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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Okay, so, this is my first time actually making a thread on here (I'm a little nervous but I really need advice). Sorry if something like this has already been posted, or if you think this is in the wrong spot or something. Now... on to the dilemma...

So this year I decided to join cheerleading because I thought it would be good for me as a new experience etc. etc. It's been going fine, but recently I've found out that one of my teamates has been cutting herself. I don't think anyone else on the team knows about it, or just anyone in general. I feel like I should say something to her, to just let her know that I'm here to talk or whatever but I'm not sure... What do you think I should do? If you think I should talk to her, what do I say? Normally I have no problem helping people when they come to me, but I haven't had much experience the other way around.
As an INFP, how do you start important coversations? How do you know when someone needs your help?
 

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I'd say report it, personally. I'm sure you would be kept anonymous by whomever as well. Just remember that cutting could lead to far more worse things.

Alternatively, if you try to talk to her about it then she might feel more shame -- meaning a meltdown, who knows what could happen from there.

edit:
Thanks for sharing btw :D. I'm sorry I was short and sweet, but it's really just one choice to me.
 

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UGH.. If she wants help, just be the person that would be there for her if she does ask! Don't bug her... Cause I cut and I heck wouldn't want someone bugging into thinking I need their help, even if they have good intentions. I feel for her, cause sometimes physical pain is the best way for the emotional pain. S'long as she can keep it under control, I don't find there to be any trouble :mellow:
 

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I too, agree with both borntorave and Lad's posts.

But if you still feel like you want to talk to her about it, maybe you can make known that you are
willing to listen to her problem and comfort her?

(Hmmm ok, maybe not.....see....this is why you get a professional!...:wink:)
 

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UGH.. If she wants help, just be the person that would be there for her if she does ask! Don't bug her... Cause I cut and I heck wouldn't want someone bugging into thinking I need their help, even if they have good intentions. I feel for her, cause sometimes physical pain is the best way for the emotional pain. S'long as she can keep it under control, I don't find there to be any trouble :mellow:
Awhile ago I would have been really judgmental reading this. I could have never truly comprehended why some people would inflict harm upon themselves.

Then one day, I got a bit of a temporary blood infection (in New Orleans, shortly after Kat). I've never felt so shitty in my life. I had pain induced insomnia and I had so much infection running through my body that my body was essentially killing itself by over-producing white blood cells. Every day the doctors would take vials and vials of blood out of me to test it. After they took those vials, I would feel better temporarily. Then I started to understand...

Nonetheless, I don't know your situation or how you may feel exactly, but I do have some sort of understanding. The difference is, there are other ways to solve whatever you may be facing. It's long term emotional scarring that can potentially get worse. I know if I was in your shoes, I'd probably tell me to go F' myself, but I'm just saying that a lot of us care and we've never even met you. I really implore you to seek some professional guidance, and you also know that you can vent on here if you ever need to.
 

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Awhile ago I would have been really judgmental reading this. I could have never truly comprehended why some people would inflict harm upon themselves.

Then one day, I got a bit of a temporary blood infection (in New Orleans, shortly after Kat). I've never felt so shitty in my life. I had pain induced insomnia and I had so much infection running through my body that my body was essentially killing itself by over-producing white blood cells. Every day the doctors would take vials and vials of blood out of me to test it. After they took those vials, I would feel better temporarily. Then I started to understand...

Nonetheless, I don't know your situation or how you may feel exactly, but I do have some sort of understanding. The difference is, there are other ways to solve whatever you may be facing. It's long term emotional scarring that can potentially get worse. I know if I was in your shoes, I'd probably tell me to go F' myself, but I'm just saying that a lot of us care and we've never even met you. I really implore you to seek some professional guidance, and you also know that you can vent on here if you ever need to.
I second Lad.


.....that's all. :proud:
 

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Awhile ago I would have been really judgmental reading this. I could have never truly comprehended why some people would inflict harm upon themselves.

Then one day, I got a bit of a temporary blood infection (in New Orleans, shortly after Kat). I've never felt so shitty in my life. I had pain induced insomnia and I had so much infection running through my body that my body was essentially killing itself by over-producing white blood cells. Every day the doctors would take vials and vials of blood out of me to test it. After they took those vials, I would feel better temporarily. Then I started to understand...

Nonetheless, I don't know your situation or how you may feel exactly, but I do have some sort of understanding. The difference is, there are other ways to solve whatever you may be facing. It's long term emotional scarring that can potentially get worse. I know if I was in your shoes, I'd probably tell me to go F' myself, but I'm just saying that a lot of us care and we've never even met you. I really implore you to seek some professional guidance, and you also know that you can vent on here if you ever need to.
HAHA, I would never tell anyone to go F' themselves! I geniunely love people, and I thank you for what you have to say. I try to gather as many people's perspectives as I can and I really appreciate your views. I don't believe I need any professional guidance, or help at the momment =/ maybe I'm being stubborn, but I do think that I know what's best for myself at the moment. I want to live a life that I will never regret, and so far I'm doing everything I can to fufill that one goal. Btw, I value human life too much to go overboard, lose control, or even suicide. Even though I know that I can vent on here to caring people, it's still nice to see it written by someone else. So again, thanks :tongue:
 

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Are you already relatively good friends with her? I used to cut, I was embarrassed and I'd have been mortified if anyone had noticed let alone asked about it without being someone I knew and trusted... Regardless, your intentions are good and I think that's the main thing. If you want to help, I think the best first step would be becoming her friend and earning her trust over time as opposed to trying to become a confidante right off the bat. I'm sorry if I misjudged your situation...
 

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I would at least try to befriend her before delving into that subject. I'd say to definitely report it like Lad has stated. I've never known why people would cut inflict pain like that to themselves, but umm...it's not a good sign .____.

I'd probably toss and turn over it for a few nights, and then after becoming her friend, acquaintance or someone that she can simply talk to, I would bring up the topic, not bluntly, but like skipping over it, and see how she reacts from there. If the conversation turns serious, then yeah, I will bring it up on the spot. It has to be done.

I wish you the best for your situation.
 

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I know the thin equilibrium between stardom and suicide. I've been a repressed cutter popular girl, with all the friends, who couldn't take her fucking bisexuality and wanted to kill herself for it.
Join Cheerleading. that's very sexy, girl. xD
Yeaaah, I love cheerleaders ;)
When someone cuts, the best at times is not to say anything. Well, you're an INFP, and maybe you'll take a totally different approach to it than most people, so i wouldn't care xDD but maybe it's not the best way. Have in account that cutting does not meaning suicide. you should let her, because she's stressed. what you should do is to see what makes her feel that nervous in order to avoid possible stress resulting in cuts. I have cutted and I would have hated it if someone told me. Okay, my parents.

I always give my help and hugs to everyone, even to people who doesn't want it and turn me down with bad, bad manners. That hurts. I always felt that I need to help people, although if I was a bit fucked I couldn't answer right that phone!
 
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Just be real with her... go into a conversation and bring up one of your problems that you can connect and address hers from. I think if you show her something deep about you she'd be more willing to accept help for her problems after the fact.
 

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I'm with most people on here. Approaching her no matter how careful you are could come off as a confrontation to her and you could trigger an episode or complete melt down. If she confides in you that'd be a different story, but if you are unsolicited in your approach you could end up with a negative effect.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Thanks for all the advice. I'm thinking I shouldn't say anything to her directly because I don't know her very well yet. I also don't know for a fact that she's doing this, but it seems fairly obvious. The cuts look self-inflicted and I've heard from a few other people that she does this. However, I don't want to be paranoid and upset her for no reason. Plus, I'm not sure it's any of my business...
 

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Thanks for all the advice. I'm thinking I shouldn't say anything to her directly because I don't know her very well yet. I also don't know for a fact that she's doing this, but it seems fairly obvious. The cuts look self-inflicted and I've heard from a few other people that she does this. However, I don't want to be paranoid and upset her for no reason. Plus, I'm not sure it's any of my business...
Regret is a powerful thing.

If you report it, she'll get approached by a member of the staff about it and it'll be kept private, regardless of whether she did or did not inflict harm on herself. Meaning, no one else will know so the girls reputation won't be compromised and it may even help her recognize she has a problem.

If she doesn't have a problem, she'll be miffed for a week or two. However, she won't turn into a wrecking ball either.

If you truly feel like you don't want to get involved, do her a favor and give me her name, school, and phone number. Also give me the area where the wounds are located -- wrists I assume?

----------------------------------------------------------

I'll give you one story of a somewhat similar situation.

I was reasonably popular in high school, in rare cases, almost immortalized by some. There was this one girl, she was definitely an outcast. She was slightly disfigured, as in it looks like she had some sort of injuries to her in the past. She was very rude, often alone, and just generally getting into fights with everyone -- long story short, everyone avoided her.

Anyways, I talked to her a few times and she was radically different with me. She was very nice, polite, and happy. Naturally, I was friendly back just like I am with most people. In the end, I think she had a crush on me. Overtime she started telling me about all these problems she had, an abusive father (in the past), how she got some of her injuries, etc etc. I was heartbroken, but assured her that she was a good person. I did, in a nice way, give her some suggestions for social skills and even used myself as a prop to mingle with other people.

One night she gave me a call and she was really upset. She was telling me over the phone what she was doing to herself. Long story short, she was talking about going through with suicide and about the blood dripping from her self inflicted wounds at the moment. This is where I had a mental conflict, should I try to play psychologist and talk her out of it? What about trust -- I was the only person she had ever trusted, could I betray that?

Regardless, I used a side phone and called it in to the cops. While feeling like scum for betraying her trust, I talked to her and distracted her from harming herself. In truth, I played on her crush and flirted with her. Betrayal and lies, that was hard on the conscience.

Anyways, the final part is that there was a ring of the doorbell for her. I could hear it through the phone. I think it was her mom that answered it, but regardless soon enough I "heard" people basically swarm in around this girl and basically sedate her while she went nuts. I still remember the screams of "F' YOU Richard" (me) -- "I hope you die" etc etc.

Then it was like she disappeared, for 6 months I had no idea what had happened and I agonized over whether I did the right thing. Deep down, I knew I did, but why was it so hard to stomach?

After those 6 months I got a call and it was her. Her voice was really calm, she seemed incredibly happy, and she was very thankful. Those etched words of "F' YOU" turned into "Thank you, you saved my life."

Who knows how I'd tell that story today if I didn't report it.
 

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I don't think you should report it. That's nosey and intruding. Cutting your arms a little bit isn't going to be fatal. I think talking to her about it is much more productive and caring.
 
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