Personality Cafe banner

1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,552 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Good Afternoon ESFJs,

I usually avoid this side of the forum because you guys really know how to piss an INTJ off; but, how does one stop their ESFJ mother performing miraculous micromanagement such as sucking away my 4 week holiday this year into a 2 week hell with her (without my permission) without causing offence?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
912 Posts
I hate to tell you this, my mom is an esfx............and I have never got her to stop doing those things. It would be like getting you to stop being you.

The only way I have sucessfully managed any relationship w/her at any given time is to be very direct in what I expect and stick to it...letting her know she will see very little of me if she doesnt run the relationship with mutual respect. I see all that shit as disrespectful.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
501 Posts
This caught my eye because my sister is this way. Ms. Mandatory Family Fun. Not that I don't dig my family, but when she is around, everything is work...she micromanages everything and pulls the guilt trip bags out constantly. She "shoulds" all over everyone.

That being said, I go with the flow when I can. She is my little sister and I love her. I don't need to be in control of everything all the time. But when she crosses the line, I give her a firm reprimand without getting emotional. She might want to be in charge of festivities, dinner and party favors (ugh) but I will not be controlled.

When she makes her little passive-aggressive remarks about how my family left early, etc, I either ignore it or just tell her how it is, depending upon my mood. My kids are young. I don't like pulling them out of a party when they are overtired, etc.

You just have to be firm, or they will smother you will well-intentioned "help" and attention. If you have a 4 week vacation, inform her how long you intend to carve out for her, or she will make the plans for you. Be proactive and she will understand that while she has a place in your life, she is not your life.
Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,921 Posts
I wish I could help. :sad: I catch myself doing the same thing. I feel the need to know every little detail months in advance. I don't really micromanage once the day, event, weekend, week, whatever is finally here, but leading up to that day I am horrible with making sure everything is perfect. I don't take much offense to people asking me to calm down and chill out a bit....but at the same time, I'm very aware that I can get a bit carried away and obsessive. Usually, as long as someone tells me that I need to calm down and just trust that everything will turn out just fine I can handle it without having a breakdown and getting upset.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
148 Posts
Lol .. My mother (ESFJ) behaves like this also. I just don't answer the phone or go and see her then when i finally do i get the drama 'I thought you disowned me', 'You don't love me' .. I just humour her.

Just be honest with her .. Tell her you don't want to go but give a nice answer as to why.

Another option could be to move country .. I'm considering this, Lmao

Don't get me wrong, i do love her, she just needs to live her own life, she made me an independent free spirit, she can't change her mind now. Too late for that. I am also 31 years old.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
531 Posts
My ESFJ husband sometimes micromanages my kids, drives me insane. I'll nicely tell him he's sucking the joy out of people, well maybe not so nicely.
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
Top