Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 29 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
17,781 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
1) describe your relationship with passion
2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
3) is sexual desirability important to you?
4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,157 Posts
Honestly I don't know my instinctual variant, but someone suggested so/sp so here goes.

1) describe your relationship with passion
I think life would be very washed-out and boring without passion, but at the same time, too much passion can be painful. If you're too invested in something or someone, you risk losing control. So the trick is to feel passionate without completely losing control. I don't know how good I am at this balancing act, though.

2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
Nope. Only crushes, and those were over fictional characters.

3) is sexual desirability important to you?
Yeah. I mean, if that component is missing, I don't know why I would be in a relationship in the first place. I'm not that eager to spend my life with someone else.

4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
...Well, I've never actually had sex, but I'd still say it plays a size-able role. I might sound like I'm trying to imitate Animal here, but I rarely pay attention unless something turns me on.

5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
Don't really think about that much. I'm not sure I even notice that sort of thing. There are some people I get along with, sure, but it's because we have something in common to talk about. I don't know if there's a difference between that and vibing with someone.

6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
I don't know. I can be pretty open, but I don't know how "close" I feel.

7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
I haven't really thought about that either, so I have yet to decide.

8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
In hindsight no relationship really feels that meaningful. If I were into risking my life, maybe I would go on a dangerous journey with someone so we could bond over that. I imagine that would feel meaningful.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,438 Posts
1) describe your relationship with passion
I have very little? I am confused by others who have lots of passion for life, and sometimes feel uncomfortable when I am expected to prioritize passion and "what I want" over what's necessary and sufficient. I think in terms of what I must do, not what I want to do.

2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
No. That's not to say I wasn't excited during the beginning of my relationship, but it was never a crazed obsession. It was a slow burn, a general warm feeling of content. Passion had very little to do with it.

3) is sexual desirability important to you?
Nope. It's nice to have it but I rarely ever think about it.

4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
Similar to 3), it's fun and enjoyable, but I don't focus on it. Other things in my life have much more meaning and substance to them.

5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
Maybe concerts? Even then, there's a disconnect. I kind of flit in and out of it.

6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
If I don't yet know someone, I typically will make no effort to initiate contact. If contact occurs (by external catalysis), I am pretty open and friendly. I don't much look for interpersonal intensity at this stage, as it's rarely appropriate and unrealistic to be seeking during initial interaction. Over a lot of time, I can gain trust for others and begin to feel closer, but I prefer to let it happen on its own, and feel very strange if such things occur too quickly and especially if they occur asymmetrically.

7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
Stability and a comfortable atmosphere. I prefer when communication is open. I prefer things to be relatively casual and of low intensity when I'm not alone with the person. I really dislike PDA, and I feel that the amount of intimacy I should display with a partner should vary significantly with the environment. I'm perfectly willing to support my partner (and happy to receive support in return), but I dislike emotional manipulation or oversensitivity that makes me feel constrained and unable to express my actual thoughts. I think it's very important for both partners to remain distinct individuals with independent interests. I think it best to only rely on the relationship as something comforting and positive, not as a crutch. Some view their relationship as crucial to their survival, as if their life is a meaningless void without an intense, passionate romance. I don't understand this, and I am intimidated by it.

8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
I'm going to interpret this is as general relationships, rather than necessarily romantic relationships.
ENFP 2w3-7w6-9w8 girlfriend: Someone I have felt very close to because she's always been really easy to talk to and very easy to establish trust with. This, along with some other things, helped me get out of a bit of depression. Interestingly, she is probably sx/sp, which does mean we have different views on romantic intensity (the Ti vs Fi increases this contrast). Nonetheless, we've figured out how to manage each of our needs and we've grown closer over time.
ENTP 1w2-7w8-2w1 twin brother: We've always been very close, because we grew up together. We're simultaneously very different and very similar. I think my relationship with him has been one of the most influential in my personality, just because we were always together as children.
INTP 9w1-5w4-4w5 good friend: Though we've only known each other for a few years, we are practically identical in personality (although he's just a little more passive in demeanor). It was a little awkward at first to get to know each other, because we had both never encountered someone so half-sarcastic and half-sincere and so like ourselves. We can't really help each other, because we both have the same problems and the same flaws, but we both totally understand each other.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
334 Posts
Sp/So

1) It's something that saves the day. Actually, it's what I'm costantly looking for. It's a sort of indicator of what is true or not to me.

2) Absolutely yes. I've been in the past and still am right now. The passion of a love just started is romantic, a more metaphyisical view of reality. Love fullfills reality.

3) Yes at the lower istincts, when my life used to be poorer. A beautiful person used to have more value than an ugly one, but this was absolutely not filtered by my mind.

4) There must be sex in my life, but it's not important. The thought "I can have sex if it's needed by my istincts/emotions" is enough. It's not important as love is.

5) In challenges, in dangerous situations and in meditation. I can feel it everytime I have to face someone and argue with people.

6) My approaches are pretty much instinctive. I don't ever think about that thing very much, everytime it's different but I use often humour to break the initial tensions.

7) Actually I feel that Love decides instead of me. It's like something unspeakable has decided that my love has to be shared with that person and I couldn't be happier than that. I don't care about details, but what I'm often asking my partner (she's prolly Sx dom) is more time/space for myself and the possibility to talk freely about everything.

8) I can imagine a lot of relationships, but I can't tell which of these has been more or less important. I suppose that it is not that important who I spend my time with, because every person can be interesting in some way. Some exceptions:

1- A gay friend of mine with which I shared a lot of experiences from 16 to 20+ years. I am straight and we never felt any kind of barrier between us. I used to admire a lot his inner strenght, will and his clear ideas about what he wanted to do in life. It looks like our friendship ended when I became more assertive. We still are great friends but never see each other.
2- My girlfriend is Sx dom as told before, and her enthusiastic point of view about life is completely (and positively) overwhelming. She helped (and helps) me a lot to paint my life with colours :)
3- A 8w9 person who managed to help me to discover God again. He has been a Teacher to me and I could never be grateful enough.


Thank you OP, really interesting questions :)
 

·
MOTM January 2013
Joined
·
10,615 Posts
Ah yes!

1) describe your relationship with passion
Embarrassing :laughing: Okay, not that severe but it's something I hide as in, it's there for sure but it's overwhelming expressing it and potentially overwhelming for others or so I think. I'm a bit of a prude like that. Inhibition is a better word, holding on, almost retentive(except with significant others, even then I go all inhibited at times to unleashing the beast :tongue:) . When it comes to watching others get all passionate though, depending on who else i'm with, I tend to kinda enjoy it because its a real experience for them, i'm better with listening to others passionate details than talking about my own and as for experiencing it, these moments tend to fluctuate. I like things mostly on an even keel rather than constant passion, occasional passion is more accurate, earthiness and warm affection is something I generally feel more comfortable with and when I really trust them, that's when the passion is let out the bag!

2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?

Actually, only once, I have had close to love relationships but really they were quite superficial. The mad love I had was with the man I am with at the moment. I think he has some strong SX in his instincts, he has the on/off quality and just doing things with 100% intensity even when he chills, it's like he's doing that full on too :laughing: Our relationship has moments of intensity, moreso in the early days, haha! Being in love with him was a type of intensity I found particularly grounding though, being both able to trust him which in turn strengthened the bond which enabled more intimacy and he's an ENFP, there's a lot of natural intensity which can both draw us both in and repel each other.

3) is sexual desirability important to you?

Demureness is what I try to aim for whilst maintaining an aspect of accessibility just to be polite. I like still having it but I don't want to be seen as a cheap shot. I just cringe when people come up to me and chat me up, they must pass the friendzone first! People have to work that bit harder to get to the next stage, i'm not easy by any stretch and have had guys get pissed when their efforts weren't immediately rewarded which made them look self entitled instead, you could say its a bit of test to see how genuine their attraction is and how easy they see me as. But I like just looking attractive and I want to attract the right kinds of people that are not in for a quick fumble. My big fear is being seen as a slab of meat.

4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?

It depends on what is happening in my life. It gets put on the backburner when something more important comes up, it's not always a priority. When i'm first in a relationship, I tend to hold the sex off so I can get to know them better as people and then what happens is when we finally do get round to the magic, it's usually pretty amazing because we have a deeper bond. I went through a promiscuous stage in my early 20's and occasionally feel ashamed to thinking i'm glad I did all that then. I do have hang ups around the topic of sex sometimes, I blame a lot of that on my dad who was a big prude, tried to teach me that sex was wrong etc despite having his own sexual neurotics which I think was the inevitable result. I try to act like I don't do anything sexual as far as others are concerned, they all talk about their sexual exploits and I just rather keep that stuff to myself and with the person i'm in love with. I value it too much to talk about it in a general setting.

5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?

Usually during the thrill of the chase or when I have a huge crush on someone, whether they are aware of it, I feel so much intensity, I become obsessed alternating with shame about it. If they turn out to fancy me also, there might not be a lot stopping me, ill go in for the kill, shy away or hope they will because it's a turn on when the other party makes the first move.

6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?

Generally quite rarely. I'm very sealed off with many people, i'm shy tbh though I try to cover that up. I'm scared of getting close in case I get rejected or hurt. I need to have a few low key or low pressure situations with someone before I build up enough confidence to eventually bond with them, this can take some time. When it happens, its for real.

7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?

Mmm, compatibility, shared humour, kindness, stable in themself, consideration and respectful, has their own life aswell, passionate! Romantic, not a hedonist, somewhat sensible, similar values, similar class, responsible but able let their hair down too. Desire soulmate type intimacy.

8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you

My present relationship which has spanned about 7 years with good and bad times. What can I say, we have chemistry, we understand each other deeply, we both have creative interests so can help spur each other on. We have deep discussions that we can't always have with others about pretty much anything. We often consider ourselves to be soulmates to each other and i've never had that click thing with anyone else the way I have with him. So there!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,676 Posts
I'm so glad this thread was made! I'm very interested in SX-last's experiences with the instinct, as it's so rarely talked about. *lurks intensely*

I'm not Sx-last myself, but I live with two Sx-last parents (and possibly an Sx-last sister) and they never understand how I can get so obsessed with something. To them, nothing is worth getting hooked on, really. There's enjoyment, there's even some excitement (though very very tempered and tepid) but it's never really.. sought out. If it happens, it happens. If not, it's not really missing. Thing is, there's very little incentive for any form of letting go. I doubt the opportunity even presents itself. My parents are both SJ 6's though, so the flavor of Sx-last may be more different than how it would be for a 2 or a 4.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,131 Posts
As of late I've been too busy to be on PerC (and I've been trying to take a PerC break), but I've got some spare time and this thread is too interesting to resist. ^_^ Well, Sp/So here.

1. Describe your relationship to passion.

My sister always jokes about my lack of competitiveness. She knows she cannot compete with me in anything simply because I don't have that sort of temperament. I don't have that much of a competitive spirit when it comes to most things. I don't get heated up about things easily.

I don't have that fiery sort of passion that everyone thinks of when they think of "passion". I have more of a reserved passion. A constant love for the things I find pleasant and interesting. And I'll pursue those things and they'll become dear to me. There are things that I am fiercely loyal to because they are meaningful to me.

I don't often show my passions to other people because I'm always scared of being too much. Overly passionate.

Like, who would want to listen to me go on about something they're not very interested in? Why would I want to burden somebody with that? I suppose the underlying assumption there, though, is who would be so interested in me? Usually I'm the one who gets interested in other people. Usually I'm the one quietly approaching and observing. Usually I get other people to talk to me about their passions. It doesn't tend to be the other way around.

And when people ask me, "What do you want?" .... It is hard for me to answer. Going off what @RoSoDude said, that question makes me feel uncomfortable. There are so many other things to consider. Like other people. Like what makes sense considering all that is going on, circumstantial problems and such. I always find I ask what do they need? and what do I need? more. Far more often than "what do I want?". This mindset of mine is causing a bit of trouble now that I'm going off to community college and I'm beginning to start my own life.

2. Have you ever been madly in love? What was it like?

It depends on what you mean by "madly in love". I don't even think I've been "in love" with somebody. I don't like calling it "in love", as though love is some condition you can't help but randomly get. You can "fall into" it and "fall out" of it. Supposedly. I don't want to be "in love" like that.

When I love somebody, I willingly give them love. It is something I actively do and choose to do. It is hardly different when it comes to romantic love. As of right now, I've only ever romantically loved one person and I still do (although we're not together). But there's not a lot of "heat" or "passion" there. Nor am I attracted to him because of chemistry or intensity (although I suppose some chemistry has got to be there). It was more a revelation of, wow. I trust you, and you trust me. And we both see the same truth. And there's no obsessiveness, no "I need this" from each other. We're friends first and foremost, and always will be. Even if our friendship becomes more. But that means so much to me, this foundation of trust. It's more like, I feel like I will respect and trust you and love you and listen to you always -- even when that becomes hard for me to do at times. Even when what you have to say isn't what I want to hear, or whatever.

Although usually, most people don't call that being "madly in love". ^_^

3. Is sexual desirability important to you?

Considering how this is the first time I've had to ever even ponder the idea, I suppose it's never really occurred to me. Do I want to be desirable, as in "I hope you like me as a person"? Yeah, sure, to some extent. But sexual desirability? ... I don't know.

4. What role does sex play in your life? Is it important to you?

That awkward moment when you're a virgin. Well. Sex doesn't play an active role in my life right now. Is it important to me? Yes. But it doesn't really dominate my life (I suppose that's kind of obvious). It's not like I want to have sex just so I can have sex, or just so I can feel that sort of connection with a person. I suppose this is when the fact that I've got certain Christian values comes into play. ^^'

5. Describe a situation where you really felt the energy/vibe.

"The Energy"? "The vibe"? Not sure what is meant by that, first off. I've had different sorts of connections with different sorts of people, all meaningful in their own way. The person I currently love what I mentioned before is somebody who I've felt a strong connection with. A connection in how we see things and how we trust. But there's hardly ever been "intensity" there.

When it comes to close friends, there's never really been that either. I have this one close friend of mine. We consider ourselves sisters. I could almost use the word "energy" to describe the connection we've got. As in, we're always there for each other and we stand shoulder to shoulder, facing life together.

I don't think I give off much energy myself.

I've felt "intensity" before coming from other people on a couple of occasions. I've got mixed feelings about it. There have been a couple of guys who have been really intense and approached me. I don't really like it. They looked at me like they wanted me, and that made me feel super uncomfortable.

Still not sure what you mean by this question. I suppose that's pretty telling, though.

6. How easily do you get close to people? What is this process like?

I'm that sort of person who can get in conversation with a stranger and have a pleasant time and an interesting conversation -- without even knowing their name. Sometimes the conversation is with words. Sometimes it'll just be through body language. Smiles, nods, waves -- just acknowledging the other person's existence. That's kind of how I begin to get close to somebody. I see them, I approach them, and I talk to them. I take interest in who they are. Although it takes more than that to become true friends.

When it comes to friend-making, well... friends just sort of happen. Like people just show up in your life and you find yourself close to them in a very special way. Like C.S. Lewis said, you become friends with somebody when you meet them and you both find yourselves thinking, "What! You too? I thought I was the only one."

And when it comes to becoming close, you must give that friendship time and effort. You give them support and honesty and companionship and loyalty and trust. To me, a friend is also somebody who I will give unconditional love.

7. What do you look for in a partner? What is important to you in a long term relationship?

First off, here is the most important things: I want my partner to be my friend, not just my "lover" or "SO" or what have you. Because here is something interesting. Out of all the relationships you can have with somebody, a friendship is the most time consuming and selfless one (if the friendship is true). Your family has loyalty towards you and a duty towards you -- they don't have to like you. A person who is romantically interested in you, well, scientifically we know that attraction is there because sex and we all want to continue the existence of our species. Basically. But somebody who is your friend? There seems to be no rhyme or reason behind it. You simply give each other your time and support because you form a bond together.

And I want that kind of friendship to be the foundation of the relationship I've got with my future partner.

So I will want there to be honesty between us, and a willingness to listen to each other and communicate with each other. A willingness to love each other even when we're not at our most lovable. Even when loving becomes hard. A willingness to compromise. A willingness to see what is meaningful to the other person.

8. Describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they are important to you.

Agh! There are far too many meaningful relationships that I've got. One I have already mentioned to you.

I value very highly the relationship I have with my sister. She's a friend to me. Sure we fight every now and again, but if I didn't have her I don't know what I'd do. We're exact opposites in many ways, but I like that because we teach each other things. And we both totally trust each other.

Also, I have mentioned the close friend of mine who might as well be my sister too. She is incredibly genuine all the time. She cares so much for so many things. She's got many traits I admire. And there is no topic that is off limits for us to talk about. We've never fought about anything, and that's not because we agree on all subjects (because we most certainly do not). At one point, we, well, liked the same guy a lot. Haha. Apparently when that happens to most friends, their relationship gets strained. Or worse, falls apart. Not us. We just talked about it briefly and in the end just shrugged. What happens will happen. It's not like either of us owned him anyways, nor would we ever. There was no jealousy. We even talked to each other about him. Laughed about the whole thing. Silly girl conversations. It was great.

The list goes on.

I suppose none of the relationships I have with people are generally formed because of some energy or vibe of passion. o_O
 

·
Registered
ISFJ, 6w7 9w1 2w3, sp/so
Joined
·
250 Posts
I was going to write a response but darn if @Julia Bell just took the words right out of my mouth :proud:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
457 Posts
1) describe your relationship with passion

Uhh...well I conceptually care about certain values very much, but I don't necessarily have immediately intense emotions backing them up, nor do I express them, like some Se-dom sx-doms/auxes I have known. However, when a value comes under questioning, that's when I realize how truly passionate I am about it.

4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?

I like to fantasize, but I don't care enough to pursue it, or watch porn, or masturbate.

6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?

Well, I don't care about friendships anymore, but when I did, it involved a lot of getting together and hanging out, regularly over a long period of time. After about a year of frequent interaction (more than once a month), that's when people have become close friends to me. If we didn't interact regularly, then over several years, people became close friends. When I was with them, I just shared and asked more and more personal questions as I was comfortable with and felt like I bonded with them by us knowing about each other.

7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?

I don't want a partner, but if I did, in terms of their personality, compassion, financial responsibility, honest communication, and social justice would be must have's.

8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you

I'll just describe one. We were friends for several years. We met in middle school band. We seemed to understand each other and get along well (eventually I learned that she's actually also an INFJ e6 EII supine, just like me!). We talked about personal things sometimes and always took each other's problems seriously. We had a lot of mischeivous adventures together. By high school I considered her my best friend. When we started college I did a stupid thing called confiding in her. I regret it, because it did not go well, but I felt the shared vulnerability made our connection lifelong nevertheless. I haven't really spoken to her in a while because I've lost interest in friends but if I were to ever gain back the interest I'm sure she would love to talk to me again. I would hope. Aww, now I'm all sentimental.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,028 Posts
1) describe your relationship with passion

I am extremely passionate when it comes to money making…

2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?

About twice. The good thing is that it feels really nice/euphoric. The bad thing is that I become dysfunctional for an extended period of time…

3) is sexual desirability important to you?

I don’t go around asking myself “ooh am I sexually desirable????” if that’s what you’re asking…During courtship, I more concerned about whether or not the woman is sexually desirable to me rather than the other way around

I am me. Some women will find me sexually desirable, some won’t. It is what it is. When searching for women, I therefore focus mostly on finding the hottest woman out of women who find me desirable while ignoring the rest since they’re a waste of time

Hence if it turns out that the hot woman I’m chasing doesn’t want me for whatever reason after repeated concentrated attempts to break through her defenses, I’ll just move on to the next target and pretend that the previous woman never existed…There’s plenty of fish in the ocean, no need to get hung up over one…

4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?

I love sex and have an uber powerful sex drive. I don’t really care about the SX aspect of it, though ie. I don’t really care about the chemistry or the union or the merging or the intensity or whatnot. The SP aspect of it though, can’t get enough of it: the physical pleasure, the orgasm, the bodily contact, the fucking, kissing, touching, licking/caressing, spanking etc etc etc…can’t get enough of it…

Sex to me is no different from a delicious food or a comfy silk-covered bed…It’s another one of my SP comforts and the more of it I can get (with as hot of a woman as possible) the better…In fact, sex is the second thing I crave the most in an automatic fashion next to money…

5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?

What vibe?

6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?

I don’t get close to people. I have lots of business acquaintances and connections but I’m not really “close” to any of them nor do I have any desire to become close to them.

I don't care enough about other people's lives to warrant me to want to become closer to them past the business-transactional level of the relationship…I also immensely value my privacy…There’s also the not wanting to waste time/got better, more profitable things to do element…

I have an invisible wall surrounding me that automatically keeps other people from getting too close and people tend to understand intuitively that they are NOT to invade past that wall accordingly…

Occasionally, I may let some people in (eg my women) into my territory, but that is up to my discretion and I will be the one initiating it…

7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?

Physical attractiveness tops the list. For the reason, see #4. Everything else are additional toppings to the pizza really….they’re nice and all but not as important as physical attractiveness….

You gotta have a reasonably high degree of physical attractiveness to actually manage to divert my attention away from my money making endeavors…In fact, I’m not even going to notice your existence unless your attractiveness level exceeds certain thresholds…

8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you

Let’s see…One with an ENFJ 2w3sw3w4 SO/Sx, one with an ISFP 9w1sw8w9 SP/SO, and another one with an ESFP 7w6sw8w7 SO/Sx. The ENFJ and ISFP, I actually legitimately fell in love with them, so there were actually some feelings involved…There was also some Oedipus Complex going on with respect to the ENFJ since my mother is also an ENFJ 2w3…Plus she was quite a babe…

As for the ISFP, I thought it was fun to be more in touch with my weaker functions…she was also really cute/adorable, and I find cuteness to be really attractive in women…

As for the ESFP, let’s just say that she was the hottest woman I’ve ever met in my entire life out of any women I’ve ever laid my eyes on, including celebrities….Needless to say, the sex was awesome…too bad it didn't last long since she had to leave the country soon after, but it was great while it lasted
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,307 Posts
!. My passion is usually completely there or not at all. As an example, if I really get into a show, I will obsessively watch it for a while and then lose most of interest in it.

2. No, I haven't. I've had bad luck with dating and I didn't start dating until my twenties.

3. Yes, to an extent. Feeling sexually desirable sometimes means to me that I'm accepted for I am physically and also sometimes means that I can be creeped out by the more overt pursuers.

4. Any sex I've had so far is summed up in fool-arounds, friends-with-benefits, and a one-time fling. I like sex, but I don't actively go looking for it, but I don't always turn it down. It's harder for me to be emotionally vulnerable and intimate with someone.

5. When I get a new idea for a story or a series, I will spend a lot of time writing it or even just thinking about it. I'm so excited and happy because I have an awesome new idea. Though after a while, the idea gets tiresome to me and I'll move to something else for a while.

6. I have to get comfortable with a person before I get close to them. So I'll talk to them for a while, get their stances and "vibe" and then maybe approach getting to know them better/hanging out with them outside of our shared social environment.

7. I haven't been in a long-term relationship, but I'll take a stab. Some shared interests, stability, a good sense of humor, and the ability to understand that I often need my space.

8. One meaningful relationship is with one of my best friends. We met in one of our classes and after months of talking to her, I finally got the courage to ask to hang out with her outside of classes. She's the first person I managed to make friends with in college and since then, she's encouraged me to become more open. She's also always ready to give me no-nonsense advice and we can talk about anything for hours on end.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
36 Posts
I think it's funny how sexual lasts seem to experience both the most pure and childlike (for example, Julia Bell) attitudes towards intimacy/sexuality but also the ugliest (childofprodigy)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
17,781 Posts
Discussion Starter #17
Here's an idea @Swordsman of Mana
I really liked your questions in this thread and the other two along the same lines. And, I am pretty sure all of those questions combined would make a decent instincts questionnaire. We could work on the wording etc. Tell me what you think.
sounds good to me =)
 
  • Like
Reactions: Sina

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,826 Posts
Note: While answering this questions, I started to question my instincts. Some parts of it sounded a bit sx to me, so maybe my experience isn't as valid as I thought it was going to be.

1) describe your relationship with passion

I think I have an intermittent passion that goes on and off depending on my mood. Generally, I hold passion in high regard. Maybe in a very high regard that it makes me feel I'm not passionate enough to be deserving of that label. Or maybe I think I do because I crave it because I think I need more of it in my life and it seems so alien to my life, that I fail to see all the times I felt uncomfortable showing passion to others. I remember being a child and being too enthusiastic that I was just making a fool of myself, so I started restraining myself. When I see me, I see barrenness and the more I grow, the less I see the spark. There are things that I want in life, like living on my own in a larger city and I know I need a job or other source of income, preferably a stable one, and a place to call home, but I feel I'm still doing things so tentatively to get them. I wish I had that drive in me, to be so desperate, to do whatever it takes to get it, to completely lose myself in the process, but I fail to see that it would be very embarrassing. I call that passion and I don't have enough of it. I'm waiting for something to turn me on. I say I do, but then I kill the moment by thinking that maybe I should tone it down a little and eventually I turn it off completely.
2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
No. I wish I knew what it is like.
3) is sexual desirability important to you?
A little. I want to feel attractive and I want to be approached by others. I guess it is because I want my fantasies to come to life.
4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
I am a virgin and recently a horny one. Sex is important to me and I want to try it and generally I think I would want it in a regular basis, but maybe I don't enjoy it as much as I enjoy getting off on my own. I cannot avoid feeling sad saying this, since I think nothing can replace the warmth of another and I'm so resigned to be on my own because I don't want to make an effort to be liked by another person. In that way I don't need others to do it and I wouldn't be a burden and I could avoid the potential feeling of rejection, I could be self-sufficient. But always looking at the other side of the fence. I idealize sex, even more than romance. I feel that sex can bind us closer, to find shelter in other's body, to share something so private with someone else, to have that kind of trust, to be comfortable naked, being so vulnerable around someone else. I feel like sex is the culmination of love, the door to tighter bonds. I would be suddenly more interested in another person if I find the courage to share myself like that and if they consider I deserve something so sacred like that, that they're welcoming me inside his world. But I would step back if it wasn't as special to them as it was for me and I would hate me for feeling it was. I would give up easily at the first sign of rejection. I would rationalize it like I am better on my own. So sex is a big deal for me. And at the same time, it is ridiculous how much I elevate it. Sex could be like eating. Nothing extraordinary. And I suddenly start to feel that I should strip it of all that bs idealization, since I don't want to be disappointed. I say I'd feel disappointed but maybe I can play the game effortlessly. I don't want to say something I am not sure I would feel. One day I would be the disappointed. Another day I would be the one that disappoints. So cold and unfeeling. I feel capable of seeing sex as just sex. Sex can be nothing.
5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
Nothing comes to mind.
6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
I feel like I can get close to people quickly if they show interest in me. I can be fooled by those things. But generally, in my relationships, I start to wonder if I am too close and I can put some distance and go back and forth. I guess it takes time to feel that close, but I can imagine myself getting attached quickly. It's maybe just the movies where everything happens faster that makes me think it is possible. It is hard to find a person that wants to advance that fast anyway. I am not even sure if I will be able to keep the pace or I will be more reserved. I say I want it but I'm not sure if I'm not going to pull back after I realize it is not very healthy to get so attached.
7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
I want a partner that can bring to the relationship what I feel I lack. I want to meet new people and experience new things and I think relationships open doors. I want to explore the outskirts of my world, to travel to unexplored lands, to conquer them and expand my territory, to have even more space to roam freely and to breathe. I don't want to feel attached, but that doesn't mean I won't. In my moments of weakness, I feel like I can abandon myself and merge with others and I resent it. I try to avoid it, and maybe that's one of the reasons I am hesitant about relationships. I don't want to feel I'm trapped inside of a relationship. That's why I don't want a long term relationship. I want to be fugacious, to shine brightly for a moment and then disappear.
8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
I have friends, but I feel like most of my meaningful relationships or the most meaningful ones are with my family. Family is important to me and I'm close to them. I wouldn't call us intimate because we usually keep to ourselves, but we respect those boundaries. I like that. I don't feel like I know my parents as something beyond their roles in our family and something similar happens with my sisters but less. We don't talk about our feelings openly or our dreams or anything similar. We do to some extent but not as much as I feel it would suffice for me to call our relationship an intimate one. In a way I fantasize about finding a second family. I've fantasized about having a sense of communion and complicity with a group. It doesn't need to be big; it's actually better if small. I wonder why I want something like that and it all comes down to having a bigger world of my own. I want a close-knit group of friends, shut in a bubble, apart from the rest of the world, something that would feel mine. Something that goes beyond me but that's still mine. A replica of a family, of my family. Where there's closeness and opportunity for intimacy, but a respect of others' individuality. And there's also acknowledgment of the existence of the other, that I mean something for them as they mean to me. That I will be invited and I can feel welcome. That I will be thought of. Considered. With real friends I haven't been able to found a second family. I feel like everyone minds their own business.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,651 Posts
1) describe your relationship with passion
2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
3) is sexual desirability important to you?
4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
1) I'm not a passionate person. I'm not really passionate about anything. Especially in recent years (like the last half of my life) I've been quite a burn-out. But I think maybe it's not so much that I'm a burn-out as it is that I'm just perpetually lazy and dispassionate. Woot I sound super interesting.

2) No. The most I've ever fancied someone was a crush.

3) No. I find it comical to think of myself as sexually attractive to other people.

4) It's not at all important to me. I'm very happy without it.

5) No idea what you're talking about.

6) I've never been close to anyone.

7) If I were looking for a partner, I would want someone whom I was physically attracted to whose personality I was also attracted to. I don't know the specifics of this. I guess it could be anyone. Or no one. I wouldn't know, as is really the theme of this questionnaire. I wouldn't know because it's never happened.

8) My relationship with my mom is important because she's nice. And she funds me. So that's extremely important. My sister is slightly important to me. Because she's nice to me. And her friends are nice to me. That's about it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,680 Posts
note: unsure of whether i'm so/sp or so/sx. i'm oscillating between the two like mad. so i'll fill this out for your consideration. or feel free to disregard. maybe i just like talking about myself. i am a 7, after all.

(consent has been given in the mistype revelation thread, by the way, so if anyone reads this or any of my posts and has an opinion one way or another, feel free to reply or message me and let me know.)

1) describe your relationship with passion
strong, although i think it was stronger when i was younger. there's a feeling in my gut that pushes me to and from strong feelings. i used to write "do things with passion, or not at all" on the walls. i followed my passion for theatre for new york and am studying it full-time, praying it turns out well. i don't know what i will do if i fail.

i also tend to get obsessive about things. sometimes people (last semester i fell in love with someone who had no idea and definitely didn't love me back, and it was devastating and it took me months of not seeing him before i saw him again and told myself that it was okay and i was over him, and because i made myself lose hope, i was able to break free.

2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
i mean...yes. like being burned all over. talk to me when i've been in a relationship with someone i've been in love with.

3) is sexual desirability important to you?
yes. i fear i'm not very sexually desirable, and all my life it's been a huge problem for me. i'm not very beautiful, and although i think i have a great personality, sometimes i think there's something wrong with me. like i'm coded in a way that makes me impossible to fall in love with or desire. i know that's not true. i've been in many relationships and have known several people who have wanted me who i didn't want back. but i wish i could always be the most magnetic person in the room.

4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
yes. sex has always been important. i've always been curious about sex and love, even as a little kid. moreso than most or really any of my friends. i've always been the most vocal about it, comfortable with expressing it (although this could partially be political, since being queer is a big part of my identity but expressing it is a little bit more fueled by something else - a large factor of things - wanting to be recognizable as part of the queer community within the queer community, wanting to make a statement, wanting to change the way people view sexuality, and wanting to not hold back for the sake of, what, the fragility of people's sensibilities?).

anyway, as far as the act itself goes, i have less experience or at least haven't had much...practice...lately, but for me, it's enjoyable on multiple levels. the physical, of course - the feeling. but for me there's something emotional about the closeness, the connection, being visible to your partner, being vulnerable with your partner. saying this makes me sound like a health teacher - and i don't assume that everyone experiences sex or sexual attraction in the same way. but for me, usually there's some kind of romantic attraction or familiarity present before i feel sexual attraction to someone. that isn't to say that i don't want sex. my sex drive is very high. i just don't want to have sex with someone unless there's going to also be a connection. for lack of a better word.

5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
any situation where i'm laughing with other people, singing together, working together to create something. one of my favorite memories is sitting out on a dock with my best friend watching the sun set and the stars appear, talking about life, joking around, trying to pretend i wasn't moving across the country in less than a month. there was something so beautiful and fragile about the bittersweetness of that moment.

on the rough end of that, do you ever look into someone's eyes and find it impossible to look away unless you remind yourself, "hey, there are other people here, look at them or they'll notice you're under this person's spell." when the chemistry is that unreal that you can't feel the presence of anyone but you and them. i've only known two people who have put me under that kind of spell before, and it was exhilirating and terrifying. terrifying because i thought... "what if i get caught wanting them?" exhilirating because how could it be anything but? when there are people in this world who can do that to you.

6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
i get close to people pretty easily. it's just a matter of spending time with them first in a small group, then one on one, just talking to them and showing them things you like and listening to them, and slowly you open up to one another more and more until you can really call each other friends. i've found more difficulty doing that in college, since group dynamics shift more sporadically and people's schedules are difficult to work around and i mean, i didn't know anyone in this city two years ago. it's hard not having a best friend close by.

7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
this is a hard question to answer because it depends on the person. i'd prefer they be funny, honest, more like an anchor than a balloon. but i can't imagine being in a long term relationship that isn't intense. i hate when people say the passion wears off. i hate routine. i don't want to schedule when we fuck. i want the kind of relationship where you physically can't resist kissing each other, you're like magnets pulling each other in. i want to be with someone i can travel the world with. i've thought a lot about my ideal career and i know that it would entail a lot of flying across the country, so i'd need my partner to be okay with missing me, knowing that whenever we reunited it would be worth the wait. also, if they're cool with being the stay at home parent so i can go ahead and be the breadwinner, that's ideal. i want kids, but i also want to work. i can't do that all alone.

8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
i know these aren't romantic relationships, but i'm in a bad place with romance right now and i don't want to talk about it, so:

my relationship with my best friend. she's there for me and i'm there for her. we lift each other up, we're proud of each other...okay, sometimes we get jealous of each other, like when she was getting laid on the reg i had a really hard time being happy for her, and i think when i moved away she had a hard time being happy for me. but we try, and that's what matters. leaving her was the hardest part about leaving home. it almost felt like i was betraying her. she's the only person i know who actually lets herself laugh. we are unstoppable together.

my mom. i don't know, she's my mom. i'm afraid i'm just like her. i love her. she taught me everything i know.

my childhood best friend. when we see each other, it's like no time has passed. we know all of each other's secrets. we've bossed each other around since we were really little. we choreographed dances together in each other's living rooms. we went to each other's family events. i would take a bullet for her. without a question. she's family.
 
1 - 20 of 29 Posts
Top