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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Every time I try to date someone, there's always drama, someone's always talking shit, in my business when they shouldn't be. Does anyone else ever have this happen to them where every time you try to date someone new or get to know someone as friends, people are always gossiping about it and in the way of it?

I'm too old for this shit! I'm always straight forward with a guy I meet and what I want from him and I'm getting sick of guys who can't even say that they're not interested in me to my face. They expect me to take a hint when they leave me hanging. And I'm not sure I want to date someone who can't even reject me to my face.

The only time that no one has ever talked badly about me and a guy was when I talked to the Asian guy and no one was in my business at all there. They just let us be and weren't in the way, but every. single. time. I try to date a white guy people are always talking shit it's like oh my God when can I just freaking be with someone without the games and the he said she said? I like white guys for friends, but I don't know if I want to date one anymore.

At what age are people past all that? I'm just trying to find someone to relax with in the evenings. I don't care who said what when it's not their business anyway. But no, people always seem to be interested in my business whenever I'm trying to date someone. I don't know what's it to them. I have friends I confide in who give me courage to go for it, but then there are the haters that annoy me with their gossip.

I think I am ready to date now, it's just all the problems that come with it, when I can never be with someone after I let them know I'm interested, it's getting tiring that I don't want to try anymore and I've been on my own for years. I signed up for online dating again and decided to give it another shot.

I've talked to a handful of new guys online. I met a guy on there who I'm quite possibly interested in who is 40 minutes away but I don't know how that will go since I'm not going to say what his race/ethnicity is. I guess this is what I get when I seem to be one or two of the minority around here my age to date. I think I need to move to California.
 

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How old are you?

Never had this happen. Probably because I don't hang out with assholes and I don't have a relationship with garbage family members.
 

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Every time I try to date someone, there's always drama, someone's always talking shit, in my business when they shouldn't be. Does anyone else ever have this happen to them where every time you try to date someone new or get to know someone as friends, people are always gossiping about it and in the way of it?

I'm too old for this shit! I'm always straight forward with a guy I meet and what I want from him and I'm getting sick of guys who can't even say that they're not interested in me to my face. They expect me to take a hint when they leave me hanging. And I'm not sure I want to date someone who can't even reject me to my face.

The only time that no one has ever talked badly about me and a guy was when I talked to the Asian guy and no one was in my business at all there. They just let us be and weren't in the way, but every. single. time. I try to date a white guy people are always talking shit it's like oh my God when can I just freaking be with someone without the games and the he said she said? I like white guys for friends, but I don't know if I want to date one anymore.

At what age are people past all that? I'm just trying to find someone to relax with in the evenings. I don't care who said what when it's not their business anyway. But no, people always seem to be interested in my business whenever I'm trying to date someone. I don't know what's it to them. I have friends I confide in who give me courage to go for it, but then there are the haters that annoy me with their gossip.

I think I am ready to date now, it's just all the problems that come with it, when I can never be with someone after I let them know I'm interested, it's getting tiring that I don't want to try anymore and I've been on my own for years. I signed up for online dating again and decided to give it another shot.

I've talked to a handful of new guys online. I met a guy on there who I'm quite possibly interested in who is 40 minutes away but I don't know how that will go since I'm not going to say what his race/ethnicity is. I guess this is what I get when I seem to be one or two of the minority around here my age to date. I think I need to move to California.
You cannot escape the group. Society imposes itself upon you, no matter what you think or do. So you must learn to navigate those waters or you will drown.

Also, and maybe more importantly, who cares what others think? They will make their little comments. They will be negative. They will try to ruin your success in order to feel better about themselves. They will underscore the differences in your situation, again, to feel better about themselves. And, what? You let them? That will never be a healthy choice. Do not let them. That means do not let their observations and actions bother you. Easier said than done I know.

So, you do not say what this interest from others CAUSES. You do not mention HOW it affects you. You just seem bothered by it. Your being bothered IS ONLY a choice you are making. Choose not to be bothered.

What is lacking in general here is anger. Your anger. You deserve a better situation. So you have to take it. Maintain your own interest in the men you prefer (and stop talking about skin color or culture or whatever). Damn the silliness of (especially) mainstream commentary on your choices. Have the inner strength (anger) to find and keep what makes you happy and maintains your interest. Finally, develop at least a callous and better yet a winning response to this external commentary. Point out the strengths of your choices that you love. You will find that this strength is probably lacking in the relationships of those who have negative commentary on your relationships. That demonstration of positivity is the best revenge you can deliver.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
How old are you?

Never had this happen. Probably because I don't hang out with assholes and I don't have a relationship with garbage family members.
What does age have to do with anything? I've ran into a 65-year-old grandma who thinks it's still "cool" to start/win online flame wars.

Aside from that, yeah, my town does have a lot of assholes and that's true I can never escape them.
 

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Every time I try to date someone, there's always drama, someone's always talking shit, in my business when they shouldn't be. Does anyone else ever have this happen to them where every time you try to date someone new or get to know someone as friends, people are always gossiping about it and in the way of it?

I'm too old for this shit! I'm always straight forward with a guy I meet and what I want from him and I'm getting sick of guys who can't even say that they're not interested in me to my face. They expect me to take a hint when they leave me hanging. And I'm not sure I want to date someone who can't even reject me to my face.

The only time that no one has ever talked badly about me and a guy was when I talked to the Asian guy and no one was in my business at all there. They just let us be and weren't in the way, but every. single. time. I try to date a white guy people are always talking shit it's like oh my God when can I just freaking be with someone without the games and the he said she said? I like white guys for friends, but I don't know if I want to date one anymore.

At what age are people past all that? I'm just trying to find someone to relax with in the evenings. I don't care who said what when it's not their business anyway. But no, people always seem to be interested in my business whenever I'm trying to date someone. I don't know what's it to them. I have friends I confide in who give me courage to go for it, but then there are the haters that annoy me with their gossip.

I think I am ready to date now, it's just all the problems that come with it, when I can never be with someone after I let them know I'm interested, it's getting tiring that I don't want to try anymore and I've been on my own for years. I signed up for online dating again and decided to give it another shot.

I've talked to a handful of new guys online. I met a guy on there who I'm quite possibly interested in who is 40 minutes away but I don't know how that will go since I'm not going to say what his race/ethnicity is. I guess this is what I get when I seem to be one or two of the minority around here my age to date. I think I need to move to California.
The best thing you can do is properly vet your potential mates, and make a commitment to yourself, that you wont tolerate the bullshit, and that you wont respond to anything but respect. Don't make excuses for the men you date, and don't shy away from ending a relationship or a date if the other person is exhibiting behaviors that are not aligned with your goals.
 

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You cannot escape the group. Society imposes itself upon you, no matter what you think or do. So you must learn to navigate those waters or you will drown.

Also, and maybe more importantly, who cares what others think? They will make their little comments. They will be negative. They will try to ruin your success in order to feel better about themselves. They will underscore the differences in your situation, again, to feel better about themselves. And, what? You let them? That will never be a healthy choice. Do not let them. That means do not let their observations and actions bother you. Easier said than done I know.

So, you do not say what this interest from others CAUSES. You do not mention HOW it affects you. You just seem bothered by it. Your being bothered IS ONLY a choice you are making. Choose not to be bothered.

What is lacking in general here is anger. Your anger. You deserve a better situation. So you have to take it. Maintain your own interest in the men you prefer (and stop talking about skin color or culture or whatever). Damn the silliness of (especially) mainstream commentary on your choices. Have the inner strength (anger) to find and keep what makes you happy and maintains your interest. Finally, develop at least a callous and better yet a winning response to this external commentary. Point out the strengths of your choices that you love. You will find that this strength is probably lacking in the relationships of those who have negative commentary on your relationships. That demonstration of positivity is the best revenge you can deliver.
Do you ever grow tired of dropping truth bombs?
 

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Dr. series0 Or how I learned to stop worrying and love the (truth) bomb. ;)

The reticulating activation system (the thing that makes you see red cars for a week after buying a red car *because* you thought it'd be a rare color) seems to be drawing similarities in your experience regarding drama.

Deciding you won't tolerate drama; at any age, is one of those landmarks in personal development. Start cutting the negative destructive people out of your life. They're BORED and at a loose end, and will never bring anything to the table because of it. Focus on what you want.

What do *you* want? What qualities are you looking for in dating? If you're interested in dating more than finding one specific person to couple with- you might just want fun, novel experiences, etc. If it's movies, parties, beach dates, etc that you're more interested in than finding true love(s)- then focus on finding people who want to experience those places and events with you. If you want a specific person to hug and love and live drama-free- seek out people who exemplify your ideals. It might be both. Make a list- make a long excrutiatingly long list.

And like red cars, they'll start appearing more and more, the more you focus on what you want; and ignore the things you don't want.
 

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Do you ever grow tired of dropping truth bombs?
Ha! Since I do not claim to know truth but only my set of beliefs in its pursuit I can't tell if you are being serious or funny (or a little of both).

But, to answer in the same vein, I always wear a white scarf and sometimes several sets of goggles ... and somewhere on my person there is a sword of truth but its reach is only passingly better than average (and I think someone is lying about that average based on personal experience). I suppose I could go on and on, but we are stepping into pure braggadocio now and alas even a man like me can indeed get tired. Luckily, seekers after truth in every sense of the word get me riled up! Now pass the Jack Daniels please ...
 
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