Solutions to dark thoughts and loneliness

3103 Views 8 Replies 7 Participants Last post by Glory, May 13, 2014

Shadow236

Discussion Starter · Apr 28, 2014

Hello fellow ENFJ's, this is my first post on this forum :happy:, but it is a very pressing issue for me that causes much pain and suffering.

Putting it bluntly, when I'm alone my world crumbles. I experience dark thoughts and sadness that is common in the ENFJ personality type. I will create a completely unrealistic world where I over think past interactions and realize where I've failed. I get stuck on what the other person thinks and feels (because it can never be good of course). I feel that I'm happiest when the people that I care about are happy, and in my mind when I'm alone those people are never happy and it is usually my fault. I get upset and sad, but I feel that I cannot express this to the people that I love because I do not want to appear weak to them. With that being said I'm pretty much trapped inside myself with eternal grief that makes me feel even more alone. I get to the point where I don't care about everyday life because it is almost unbearable. I think that this happens because I am unable to read how people feel when I am not with them, so my mind goes directly south...

So onto the solution... I've read about people using different distraction methods and hobbies to rid themselves of dark thoughts, but to me that is just a band aid, not a real fix. In your experiences as an ENFJ how do you "be okay" and actually stop this madness instead of running from it? Thank you very much for your insights!!

Oh and here are some happy faces to lift the mood: :crazy::crazy::happy:

:tongue::tongue:

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iamken

· #3 · Apr 28, 2014

Distracting yourself is part of it.

But it hides the true fix... and that's understanding what IS and isn't your problem.

Research personal boundaries and codependency. It's changed my life. I still struggle and I wonder if I always will... but everything you mentioned always felt like slow motion explosions around me closing in and suffocating me. And now.... it's nothing. It's so much calmer now and only really gets to me when I'm totally exhausted and drained.

So yeah. Having been where you've been and gotten out of it... that's my advice.

Then take up any hobbies that exercise solely your Ni/Se. I've noticed that works best. Fe can get us in trouble sometimes and the reason I think solo hobbies do so well is because..... it's just us. 100%.

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iamken

· #6 · Apr 29, 2014

Shadow236 said:
I will create a completely unrealistic world where I over think past interactions and realize where I've failed. I get stuck on what the other person thinks and feels (because it can never be good of course). I feel that I'm happiest when the people that I care about are happy, and in my mind when I'm alone those people are never happy and it is usually my fault. ...
I get to the point where I don't care about everyday life because it is almost unbearable. I think that this happens because I am unable to read how people feel when I am not with them, so my mind goes directly south...

Well, having read up on those two subjects.... the above, especially the bolded, are not only not your fault... They're not your problem, and you shouldn't make it your problem.

http://personalitycafe.com/enfj-forum-givers/126756-being-enfj-personal-boundaries.html

Hope this helps, friendo.

roud:

Also, this article is obviously just talking about intimate relationships, but I think sooooo much of it translates into healthy and unhealthy friendships.

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