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Hi, y'all. I just thought I should share a story that has touched me. Some of this may be me just imagining things (I am an INTP, ok!) but the big picture is what's important, and I do think I got that right. =) (sorry if this is incoherent; it's hard to collect all the thoughts together)

Two years ago, I moved away from my hometown to work 4 months in a small place that probably would count as "the country". While I was there I got to know some local people, where especially one family got my attention. The father is probably an ISTP and the mother's most definately an ISTJ (prob 6w5). The thing is that they had only one girl and five (I think, some had moved out) boys. I'm not sure, but a mother that has only one daughter, and being an ISTJ, will almost inevitably end up being overprotective. She was very strict and made alot of decisions for her daughter.

This girl is six years younger (a 10th grader back then) than me, so I didn't really get to know her very well. However, I could not help but notice that something was not right with her. She was very quiet and for herself most of the time, but she didn't seem to be happy about it. She did great in school, and I actually start to think she was an INTP like myself (which obviously made me happy as there are so few of us), but some events where she got to be the centre of the attention made me question it; because she actually seemed to love it! But I still was convinced she's an N.

I myself had a little hard time relating and communicating with the parents so I could imagine what she lived through, being the only daughter. The mother seemed to be so overprotective that she was clueless on how her daughter was actually doing. But she was also very obedient, probably because she just loved her mother so much she didn't want to disappoint her. Where I live we change school after 10th grade, so after this year the girl was moving away. I asked the mother where she would move and the mother said the name of a city nearby, adding: "close to her mother at home".

When I left to where I live now, I still had this feeling that her mother was clueless about her probable N daughter who most likely would want to just get out of there and do her own thing. And guess what? I was right (really proud of myself :tongue:)! A couple of weeks ago I met the girl again, and she was totally different. I mean, it was like night and day! She was all smiling and really extroverting! Since she's so much younger than me we haven't talked so much more than saying hi, but she added me as a friend on facebook and this fascinated me so much that the curiosity in me could not help but to analyze the situation.

After my observations (this is the part that could be my imaginations) I could conclude by almost 100% certainty that she is an ENFP! I was so surprised, I could not believe my eyes. Also, I now realize that it must have been horrible for her to live under the actual circumstances she was under. I don't want to be harsh on the mother, because she probably did her best and thought she did the right thing. But SJ mothers can often see only what they want and forget that people are different; at least that's my experience.

I just thought maybe someone could get help from this (both SJ's and N's), and otherwise look at it as a real-life sunshine story. It certainly is to me. :happy:

Any comments? Have you experienced something similar? How did you cope with it, and how is your relationship with your mother today?
 

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Thanks so much for sharing, I feel I'm almost in the same boat with my family, and it's nice to know recovery is possible, lol =D
 

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Thanks for sharing, that was an interesting story. It's amazing how quickly people can change under different circumstances.
 

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This was super interesting for me because I just broke up with an ESTJ who was about on the edge between E and I. I felt completely stifled, controlled and unhappy for most of the relationship. It seems like most ENFP's feel this way after they have been with an xSTJ!
 

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As an ENFP with an ISTJ mother I can totally relate. We are so very night and day. My mother is an extremely hard working woman. She works full time and raises a farm on her own. She takes on too much (especially at her age), her husband takes advantage of her hard working nature (as he works out of town) and then she expects her family to want and continually help her in her work. Her life is her work and her family and I simply cannot relate.
She is a constant critique of my life and my brother's but cannot find faults of her own. She has said sorry to me twice in my life and I'm 27, there is always a justification for her temper or negativity. Mainly it's "I have worked hard all of my life and you children never wanted for anything." As if needing to know you were accepted as a child is not part of proper parenting.
I know my mother loves me, dearly, but does she accept me for who am I, absolutely not. My loathing of mundane tasks such as housework or farm chores instantly depicts me as lazy to her, even though I'm not and will do these things daily for her, even if I'm not happy about it. It's my lack of wanting to do these things that gets her into a rage.
I have moved back from travelling India and Europe (which she also does not understand) and I have been living with her for about two weeks and our relationship is already tearing at the seams. If we're fighting and I can't talk because I know everything I say will escalate the problem she will start yelling at me because of the way my facial expression is, because I rolled my eyes, or grimaced.
Her constant line with me is "I know it doesn't matter to you but..." Or "Well, you just seem to think everything is fine but" as if my acceptance of life and the ability to think of solutions to problems without getting angry or negative about it is unnatural. And when I bring up how she makes me feel she always turns it around to how much I judge her and how unaccepting I am with her. I know underneath she is sensitive and at times I'm not always as accepting as I should be but when someone literally says to you. "What the fuck!" because you've forgotten to put a coaster underneath a coffee cup I start to hold onto the negativity and lash out after I've bottled it all in for too long.
All I've ever wanted from my mother is acceptance and I know I will never get it. She simply does not view my life choices as proper ones and will forever be my biggest critic. It's sad because I want to have a loving, supportive relationship with her but know we will never have it.
 

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I can definitely relate to this story! : ) Maybe not as directly to the ENFP-xSTJ line, but in terms of ENFPs "undercover" of sorts definitely ;P hehehe. I actually had something like that happen in my own life. In fact when I was younger (and not as healthy) I actually thought I was an INFJ for quite some time (NOT that INFJs are 'unhealthy'...just that I came across differently when *I* was) but looking back now I can see all the ENFP qualities/traits were there...I just felt like I had to stifle them/go undercover for a while
 

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WOW, Lindsey, that sounds exactly like the things my mom does! WOW! We just had a big issue yesterday where I got overly emotional because I felt like she didn't want my company because she made a derogatory comment under her breath, something I told her not to do. My friend thought it was as joke and laughed and joined in not realizing that to her it wasn't a joke. So then I got yelled at for being snippy and angry. It's crazy. I live at home at age 33 because I'm not married and help with the bills. My brother, INTP, has no job at age 28 and sits in front of his computer all day and does nothing to contribute. Long story. Anyway, all I want to hear from my mom are I love you's and get a hug every once in awhile and for her to apologize when she is wrong instead of yelling at me even more and demanding respect. I'm an ENFP and a definite people pleaser. I want to build my own home and get married and settle down...kind of...but I think I'm afraid of risks.


As an ENFP with an ISTJ mother I can totally relate. We are so very night and day. My mother is an extremely hard working woman. She works full time and raises a farm on her own. She takes on too much (especially at her age), her husband takes advantage of her hard working nature (as he works out of town) and then she expects her family to want and continually help her in her work. Her life is her work and her family and I simply cannot relate.
She is a constant critique of my life and my brother's but cannot find faults of her own. She has said sorry to me twice in my life and I'm 27, there is always a justification for her temper or negativity. Mainly it's "I have worked hard all of my life and you children never wanted for anything." As if needing to know you were accepted as a child is not part of proper parenting.
I know my mother loves me, dearly, but does she accept me for who am I, absolutely not. My loathing of mundane tasks such as housework or farm chores instantly depicts me as lazy to her, even though I'm not and will do these things daily for her, even if I'm not happy about it. It's my lack of wanting to do these things that gets her into a rage.
I have moved back from travelling India and Europe (which she also does not understand) and I have been living with her for about two weeks and our relationship is already tearing at the seams. If we're fighting and I can't talk because I know everything I say will escalate the problem she will start yelling at me because of the way my facial expression is, because I rolled my eyes, or grimaced.
Her constant line with me is "I know it doesn't matter to you but..." Or "Well, you just seem to think everything is fine but" as if my acceptance of life and the ability to think of solutions to problems without getting angry or negative about it is unnatural. And when I bring up how she makes me feel she always turns it around to how much I judge her and how unaccepting I am with her. I know underneath she is sensitive and at times I'm not always as accepting as I should be but when someone literally says to you. "What the fuck!" because you've forgotten to put a coaster underneath a coffee cup I start to hold onto the negativity and lash out after I've bottled it all in for too long.
All I've ever wanted from my mother is acceptance and I know I will never get it. She simply does not view my life choices as proper ones and will forever be my biggest critic. It's sad because I want to have a loving, supportive relationship with her but know we will never have it.
 
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