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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
How have you overcome experiences of being bullied in past/present, as an INFJ?

For example, being bullied to believe there's something wrong with you for not matching up to unrealistic societal ideals/being bullied to believe you're ugly, stupid when it was irrational bullying, other stuff, etc.

You can answer any way you wish.
 

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To tell you the truth I sulked, I wondered what was wrong with me, but now I wonder what they have to laugh about. If someone says something about me or laughs at me, I've learned to sulk for a couple minutes and then think about what just happened. Once I think, I realize that nobody has the right to laugh at me and I'm not going to think something's wrong with me because of it. Yes, I've been bullied all my life: I was a ginger, my mother was a drug addicted schizophrenic, my father was a drug addicted alcoholic, I was raised by my elderly grandfather, I was shy and nerdy, I'm gay, etc.
When I was a little kid I'd sit for hours wondering what was wrong with me and why did whoever is "the higher power" give me this life. Then I realize that nobody has the right to laugh at me or say anything to me, I am who I am and I'm damn proud. I resisted the temptations to give up on life, even when every single thing was against me (and trust me it basically was). I resisted drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, parties, and whatever else could disrupt my life. I may have been dealt some of the worst beginnings, but the rest is and was up to me. I can sulk and cry all day or I can live, laugh, and love. I chose the latter. I've always been very resilient, it's one of my strongest features. Knock me down, and I'll stay down for a while, but then I'll get back up just as strong as before.
People have called me an amazing person, blah blah blah, but really I'm not, I'm just a normal person like everyone else. Just because I choose to live my life and fight for that life doesn't mean I'm amazing, it just means I'm strong. Being strong is something everyone can do, not something limited to certain people. So, when I'm laughed at or made fun of, I stand high because I know that even with everything against me I am a good person who fights everyday. Sometimes you just need to take pride in yourself and your accomplishments, and realize that whatever anyone says doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that you know that you do the best you can do.
Sorry for the deep and long winded response, it was the best way I could think to respond.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
To tell you the truth I sulked, I wondered what was wrong with me, but now I wonder what they have to laugh about. If someone says something about me or laughs at me, I've learned to sulk for a couple minutes and then think about what just happened. Once I think, I realize that nobody has the right to laugh at me and I'm not going to think something's wrong with me because of it. Yes, I've been bullied all my life: I was a ginger, my mother was a drug addicted schizophrenic, my father was a drug addicted alcoholic, I was raised by my elderly grandfather, I was shy and nerdy, I'm gay, etc.
When I was a little kid I'd sit for hours wondering what was wrong with me and why did whoever is "the higher power" give me this life. Then I realize that nobody has the right to laugh at me or say anything to me, I am who I am and I'm damn proud. I resisted the temptations to give up on life, even when every single thing was against me (and trust me it basically was). I resisted drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, parties, and whatever else could disrupt my life. I may have been dealt some of the worst beginnings, but the rest is and was up to me. I can sulk and cry all day or I can live, laugh, and love. I chose the latter. I've always been very resilient, it's one of my strongest features. Knock me down, and I'll stay down for a while, but then I'll get back up just as strong as before.
People have called me an amazing person, blah blah blah, but really I'm not, I'm just a normal person like everyone else. Just because I choose to live my life and fight for that life doesn't mean I'm amazing, it just means I'm strong. Being strong is something everyone can do, not something limited to certain people. So, when I'm laughed at or made fun of, I stand high because I know that even with everything against me I am a good person who fights everyday. Sometimes you just need to take pride in yourself and your accomplishments, and realize that whatever anyone says doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that you know that you do the best you can do.
Sorry for the deep and long winded response, it was the best way I could think to respond.
"Everything needs support, even if it's only a trunk, one that's only narrow and short." ~Self

I hope you don't mind me saying, just saying this quote you posted is nice and insightful :]
 

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Bullying myths

Bullying can happen to anyone, anywhere any time and any place. Not just in High school.

Bullies are not always cowards, they can be dangerous and physical retaliation is not always the best idea.

Bullies don't always have problems or self esteem issues but mostly are just A holes anyway, Regardless do not feel sorry for them.

You have nothing wrong with you for being bullied even those you see as strong and tough can be bullied. Bullies bully for the stupidest of reasons.

I think the best thing to do about it is to always TELL SOMEONE. Someone that you trust, whether you tell a parent, coworker, teacher, sibling, friend just don't suffer on your own it's not cowardly to fight back a bully in groups with a support unit around you. In severe cases go to the police.

The only time the 'toughen up' approach applies is when the person is name calling you which is still hurtful, but ignore it cause there opinion of you has no worth. Laugh in the other persons face about their menial comments of you, show you couldn't care less about them.

There is A LOT of information on this website which may be useful

http://www.bullyonline.org/action/action.htm

As well as on my countries national health service website

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/workplacehealth/Pages/bullyingatwork.aspx

My countries public service website also has information and advice on bullying in school

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/YoungPeople/HealthAndRelationships/Bullying/DG_10031370
 

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I rode my llama far, far away from life.

bahaha, no but really, I overcame all my bullying incidents by simply moving on. However, "simply" was not always simple. I'd like to believe that people sometimes got to hit rock bottom, darkest of the dark, to finally realize their own value and to finally find their happiness.
 

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It's strange, but bullying doesn't bother me because I typically agree with what's being said. Usually, agreeing with someone who says bad things about you would make you feel worse, but in my case I have come to terms with my negative qualities. So someone going up to me and calling me a piece of crap is like me telling you you have hair. I'm just like "Yea, what's your point?" My lack of interest in what they say usually makes people stop bugging me anyway.
 

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Bullies are not always cowards, they can be dangerous and physical retaliation is not always the best idea.
During my school days I was always somewhat bemused when I heard you should confront a bully due to them being cowards inside. I know for a fact that if I had confronted any of the bullies at my school I would have been beaten into next Tuesday, and then when I woke up beaten into the following Thursday. Not that I was bullied, but they were around and their presence was felt.
 

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I fought back. When I was younger, it was a lot of retaliating against bullying (though reckless/uncontrolled), but now I have the confidence to disregard people's ideals of me. I know I don't fit in in every way but who cares? They don't have any idea who I am, I don't have enough of my precious time to waste on them.

When it all comes back around, I'll prove them wrong, I'll show them who will stand on top of the world.
 

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I've processed some of my experiences being bullied in therapy, and I've worked with it on my own. (Mostly through writing my feelings towards it out.) My subconsciousness has processed a lot of it, through dreams. I feel a lot stronger and more mature now, at 34. And I notice all the time that I tend to be very sensitive about what other people say to me - I practice being aware of it when it happens, and to tell myself not to take everything so personally.
 

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when i was picked on when i was young id just stay quiet and take it but then i reached high school and was a drug addicted infj. i didnt take any type of criticism lightly. Everyone knew that so they didnt mess with me plus most people liked me but every once in a while someone new would show up thinking i was an easy target because im nice, i wasn't. As i was pretending to listen to the jerk i would identify any flaws i could and lash right back at him only ten times harder and make them look completely retarded. Honestly i didnt like doing that but it made me kind of cool with my peers and it got people to leave me alone. Now older i don't deal with that immature behavior too often i cant even remember the last time i was picked on.
 

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Very badly, had terrible self esteem issues to the point that even employers and educators would assume lack of ability or non understanding just because I was either so quite or learning to conceptualise ideas with Ni more.

This all changed 3 years ago once I started to give passions, intellect, empathic caring for others and my own thoughts more free reign to the point where I began to feel more comfortable calling BS and revealing inner complexities more (even if many still may not often relate to depth of character).
 

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I was never bullied by peers, looking back, I was always invited in, invited to hang around, but mostly chose not to get too involved. Looking back, it has always been family that were the most hateful, bullying and evil. I don't know why that was, I guess they didn't know what love was and had their own issues to deal with (or ignore, I should say). I haven't seen any of them for many, many years, so I don't ask them why, and I'm sure they don't know either.

How have I overcome?
I'm not entirely sure, and if I knew I would probably have a difficult time explaining it.
I think the core (soul/spirit?) of me was protected somehow, while the outer took the
physical, emotional, and metal blows.

I've had spiritual experiences that are difficult to put into words, and would either scare people,
open myself to mocking, or just repel people, but I know they were real, because I lived through them. Although I may sound crazy, or behave in an eccentric way that even I question sometimes, the facts remain clear. I'm still here, and living the American dream.

The simpilest way I can explain how I overcame, is that I had help. When I was three, I became very aware of this help, I began to listen to my helper more than people.

When I listened to my helper, things turned out fine, even if it was dark and painful, or I got myself a little lost at times. I didn't know much about my helper, except his voice. I started to ask questions and to seek. I came across a Bible one day, and began to read, and realized that the people who wrote it knew about this helper too. It began to make sense, little by little, the more I studied the more I understood who my helper was. The stories fit my experience, weird stories, but I wasn't alone anymore, there were others who knew too. Life became exciting and I learned I could talk to the voice and hear better too. I followed the voice here.

I think some members here might call this voice introverted intuition, or something like that.
I call this voice my best friend. My best friend told me His name was Jesus.
 

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I fought back when it hit a certain point. I was really quiet in school (still am...) and I was an easy target because I never did anything. After it went on for so long, I'd fight back. It was a terrible way of doing things and I knew it was. I just didn't know how else to handle it. Why the hell would I tell the teacher? I'd be a squealer. In my mind, the best and only way to get out of it was to fight force with force.

The best thing you can do is stand up for yourself when confronted. There's also no shame in carrying pepper spray or something just in case. Don't let them walk all over you because it will only get worse.
 
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I was only directly bullied in grade school but last year friends would sometimes tell me "I saw X, Y and Z mess around with your poster" or stuff like that. I didn't really do anything because I didn't want to confront them about it, also I wondered if my friends were saying the truth(my best friend in grade school would always tell me made up bad things about people whom she saw me get along okay with to prevent us from getting closer) which was ridiculous because it would always be different friends.

I always felt very hurt when I heard about it though and since then I always assume people talk behind my back. That's why I'm trying to keep distance to anyone in my class who hasn't been my friend from the start.

EDIT: If I think about it, some things my mother used to tell me (and still says sometimes) are similar to the things bullies usually tell kids ("you smell" a few hours after I've showered, "don't eat all that, you're already fat" and a mocking "oh, you're dieting?" when I didn't eat all of my food). However, despite the fact that it hurt(s) me a lot, I've never seen it as bullying. I saw it as a mother's right to criticize their child and since my mother has quite a history of depression, I've started to see it as normal.
 

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Some idiot who had a crush on me (I am 100% sure) kept calling me fat, stupid, among other things. He would literally just sit there or follow me around and make up all these horrible metaphors about how fat I was.
I dealt with it horribly. I cried. I really did. And I had NT friends that sat there, paralyzed. (Greaaaat friends, really. >_>) I don't even know how I made it through, I guess I just made it a point to follow one of my friends around all the time so the guy would stay away. Eventually he stopped. But he never apologized.

This other guy, who goes to another district, used to attend some of the tennis camps I went to and he would bully the crap out of me. But he was clever about it, and he never got caught. He would say mean things about me, he would boast about himself, he would hit and bump me with his racket, and at one point he even ninja-kicked my butt (literally.)
I cried. Again. :rolleyes:
I never really found a way to deal with it. Fortunately my mom actually understood this and keeps me away from those camps, so I barely ever see him, but when I do, I just flip out, because he is so clever about how he bullies me that he always gets away with it.

When I was younger, these other idiots that sat behind me in orchestra would poke at my sweater and at my butt (again, literally) with their bows. I should have reported them earlier, but I did eventually and at least they stopped.

Really, at my age and district, a report to the right staff member can keep small cases of bullying away, or at least you can get some kind of consolation. Otherwise I usually just vent to my friends about it and get a hug. I've learned not to take bullying too personally and to just get up from it, because no matter what some jerk does every once in a while, I still have my friends who I know appreciate me.
 

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I didn't cope. I have depression and other issues about self worth. I'm a smart person, but I feel the need to be perfect, to rise above all of what is keeping me down, but it's rhetoric I've never acted on, mainly because I know the standards are too high and it's draining enough to want to aspire to them and know I cannot meet them.

Bullies are pathetic, doesn't stop them from affecting everyone with their toxic and putrid behaviour.
It's different altogether from fitting in, but I found that I became more removed when I was experiencing it and less able to talk to people about what I was experiencing. Bullies win when you feel isolated and helpless, if you cannot confront the person, at least try to be successful, maintain good relationships with others. "The best revenge is a good life" ~ The Talmud
 

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When someone bullies me and opens up that avenue. . .

If someone is talking/snickering behind my back, or subtly messing with me (coward bullies), I generally approach them straight on, get right in their face with a icy smile and start asking direct questions and laughing softly without breaking eye contact and that tends to scare them enough for them to apologize or back down.

At my work, there was a guy who kept making fun of me with snide comments every time I joined the group conversation. So eventually, he interrupted me and I took a step to him, looked him dead in the eyes.

"I'm sorry, I was having a private conversation with my friend. Is that a problem for you? "

"Uh. . . no" *Although taken a bit aback, He laughs derisively*

*I raise the harshness of my voice a bit* "Okay, because I'm trying to talk here. I'm not trying to get interrupted or make some stupid joke." *Cold smile*

"Yeah whatever. . ."

*I take a step towards him, cock my head and narrow my eyes*

"Uh huh. Whatever." *He shrinks back*

*He retorts* "What are you, a tough guy?"

"Damn right. What the fuck does that make you?" *Wink followed by Excited grin*

If anything, I find being bullied fun (like a sort of game) because I laugh at their attempts to do damage to me (I don't really care for the opinions of most people, especially enemies), and I counter-attack wherever weakness can be found with a meticulous, happy-go-lucky rationality, like a game of chess.

Of course, I am the first to forgive. The game isn't fun anymore when someone stops trying to attack. That workmate who I chewed out ended up being friendly with me in just a few days and now we're cool.

If they get frustrated and resort to violence, I'm stronger than I look and Jiujitsu has saved me a few times already.


Jiutjtsu works for me because I don't really get angry when I fight. I get very calm and time tends to slow down.

The bullies I have encountered never really affected me because I am my own biggest bully. Nothing they ever said was something I hadn't already said to myself. In one sense, that fact completely strips the external bullies of power over me.
Pretty much this. I pour over myself looking for my weaknesses and irrationalities. If a bully finds one for me, I'm thankful, if anything, not hurt.

This tends to confuse them.

I know I'm not perfect and I try to improve every day.
 
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