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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Here we go! Type me.

1. What is beauty? What is love?

I think I can sum up beauty as inner coherence and completion. For me, if something is beautiful, it is serendipitous, like order developing itself from apparent chaos. For example, if a sentence has a deeper layer of meaning beyond the apparent, it 'rises' from its appearance so to speak and develops an essence of its own which I consider beautiful and feel a sense of mental completion with that realization. I put that deeper meaning in the sentence by writing it, making that beauty, but natural sights either portray to me an organic, not dominating (as in not asserting itself over you, but acting as a basis, environment or canvas to you), orderly balance or nourishment. But the greatest beauty I find in music. I especially like Beethoven, because he portrays such powerful, aggressive and personal emotions in his own intricate constructions. His Hammerklavier fugue exemplifies that.

For me, love is when I intensely relate to someone in a way that I feel completed by them, understanding their mindsets and situations and living those situations together. In such love, you do not see your lover 'inside' their body, as if they were a subset of their external appearance, choices and actions, but you move past those and interact with their inner essence, as their own person, not someone reducible to a member of categories.

2. What are your most important values?

Not making myself an object of attention or a toy to others, not using my intellectual depth as a tool for agendas (oh yes. I was looking at those NSA slideshows one day, and their cheesy jokes made me think how these people willingly made themselves and their robotic intelligence a slave to their institution), not reducing myself or anyone else to a willful member of a label, integrity, freedom of will, not treating subjective systems as if they were objective, real things, factuality, and fierce individualism. If, while surfing on the Internet, the current drags me to anything about identity politics or anything, I cannot get out of that situation without writing pages about it. That is how I feel I have 'defeated' that mindset.

3. Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?

I do not. I think of religion and spirituality as a universalization and reification of one's own subjectivity, which destroys the entire essence of subjectivity while relying on it to have any effect, so it cuts off the branch it is sitting on. Because of that universal subjectivity, they lead to the formation of communities and collectives, which also inhibit me by exerting psychological pressure on my self.

4. Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?

War and militaries are, to me, the result of people willingly abiding by a shared perspective, which makes them command and be commanded by others to abide by that perspective, and that commandment makes them aggressive towards the regime. They get aggressive towards people but precisely that affirms the shared perspective and they become willing slaves of one country, fighting against countries just the same as theirs. It is a pointless exercise that only makes them unthinking robots.

Power to me is being in control of the environment and objects. Seeking power over people is to reduce oneself to an object.

5. What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?

I do not get many long-term interests. I can get interested about something and immerse myself in it, but I cannot return to it in another sitting and not feel a bit out of touch.

6. Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?

I do not like to focus on my body. Even the act of shopping for clothes makes me feel self-conscious and disoriented. I can focus on my health and research about what can make me healthier in small doses, but too much makes me feel either dizzy or paranoid. So I avoid such things. I do not like to medicalize myself and I loathe people that obsess over their health, calories and general appearance, as if that will do anything.

7. What do you think of daily chores?

Boring and mindless; I only do them if it will prevent me from working otherwise. I do not go by schedules.

8. Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.

I do not read or watch movies much, simply because I do not like the discipline. What I read are mostly poem or short story compilations. I do not follow up on contemporary books.

9. What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?

Not much. I can't think of anything specific, but on average I can cry when others deride me for not caring enough, underestimate my character and treat me like shit because of their own prejudices. Those get me angry more, though. I don't smile much either, mostly because I do not get easily amazed by something I know to be real. But those I delved with in question 1 can make me smile.

10. Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?

Half asleep on my bed at 4 o'clock, in complete darkness, thinking about whatever trivial thing that drilled into my mind at that moment.

11. What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?

People do not like that I don't talk to them much. They want me to participate but I get exasperated at the idea. I do not lash at them for doing so, but it still angers me that they think I am their baby and they know what is best for me even though they don't even know me.

I dislike about myself how I want to do things and yet I give up easily, finding them too overwhelming and returning disappointed at the situation.

12. What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?

I look calm under stress and treat situations in a relatively objective and businesslike manner. This makes people think that I am meek, conscientious, disciplined and accommodating and use me for that, but I do not want to be treated that way. Yet I often take it in stride. That is mostly what I do and it has helped me so far.

I like about myself my self-awareness and knowledge. I like that I know better than to engage in stupid and self-defeating actions out of a shortsighted sense of hedonism at the moment.

13. In what areas of your life would you like help?

Strength of will and self-confidence. I am pretty confident about myself in my mind, but I would like to be able to express that in action as well.

14. Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.

There have been moments where I felt like all that I accomplished was for nothing and I tried to recover and repeat them in vain, but I don't think that's exactly a rut. I sometimes get pulled into ruts but I know enough to get myself out of them at the instant I get aware of them.

15. What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?

I like when people encourage me, but I do not like it when they do it as if they were handing out free encouragement to everyone. Support has no value when it is not felt personally. I dislike other people seeking attention, modeling themselves for others, getting their panties in a bunch for the smallest thing, dragging me along their business, patronizing me and wanting me to respect them just because they exist. I like people that stand up for themselves and do not conform, but also do not make that a big deal by creating a group of nonconformists to conform to. I like when they show those that I dislike a piece of their own weapon without being 'infected' by it. There I go getting all sappy again.

I mostly get along with irrational types. Beta rationals normally infuriate me and I find myself sometimes annoyed by ILEs.

16. How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?

I find romance insipid and sex shallow and hedonistic. I abhor the idea of hunting or being hunted for a partner.

17. If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?

I don't really know. I wouldn't obsess too much over their health, because that will only make it worse and turn the child into a decoration that requires complete attention to be perfect. I would care for them, but I would not act too authoritarian to them. I would not develop them like they were my product, but let them develop as their own person.

18. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?

Inwardly I would feel a bit tense, but it would not freak me out or anything. Outwardly I would not insult my friend, nor patronize them, but just add to them what I myself believe in. There is one reality anyway and so I find it fruitless to argue about how I believe reality is, let alone identify with it personally. My personal beliefs generally focus on how one should act, not how reality is. I consider how reality is to be a condition and its awareness, not an action that I should stand by.

19. Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.

I dislike society as a whole, and I also do not like to identify and fix social problems as if it were my duty to enforce the goodness and health of society. I don't like the pseudo-intellectual cynic opinion of people all being irredeemable stupid, simply because it feels too cheap to say that, and its subversion "we are all stupid, so let us accept that and increase our collective IQ by watching Vsauce and reading pop psychology" (I detest Vsauce as well, but that is irrelevant and I will not berate anyone for liking him, and I find the idea of popularization of science damaging, because it reduces science to neat packets, that people can consume and feel smart and complete afterwards even though they haven't learned anything, instead of sparking interest in actual thought). I am fine with people doing whatever they are doing as long as it does not bother me. If they do, though, I can tear them apart mentally by using their own contradictions and hypocrisies to destroy them. But as a social problem, I would suggest personally identifying with labels and systems and thinking something that is obviously restricted and contingent is the ultimate objective reality. That sums up my entire thoughts right now, but something else might come up later, which is later's problem.

20. How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?

A friend would be someone that accepts me for who I am and does not smother me with affection like a baby. Around them I behave comfortably, free to be myself and not have to defend it against opposition, feeling I can exist without pressure or people questioning me, being authority to me or looking down at me.

21. How do you behave around strangers?

I do not do much. I do not go out of my way to be either nice or mean to them. I do not care about pointless things like someone cutting in line. I am mostly patient and behave in a businesslike manner, only doing what I came to do and leaving. I don't like people that befriend the waiter that was assigned to serve them. I cannot think of much more, because I have been working on this questionnaire for hours, so I might very well have missed something.
 

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Discussion Starter #2 (Edited)
Anyone home?
 
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