[itrick]

So I’m curious how other INFP react when they have their personal space invaded.

Here’s my situation. I have a friend/acquaintance who is very actively in many of the same theatre ventures as I am, and recently within the past 3 weeks has been dealing with a divorce. At the time of his making this information public, I sent him a sympathetic message saying, look I realize this is a rough time if you need a place to crash for a bit to get your head in the right place, let me know. Anyway a few weeks have gone by and now he’s asking about this offer.

Of course I have also been burning the candle on both ends for 2 months straight now between the two shows I’ve been involved in, so part of me is looking forward to just a little down time to recharge. (And as I’m INFP that means being alone).

Here’s the rub, I’m not going to turn him down. I know he’s going through a lot of pain right now, so he’ll be moving into my apartment today, for a month or two. (When I agreed to let him stay, I made it clear I wasn’t looking for a long-term roommate, and a month or two was tops.)

All this is fine, but I’m worried that I’m going to begrudge him this favour in the end. And I think it’s just because of the stress I’m trying to deal wind down from and how tired I am right now. Anyway, I know I’m being irrational, so I’m trying to talk myself out of these feelings, or at least to recognize them and then move past them.

Has anyone else ever had an experience like this? Where they’ve had to give up their solitary spaces for a period of time? How did you react to this?

 

[Conscience]

It's definitely a bad time to make any decisions when you're tired, you have no private space, and you can't easily draw back and relax the way all INFPs need to.

I know this is really no use, because anyone can tell you this, but just go out to a cafe or something and just make it your own. A bathtub works fine for a little me-time too. Little things and places, like maybe a bedroom of yours, serves as a comforting and quiet environment for yourself. All you need to do is set up a guideline and a barrier that prevents him from crossing over your important space and time. When he'll act like it's too strict, you nod your head and pat his back in a manly way and say, "I know, I know. It's tough what you've been going through. I can't say that I know your pain. But I probably know how lost you are (Or just add some sympathetic words of your own!)" you sit him down and say, "But you've gotta understand... I love privacy (Smile warmly) I'm kinda a nut for me-time. It lets me think about everything and it's kind of a necessity of mine." Include on how he's welcome to make himself at home.

Anyways, you might feel like 2 monts is really long. Think about it. Maybe you could try discounting his stay because of something. Maybe this means more guy time. Make a list of pros and cons. I just say this is not a time to follow your heart. Your heart is confused and blinded by your current state. Follow through on his stay, then make the best of it!

(Put yourself in his shoes. It'll help!)

 

[itrick]

Oh I know, and I'm sure he understands I like my own space, I mean I was as up-front with him as I could be about the fact that this was just a way to allow him to get a bit of space and perspective on what he's going through.

I think he'll probably want his own space anyway. It's a sad thing, they have 2 kids and just bought a new house last year. I really do feel for him, I wouldn't be doing this otherwise.

I cannot imagine what he's going through, but it's just one of those things which is going to be an energy drain on me, at least this is what I'm worried about.

I've had roomates before, many times, but this feels different for some reason. Perhaps because I've been on my own now for a few years, and I was looking forward to a bit of relaxation.

I'm sure I'll be fine.

 

[Shorttail]

When my private space is limited and the person or people around me aren't people I feel 100% at ease with, I usually find a smaller private space within the current. It's kind of bad because I tend to eat less because the usual environment has been invaded, but I tend to find harmony nevertheless.

 

[itrick]

Oh it's not going to be as bad as I'm imagining it, I think I'm just really tired right now. I had lunch with him today, and he seems eager to find his own place anyway.

So I'm not too worried.

Thanks for the support!