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Hello ENFP's. I don't think I've ever posted in here before, but there's a first time for everything. As Ne-doms, how do you deal with people who think you are too spontaneous, free-wheeling, or inconsistent? Even if I tell someone I'll meet them tomorrow at noon, when the time arrives I often have something else that I'd rather do. I realize there's a selfish element to this, so I'm very careful when telling people that I'll do something. If I tell them I will, then I try really hard to follow through. Many people see this as selfish/unreliable, etc...and I get where they're coming from...but I see them as not truly understanding what spontaneity is. They seem so locked in, rigid, and unwilling to make allowances for individuality/different ways of thinking. I think Ne naturally wants to make decisions "as we go", but not far in advance. It tends to not be very conducive to a schedule.

What do you guys think about this? Do you just think, "It's just who I am...if you don't like it, too bad"? Or do you see it as an area that you need to improve?
 

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It's that bad with me, that close friends even make allowances for the fact I'll blow it off, or at least be late:blushed:
It's just that I hate to be pinned down... I need the chance to change my mind at the last moment. That said, I do try to follow through on what I promised, even if the feeling's off (those weren't the best dates ever:dry:).
I call it my extreme commitment issues; once I feel tied down, I start to hyperventilate.
I do get some hassle, but not nearly enough to fundamentally change. Worst thing is, I often get away with it; because of the gift of the gab. Which does leave me feeling both guilty and relieved; which also is bad... So, now I come to think of it, I really should work on this:blushed:
 

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I try to modify my behaviour to fit around them, cause I don't want to make a huge deal over it. I like being able to do my own thing on the spare of the moment, but don't if I feel it'll upset someone.
 

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I think for me i'm Spontaneous inconsistent :p

I don't like being pressured into many any long term plans, too many things can happen in between leading me into changing my mind . I dislike long term commitments. The only commitment i will always stick with is my marriage, my job/travel and things i'm really passionate about. Everything else is up for change . The best times i've had in terms of fun have been things that haven't been planned or given much thought. I love doing things on a whim. For me its best to give me a few hours notice , usually my mood won't change in that short period of time. A few days is still too long ;)....i don't like leaving people hanging, or telling them i'm up for something that i was up for a few days ago. My friends know me well by now, they wait until the last minute to invite me places.
 

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I don't know how to deal with an inability to make or keep social commitments yet. Te still fails me there. I left someone waiting at a meeting spot the other day because I'd started some lab work and completely forgot about any plans that afternoon. It is quite selfish. Have you ever tried using a planner? I have one on my phone but always forget to look at it!

It also doesn't help to forget checking your voicemails for weeks at a time. Does anyone else have problems with that? :(
 

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I don't know how to deal with an inability to make or keep social commitments yet. Te still fails me there. I left someone waiting at a meeting spot the other day because I'd started some lab work and completely forgot about any plans that afternoon. It is quite selfish. Have you ever tried using a planner? I have one on my phone but always forget to look at it!

It also doesn't help to forget checking your voicemails for weeks at a time. Does anyone else have problems with that? :(
Yes! I now use my outlook agenda at work for, well, work related things; making everything pop up every other hour or so.... even when it's for later that week. I wish I could have that option in my brain... phone doesn't work with me either... Sometimes I worry about my selfishness :(
 

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It also doesn't help to forget checking your voicemails for weeks at a time. Does anyone else have problems with that? :(
I don't forget to check my voice mails, i do it purposely. I don't want to know what people are wanting from me , yikkes. Sometimes it can be something really simple, then i get mad at myself because i think i would have enjoyed it. Other times i'm happy i didn't, because if i say i didn't get the message, i'm not lying. I'll wait a few days, weeks, depending on who's calling to insure i don't commit myself to something i know i don't want to be doing. Win-win. I don't understand why i can look at the phone ringing and not answer it. I usually adore the person who is calling, yet at the same time i don't want to talk with them. I have to be in the mood to talk on the phone anyways, selfish :/
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I think for me i'm Spontaneous inconsistent :p

I don't like being pressured into many any long term plans, too many things can happen in between leading me into changing my mind . I dislike long term commitments. The only commitment i will always stick with is my marriage, my job/travel and things i'm really passionate about. Everything else is up for change . The best times i've had in terms of fun have been things that haven't been planned or given much thought. I love doing things on a whim. For me its best to give me a few hours notice , usually my mood won't change in that short period of time. A few days is still too long ;)....i don't like leaving people hanging, or telling them i'm up for something that i was up for a few days ago. My friends know me well by now, they wait until the last minute to invite me places.
Haha, I relate to all of this, especially the bold.

I don't know how to deal with an inability to make or keep social commitments yet. Te still fails me there. I left someone waiting at a meeting spot the other day because I'd started some lab work and completely forgot about any plans that afternoon. It is quite selfish. Have you ever tried using a planner? I have one on my phone but always forget to look at it!
I'm always aware of what time it is and where I need to be, and I'm never late and I don't make people wait. But, what happens for me is I'll say "Yeah OK, I'll meet you on Wednesday at 2pm." And then all the days leading up to Wednesday, I'm wishing that I hadn't scheduled it. I'm wishing I could get out of it or cancel because so much has changed since I scheduled it." But, if I told them yes, then I will make sure to be there.

Ideally, if someone invites me to a party, I'll say, "Can I leave it open and let you know that day..........or do you need an answer from me now so that you can plan on how much food to have and all that kind of stuff?" If they say, "Yeah, I need to know now so I can plan", then I'll either say "yes" or "no" right then. But, ideally, I like it when they say, "Yeah, no problem. If you decide to come...just show up. No big deal." That's the best scenario. The other thing is...if they want a definite answer "right now"...if I say "no"....then they better not give me crap about my answer. If you demand an answer, then you should be willing to accept my answer without judging, being critical, or talking about me behind my back to your cronies. Ha.
 

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I have a pretty powerful superego/inner voice/conscience/whatever you want to call it. I'd like to be spontaneous and blow people off to pursue my own whatevers, but I don't let myself do that very often. If I tell someone I'm going to make an appearance somewhere, I usually will. The only exception is if I'm blowing them off for something unpleasant/obligatory that I want to do even less (which includes wallowing in a bad mood).

Similarly, I'm an ENFP who picks up after herself, tries her best to actually follow her to-do lists/schedule, and over-thinks certain things. It does cramp my style, but having my inner voice scold me for being lazy/inconsiderate/reckless/etc is worse than a bit of style-cramping.

I'm starting to think I might actually be Type 6.
 

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I don't forget to check my voice mails, i do it purposely.
TRUE! I've also not answered the phone even when I really like the person if I'm not feeling energetic. I have a problem that I really hate to tell someone "no" if they want me to do something. It feels like I'm letting them down even if it isn't probably a big deal... I'd have my recent roomate call and cancel activities for me if something came up, I have such a hard time doing it myself!

The flipside is it works well for me to have friends that are home-body types who I can rely on to be around anytime I randomly get the urge to come over and hang out (even if it means I pick up lunch and take it to their apartment, hah)... They almost never call me though... seems to work? win-win??? haha... (or selfish user?? ;p)
 

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TRUE! I've also not answered the phone even when I really like the person if I'm not feeling energetic. I have a problem that I really hate to tell someone "no" if they want me to do something. It feels like I'm letting them down even if it isn't probably a big deal... I'd have my recent roomate call and cancel activities for me if something came up, I have such a hard time doing it myself!

The flipside is it works well for me to have friends that are home-body types who I can rely on to be around anytime I randomly get the urge to come over and hang out (even if it means I pick up lunch and take it to their apartment, hah)... They almost never call me though... seems to work? win-win??? haha... (or selfish user?? ;p)
I know why i do that. I get in moods i'm too lazy to talk, wow, how pathetic is that ; D..although its true. If i'm in the mood for communication, you can't shut me up, yet i go to the extreme both ways. If i don't feel like talking it doesn't matter who is on the other end of the phone, i won't pick it up ;p

Yikkes, i do that too. Is it our independence ? I think so. I feel like everything works out better if i do it on my time, i know that sounds so selfish :/ Yet i can get into the mood to hang out that way, and know i'll have a better time. I love having friends who understand my moods. They know without a doubt if i swing by without being asked, i really want to be there. And i can so relate to having friends who are homebodies. I prefer to hang out with people who are chilled. My party wild days are done :D
 

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I'm guilty of this. It sucks because I hate letting people down or not following through on a promise. As a result, I only make promises if they're really important and I don't plan much ahead of time. Since I started doing this, I've gotten a lot better at keeping my commitments and people see me as way more reliable. Really I'm no more reliable than I was, just wiser and more realistic.
 

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I certainly have no problem with my own spontaneity. However, when I give my word that I will meet with someone, I keep that promise, regardless of what else might come along. Sometimes I might let the other party know what else came up to see if we might switch plans or accomodate both. Letting someone I made a promise to down completely is just not something I do. It can be a very hurtful thing and I take great strides to avoid hurting others.

However, I might not necessarily say yes to too many invitations, knowing my own penchant for general unstructured wanderlust. My better friends know not to wait for me if I have left my attendance "maybe/maybe not". Of course, since I am also not the most punctual person, that can backfire. it's a good thing I don't mind doing thing son my own.
 
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