[Zilchopincho]

I'm curious as to how the INFP population goes about starting a relationship with someone.

I know that just because you are a certain type, it doesn't mean you automatically do things everyone that type does. BUT! I am sure it has a certain affect on how you might approach or handle situations.

I am just entering a relationship with a lovely young lady that I have known for almost a year now. It took me a while to warm up to her as it does with most people I become friends with. Even then, I still wanted to get to know her before I entertained the thought of becoming closer to her. These last couple of months have been a slow but steady volley of flirting and talking. So it has been the better part of year for the both of us to actually come to the conclusion that we very much like each other. We are still talking to make sure that both of us are sure and ready for a relationship. This is after I finally gave in to the sexual tension and kissed her, and now we are discussing things.

Moral of the story: We are taking things slow, making sure we aren't rushing into anything without thinking. I wonder, do other INFP's take these kinds of things slowly as well? I would think that we would because our feelings mean a lot to us and are not to be trifled with. I'd love to hear some stories and opinions.

 

[RetroVortex]

I honestly wouldn't know. Never been in one! XD

But I definately wouldn't be the one to approach though in theory, a gal would have to be a bit forward.
Then again I'd probably think she is pranking me, or there is some other alterior motive to it.
If I knew her and liked her and found her attractive, then I'd probably jump at the bit to do it.

But I would want to get to know her first before doing anything physical thats for certain. Just hang out, a few dates, a lot of chatting.

Then again, who knows what could happen in practice! XD

 

[Lad]

@Zilchopincho Went in for the big smooch, eh? Woo! Hopefully "discussing things" works favorably.


As for myself, I'm against casual dating (or a 'trial' run) and I really need to see elements of long term potential before even asking someone out on a first date. In some ways, this has worked in my favor as every date I've been on has resulted in a relationship spanning at least a year, but naturally it can also suggest that I tend to write off people easily as well.

While I'm on this pre-dating "figuring out" stage, it can last for months in terms of people I have a crush on, but little direct interaction with -- I tend to evaluate from a distance in these cases. It's like piecing together a puzzle where you don't have the front of the box to know what image you're creating. On the other hand, there are girls where things have been instantly flirtatious + instant chemistry and I just tend to catapult the conversation into things like philosophical views, what's important to them (passions), and their beliefs when it comes to romance -- relating to that long term potential I mentioned earlier. In this cases it's often a much quicker decision of whether it's worth pursuing.

When that first date happens though, it's putting your gas to the pedal and just running away with it. My logic in a relationship is that if it's meant to hit a brick wall in the future, get there as fast as possible so you can end things and keep yourself available for the real 'one' you're meant to be with.

 

[Zilchopincho]

@RetroVortex Sometimes you can never know what can happen in practice, but yeah I definitely recommend to getting to know the person well before getting serious.
@Lad I am also opposed to the casual dating scene. I think that jumping into a romantic setting right away can cause people to act differently and put on a show that they normally wouldn't do. I have kind of made it a rule for myself that I would only enter a relationship with a friend. By that, I mean to say that I would have to get to know the person for a long while and be able to consider her a friend before I could seriously consider her to be my girlfriend. After all, some day I will asking someone who I am in a relationship with to marry me, and I want that person to be my best friend.

 

[RetroVortex]

What is the benefit to marriage?
Sounds strange, but I definately see a lot of negatives to it if anything, (like divorces. Normally messy businesses, plus sometimes marriage can keep genuinely unhappy people together because they couldn't comprehend life outside married life (like my parents! XD)).

I wouldn't ever want to get married. A long-term relationship sure, hell! If I loved a girl enough I'd settle down and have a family too, I just don't like or see as necessary the paperwork behind that.

Heh, I bet I sound pretty naive here! XD

 

[Zilchopincho]

@RetroVortex Well, I see marriage as the ultimate friendship. Your spouse will always be the person you talk to first, confide in, seek support from, and always want to see at the end of the day. Will there be rough times? Sure, but if you truly love that person, there will always be the willingness to overcome your problems because you love each other unconditionally. To me, marriage is also a religious ritual(for lack of a better word). I believe that marriage is a covenant- a holy union between yourself, your spouse, and God. To me, it is the most important and rewarding relationship you can be a part of.

This brings me back to the point of being in a relationship with someone who you can consider to be a friend. Which is also why I believe it is wiser to not rush into a relationship.

 

[ThatOne]

He, like me, was an INFP who had a crush on me back in primary school. 3-4 years onwards we reunited over Facebook (of all places!) via Facebook chat. XD We talked for about 15 minutes (I'm making that up, I have no idea how long but it wasn't long enough for small talk to run out ), and then he left me his number and I left him mine. Commence another month of constantly texting eachother before he asked me out... which he wanted to do in person, but I was so self-concious about my image and how I looked I kept avoiding him and he had to do it through text. *Facepalm* He said he could either do it then or when we met up and me, being the insanely curious person I was, made him ask me his question then over text.
I'm a stubborn one. He didn't have a choice. So when people say "oh, that's not very romantic!" I'm just like, "One, I made him. He didn't have a choice. And two, ...is it sad that the guy is more romantic than a girl in a relationship?"
So no. We weren't really slow starting off at all. But warming up to eachother took a while. Holding hands didn't come until the second date, proper kissing either the third or fourth, and so on. Still. We're happy. I guess that's what counts.

 

[RetroVortex]

Heh, I can see where you are coming from, but not being a religious or spiritual person, I just don't see why one needs to buy expensive rings, spend months and lots of money planning a ceremony where everyone is either envious or secretly hates you, and sign paperwork, just to say that you really really love someone. XD

 

[Nintaku]

I tend to make quality friends, and then as we start to grow closer I start playing with them in a non-sexual, but suggestive to relationships manner that is obvious. Some people love this, but some people hate it. Most of the people I've dated are guys since this process works on men, where women are, evidently, just too stupid to figure it out most of the time. No offense ladies.

When it comes to women I like a large spread of women. Tomboys can be fun, but so can non-tomboys. Girly Girls bore the crap out of me, and if there isn't some intelligence behind the face then I'm not interested.

Starting relationships with women is different than starting relationships with men. Women decide if someone is a potential lover or a potential friend anywhere from right off the bat to in a few weeks. You Can make the leap from friend to lover or from lover to friend, but it can force the relationship to self-destruct if the attempt is unsuccessful.

So, if you're looking at women keep in mind that when it comes to women they are looking for Dating material, and then they are looking for sex partners. These two groups are not mutually exclusive, but a dating partner is going to have sex anywhere from once a week to once a year, while a sex partner is going to have sex anywhere from 7 or more times a week to once a week.

When looking for dating partners girls are looking for men who are not confident, since she can push him around. He isn't sexy to her, but is someone she knows will come running, heel at her feet, and will sit/rollover on command.

When looking for sex partners girls are looking for men who turn them on, impress them, have tons of confidence. You could be a complete femboi, but be overwhelmingly popular with the women just from your confidence, and internal power.

Before I get the whole INFPs are weak argument, INFPs are insanely powerful when they WANT to be. With Fi as our dominant trait we have neigh on unlimited emotional power. Learn to use that power, to make yourself feel alive, and develop that force of personality that hides in you, and you will get pussy/dick like crazy. Yes, it IS easier for an ESTJ to do this, but INFPs can do it as well and often times more effectively since it is something we have to work on.

Will some people be offended by this post? Yes. Are there women who will have gross disagreements with my post? You bet you ass. Will some women read this and be like, "Yeah, sort of true." Yes.

My best advice on relationships is to find your strengths, and incorporate them into your personality. Your personality's "Face" is important, since although INFPs might have a depth that few other types can match, that depth from the surface looks like a big-black-hole that no one wants to fall into. Create the entrance, the stairs, and the maze down to your heart. Most of all Women want to FEEL like they are worth your time or alive. INFPs are the hopeless romantic types, remember? Capitalize on your romantic side, and allow it to become a stronger part of who, and what, you are.

DISCLAIMER:
The views and ideas expressed here are for constructive purposes. If you feel counter, counter the points with your own points. If you see a fallacy, then counter it with your own logic.

 

[toastedguy]

I agree with a lot of the things you said Nintaku, I've been hurt more by women than anything else in my life, and I find myself paranoid and afraid of women.

 

[boredToDeath]

Me and my partner (what you would call a girlfriend ) met through Omegle, a random site which matches up random strangers for a chat (I later learned that it's just a place for 15-year-old's to sext, and I never went there again xD). We were actually friends, she's an INFP and I introduced her to that, since she didn't know, and we grew to be really good friends, through skype. We never really thought about going romantic, we just have almost everything in common, apart from cultural and religious differences, but it never gets in the way. After a year of knowing each other we both wanted it to be a romantic relationship; at first I was too shy to say anything but in the end I had to confess to her, and it turns out she was trying to tell me too but she was too shy as well xD

I think, like most people said in this thread, that making a friend and turning it into a partner is the best way to get one, because you know the person really well, and INFP's need to make sure a person is 'safe' before letting them so close, else they might wreak havoc with us!
@RetroVortex: I think that marriages are important, for the reason @Zilchopincho said, and also because of something that's has a more global scope than the husband and wife: if they have a child, and they're not married, and they just can't continue in a relationship for some reason, there isn't really anything to hold them back from just separating, and there wouldn't be any laws regarding who should take the child, etc, and the children may be fought over. Also, a married couple would want to think twice before separating if there's a formal tie between them, since it's going to be more difficult to separate it, which would keep the family intact; it's really hard for children to grow up with a parent missing, it scars them for life. So I think a marriage protects the unity of the family. Of course, I'm not supporting the preservation of a marriage if someone is abusive or something
@Nintaku: there are also good people who actually judge by a person's heart, you should mention these guys and girls too

 

[Nintaku]

@Nintaku: there are also good people who actually judge by a person's heart, you should mention these guys and girls too

They exist, but the majority of people are not as such. The USA's cultural values inhibit the seeing into the heart thing, and plus even if you see into someone's heart and see how good of a person he/she is you are still going to decide if the person is dating or sex material, or just a friend.

 

[Kyandigaru]

I like allowing the guy to speak on his feeling first. As a women [not just my INFP type], i believe its best for a man to talk about getting serious. I'm the type to talk about relationships first, because I'm a relationship girl. Now, once the guy talks about getting there, then I have to ability to decide if I want something with him or not.

 

[_selene_]

I'm curious as to how the INFP population goes about starting a relationship with someone.

I know that just because you are a certain type, it doesn't mean you automatically do things everyone that type does. BUT! I am sure it has a certain affect on how you might approach or handle situations.

I am just entering a relationship with a lovely young lady that I have known for almost a year now. It took me a while to warm up to her as it does with most people I become friends with. Even then, I still wanted to get to know her before I entertained the thought of becoming closer to her. These last couple of months have been a slow but steady volley of flirting and talking. So it has been the better part of year for the both of us to actually come to the conclusion that we very much like each other. We are still talking to make sure that both of us are sure and ready for a relationship. This is after I finally gave in to the sexual tension and kissed her, and now we are discussing things.

Moral of the story: We are taking things slow, making sure we aren't rushing into anything without thinking. I wonder, do other INFP's take these kinds of things slowly as well? I would think that we would because our feelings mean a lot to us and are not to be trifled with. I'd love to hear some stories and opinions.

yes.. take it slow.. infact you two might have a very good relationship here.. taking it slow discussing things out .. are one of the main reasons ppl break up because they lack.. it.. Im happy for you and wish you the best...
As for me i do rush into things.. BUT when i am certain i do take things slow and wait to hope my "partner" comes through and catches up to me

 

[boredToDeath]

They exist, but the majority of people are not as such. The USA's cultural values inhibit the seeing into the heart thing, and plus even if you see into someone's heart and see how good of a person he/she is you are still going to decide if the person is dating or sex material, or just a friend.

Actually, that's not just in the USA, that's in the whole world nowadays...xD But you're right!

 

[Coldspot]

I've never been in a relationship, but i will never be a part of the dating scene. Dates are where you get to know someone and there are expectations in a date. If I'm gonna be in a relationship, i will get to know them the old fashioned way; hanging out. If romantic feelings develop, then I might try being in a more intimate setting. Communication is key before getting serious about anything for me though.

Long story short; I take it very slowly.

 

[Zilchopincho]

They exist, but the majority of people are not as such. The USA's cultural values inhibit the seeing into the heart thing, and plus even if you see into someone's heart and see how good of a person he/she is you are still going to decide if the person is dating or sex material, or just a friend.

I can see how this is true among many different cultures and places. I am very grateful that I am not a part of that whole scene. The people I hang out with are usually not that type of person. Also, I try to make friends with people who usually don't have this outlook on relationships and sex, because there certainly is a lot more important things in life than sex.

 

[Zilchopincho]

Me and my partner (what you would call a girlfriend ) met through Omegle, a random site which matches up random strangers for a chat (I later learned that it's just a place for 15-year-old's to sext, and I never went there again xD). We were actually friends, she's an INFP and I introduced her to that, since she didn't know, and we grew to be really good friends, through skype. We never really thought about going romantic, we just have almost everything in common, apart from cultural and religious differences, but it never gets in the way. After a year of knowing each other we both wanted it to be a romantic relationship; at first I was too shy to say anything but in the end I had to confess to her, and it turns out she was trying to tell me too but she was too shy as well xD

I think, like most people said in this thread, that making a friend and turning it into a partner is the best way to get one, because you know the person really well, and INFP's need to make sure a person is 'safe' before letting them so close, else they might wreak havoc with us!

Meeting someone on Omeagle and turning it into a meaningful relationship is surprising but awesome. I could see how two INFP's might both be looking for something a little deeper than a casual encounter on the internet.
The feeling safe part is also pretty important too, before you really start to let someone in to your own little world.

 

[amethyst_butterfly]

It's funny how some men express their frustration about women when I think it goes both ways.

 

[Zilchopincho]

It's funny how some men express their frustration about women when I think it goes both ways.

Yeah, It's totally true. I have friend going through a breakup right now and I have heard the expression, "I hate guys" more than once, though I think it's because she takes breakups really rough. I also have a few female friends who can be open about that stuff.
I don't really find myself expressing any frustration towards women as whole though. I think it's childish and immature. If I am going to be frustrated about people, it will be on an individual level. However, I don't usually allow myself to get into situations where I am able to be hurt by others.