[Sela]

The short version:

Incident #1: ISFJ classmate/acquaintance was supposed to meet me for an 11am lunch (we have a standing lunch date every two weeks) calls me at 11:05, AFTER I'd already gotten showered and driven into town, to tell me that she was out of town, and could we reschedule? Keep in mind I work 12-hour nights, so I'm already accommodating her schedule.

Incident #2: This morning, same classmate doesn't reply to the (2) texts I sent to her telephone an hour and ten minutes before we were supposed to meet up. They were basically, "Are we still on for this morning, please let me know". It is now 10:55 and I haven't heard anything back. I have gotten completely dressed, when in reality I should be starting to think about going to bed (as I have to work at 8pm tonight).

I was irritated at the first incident, but chalked it up to "real life" happening, and was willing to let it slide, until incident #2 happened. My question:

Do you think this is an ISFJ trait, or is it just her? (I'm sure I'll hear that she has to work a lot, or that she has school, or her kids did something. I don't care. I work more than she does, I take more classes than she does, and up until just over a year ago, I had a child in the house. I know it sounds harsh, but if I can do it, so can she.)

Thanks in advance.

 

[Miss Scarlet]

I think that is a SF trait. A lot of my SF friends regardless or I/E or J/P do that. Drives me nuts!

 

[niss]

Something's up. An SJ that isn't keeping appointments is overwhelmed. Being an "F" should result in a bit of care of how others are impacted.

Time for a discussion to clear the air.

 

[curious0610]

I am pretty certain this is an ISFJ trait. I had an ISFJ friend that did this. I worked more, studied more, got better grades than her and I still managed to keep my word when it came to promises and agreements. However, with her, she would cancel last minute, usually something school-related or when she was stressed emotionally due to an overall lack of time-management. Usually, instead of actually canceling, she would just turn her phone off, not respond to emails, and just be unreachable. This really irked me.

Very unreliable. Being an "F," she always took the time to "make things up" for me later, but I really can't stand people that aren't reliable like this.

I'm sorry if you have to work with this kind of a person (is it school related?)

 

[Sela]

Time for a discussion to clear the air.

I was thinking pretty much the same.
She finally did return my text, MUCH later; the short of it was that she "forgot it was this week" and was "sooooooooo sorry".
I reminded her that we'd agreed on this week but also went ahead and agreed to postpone until next week.
However, I have no intention of just "forgetting that it happened"; I think I will take your advice and ask her what's going on that she would just up and forget like this. I want to know if she really IS overwhelmed or if she's just flaking out on me.
Thanks for being for voice of reason, as usual (and besides I do believe that you owe me one, ha ha!) :crazy:

 

[Sela]

I'm sorry if you have to work with this kind of a person (is it school related?)

We have had classes together the past two semesters in school, as we're studying for the same degree (an AAS in Human Resource Mgmt.), so it would stand to reason that we'll have more classes together in the future (I know for a fact that we'll have at least one together this fall, although I forgot which one ATM) ... so it would be in my best interests to be at least civil if in fact she's being flaky. OTOH, if she's overwhelmed like Niss has suggested ... not sure what I can do on this end. I know that when I go into catastrophe mode everything has to be PERFECT. Her responses may be slightly different when she's in that mode.

 

[KrystRay]

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I won't give people the chance to disrespect my time more than once. If I really need them for something, I will do it again. SJ's generally are pretty good about time management. We're control freaks. I mean, if I need them that bad, I'll show up at their doorstep and things WILL get done. But that's just me getting stuff done. Yes, I am that crazy. Thank God I am pretty so I can get away with it! I tell my sister an hour earlier than anything is so she'll actually be on time or even early. Again, this person seems kinda flaky, a trait that I personally can't deal with, so you can tell them that you find it disrespectful and childish when they don't keep their word. If they really are an SJ, that will mean something to them. We care about our reputations.

 

[KrystRay]

And you're an ISTJ. You should know if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. There is no depending on others! Especially if something as important as your grade depending on it!

 

[Sela]

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I won't give people the chance to disrespect my time more than once. If I really need them for something, I will do it again. SJ's generally are pretty good about time management. We're control freaks. I mean, if I need them that bad, I'll show up at their doorstep and things WILL get done. But that's just me getting stuff done. Yes, I am that crazy. Thank God I am pretty so I can get away with it! I tell my sister an hour earlier than anything is so she'll actually be on time or even early. Again, this person seems kinda flaky, a trait that I personally can't deal with, so you can tell them that you find it disrespectful and childish when they don't keep their word. If they really are an SJ, that will mean something to them. We care about our reputations.

I have to admit that your first line was definitely swimming around in my head when all of this happened.
OTOH, like I mentioned, I believe that I will in fact be bringing this up next time we meet. I want to find out exactly why she flaked out on me other than "I forgot". If there really is a good reason for it, then I'm more willing to accept an apology given that she understands that my time is just as important as hers or anyone else's. On the other hand, if there IS no reason besides "I forgot", then I'm afraid that won't do as this is (as I mentioned) the second time that my time has been wasted.
Although I don't NEED this person (at least not now) there is the possibility that we may be assigned to a group project together in class this semester, and anyone that's been through school knows how group projects usually end up. /groans/
And yes, I texted this person over an hour in advance because I had a sneaking suspicion that something like this would happen. Obviously it did no good.
Thanks for the advice. For the time being, I'm going to follow what Niss said and try and find out if she's overwhelmed by something else more serious.

 

[Sela]

And you're an ISTJ. You should know if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. There is no depending on others! Especially if something as important as your grade depending on it!

As of right now, that isn't a factor, but yes, I am well aware of the "DIY to do it right" saying. :crazy:

 

[curious0610]

Yeah, given that you're in the same field, it would be in your best interest to be civil with her. I personally think a "discussion" may not go so well with her. If you guys had a very close relationship or were good friends, I'd say it's fine, but you pointed out that it's just a classmate/acquaintance. Like I wrote above, the ISFJ I knew would be unreachable when she was overwhelmed with the consequences of her lack of time management. It's clear she's overwhelmed by something, whatever it is, so there's your explanation.

A mutual friend of ours once "confronted" the ISFJ to just talk about what happened. This didn't go so well with her -- the ISFJ got very defensive. To this ISFJ that I knew, her actions were justified by the fact that she was overwhelmed. To this day, she holds a grudge on that person (who talked to her) for being insensitive and uncaring. I would just warn you to be careful and tactful in how you phrase things, especially since you are in the acquaintance area.

Anyway, this behavior is likely to last until she gets over whatever is overwhelming her. And once she feels better, she'll likely shower you with a lot of emotional feedback. The ISFJ I knew would be suddenly emotionally positive towards me like "Curiousssssss! i'm sooo sorry!!!!!!! is it okay if we meet at ___- on ____ instead? My treat since I flaked!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

[Darkfiremat]

curious that you started this thread i have a time problem with one of my friend too

well today we had an meeting he said 12:20 MAX 12:25 and finaly when 12:40 arrived (note that i was there at 11:50) i tought f*** it im leaving then he calls me and

him:F*** MAN WTF WHERE YOU
me:uh gone
him: WHAT BUT WE HAD A MEETING
me:well seem like you missed it when i left at 12:40
him: oh shit sorry man i forgot (CLIC)
me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

 

[KrystRay]

I wish I weren't afraid to burn bridges so easily anymore... I say much worse things than FUUUUUUUUUUUUU XD

 

[Sela]

Thanks for the different perspective. Turns out that she finally DID contact me via text, much later after the fact. While I don't have the original message anymore, it went something like this:

Her: OMG we were supposed to meet THIS WEEK?
Me: Yes, at 11a at (place). We agreed to push it back a week from the original meet date because as I told you last time we met up, I was going to be out of town last weekend.
Her: OMG I'm soooooooooooooooo sorry!!!!!!!!! Can we meet up NEXT week at (place)?
Me: (biting my cyber-tongue) Okay, I will see you at 11a at (place) on 8/15/2010.

Note: Was not exaggerating on the multiple o's in "sorry".

If your hypothesis is correct, then I may in fact get lucky and get a free lunch. :crazy:
Either way, I DO intend on asking her about it, because I want to get to the bottom of things. I think that now that I've had a chance to cool off (contrary to what we'd have everyone else believe, we're NOT robots, and we DO get angry at times) I think the best way to open that is something along the lines of, "Are you concerned about school starting back up on the 23rd; I know that you're planning on taking Accounting this semester" and see where it goes from there.

Yeah, given that you're in the same field, it would be in your best interest to be civil with her. I personally think a "discussion" may not go so well with her. If you guys had a very close relationship or were good friends, I'd say it's fine, but you pointed out that it's just a classmate/acquaintance. Like I wrote above, the ISFJ I knew would be unreachable when she was overwhelmed with the consequences of her lack of time management. It's clear she's overwhelmed by something, whatever it is, so there's your explanation.

A mutual friend of ours once "confronted" the ISFJ to just talk about what happened. This didn't go so well with her -- the ISFJ got very defensive. To this ISFJ that I knew, her actions were justified by the fact that she was overwhelmed. To this day, she holds a grudge on that person (who talked to her) for being insensitive and uncaring. I would just warn you to be careful and tactful in how you phrase things, especially since you are in the acquaintance area.

Anyway, this behavior is likely to last until she gets over whatever is overwhelming her. And once she feels better, she'll likely shower you with a lot of emotional feedback. The ISFJ I knew would be suddenly emotionally positive towards me like "Curiousssssss! i'm sooo sorry!!!!!!! is it okay if we meet at ___- on ____ instead? My treat since I flaked!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

[KrystRay]

Like OMG! I am totally going to let you crash and burn on your own assignments because you're a total flake! OMG!

 

[Miss Scarlet]

I am pretty certain this is an ISFJ trait.

I totally disagree! I have had a ISFP, ISFJ, ESFP, and an ESFJ do that to me. And to be honest the one time that the ESFJ did it was the worse.

She asked me for help on this art deal, she was 2 hours lat, rude once she got there, freaked out cause I couldn't get glue out of her paint brush and threw it away even though I told her I would buy her a whole new set! She stared crying, then later when I asked her to say sorry she acted like it was all my fault. We aren't friends anymore. Oh I also had a INFP do that to me, but I have a feeling she was more ISFP. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that the SF's in general are the ones that seem to do that ( a lot of the time I don't think that they realize it). This isn't to say the N's or NT's don't do this, I think that NT's will just communicate better preventing such an ordeal.

 

[KrystRay]

This is why I prefer not to feel. There is no freaking out about anything so stupid and there are rational explainations for everything. If you were taking an art class, that sort of behavior is to be expected. That and scars all over her wrist... I don't think you should try to type her. She's obviously an unhealthy individual.

 

[Sela]

Like OMG! I am totally going to let you crash and burn on your own assignments because you're a total flake! OMG!

LOL! The difference is that you might actually SAY it. I'd THINK it, but probably bite my tongue.
Congratulations ... you made the robot laugh this morning :laughing:

 

[Sela]

There is no freaking out about anything so stupid ...

The fact that she was 2 hours late and then rude on top of that would have definitely been a red flag. You don't bite the hand that feeds you. I very much dislike when someone asks for my help on something and then turns around and gets all snippy when they don't like the manner in which I provide the requested assistance.

 

[Miss Scarlet]

This is why I prefer not to feel. There is no freaking out about anything so stupid and there are rational explainations for everything. If you were taking an art class, that sort of behavior is to be expected. That and scars all over her wrist... I don't think you should try to type her. She's obviously an unhealthy individual.

I didn't type her, she typed herself!