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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Just this past Sunday I fell off my bicycle as it went down and up a mound. Silently I detached from the vehicle, flying over it and some things happened..
What I remember is releasing from the bike and instantly afterward, I got up and saved the bike from the road. Anyways, that was just explaining something without summarizing (which I tend to do in others presence as its like their schedule fast forwards my sense of time - and peace)
Back to the story, I broke my collar bone and willbe getting surgery done Monday.

What is more important to me right now is to emerge from this event with a stronger presence. To which I may be unable to focus on after surgery, I fear.
So these next three days I could blow away while my arm cant naturally heal or try something new when my external world is absent (even from my conscious/unconscious).
I am and have not ever been certain of my MBTI type. I'm hyper aware to how when taking the tests, I can anticipate each of the answers meanings. So there's really no rhyme or riddle to it. Like a fairy tale where someone told the ending or spoiled the meaning.

I'm really not sure how to put this though as for most of my life, i'm told high on ideas, low on sense(organization/clarity). Doesnt bother me, just I have neglected and typically dont care for external opinion. (well, I am shy.. But I try not to care through withdrawal)

I feel like in the process of this 'search' of personality type that I have found what I want; yet failed to maintain or find it. I think I approached it with a closed mind. Like the same process I had as a kid where if I was the first to lash out a judgement then I could avoid the risk of being judged. So I judged the world before looking. And perhaps now in my internal world, I have judged my own doings and ceased certain processes completely.
An example could be the MBTI with me. For the latter parts of my personality search, I wanted to shun personality typing completely.
I am aware that every time I return to it, I go back to what am I, and then eventually i'm just fishing for who I want to be as opposed to - really anything. Like the MBTI is my pity trip. And my reaction to it is becoming the puritan that rids themself of it.
Hopefully that makes sense.

So in this, I think it is like what the Enneagram 4 says, "I have only painted myself for who I am not." as perhaps most peoples paintings of who they are present shallowness anyways, so I rid the whole notion of that.
Or maybe it is like the INFP thread title, "We already know what's killing us... So what's saving us."
As a result of this, i've put myself in this almost unbearable world because all consistency has been lost. I HAVE to find a purpose every day to cycle my feelings, sleep well, feel well.. Oh, but that comes not often. Every day is an existential situation. And what I conjecture is that i've repressed my dominant function and from that last consistency.
By consistency, I mean the reality of each day is disconnected, forgotten... My unconscious lives like in a location of a year ago, and i'm aware that I don't know where I am. And these existential realities do exist, but i've combatted them to a point where i'm the archetype of the victim or Sisyphus - where I will almost always lose.

While I sought the consistency out with a special friend, this surgery will make me feel more alone I feel. But i'm not going to toy with falling into depression again.
Sending this message is sort of my active message that I send out in some way, once a day to reciprocate importance; because the passive, consistent aspect seems to be nonexistant as of now.
So when I do show my energy that it is not just showing up strong once a week or something, that i'm carrying it along and not just summoning the pet when I can/have to.

If you want to read more, I can write more or I wrote a lot on the what's my enneagram type topic, "Enneagram Types of Energy".
I've typically gotten INFP and E4 or that is what I want. But mostly I was curious if anyone had any idea what I am and an idea of what I may be rejecting.

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Discussion Starter · #7 · (Edited)
For you, I cannot explain my act of judgement. I just get the sense in which you write, is pretty N. They way you began with a story, which I would never be able to combine a story with typing. Why don't you believe you are an INFP? What other types would you consider?
It's just weird because how I saw your interaction was you were like this wizard that gives a short simple answer.
I've spent this time trying to figure out, "what am I doing actually?"

So the response was only really perplexing.

I just felt like my approach to the MBTI/life has been wrong, so in that was looking for an objective answer and the contrast of the time i've spent in searching and the simplicity of your answer, again, perplexing.

I do remember I first typed ISFP in high school, which initiated my interest in typing; however in high school I was given up on trying to progress in life. That is to say, I had no idea how to approach a question of who I was.
Umm, and now i'm at a point to admit that the combination doesn't mean anything and what is more important is my progression with it - if that makes sense.

In the past I used the MBTI as the validation that maybe I was doing something right when I judged myself for doing most things wrong. Hard cycle to explain.

I suppose I just don't know what it means to be INFP, and there is no answer to the question i'm trying to answer. Because i'm more likely asking what does it mean to be me?
And I don't know.


Edit: I was also curious how you processed it through, like what functions or magic.
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