This place doesn't get much action does it?
I understand the trepidation in involving yourself with anyone...For me, I feel like a child, social shit makes me feel like a child as I don't quite understand how people can act one way and then it all falls to shit. I don't understand sometimes how exactly I'm affecting other people so I have to try my hardest not to hurt them, or not to offend them, or most importantly, not to annoy them or be something they just can't handle. Since I'm a child, all I can do is watch desperately the signs and try to read them as best I can. And I work by the assumption that people won't want to put up with me, or that I'm maybe a bit too intense, so I try to hold back, read their signs, and see where I can move forward. No matter what, when things fall to shit, it always surprises me. I don't know why these things happen, I don't understand, I don't understand people, so I end up feeling like they've been playing a game. Temporarily it makes me feel like it's hopeless for me to even try in the first place, it's just futile
I had a friend recently who stopped talking to me for a week because I was in a bad state of mind and took something she said WAY too personally. I thought she was just upset because of that. It turns out she was partially upset because she felt I wasn't doing enough to help myself. I would never have been able to guess that...That's what scares me. I don't understand, but I kept trying and I eventually got through to her and made her realize I was trying to move forward and get somewhere. No coldness. I also found a new friend at the same time
As I stated on the first page, I tend to feel powerless when it comes to people. I feel like I can't manipulate them in any way. Occasionally I have my little moments of confidence, but mostly I don't. So I just fall apart. It confirms the assumptions I have in my mind that people won't want to put up with me. But I know I couldn't deny myself people altogether. I'm the kinda person who needs at least that one soul connected person, or that one with whom I'm going int hat direction with. Without it, I'll just spend my time imagining I have it with someone who doesn't know me which is kind of creepy
I feel like, as with anything, the good is worth engaging when it comes...you're supposed to. That includes people. The bad shit that happens, it's never the end. You just gotta add pages to your bible
At this point in my life, I find myself being more trepidation about not engaging certain people or not taking advantage of situations to talk with someone new as you never know where things will take you, who they could be to you