walks away, falls asleep and/or starts drooling.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Yeah my ways don't fit with society either. I'm just tired of some ENTJ spewing "DJ do you have a brain?" then all the SF's decide to add to his momentum mindlessly. The meanwhile I'm pinned in a corner telling everyone why they're retarded, and in the end I just look obstinate because I have the audacity to defend myself against 6 people.

I know when I'm moving about, doing something physical and have my attention focussed, people have all kinds of respect for me. But the second my mind starts taking over is when the Te users start blathering about how dumb I am. Its frustrating as hell. I live with a bunch of ass holes.

mental note: discredit the ENTJ, what am I thinking?
 

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Well, there's a nice saying.

"I'm not shy, I just really don't wanna talk/converse to/with you", which probably is as accurate as it gets for us most of the time. Don't you dare to say that though, else it underlines your social awkwardness. Bluntness isn't part of society's formalities of conversing.
 

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The way I've seen it, you ISTPs tend to consider a lot of actions that are considered socially normal and even required to some, completely useless and unnecessary. You're not alone at all in your dislike for small talk and other "friendly nothings," but you're just one of the few people who won't even bother to pretend to do it. I, personally, have always liked that in a person. I don't think I'm in the majority though.
 

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Next time someone says your socially awkward tell them that they talk too much but you're not complaining.

But really, I have been a quiet anti-small talk individual my entire life. Before I knew myself I tried so hard to change my "awkward social behavior". After a while, I realized this is who I am and I just avoid situations where I have to socialize too much or where I'm going to hear: hey you smile, what's wrong, are you okay? For a long time I thought there was really something wrong because everyone kept telling me that. I diagnosed myself with everything from borderline personality disorder to bi-polar depression. I finally came to the conclusion that I just don't like to have meaningless conversations and when a person tries to engage me in them I get down right nasty (this is why I thought I had BPD...I'm a bit of a lose cannon when people start to get on my nerves).

If someone were to tell me I was socially awkward I would ask them to explain what that means to them then rebut every single thing they try to apply to me.
 

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"Are you okay?" Well, I was, until you came over here asking me stupid questions! :dry:
 

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For me this almost coincides with the "Paying attention" thread in the ISTP forum. I think my lack of attention in conjunction with what I feel is acceptable (but not according to social norms) is what makes me socially awkward as well. I don't *think* I am, but I suppose looking at past experiences, I can be. Lets say I'm at a party, and I find myself in a mix group of friends I know and other friends I don't know in a circle. They all start getting into conversation into a subject I really don't care about at all. This is where either I get too bored and walk away and don't excuse myself or say anything, OR I try to change the subject matter during a pause where they probably would have still kept talking about things I don't care about.
 

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I just have to say, I find it kind of awesome that we all sort of walk away from uninteresting things, even if it's socially unacceptable.

Although I'll admit that I *consider* walking away a lot more often than I actually DO it. But it is so liberating just to go elsewhere when you no longer want to be where you are.

If that's what makes us socially awkward, fuck it. I'll take it. At least we know what we like and don't like, and we're not full of shit and fake smiles.
 

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Isn't telling someone "you're socially awkward" in itself socially awkward?

I'd like to credit myself as having social finesse. I have never told someone they were socially awkward.

I wouldn't give it too much weight, honestly. Especially if everything you do is with confidence. But I will warn you- other 'alphas' may get threatened and try to break you down because of it. When that happens, just maintain your confident stride and if necessary- hand them an apron and make them mop your floor. :wink:
 

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Yeah my ways don't fit with society either. I'm just tired of some ENTJ spewing "DJ do you have a brain?" then all the SF's decide to add to his momentum mindlessly. The meanwhile I'm pinned in a corner telling everyone why they're retarded, and in the end I just look obstinate because I have the audacity to defend myself against 6 people.

I know when I'm moving about, doing something physical and have my attention focussed, people have all kinds of respect for me. But the second my mind starts taking over is when the Te users start blathering about how dumb I am. Its frustrating as hell. I live with a bunch of ass holes.

mental note: discredit the ENTJ, what am I thinking?
DJ, what the fuck kinda friends do you have, anyway? :wink: Tell them all to suck your dick.

I guess since you live with them, they're not necessarily hand-picked friends, right? How long are you stuck there?

I've never been "picked on" (lack of a better term) like that by groups of people, at least not since middle school. But I've never had roommates, or hung out for extended periods with people I didn't intentionally choose to hang out with. I feel for ya.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
The friends of my friends are not necessarily my friends but they come along and have just as much power swaying the rest of my friends as I do. This guy manages to tell everyone how dumb I am behind my back and then everyone comes and treats me that way. Its bullshit and happens every time so I think I'm going to have to render some justice on him. The group is typically ENTJ, ESFP, ESFJ, ESFJ, ISTJ, INTJ, ISTP.

You do the math. Count the one dictator and the many sheep. The ISTP and INTJ aren't sheep though.
 

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Yeah my ways don't fit with society either. I'm just tired of some ENTJ spewing "DJ do you have a brain?" then all the SF's decide to add to his momentum mindlessly. The meanwhile I'm pinned in a corner telling everyone why they're retarded, and in the end I just look obstinate because I have the audacity to defend myself against 6 people.
This is why I don't give a rip about being more sociable/socially acceptable. When this happens to me, I usually just withdraw for a day or two, after the argument and have a "piss-off and don't talk to me" kind of attitude. If it happens more than two or three times, I usually explode and let whoever is ganging up on me have it.
 

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Ok, I've heard this too many times.

Its a blunder on my part to ever think I'm "suave," I'll leave that to the NFJ's. but I do know I am graceful.

But what does it mean when people say I'm socially awkward? What does that even mean? I hear this phrase thrown at me so many times that its lost meaning. How do I fix it?
Awkward is the opposite of suave. When people are socially awkward, they socialize in a way that seems unnatural, forced or jerky (I don't mean acting like a "jerk", I mean not a smooth succession of conversation, behavior, etc. Kind of like off-and-on, abrupt.) It doesn't seem easy or effortless. It's like you're "going through a lot of trouble" to communicate with the other person.

One example is when two people are talking and then all of the sudden, out of nowhere there's an awkward pause, and the person just stands there nodding, going "yep...." Most people just do NOT like pauses, so that will definitely get them antsy.

"Suave" differs from graceful. I think of suave as the opposite of socially awkward, whereas "graceful" is the opposite of socially *offensive*. It's knowing how to get out of weird situations in a tactful way, knowing how to diplomatically handle/say something.

My point is, you can be graceful and NOT be suave. I've seen this a lot with ISXX types.

EDIT: If it's only 6 of your friends saying this (and they're not your only friends), then it sounds like they just need to fck off and stop obsessing over you. lol
 

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I wouldn't give it too much weight, honestly. Especially if everything you do is with confidence. But I will warn you- other 'alphas' may get threatened and try to break you down because of it. When that happens, just maintain your confident stride and if necessary- hand them an apron and make them mop your floor.
Yeah, if they've got time to lean, they've got time to clean, baby.

Really though, just remember your signature quote: Hate for others is that which you hate in yourself. And so you know where they feel THEIR weakness is. THEY can't stand it when THEY are "socially awkward." Not your problem. And keep in mind this is coming from an out-and-out INFP. If I've learned anything in life so far, it's self respect. Show yourself some respect and get outta there!
 

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I once moved into students accommodation where, less than 24 hours after moving in, I heard one of the other residents going around saying I was "antisocial" and "didn't like talking to people".

So what happened? I knew no one and instead of saying hi, people just ignored me. Then again, if they judge me on the basis of what one person says, do I really want to get to know them better? :dry:

Apparently, the fact I wasn't flinging open everyone's door and shrieking "HEYYYYYYYYYYYYY IT'S ME!" made me antisocial.

Meh, perhaps I am socially awkward... for me, socialising is about as fun as watching paint dry. I'd prefer it if we just said what we wanted to say and were done with it. When I do meet someone like that, it's refreshing though weird at the same time (because so few people do it!).
 
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I catch hell for this all the time. I'm socially awkward...I know it...I'm proud of it. I never reel in the bluntness for anyone, even when I'm in Fi mode, I'm still blunt as hell. I get told all the time that this is such a bad thing, and that I really should play nice because I need people more than I realize blah blah blah. No I fucking don't. I have people in my life who love me just for my social awkwardness...I can take care of my damn self...And if I want to add someone new into my life, I want them to be just the same way. I'm not playing cowboy, that's just how I am. You don't know what I want and need, so piss off.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Yeah, if they've got time to lean, they've got time to clean, baby.

Really though, just remember your signature quote: Hate for others is that which you hate in yourself. And so you know where they feel THEIR weakness is. THEY can't stand it when THEY are "socially awkward." Not your problem. And keep in mind this is coming from an out-and-out INFP. If I've learned anything in life so far, it's self respect. Show yourself some respect and get outta there!
Yeah. Actually that seems to get the point across pretty well when I storm out of a room after glaring at them. How people can be such sheep to the alpha just baffles me. Its usually if everyone is in a bad mood, they just sorta aim it toward me because I don't fight back or something.
 

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I just have to say, I find it kind of awesome that we all sort of walk away from uninteresting things, even if it's socially unacceptable.

Although I'll admit that I *consider* walking away a lot more often than I actually DO it. But it is so liberating just to go elsewhere when you no longer want to be where you are.

If that's what makes us socially awkward, fuck it. I'll take it. At least we know what we like and don't like, and we're not full of shit and fake smiles.
I used to do this ALL the time as a kid. My parents would always yell at me for it. :bored:
 
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