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Discussion Starter #1
Why didn't they work according to type? What is your type? What is their type? Which part of their type didn't work out with your type? Describe the relationship, was it boring, exciting, passionate, never ending fights...etc? How long did the relationship last?

I will start:

Ex #1: INTJ
Letters that didn't work: His IT. His IJ. His I. His T.
Relationship description: Boring. His need for alone time and my need for one on one time clashed so I felt lonely often. He took forever to make a decision then became completely unmovable once he decided on something. The house was too quiet. My emotional needs were not satisfied and he was not interested in learning about the same things as me so his T did me no good either.
Length of relationship: We lasted 6 years.​

864 Posts
First Ex.

Functions that clashed: Not to my knowledge. He was in depression.
He left because he wanted to die. I don't have much to say about this relationship. I spent most of my time cheering him up, and I ended up getting dumped with a message that put me into depression as well.
Lasted half a year.

Second Ex.
Functions that clashed: Fi vs. Fe and Se vs. Fi.
I think the function explained themselves. His Fe drove me nuts. He woudn't leave me alone at all. He also didn't give a damn about education or a lifeline goal since he doesn't like money. His emotional needs were never satisfied since I'm always so aloof. Well, he was too clingy, so I wanted to be left alone.

Fights were always 3-4 hours long. It DRAINED me!!! Every time I told him the argument was too stupid to continue, he told me he feels a certain way so it must be solved. However, he didn't know how to solve it, so we must cry for hours until he calms down. If I didn't cry, then I'm a robotic bitch. He always wanted to talk on the phone for hours too. I had no time! He saw that as a sign of rejection even though I wasn't rejecting him.

He was also stubborn about his time schedule. If he has been doing some at a certain order, he would absolutely refuse to change it. I'm super flexible, and he disliked that.

Emotional problems... This was the deal breaker. I did not talk about my feelings like an expert, but he did. I always kept my emotions inside, but he wanted to know them. I kept telling him I don't know how to explain it, but he kept pushing me to say it... to the point where I started to cry, and then he became satisfied. Why was he satisfied? Because crying means I have feelings, otherwise I wouldn't. I don't know what kind of close minded attitude that was, but it sure turned me off.

Relationship lasted two years. Most of it was long-distant.

14,801 Posts

Ex I was with the longest (6 years): ESFJ

Letters that didn't work: He was super duper E.

Functional clashes: I loved his Fe very much, but I hated when he went into a dark, pissy Fe/Si mode where he started trying to make people feel "weird" or like they "didn't fit." I also sometimes got "jumped on" for not simply knowing his Si attachments which were meaningless to me: WHITE TOWELS AREN'T FOR YOUR BODY THEY'RE FOR WIPING THE SINK. MY NAME GOES FIRST ON THE CHRISTMAS PRESENT BECAUSE I AM THE GUY.

Relationship description: Very very passionate, good sex, spent a lot of time together, very affectionate, good conversation. One of the best relationships of my life, possibly the best so far. However, we broke up because he is wildly emotionally unstable and refused to get professional help, and one day my self-preservation trumped my intense love for him. Extraordinarily draining relationship, all-consuming passion takes a lot out of you, and would probably kill someone or wear them out in a 10-20-30 year relationship.

I think it would have been a better relationship maybe if he was a psychologically healthy ESFJ, or maybe an ISFJ with the same interests and values.

I have other exes, of course.
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