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I noticed that I am more likely to stand up for others than I am to stand up for myself. I hate confrontation, but for some reason I will gladly stand up for people who I feel need to be defended but I far too often let others get away with taking advantage of me unless I know I have some sort of support system, but it takes a lot of energy to build one so I typically won't. Anyone else do this?
 

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ya, I must look cynically at people in order to fight against their opportunistic ways or have given a lot of thought to it. Generally I am not a defensive person, but looking out arising problems elsewhere is something I do a lot.

Part of it is trusting your understanding of situations and understanding when someone is going to create problems, then its time to fight for what you know is right. I don't have time to think it all completely through but thats the gist of it from what I've noticed.
 

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I also despise confrontation and the only reason I will ever get involved is if I can see a positive out come. I've never really been in a situation where someone is talking really badly about someone I hold dear, I would assume that in such a case my reaction would be dependent on who was saying what. For instance; if you call my baby sister a whore, I'll probably knock your teeth out... but I'd have to say, in a 'normal' situation where someone is just voicing their opinion (even if it is negative) about someone and I don't agree with it, If I don't feel saying something will help, I usually let them wallow in their self-righteous delusion. You have to realize, words are cheap, anyone can say anything; you have to learn to filter everything you hear and decide if a) they really mean what they're saying or b) its even worth indulging them. 90% of the time you will find that responding with "uh huh" will result in a better out come than "no thats not true!!!".
 

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MOTM May 2011
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When I was younger, I tended to try to avoid confrontations. Now that I'm older, not so much. In fact, I seldom shy away from a confrontation at all. I also tend to disagree with Ryan's statements towards just letting stupid comments go. If you make a stupid comment, I'm pretty sure to call you on it.

However, now that I am older, fewer things bother me, compared to when I was a young ISTJ. Also, my tact has improved a bit so that I can be confrontational without immediately backing the other person into a corner where there is no escape. I often approach confrontation by asking questions. Using Ryan's example, I would first say, "That's a pretty strong statement. What makes you say that she's a whore?" This gives them a chance to reflect and change their statement. If I still think they are being nuts after the change, I will slowly take the slack out of the rope until there is no more room to wiggle. At this point, they usually back down or storm off mad. Either way, I don't care--I've proven my point--and they know it. My goal is to get them to re-think stupid statements they have made about others, and to reflect a bit more before they start running someone down next time.

Defending myself? Absolutely. If you say something about me that is partially true or untrue, I will correct it--good, bad, or indifferent.
 

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If it's about me, and someone just has an opinion, they can have their opinion, even if it's wrong (like how some people think we're robots or have ice for blood. The people who have taken the time to actually get to know me know better, and those that haven't bothered, don't matter). OTOH, if someone says something nasty about a friend of mine, you can BET I'll be the first one to confront them; everyone else can take a number.
 

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I noticed that I am more likely to stand up for others than I am to stand up for myself. I hate confrontation, but for some reason I will gladly stand up for people who I feel need to be defended but I far too often let others get away with taking advantage of me unless I know I have some sort of support system, but it takes a lot of energy to build one so I typically won't. Anyone else do this?
i find that i am substantially passive. i've ben trying to find ways to correct this, i find that when accosted by another indivivdual i just utter swears under my breath and stoically ignore or endure whatever is being said. nothing really irks me anymore. im taking steps to change this (military career/martial arts.)
 

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When I was younger, I tended to try to avoid confrontations. Now that I'm older, not so much. In fact, I seldom shy away from a confrontation at all. I also tend to disagree with Ryan's statements towards just letting stupid comments go. If you make a stupid comment, I'm pretty sure to call you on it.

However, now that I am older, fewer things bother me, compared to when I was a young ISTJ. Also, my tact has improved a bit so that I can be confrontational without immediately backing the other person into a corner where there is no escape. I often approach confrontation by asking questions. Using Ryan's example, I would first say, "That's a pretty strong statement. What makes you say that she's a whore?" This gives them a chance to reflect and change their statement. If I still think they are being nuts after the change, I will slowly take the slack out of the rope until there is no more room to wiggle. At this point, they usually back down or storm off mad. Either way, I don't care--I've proven my point--and they know it. My goal is to get them to re-think stupid statements they have made about others, and to reflect a bit more before they start running someone down next time.

Defending myself? Absolutely. If you say something about me that is partially true or untrue, I will correct it--good, bad, or indifferent.
I totally see where you're coming from... I guess at the stage I am in my life right now I simply don't give a **** about a whole lot. 99.9% of people are completely retarded and by accepting that about them and having such failed attempts in the past at trying to "change" them, I look the other way. At the same time I dont patronize or even necessarily put them in boxes (seemingly contrary to my previous statements) but I just don't care enough - usually - to say something. Guess i'm just weird like that :crazy:
 

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99.9% of people are completely retarded
Reminds me of the quote: "Never argue with an idiot, they will knock you down to their level, then beat you with experience."

I stand up for something if I think it's appropriate. I value justice pretty highly. I guess you could say that I do stand up for others more than myself. I guess my not so great self-esteem is somewhat a factor, but I can see why the ISTJ stands up for others more.
^ Me this. I also have a tough time with confrontation because I don't think of replies fast enough, it's always after the fact I think of I should have said this …
 

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Lucky for me growing up, whenever someone picked on me, I had an ISTJ big sister who'd go for the jugular. Oh man, she can chew you up and spit you out with her words. I don't always know what's going on in her mind, but I do know her very well, and she is by no means afraid to get into a confrontation.
 
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I also have a tough time with confrontation because I don't think of replies fast enough, it's always after the fact I think of I should have said this …

Yeah, but you get better with practice. :blushed::tongue::laughing:
 
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