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MOTM Jan 2014
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Sp types are known to keep their problems close to the chest. I am inviting you to unload anything you desire. It can be about issues you feel are related to Sp, or anything else on your mind. Sp doms may confess, as well as Sp seconds or Sp lasts who feel for any reason that this thread is a good place to unload something.

~ No topic is off limits. Your own limit is the limit. ~​
 

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Lotus Jester
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Thanks for making this thread, @Animal.

My emotions are just all over the place right now but it's in a good way but I'm still reeling.
 

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glad to be rid of people who could literally classify as insane--and i mean literally, as they attempt to laugh manically while intermittently unclothing themselves while they cut themselves, to then jump back on their medicine and be able to represent an image so "happy/nice" that no one would ever believe the former... i don't understand the choice of spouses/lovers for some people... unless they are your child, or y'all'ave been married for years and years, a person just isn't worth that, ever. if they actually wanted to be better, they'd make an effort, and not give into whatever crazy-ass childhood trauma they've romanticized with you now in the picture... people.


i think the last straw for the other person was when she was left stranded in the middle of nowhere, inebriated, on a median without a light in sight... sounds bad, but it did then allow others to step in and more or less end everything for her. the guy then went ballistic--on her--then hid, then put on his manipulative-crazy act for the cops, then hid some more... kunt... it's okay though. i have most of his stuff that's pretty important to him, and all he has to do is come and get it, but he never will, so we now have all these cool things to enjoy, :happy:...


long story short though:

i have a stable living condition now (yay!). one of my jobs will be moving me up pretty soon (fine-dining, "yes sir's" and "no ma'am's" and elegant spinning pirouettes while i pour someone water and pretend to kiss their ass--oh my!), so i can lose the other two... then, things'll be calm enough to work out the logistics of my pre-clinicals again, and i'll be making enough to pay out of pocket for school if the complications of hours vs random government strictures fail me... and everything is turning green, light on the tops of the trees and dark and rich in the canopies, outside my window, and everything is just looking so beautiful. :)
 

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Hm, I think there was already a venting thread for Sp (and I considered bumping it), but ah well.

I can barely form any coherent thoughts for this topic, though, even though I think I'm an Sp-dom... of course, sometimes I have to wonder if I'm actually an Sp-last who is just idealizing the Sp-instinct or something, like Fasc or however his name is spelled who keeps starting threads about his blindspot, except I don't think it's his blindspot. I don't think it necessarily makes much sense to idealize your blindspot anyway. Maybe your second instinct. Either way though, Sp-dom makes the most sense overall, because I'm only really happy when I can get away with being selfish. Uhm, there was more to it than that, but I got distracted. >_>
 

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Is it really an sp thing to keep matters close to the chest?

Huh.
 

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MOTM Jan 2014
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11,128 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Is it really an sp thing to keep matters close to the chest?

Huh.
Not sure. It's a thing I've heard many times, but I won't speak for every Sp dom. Also who knows.. it might be one of those enneagram community rumors. :D
 

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Here's a rant/confession: I have trouble making valuable connections with others. I meet people, but things never seem to go any further. I'm not a bad conversationalist, but I might be too good at controlling where a conversation goes. Most conversations I have with people usually become long one-sided monologues where I ask the questions and the other person just talks about him or her self at length.

I've tried bringing myself back into the conversation before, but it usually doesn't result in much; other people don't engage with me the way I engage with them (in short, I don't get asked any questions back).

I've just spent nearly two months meeting up with a group of men and women on a weekly basis for social things. To put it plainly, I haven't connected with anyone and I'm starting to think my time is better spent elsewhere than having to see how conversationally flexible I am every time the topic turns to something I don't relate to

Add to this issues with vulnerability and I feel like my social life is kind of a mess sometimes. I have two close friends, but they live out of state. I have casual friends, but we have only have about 2-3 topics we can traverse every time we meet.

If I wernt extroverted this would be less of an issue. But I do like people and I would like to get to know more people on a good level. But I'm not sure where to start.


Note, may delete this later for being way too rambly.

There, @Animal . You happy now? I'm not holding things so close. *sits down in a corner and stares at a wall*
 

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If I wernt extroverted this would be less of an issue. But I do like people and I would like to get to know more people on a good level. But I'm not sure where to start.
Hobbies work for me. I try to weave in getting to know new people with activities I enjoy. It just feels a more natural way of getting of new friends.

I confess though, I'm horrible at keeping up friendships if we don't have some regular activity to do together, or if I don't see some use in it.
 

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Subterranean Homesick Alien
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I feel genuinely surprised when i've had a huge emotional impact on anyone, sometimes I'm astounded I have any effect at all. I mostly feel powerless when it comes to people. When I see someone in pain, I assume I won't be able to help them, though I try in my clumsy ways and I've been able to do it before. It just truly surprised me. Someone's told me my writing makes them shake sometimes. Even making people really angry, I feel dumbfounded as to how it happens. When someone's angry at me or leaving me, I feel as if I'm powerless to get them back, so I freak out

I do want to effect people, though. Especially in the way of making them shake with my writing, I want to get to peoples' souls that way. I want to feel as if I'm not perpetually open to other people hurting me in a way I couldn't hurt them or in a way I couldn't fix. I want to feel as if I know exactly how to help people who are in pain too. It only happens sometimes, rarely, and it's just when I'm being really intuitive because I'm in a weird mood

I know it doesn't really have anything to do with sp, I just wanted to express it somewhere
 

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MOTM Jan 2014
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Discussion Starter · #11 · (Edited)
@Pilot

I am admittedly a bit strange about asking people questions. I don't like to pry and I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable like I am digging them for information. Part of this is that I'm not good at small talk type questions. My sp1 mother asks questions like, where do you live? Do you like it? My questions tend to be: What do you dream about? Do you find it difficult being homosexual in this area? How did you feel when your mother died? Etc. Not the kind of things you can ask without annoying the crap out of people, but those are the only things I really want to know, because I am interested in who the person is on a deeper level. Minutia goes in one ear and out the other. I don't know geography, I don't remember the names of cities, I don't remember which universities teach what and why some are considered prestigious. In essence, I don't give a flying fuck. What I want is their dreams, their soul, their regrets, their pain, their hopes. I also don't care to waste my time telling them my shoe size, where I shop or what I think about some celebrity that I've likely never heard of. I'd rather watch grass grow than talk about that stuff, whether it's me talking or them. So.. given the way I am.. I just pour out my own soul, and hope the other person will open up as well, at their own pace.
 

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To unleash the crazy or not to unleash the crazy?

Screw it:

I've been seething for the last few days over a new idea: I can't destroy my standards for myself, not without feeling like I'm committing some self-betrayal or self-denigration. So I only have one option left - meet those standards. It's going to take a crap load of work, considering I basically want perfection (in my own fashion and with regard to what I think is important)...but I don't know where else to go. And given I'm awful at actually working and doing things, especially when there's just so much and not a whole lot of time...yeah. Pass the chocolate pretzels and let's see what's on Youtube.

Also, I need to go back to posting in my own damn type forum, I keep bugging the Fours lately, probably because much of what I find there is so much more relatable than most stuff written for Nines, to me at least, right now. One major difference being "genuineness"; I'm not even sure what the real me is anymore. I know what I want to be, and I have a fuzzy idea of what I am (and a rather poor opinion of it), and I can see that great, yawning gap between the two states. That gap is what matters most.

Yep, this got emo as heck and has fsck-all to do with my sp-lead, but yeah.
 

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@Pilot

I am admittedly a bit strange about asking people questions. I don't like to pry and I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable like I am digging them for information. Part of this is that I'm not good at small talk type questions. My sp1 mother asks questions like, where do you live? Do you like it? My questions tend to be: What do you dream about? Do you find it difficult being homosexual in this area? How did you feel when your mother died? Etc. Not the kind of things you can ask without annoying the crap out of people, but those are the only things I really want to know, because I am interested in who the person is on a deeper level. Minutia goes in one ear and out the other. I don't know geography, I don't remember the names of cities, I don't remember which universities teach what and why some are considered prestigious. In essence, I don't give a flying fuck. What I want is their dreams, their soul, their regrets, their pain, their hopes. I also don't care to waste my time telling them my shoe size, where I shop or what I think about some celebrity that I've likely never heard of. I'd rather watch grass grow than talk about that stuff, whether it's me talking or them. So.. given the way I am.. I just pour out my own soul, and hope the other person will open up as well, at their own pace.
I feel the same way. Glad to know I'm not alone in that. :)
 
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I struggle with making friends. The thing is, I deeply desire social connection. I tell people I'm the most introverted extrovert I've ever met. My husband is completing graduate school in a couple of weeks, and we will be relocating for his job. I'm worried I will be too incompetent to make new friends, (lol). I just feel like the world is dictated by SO-instinct rules, and I miss the mark every time. I think developing new friendship feels especially SO-dom territory; & it makes me insecure and anxious. People tend to love me or hate me, and sometimes I'm too sensitive to take the hate.

I just hope I find "my people". :laughing:

Sometimes I wish I was better at SO-dom type things. Anyone have any relocation/friendship-making advice?
 
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[Double Post]

Apologies! :tongue:

The Personality Cafe website has been driving me bonkers today! Anybody else experiencing issues?
 

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Looking at some previous comments, I can't connect with people either. I just don't know how...but on a deeper level, I've realized, I think I'm afraid to. Afraid of what they're going to think when they see what I actually am - whatever it is. It kind of ties into my first post - this creeping belief that I can't even try to get close to anyone until I've molded myself into some perfect ideal that will actually be worth people's time....and that I actually like and approve of...

I hide a lot. No idea if this has to do with being a self-pres lead, a Nine, or a self-pres Nine. Ask me what I'm interested in and I'll hem and haw and try to change the subject - I have interests, some of which border on passions, I'm just too ashamed to admit to them. I find questions about favorite things - food, music, activities - extraordinarily uncomfortable, embarrassing, and even frightening. Not because anything I like or do is bad, necessarily. I guess I just expect some kind of rejection to result from exposing my self like that.

It's kind of tiring, hiding so much. Especially because from what I can tell, it's mostly internally based: no one but myself is telling me I'm crap. Yet if anything, that internality makes it that much more real, more legitimate than if it were just someone else saying it.

Wow, I'm in a venty mood today. Alright then...
 

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Subterranean Homesick Alien
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@Pilot

I am admittedly a bit strange about asking people questions. I don't like to pry and I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable like I am digging them for information. Part of this is that I'm not good at small talk type questions. My sp1 mother asks questions like, where do you live? Do you like it? My questions tend to be: What do you dream about? Do you find it difficult being homosexual in this area? How did you feel when your mother died? Etc. Not the kind of things you can ask without annoying the crap out of people, but those are the only things I really want to know, because I am interested in who the person is on a deeper level. Minutia goes in one ear and out the other. I don't know geography, I don't remember the names of cities, I don't remember which universities teach what and why some are considered prestigious. In essence, I don't give a flying fuck. What I want is their dreams, their soul, their regrets, their pain, their hopes. I also don't care to waste my time telling them my shoe size, where I shop or what I think about some celebrity that I've likely never heard of. I'd rather watch grass grow than talk about that stuff, whether it's me talking or them. So.. given the way I am.. I just pour out my own soul, and hope the other person will open up as well, at their own pace.
I'm the same exact way and I can often share the world with people and realize I haven't shared or asked favorite color, while at the same time not being sure where their boundaries are, but would that really make someone flatout sx first? I mean it makes it sound like SP is about superficialities when it isn't. In fact an SP/SX could arguably be more intense in a few focused areas or with that one or those few people. It could just make people mistype really
 

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MOTM Jan 2014
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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
@lycanized

First of all - I did not make such a claim. I would never tell someone they can't be an Sp type because they are too intense or deep. @Vajra is easily the most intense person on this forum and there is nothing surfacey or superficial about her. She is Sp/Sx.

I simply mentioned my Sp1 mother because that is her type, and another Sp type had said something similar, which reminded me of her, and arguments that she and I have, for instance, she is annoyed that, much like you mentioned, I don't know where someone grew up or how old they are when I know all their deepest desires. She sometimes is shocked by things like that. That does not equate a blanket statement that EVERY Sp type is that way. You made that leap - but I didn't.

For accuracy's sake, my mother is also an Sp/So type. But I am not claiming that all Sp/So types are exactly like her in some way, either. Additionally I should mention that she ALSO knows my passions and fears, and she does not shy away from intense personal topics if they are brought up. Simply put, she is more suited for conversations with a wide variety of people, whereas I am more suited for very intense conversations with some people. But I probably develop close friendships faster than she does... which does not mean I have "more friends" or "better friends" by any means.. it's just a different communication style. I'm also not a 1.
 

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Subterranean Homesick Alien
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@lycanized

First of all - I did not make such a claim. I would never tell someone they can't be an Sp type because they are too intense or deep. @Vajra is easily the most intense person on this forum and there is nothing surfacey or superficial about her. She is Sp/Sx.

I simply mentioned my Sp1 mother because that is her type, and another Sp type had said something similar, which reminded me of her, and arguments that she and I have, for instance, she is annoyed that, much like you mentioned, I don't know where someone grew up or how old they are when I know all their deepest desires. She sometimes is shocked by things like that. That does not equate a blanket statement that EVERY Sp type is that way. You made that leap - but I didn't.

For accuracy's sake, my mother is also an Sp/So type. But I am not claiming that all Sp/So types are exactly like her in some way, either. Additionally I should mention that she ALSO knows my passions and fears, and she does not shy away from intense personal topics if they are brought up. Simply put, she is more suited for conversations with a wide variety of people, whereas I am more suited for very intense conversations with some people. But I probably develop close friendships faster than she does... which does not mean I have "more friends" or "better friends" by any means.. it's just a different communication style. I'm also not a 1.
I wasn't making a leap, that's why I was asking lol
People often don't get that I"m actually asking a question, I don't know why. But you have to admit it could very easily come off that way, which is why I was asking. Plus I was asking for my own self because I don't know which I am, so forgive me
 
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