You are exactly right. When I'm lonely it is absolutely terrible, I'm glad to know that other ENFJs can understand that. I haven't found a solution either, hopefully someone else here will post what they do.
Solutions to dark thoughts and loneliness
Hello fellow ENFJ's, this is my first post on this forum :happy:, but it is a very pressing issue for me that causes much pain and suffering.
Putting it bluntly, when I'm alone my world crumbles. I experience dark thoughts and sadness that is common in the ENFJ personality type. I will create a completely unrealistic world where I over think past interactions and realize where I've failed. I get stuck on what the other person thinks and feels (because it can never be good of course). I feel that I'm happiest when the people that I care about are happy, and in my mind when I'm alone those people are never happy and it is usually my fault. I get upset and sad, but I feel that I cannot express this to the people that I love because I do not want to appear weak to them. With that being said I'm pretty much trapped inside myself with eternal grief that makes me feel even more alone. I get to the point where I don't care about everyday life because it is almost unbearable. I think that this happens because I am unable to read how people feel when I am not with them, so my mind goes directly south...
So onto the solution... I've read about people using different distraction methods and hobbies to rid themselves of dark thoughts, but to me that is just a band aid, not a real fix. In your experiences as an ENFJ how do you "be okay" and actually stop this madness instead of running from it? Thank you very much for your insights!!
Oh and here are some happy faces to lift the mood: :crazy::crazy::happy:
:tongue::tongue:
Putting it bluntly, when I'm alone my world crumbles. I experience dark thoughts and sadness that is common in the ENFJ personality type. I will create a completely unrealistic world where I over think past interactions and realize where I've failed. I get stuck on what the other person thinks and feels (because it can never be good of course). I feel that I'm happiest when the people that I care about are happy, and in my mind when I'm alone those people are never happy and it is usually my fault. I get upset and sad, but I feel that I cannot express this to the people that I love because I do not want to appear weak to them. With that being said I'm pretty much trapped inside myself with eternal grief that makes me feel even more alone. I get to the point where I don't care about everyday life because it is almost unbearable. I think that this happens because I am unable to read how people feel when I am not with them, so my mind goes directly south...
So onto the solution... I've read about people using different distraction methods and hobbies to rid themselves of dark thoughts, but to me that is just a band aid, not a real fix. In your experiences as an ENFJ how do you "be okay" and actually stop this madness instead of running from it? Thank you very much for your insights!!
Oh and here are some happy faces to lift the mood: :crazy::crazy::happy:
:tongue::tongue:1 - 9 of 9 Posts
OMG this has been me my entire life!!
Oh, the solution... I should have one, while I kinda am over this stuff. Realize that you are wrong when it comes to always thinking the worst is true. What helped me was also accepting to make mistakes; everyone makes mistakes! So also accept you can't be perfect in social settings, while nobody is. Just be you, and that's great.
Your friends (and family?) should like you, think you are awesome, or else you got the wrong friends. When you realize, hey, they do like me very much, and really really tell yourself this to be true, then hey, what gives if I'm not always perfect? That's being human.
And maybe meditation/yoga helps too. Eat healthy maybe as well, is wise anyway, and good sleep.
Well, having read up on those two subjects.... the above, especially the bolded, are not only not your fault... They're not your problem, and you shouldn't make it your problem.
http://personalitycafe.com/enfj-forum-givers/126756-being-enfj-personal-boundaries.html
Hope this helps, friendo.
roud:Also, this article is obviously just talking about intimate relationships, but I think sooooo much of it translates into healthy and unhealthy friendships.
On one side I don't like living alone. Since my divorce it's been the first time in my life that I've lived by myself. I've always had roommates, sister, ex bfs, and ex hubby living with me. The worse times are when I decided to watch Law and Order SVU marathon and then I'm like this for the rest of the night.
![]()
In the end I'm actually handling the alone time better then I thought. I'm discovering new positive things about being in my house alone. Sliding across my wooden floors with nothing on but socks and a candle stick in hand singing my heart out I found is very liberating.
In the end I'm actually handling the alone time better then I thought. I'm discovering new positive things about being in my house alone. Sliding across my wooden floors with nothing on but socks and a candle stick in hand singing my heart out I found is very liberating.
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
