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Somebody save me!<3

746 Views 5 Replies 2 Participants Last post by  Levi Krum
Hello! I decided to fill out the enneagram questionnaire again; this time Spades'. Though I filled one out previously, and got a wonderful answer, I'm still trying to piece myself together and I hope this new questionnaire will shed some new light. Thanks! Any thoughts on what the heck I am is welcome and appreciated!

Main Questions

1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?

Hmm, I have yet to figure this yet. There are a lot of little things that drive me, I just do not know what drives me through life. I'm looking for a lot of things (in no particular order): security, myself, other people, life itself, something to look for? I dunno, but it gets frustarting to not know!

My current search I guess is mainly focused on myself, which explains why I am so interested in Enneagram and all that jazz. I'm constantly cycling through a couple types and when I'm about to settle on one, I'll get curious and look into another! So although for the last month I've been on an Enneagram haze, and for the last few years I've been searching for an identity in general, I doubt that is my life's drive/search, and more so part of the teenage ritual of finding oneself.

2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?

I would like to accomplish a lot and live a full life, though my standards of a full lfie are probably different than most. I would like to accomplish becoming a happy, and valued person. Career wise, I want to be a fiction author, and in a perfect world I would have many bestsellers and be an inpiration for others :) Becoming an inspiration for others would be an amazingly beautiful accomplishment in my life as well!

3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?

Mmmm I would absolutely hate to be seen as a rude, critical, unaccepting, intense jerk to other people. I don't want to seem selfish and arrogant (though I may feel confident or even be a little self-righteous on the inside). I don't want to be uninteresting or boring either. OH, and I would REALLY hate being unfunny or unentertaining (but mostly unfunny). I thrive of of humor! I also avoid being serious, almost 99% of the time. In all honesty, it bothers me when I don't throw in an emoticon or use too many . in my typing because I feel like I might come across as too serious. There are sometimes when I try to be serious and people won't listen and I wish they could take me seriously for a second, but overall I think it's better, at least for myself, to have a humorous and possibly relaxed approach to life.

I find humor and light-heartedness great values in other people, though not nesscary, as some of my good friends were very serious and pessimistic people! But anyway, I value acceptance to extreme extents. It annoys me a lot when other people exclude or discriminate others. Then of course I value the usual stuff like honesty, determination, patience, common sense, creativity, uniqueness, warmth (figuratively wise, though I guess I value warm temperatures too), loyalty, selflessness, certainly modesty, intelligence to an extent, ambition, innocence, bravery, and I guess all of the other 'good' traits one can have.

4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
Hmm oh I'm afraid of a lot of things! Although I don't think stink bugs, aliens, theme park rides, and that kind of stuff will really help you type me ^.^;

You could say I fear intimacy~ I really don't want to be too close to another human being emotionally. I love my friends and family, don't get me wrong, but I'm just uncomfortable with the idea of having such an intense connection to another person. I don't like expressing deep emotions to somebody else, I feel a little uncomfortable but at the same time flattered when someone shares their deep emotions with me. It's just... 0.0 Why? It's hard to explain. I wouldn't say 'cuz I'm afraid they will hurt or abandon me', even though that's a reason I hear a lot for why other people fear intimacy. It's just I feel like I'm 'made' to be 1 person. I feel like I can deal with my own problems internally, maybe get some help and support from my feelow beings, and then be fine. Don't think I 'do not need' others either, because I really do!! It's that I'd rather have them in other places than my intense internal emotions.

5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I want to be seen as fun, free, funny, happy, modest, and unique by others. I'd like people to see me as a trustworthy friend, who can help them and overall just have a fun time with them :) I'd like others to see me as my own person, who is preferrably like no other. I'd like to be a refreshing personality for people. Oh, and don't forget the whole inspirational thing I talked about before :)

I see myself as a lot of these things, although maybe to a lesser extent. I see myself as different than others in a good way (but to be fair I see everyone as 'different'). I see myself as happy, certainly! I see myself as fun and free! I see myself as a lot more arrogant on the inside than I am on the outside though... I see myself as a lot of things though, and it worries me because I wonder if all of them are really 'me'. Which leads me to filling out these questionnaires! Hopefully this time will get more answers!

6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I feel my best when I feel accepted, loved, appreciated, and overall welcomed, especially if it's for who I really am. I love love love to get compliments, although I will never go fishing for compliments because I find that really shallow! I also feel my best when I get these extreme waves of creativity and I can spit out ideas so easily and innovatively.

I feel the worst when I am socially rejected and unwanted. I hate the feeling!!!! I also feel awful when I am misunderstood by others and am seen in a wrong way. It's just... a gross feeling. I hate appearing bad, wrongful, rude, boring, and unappealing, and when I do feel these things I feel the worst. I also hate when somebody is mad at me, even if they don't really have a reason for it... It's just frustrating! I am extremely senstive to guilt so even in cases where it is not due, I may feel guiltier than needed.

7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; I have an awkward approach to anger. I'll usually be passive with it, and hold it in for a little while until I can get to an area where I can freak out in private. That's only in the worst cases though! With just normal anger I just swallow it down and maybe walk with a little more stomp in my step, belittle and make fun of people in my mind, and then after like 10 minutes I'll be fine and feel bad :) of it's fun! b) shame; I do what the all image types do and try to compensate for it. Although it can get confusing with how I go about it, as I will adapt and act in a way that is appropriate for the situation. Generally though, I try to win people back over to my side. Other times I tell myself that its okay, I'm fine the way I am, there's nothing to be ashamed of, and embrace my inner 4. Most of times it's a frantic mix between the two. A lot of the time I may nervously make fun of myself for a little bit over whatever the shame is coming from so people will think I don't care and it's all good, when in my mind I'll be freaking out :( Even more fun! c) anxiety; I will flutter around nervously, I have the bad habit of pacing too. I might busy myself with something else, and I try to focus on the 'when it's over' kind of view. It's optimism at its best work! That's really all I can think of over anxiety o.o

8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; Mm, I might get angry again for a little bit and go through that whole cycle. I might force some relaxtion time in somewhere, just so I can breathe. And after it's all done I will take even more to heal. Stress also makes me really nervous, a little anxious, and brings some neurotic feelings out. But not too bad, I also remember to look to the 'when it's over' in these situations too. b) unexpected change; Well at first I might inwardly thrive off of the drama, as sometimes I like a little spice, but generally I'll just go along. If it's bad, I may withdraw into myself to take it all in. If it's good change, I'll probably be estatic! Yay! c) conflict. I know I just said I like a little drama, but I also hate conflict. It's strange. But anyway, I will probably try to compromise it to some point and attempt to regain peace. Especially if it's another person. Although there are some situations where I might be really stubborn, stick my feet down and say NO. And I become a pretty hard wall to knock down then! :) But that's only more extreme cases.

9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; Authority is authority! I will respect and cooperate with them happily as long as they deserve it and are reasonable. If they're really rude and irrational, I will still probably cooperate and go along, just with a little more friction and a sneer or two involved. b) power. How do you respond to these? Power is something I want and don't want. I don't really want control or power over other people, I would just like to inspire, sway, and leave a good mark on others. But no real power, like I would hate being President so much (just a random example)! I feel I'd mess up and end up causing the world to blow up or something. I'd rather just have power solely over me... And I guess kids if I ever have them one day o.o

10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
Humanity: So-so. I feel like at some points humanity is really amazing and other times I'm sadly dissapointed. I think we'll work out our problems though eventually! I'm just not sure how long it will take and what more things will go wrong beforehand... But still, there are a lot of amazing people out there. Everyone's a good person, it just depends on what they do with their goodness.

Life: Though over-used, Life is like a roller coaster! But this is one roller coaster I actually love to ride. i think good and bad is unavoidable with life. You will have good days at some point and bad days and at some point. Although it's better to focus on the good more, because you'll end up happier and have a better influence on others and make them happier and the chain continues. Though I struggle with it sometimes, I also think savoring life is more important. Get the most out of your experiences! Appreciate every second of life, even the bad! And live life the way you want to! YOLO! (I kid)

Optional Questions

11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.

12. Comment on your relationship with trust.

I feel honored when others trust me, however I rarely fully trust others. I'd rather deal with problems on my own, just with the support of others :) like I said before!

13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.

14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?

15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?
Insults: I'd be like "Oh wow, umm" on the outside, be "whatever, they're such a jerk and I am not like that, I don't even care what they said, whatever" on the inside, and be like "OMG I can't believe that! I AM SO OFFENDED" on the deeper inside and my soul will start to cry.

Compliment: I'd be flattered, happy, and a little surprised through and through! I might compliment them back or say a gracious "Thank you!" with a smile and wonder if I showed enough graditude.

16. What's something you are: a) thankful you have; Everything! I am honored to have the things I do have, even the flaws and imperfections of my life. b) wish you could have? Why? Hmm, I wish I could have knowledge that my whole life will be good and as painless as possible. Though I would probably not change anything about myself, life, or anything :)
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Feel free to give any thoughts~~~ I could use the help!
You wrote nicely on my questionnaire and I thought I would read through yours. This sounded very sevenish to me. There is the upness throughout and the laughs, and not wanting to be close to others, but to kind of skate through, and be happy. I wasn't sure how old you are. Does seven sound about right? I thought you were right about me being four. I'm trying to incorporate more oneish principles now. But I'm pushing sixty for heaven's sake! I wasn't able to do much in terms of subtype but I think it's SP because they are the ones who most want to be by and for themselves. So I'm going to say SP7! Bingo. Peace to you and best wishes. Problemx.
Thank you for responding to my post! :)

That's ironic that you suggest 7 to me because I never fully considered 7 just as you never had with 1 before I suggested it to you! Haha, but yes I do have that lighthearted 7ish mindset, and I'm gonna go read more about 7s right after this! :) SP sounds right as well; I know I'm certainly not SX and I was just sorting out if SP or SO is my dominant.

I'm glad to hear your Enneagram exploration is going well; it's never too late to find out! Haha, thank you very much for your answer!
It's possible to go around and around on this material. Part of the problem is that once you apply a designation the evidence begins to drop into place. And we all have so much of the various "types" in us. So once you place a framework on yourself, the evidence begins to help make the frame look correct. It's very hard to figure this out without outside help. Most of the people who know me well swear that I am a five. I think that it's important to have people who know you very well help to frame you. This kind of thing is very difficult to do. I definitely did get an SP vibe from your piece, and felt that the upness that you need so much describes a seven. But this is again something that could have to do with what you are going through on a specific day. Peace to you.
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That was very well said! I agree 100%, the lines between Enneagram types begin to blur the more you think about it so it might be best to get as much exterior help as possible!

Thank you very much :) I think 7 is deffinetly my mind type as far as tritypes go, so we'll see where that takes me :)
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