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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Also, how are things split?

Personally, I try to split everything down the middle, with birthdays & general gift-giving as the exception. Occasionally I'll pay for things in-full if I feel like I'm benefiting more from whatever is being purchased, like sex-furniture (Do you even swing?), a class on tantric sex, or first-class plane tickets. But other than that, I keep it 50/50.

This way, both people (Myself and my partner) get to keep our sanity, and our dignity, and equal footing in the relationship. Sadly, even though this is a very egalitarian approach, I've had my own troubles with it in the past, with one ex in particular that got angry with me because they weren't happy about their spending habits when we were together, even though everything was a 50/50 split.

What about you?

Is everything split down the middle? If not, why?

If so, have you ever had any woman pressure you into paying for more?
 

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50/50 joined activities/purchases. Personal purchases are personal expenses. I've always dated those who go 50/50 mostly. Though I have bought a few things for a couple of them in the past. My last would do the nagging thing sometimes but luckily was never too persistent about it. Though occasionally she would buy me things and then expect favors later (she admitted this).
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
50/50 joined activities/purchases. Personal purchases are personal expenses. I've always dated those who go 50/50 mostly. Though I have bought a few things for a couple of them in the past. My last would do the nagging thing sometimes but luckily was never too persistent about it. Though occasionally she would buy me things and then expect favors later (she admitted this).
Do you by any chance know her -and I hate this term with a dreadful passion- love language?

Maybe she was the type of person that felt love through servitude.
 

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In my ideal relationship I'm the trophy husband who stays home with the kids and doesn't work.

While my rich lawyer wife kicks people's asses all day and makes bank.

(◠‿◕✿)

edit:

No, but I could be happy in a relationship where we split things 50/50.

I could not be happy in a relationship in which the other person contributes less than I contribute.

That would turn me off very strongly.
 

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Do you by any chance know her -and I hate this term with a dreadful passion- love language?

Maybe she was the type of person that felt love through servitude.
Gift-giving maybe. She isn't the serving type, but the bribing type.
 

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In my ideal relationship I'm the trophy husband who stays home with the kids and doesn't work.

While my rich lawyer wife kicks people's asses all day and makes bank.

(◠‿◕✿)

This. I need to find a woman like this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
In my ideal relationship I'm the trophy husband who stays home with the kids and doesn't work.

While my rich lawyer wife kicks people's asses all day and makes bank.

(◠‿◕✿)

edit:

No, but I could be happy in a relationship where we split things 50/50.

I could not be happy in a relationship in which the other person contributes less than I contribute.

That would turn me off very strongly.
But, but, but: Do you have the trophy-husband BODY? Perfect teeth, hung like a horse, and rock-hard abs?

You must love domestic housework, and going tot he gym. I personally wouldn't be able to stand it - If things are 50/50, that means noone can tell me to get my lazy ass up, and clean the dishes. Instead of fighting about chores, we can just hire a domestic servant and split the costs. Sounds heavenly.


If one person is carrying most of the weight financially, it can be emasculating to either party. Most women want to contribute more, but I don't think they're always given a chance to. It can get pretty odd when you don't talk about money, and you kind of just fall into traditional roles.
 
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Me and my girlfriend are 50/50, but it's not strict.

Basically we split bills, or every now and again one of us will pay for the whole thing or whatever, and it'll just be a case of, "Meh, you just pay for something different later on."

It's working well so far and there's no sense of free-loading from any of us. It's good. It's my perfect form of sharing expenses, actually. Trusting each other to just generally pay in a little bit whenever so it 'feels' equal without having to be perfect. I do it this way with good friends too.
 

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I'm female, but I'll answer for my relationship. My fiance makes $100K a year (and keeps getting raises...seriously he's gotten three in the past year) but I only make $27K (my fiance is 10 years older than me). He pays the rent/utilities (about $1500/month), everything related to the car because he's the only one who drives, and his own personal expenses. He also pays for plane fare when we go to Florida to visit his family. I pay for my own personal expenses, groceries and other household items, and any furniture we might buy (we're still in the process of furnishing our apartment). We take turns paying at restaurants and other "going out" activities. When we went on vacation he paid for the bed and breakfast and I paid for all the activities we did.

However, I do 90% of the housework...if he does it, I have to redo everything he does anyway. It's easier for me to just do it. Plus I'm hoping we will collectively make enough to afford a cleaning lady by the time we have kids.
 

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Ideally?
Ideally it is not too much of an issue. I mean if we are both making enough money to pay for the things we want to do, then about a 50/50 split or taking turns paying sounds good to me. I'd rather not count the dollars and be more go with the flow. However if one of us wants to do things that are way outside the budget of the other person, then I think it is fair if the person who has most of the money actually pays for it (because basically the other person can't afford it and their presence is worth the extra one is spending to share that experience with them).
 

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It wouldn't be planned out. And neither of us would put much emphasis in it. Whoever could pay for it at the time, would. It usually ends up being close to a 50/50 split anyways.
 

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I prefer to be the one to pay, but that's somewhat theoretical because I've never had much money or an actual date.

It's a display of love and affection, to do something like that for a person. Displays like that remind me I'm in a relationship and not, say, a friendship. I don't see anything sexist about it.

EDIT: Well, maybe it's a little disempowering, but it's hardly a blip given the rest of a person's life and as long as consent is given it's all fine.
 

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If we're married or living together, I'm assuming that our money would be pooled together and things would be paid for from a joint account. If in a serious relationship but not living together, it would be based on income. If you make more, you pay for things more. If they wanted things to be 50/50, then they everything would have to be based on what is the affordable to the person making less money.
 

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I'm not a man but I'll answer for my husband. He does. In our early years of marriage we both worked and our money went into one account. We shared, and it was never a problem for us. We discussed all major purchases just as we do now, and it was never an issue. My husband works long hours and has little to no time to take care of anything much besides work. So, I make sure all bills are paid, do all the housework, most lawn-work, keep track of and schedule auto maintenance/repairs, entertainment, vacations, etc. Also, help take care of his mom when needed. BTW this is the way my husband prefers things to be done. He doesn't like chaos/disorder and likes knowing that things will be taken care of.
 
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I prefer to be the one to pay, but that's somewhat theoretical because I've never had much money or an actual date.

It's a display of love and affection, to do something like that for a person. Displays like that remind me I'm in a relationship and not, say, a friendship. I don't see anything sexist about it.

EDIT: Well, maybe it's a little disempowering, but it's hardly a blip given the rest of a person's life and as long as consent is given it's all fine.
It is a bit weird to request to pay for everything, though. I don't think spending money is a display of anything other than, hey look I've got money.
 
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People pay for themselves in my ideal relationship, and then they give whenever they feel like. For example I am a pretty adventurers person and I like to share. So I have nothing against paying for travels/experience/food cost, for the things I want my SO to be a part of. I see it as me inviting her, into something, so I am naturally the host, and she be my guest. So naturally the host pays for his own parties and the ones he establish.

But again I don't want to live a "normal" life. I don't even want to live together with my partner or "own" much shit. I prefer to be a minimalist, spending money on experiences over a house, or owning stuff. So again, we are going to live separated and have our own bank accounts you logically can spend on whatever you want, and ask the other if he/she wants to go experience some stuff together, and either pay for the other, or pay for yourself. I don't really feel that nitty with money. I am like the guy giving beers to everyone if I am in a good mood.
 

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Sorry, straight female invading the thread.

I personally don't understand what 50/50 means. Some people get paid more for less work. How are you going to put value on the effort you put at work and home to make it "50/50"?

I think relationships are supposed to be about happiness. Sure, I'd scratch your back if you scratch mine, but fairness is only one of the means, while some people seem to end up making it into a huge part of their lifestyle. Basically, if he's counting cents to keep score, I'm going to fucking run.

I've been with a roommate who doesn't share and tries to split everything into half (sometimes even tries to get away with/bargain for more than half). We started as friends but we didn't get any closer in the 2 years we were roommate. Whereas with friends who did share and treated me like family, I really do want to share back and think of them as family.
 
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