Personality Cafe banner

1 - 13 of 13 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
21,040 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
blogs.discovermagazine.com

[HR][/HR]

The “gay best friend” has become a common fixture in pop culture, from Will on “Will and Grace” to Titus Andromedon on “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt”. These researchers set out to define exactly why straight women find friendships with gay men to be especially valuable. Based on a series of scenarios presented to female college student volunteers, the scientists found that straight women trust gay men more in dating scenarios because a) the men are not competing with them for mates (unlike other straight women), and 2) the gay men are not interested in mating with the women themselves. This lack of ulterior motives made the men more trustworthy with regard to dating, but not other contexts. Maybe this also explains why the reverse relationship (lesbian women and straight men) is not really a thing?


Why (and When) Straight Women Trust Gay Men: Ulterior Mating Motives and Female Competition

“Previous findings indicate that heterosexual women experience a greater sense of comfort and trust in their friendships with gay men than in their friendships with heterosexual individuals. In the present studies, we tested a hypothesis that not only explains why women exhibit increased trust in gay men but also yields novel predictions about when (i.e., in what contexts) this phenomenon is likely to occur. Specifically, we propose that gay men’s lack of motives to mate with women or to compete with them for mates enhances women’s trust in gay men and openness to befriend them. Study 1 demonstrated that women placed greater trust in a gay man’s mating—but not non-mating (e.g., career) advice—than in the same advice given by heterosexual individuals. Study 2 showed that women perceived a gay man to be more sincere in scenarios relevant to sexual and competitive mating deception. In Study 3, exposing women to a visualization of increased mating competition enhanced their trust in gay men; when mating competition was salient, women’s trust in mating information from a gay man was amplified. Study 4 showed that women who perceived higher levels of mating competition were more open to befriending gay men. Together, these converging findings support our central hypothesis, which not only provides a distal explanation for the trust that straight women place in gay men, but also provides novel insights into previously unidentified contexts that facilitate the formation and strengthening of this unique bond.”
Related content:

Gay men’s preferences for “top” vs. “bottom” can be judged by their face.
Do lesbians have better gaydar than straight women?
Study finds that women who are ovulating are more into kissing.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,152 Posts
Well that's good news.

Every terrible idea some not-very-bright woman I was with ever had came from one of her horrible little pack of nasty girlfriends.

What's the worst thing a gay man can advise her? Worst case, she takes a night or two off from me and goes and drinks Cosmos and watches stupid romcom movies with her little friend. At least she's not out with a bunch of half-wit tarts, and giving me chlamydia when she gets back from her vacation.
 

·
Premium Member
I thimk INTP
Joined
·
14,601 Posts
I don't know about dating advice, but might that not be a fallout from friendship? My wife, for example, has been friends with a gay guy (who is part of a couple) for years. We went out to dinner all four together. I didn't see any problem but could see why she was friends with this guy long before she met me.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
307 Posts
I'm a straight man and would rather get advice from gay men than straight women. Straight women always give terrible dating advice, lol. I assume it's just because straight women are almost always the, "perused" instead of the, "pursuer" so they don't ever have to actively do anything. They just look pretty and then men have to put forth all the effort to impress them.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,904 Posts
"When one is to learn to fish, ask the fisherman, not the fish."

Thing is, gay men pursue gay men and straight women pursue straight men. Sooo, wrong person to ask imo.

If anything, straight women should ask other women (In healthy, successful relationships) for advice. The possible issue with this is that happy people tend to keep their happiness to themselves.

Only in time of health can we help the sick.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,152 Posts
Thing is, gay men pursue gay men and straight women pursue straight men. Sooo, wrong person to ask imo.

If anything, straight women should ask other women (In healthy, successful relationships) for advice. The possible issue with this is that happy people tend to keep their happiness to themselves.

Only in time of health can we help the sick.
Yeah, there's some sense there.

I think it's wrong, though. A woman voluntarily helping another woman partner off with a man who might be better, stronger, smarter, richer than what she's stuck with? I don't think so.

Similarly, I'd never ask another het dude for advice on what to do about a woman -- well, in the first place, I'd know more than he would, because, well, I just would, and in the second place, I'd never trust his opinion. He's just some jackass friend of mine I likely drink beer with and plink cans or something stupid with.

I would ask a woman friend, however -- she couldn't possibly trick me, even though she might try. I'd be aware if she were jealous.

And, I'm not sure if the gays and the hets are all that different, in psychology. It's not my area of expertise, but I'd think a gay would be as likely to have some insight into my psychology as anyone else, and then the woman wouldn't have to worry about having a catfight with her horrible little coven of frenemies. The basics of psychology and practical social manipulation, after all, seem pretty sexuality-agnostic.

Oh, and from the post just above: absolutely. I'm not a woman-hater, I don't think women are stupid as a rule, but in general, no, they can have some ideas about all sorts of things I just don't trust and that are wrong. Lots of things. Taste in art, how a man likes to get dressed and eat and stuff, how to be sexy. It's a rare woman IMHO who avoids just cribbing a bunch of crap from girl magazines and her idiot friends, and Oprah or whatever.

Not all, just it doesn't inspire confidence.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,734 Posts
What?
I have never and would never ask advice from a gay man. I ask straight men or straight women, for obvious reasons: They live the kind of dynamic I live. Doesn't mean I always follow their advice, because it needs to make sense in my head (filter it through Fi). I don't understand who came up with the idea that straight women and gay men have anything in common, as our dynamics involve straigth men and gay men. And asking a straight man is even better than asking a fellow straight woman. Instead of figuring out your target with your comrades, go to your target's comrades and see their brain up close. See what's up.
 

·
Charge'n Thru The Night
Joined
·
14,239 Posts
"When one is to learn to fish, ask the fisherman, not the fish."

Thing is, gay men pursue gay men and straight women pursue straight men. Sooo, wrong person to ask imo.

If anything, straight women should ask other women (In healthy, successful relationships) for advice. The possible issue with this is that happy people tend to keep their happiness to themselves.

Only in time of health can we help the sick.
well, I think in this is dating advice in general which gay man will know a lot about.

But yea, I don't think in reality, they would get better advice from gay men than their female friends.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,008 Posts
Straight women should take dating advice from straight men seriously, the other way around is also true,
 
  • Like
Reactions: ai.tran.75

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,904 Posts
I think it's wrong, though. A woman voluntarily helping another woman partner off with a man who might be better, stronger, smarter, richer than what she's stuck with? I don't think so.
Two things. The man doesn't have to be better than her current one.

A good woman sticks by her man even when tempted by the opposite sex and vice versa for a good man. Are you inclined to say "Why should a man give another man advice to get a hotter woman"?

Similarly, I'd never ask another het dude for advice on what to do about a woman -- well, in the first place, I'd know more than he would, because, well, I just would, and in the second place, I'd never trust his opinion. He's just some jackass friend of mine I likely drink beer with and plink cans or something stupid with.

I would ask a woman friend, however -- she couldn't possibly trick me, even though she might try. I'd be aware if she were jealous.
That's why I specifically stated to ask people in healthy happy relationships. They have nothing to lose by helping a friend.

Women don't know how to attract themselves. They haven't ever had to. If you're a woman, don't ask men how to attract themselves. It's just common sense.

Only someone with a very high level of self awareness could actually be of help (Which are harder to find).

And, I'm not sure if the gays and the hets are all that different, in psychology. It's not my area of expertise, but I'd think a gay would be as likely to have some insight into my psychology as anyone else, and then the woman wouldn't have to worry about having a catfight with her horrible little coven of frenemies. The basics of psychology and practical social manipulation, after all, seem pretty sexuality-agnostic.
There's a huge difference in the ways hets and gays attract one another. I'm no expert but I know that even gays complain about how stupid the process of gay relationships are.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,152 Posts
Two things. The man doesn't have to be better than her current one.

A good woman sticks by her man even when tempted by the opposite sex and vice versa for a good man. Are you inclined to say "Why should a man give another man advice to get a hotter woman"?


That's why I specifically stated to ask people in healthy happy relationships. They have nothing to lose by helping a friend.

Women don't know how to attract themselves. They haven't ever had to. If you're a woman, don't ask men how to attract themselves. It's just common sense.

Only someone with a very high level of self awareness could actually be of help (Which are harder to find).



There's a huge difference in the ways hets and gays attract one another. I'm no expert but I know that even gays complain about how stupid the process of gay relationships are.
Yeah, I can accept that. Thanks for the detailed explanation -- TBH, it's not something I've really spent any amount of time thinking about, but I always like to try to see if I can come up with some answers, at least provisionally.

Particularly about homosexual attraction -- I guess I like to think I know more than I actually do, just from having had friends, roommates in college, that kind of thing, but it's probably true it's just its own world with some rules even friends probably don't go around just blabbing about in casual conversation.

And, of course, just a het male bull session -- yeah, not too often gets really deep into psychology, at least among pals/buds of mine who aren't real close friends.

I blame women! Being all sexy and stuff. Very distracting! God bless 'em, but it can sometimes be a little rare to truly get to be close friends with women, to get beyond all the man-woman stuff, all that -- and they're probably right to be a little cautious with random people. It's why it's so good to be able to trust and be trusted by women as friends -- it's pretty much the only source of my little bits of understanding. Even women you're in a relationship of some kind with, you know, not always the same thing as just friends without all the other sexy business.

What do they say, "a woman's secret"!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,430 Posts
Straight women should take dating advice from straight men seriously, the other way around is also true,
I agree I usually talk to my straight guy friends when I'm crushing on somebody or when in need of male perspective ( ex: what's a better gift this vs that etc )
Most men I interacted with ( friends, acquaintances, strangers online etc) talk about their relationship or ideal of a relationship with me .





Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk
 
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
Top