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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced what I’m experiencing now.

We recently hired a new employee at work. There was something about her that I just immediately liked.

As we have been working together, I’ve noticed that I, in the beginning, had a strong physiological reaction—sweating profusely, heart racing, etc. This is very typical of a strong physical attraction and that is what it seemed like at the time.

I was afraid to be near her, accidentally touch her, etc. for fear that I would have these intense feelings of attraction wash over me.

One day, we had extended eye contact and a look of recognition (easiest word for it, but may not quite capture the feeling) crossed her eyes. I turned rather quickly as I felt very vulnerable—as if she knew the intense attraction that I felt.

Since the day of “the look” I feel this weird soul/heart aching for her. It is not a sexual attraction, but feels so much deeper—painfully to the core almost hollowing and nearly euphoric.

I don’t think she feels it at all or certainly not in the way that I do. Anyhow, I have never had this type of strange otherworldly experience and it’s rather beautiful, but also scary as it makes no sense.

I just feel a giant magnet pulling me to her—a need to be physically (non sexually) close, as if she is somehow home, etc.

Anyone else had this experience?
 

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... no... any weird mysterious attraction to someone have been because they magnify traits that I subconsciously suppress.
 

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Never have had that happen to me, but maybe she contains within herself some psychologically subconscious desire. :| Is she religious, or is she a Christian, or what?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Not a Christian or even spiritual--known around the office for being "blank"--no discernible personality, values, etc. Perhaps she's out of touch with herself...
 

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Another INTJ's assessment

Background: INTJ here applying a bit of analysis on this situation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Step One: quantify / state the relevant facts of the situation:
1. Draculaurara, a female, experienced an unfamiliar emotional reaction to another female who newly joined her workplace.
2. This new emotional reaction's closest match was that of physical attraction yet it was not the standard sensation of physical attraction.
3. At this time the sexual preference of Draculaurara is unknown but presumed to be straight (hetrosexual).
4. It is presumed that this new phenomena is a brand new occurence and has never happened before to Draculaurara.

Step Two: Assessment of Draculaurara's situation:
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Possibility #1: It was an emotional glitch: a one-time thing that went away. Possibility discounted because your post indicates the same sensation over a range of time.

Most likely possibility: It is a sexual attraction. On a scale of being attracted to other females with 0 being "no chance at all as in 0%" and 100 being: "only find other women sexual attractive", it would seem that this newcomer is a rare sub-group of other females that moves the attraction scale a couple of points towards the 100-side; or for this particular female: several points closer towards the 100-side.

In other words, Draculaura found an attractive woman she can "happily be gay for".

Things that can prove / disprove this assessment:
* If Draculaura starts having "Wet dreams" about said newcomer, it is evidence for this theory
* If Draculaura starts having sexual fantasies about said newcomer, it is evidence for this theory
* In a hypothetical situation where said newcomer is dating someone, and it provokes a feeling of jealously or sadness in Draculaura, it is evidence for this theory.
* If the newcomer gets a new job or gets reassigned such that Draculaura can no longer interact with her, and Draculaura's reaction is one of sadness, it is evidence for this theory.
* If after sometime is spent getting to know this newcomer, Draculaura suddenly goes "cold", it is evidence against this theory. ( the newcomer says something so spectacular stupid, Draculaura feels a revulsion towards)

Possibility #2:
Draculaura profile self-identifies as INTJ. These intense emotional feelings may be that of friendship / kinship. As a gross oversimplication, feelings for INTJs are binary: totally on or totally off.
Things that can prove / disprove this assessment:
* If Draculaura discovers that this newcomer has a long-time boyfriend (hypothetical let's assume they are engaged) and Draculaura's reaction is that of "good-for-her", then this is evidence for this theory.


What would help break the tie between these two possibilities: "transcripts" and summaries of ALL of Draculaura's conversation and interactions with the newcomer. (Alas, which is unavailable because Draculaura does not have a secret data-recorder installed in her head available for download... of course if she did, Draculaura could simply attach a data-plug to the back of her skull interface port and ask the diagnostic computer what was going on.)



In closing, to answer Draculaura's question: "Anyone else had this experience?"
I personally have not. In general I am somewhat suspicious of the output from my emotional centers. For example, on the weekend's I tend to get plenty of sleep, still wakeup grumpy. I have some coffee and for about 30 minutes seem to love all of humanity and plan to give a cute puppy to all 6 billion humans... then the caffeine runs out. Is that logically ? no. It is rational ? no. But it is emotional and emotions tend not to make sense. Given that this seems to go on in my head all the time, there is a reason that I tend to trust reason over emotion; there is a reason that I constantly error-check my reason and thought processes as well.
 

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l've had an attraction like that to most close friends.

The only part that sounded more sexual to me was when you described looking into her eyes and the way she looked back, l don't really take note of those moments as they do seem a bit more intimate ;)

But l tend to feel a strong ''pull'' to strangers who turn out to be important to me that l don't even feel with my own family in some cases.
 

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This is how I get with people, too. I don't get sexually attracted to people, I just emotionally get really attached to them (I'm asexual). In my opinion, this also may help build long-lasting friendships or relationships with people, until they begin to need more and then I'm not 100% sure what to tell them.
 

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Yes, I call these things "friendship crushes" though the phrase doesn't begin to encompass what is felt. I've found they stem from one of two things:
1/ A miserable projection of your idealism onto someone as-yet unknown. They're a blank canvass, and you paint them with colours you wish to see. If that's the case, try to consciously combat your feelings, as they'll lead to misery & disappointment, inevitably.
2/ Some intuition that tells you from the most meagre of encounters or observations that you'll get on extremely well. If this is the case, spend time around her, and engage her. Something cool and worthwhile emerges.
It's hard to differentiate these two, but number two usually begins with a gestation period involving one or two minor encounters/observances. Number one begins with nothing, or, worse, wistful thinking.

Just my take on it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I'm generally into girls. She did stay late (3AM) at a house party of mine last week. We ended up sharing a blanket on my couch, but she said she's into "c*cks." Nothing had happened between us. I had asked if she ever liked women. No purpose to my asking other than curiosity. The attraction is very much spiritual at this point. I'm still trying to figure out why I feel this deep connection. I figured it's because she's a *****. No go. I'll have to keep mining.
 

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I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced what I’m experiencing now.

We recently hired a new employee at work. There was something about her that I just immediately liked.

As we have been working together, I’ve noticed that I, in the beginning, had a strong physiological reaction—sweating profusely, heart racing, etc. This is very typical of a strong physical attraction and that is what it seemed like at the time.

I was afraid to be near her, accidentally touch her, etc. for fear that I would have these intense feelings of attraction wash over me.

One day, we had extended eye contact and a look of recognition (easiest word for it, but may not quite capture the feeling) crossed her eyes. I turned rather quickly as I felt very vulnerable—as if she knew the intense attraction that I felt.

Since the day of “the look” I feel this weird soul/heart aching for her. It is not a sexual attraction, but feels so much deeper—painfully to the core almost hollowing and nearly euphoric.

I don’t think she feels it at all or certainly not in the way that I do. Anyhow, I have never had this type of strange otherworldly experience and it’s rather beautiful, but also scary as it makes no sense.

I just feel a giant magnet pulling me to her—a need to be physically (non sexually) close, as if she is somehow home, etc.

Anyone else had this experience?
Yes, and I've been analyzing it for a while now. I've learned to navigate it a bit. I believe it has to do with the Instinctual Variant Stacking theory's concept of the Sexual variant.

I immediately get vibes from people, thru which I can tell, in as little as seconds, how compatible someone is with me based on specific criteria. If there's little vibe, it could be a typical acquaintance type relationship. I have a few elite social groups: one that comprises the strongest vibes ('best friends'), one that comprises medium-strong vibes (vocational friends), and one that comprises vibes I don't understand (these people just plain astonish me, and seem to transcend the usual criteria). Basically the stronger the vibes the more I'm drawn to a person, like the magnetism you mentioned.

I tend to see it as a metaphysical connection I sense with people. I use it to predict "troth" (or truth). It is good. I recommend honing it. Upon they I get the strongest vibes from I stake my life. There's nothing more true.
 

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I remember reading once that there are specific individuals with a specific genetic makeup which only you will be insanely attracted to. The theory was that they have almost the complete opposite genes, so they are the perfect mate for you genetically, which translates into intense chemistry. I'm not sure if that has been proven true or not, but I've come to interpret that it could be the case when that intense attraction occurs in me. I might try to track down some info on it later.

Anyways, yes I have felt that otherwordly connection... with only two women so far. The first was also a co-worker as for you, and I've never felt such an immediate pull towards anyone in my life. It was like a tractor beam... while she was training me it was all I could do to keep myself from kissing her neck right then and there... xD

Needless to say though, it was intensely sexual, unlike your experience. The craziest thing was that she seemed similarly drawn to me. But, unfortunately, this foxy lady was in a relationship already. :'(

Actually though, this song really resonated with me for this particular girl. I wonder if it might describe your experience as well...

 

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Running the "numbers" with this new information...
1) In the assets column: Draculaura got a nice cuddle with someone soft and feminine.
2) In the break-even column: Probably this will not happen again given that this newcomer like guys.

Possibility #1:
(the unlikely one) Miss Newcomer may have an eventual change-of-heart and discover that Draculaura is a girl "she can be happily gay for".

Possibility #2:
(the likely one) The unrequited "attraction" scenario where the cuddle on the couch is the "biggest payout" that will happen. To seek "long term profitability" it is recommended to look for your Miss Right someplace else.

Almost everything "has been sorted out" (as the Brits" say)... except for the "spirtual feeling". (Perhaps it is a deeper-form of love? instead a lustful love "eros" it is "agape":
[en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love] ) )

Some INTJs use meditation to quiet the incessant thinking and analysis. For now it is unknown if Draculaura practices. In general INTJs, as a group, tend to not believe in the spiritual preferring a rational worldview.

Draculaura: how "spirtual" are you ? Do you do any meditative practices ?
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I'm tirelessly logical, but am exploring Buddhism and have been for a long time--find that Buddhism is logical spirituality, at least according to my mind.

I don't really find myself thinking about the girl as much as puzzling over the nature of the connection. I am not sad that she is married. I am similarly not disappointed that the feeling I have will probably never manifest into anything sexual. The feeling is somehow beyond the body.

My logical self wants to determine the source of the energy/connection, even if this will never be quite clear.

Metaphysical? Soul? My hunch is that she harbors an incredible sadness that just may mirror my own. This is not to say that I'm Sylvia Plath or anything, but rather to note that I've long been considered an "old soul" etc. I've puzzled over the origin of life since I was a kid. The process of life and the human condition are both rather tragic endeavors. My kid self never got to enjoy Disneyland for Disneyland's sake:)
 

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That has happened to me more than once.

I know it is spiritual. It has been betweem me -male - and women. Not sexual - and it is reciprocal. I have not had close feelings with other males - in my time and generation, that would be unconsciously supressed. I have had close male friends but we avoided 'bonding" - not our thing

I am Christian, but unorthodox. I have memories of "time before time" and so have others - and it was explained thet we were close sometime in eternity, soul mates - I believe that.
On "time before time" many primitive (in the Western sense) people, including the Austrailian aboriginal's "dreamtime"
are open to such ideas.

So forget all the logical explanations. This person and you have known each other in Infinity. A good friend, a soul sister - accept it and cherish it.
 

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Intriguing...
I find myself also intrigued by the nature of this said spiritual connection. This has not happened to me. This has happened to another of my kind, another INTJ. It is as if the "meme" of fascination has been implanted into my mind via your posts. As if I am being curious vicariously through your posts. Perhaps it is the nature of INTJs post: if the original INTJ poster finds it note-worthy perhaps other INTJs have a higher chance of being intrigued by it as well. (INTJ shmuck-bait?)

About the "old soul" comment: kind of obvious since you have self-identified as INTJ. Others Myers-Briggs take several years to do what INTJs do naturally: being rational about the situation and using reason to assess situations. Said child seems mature for their age.

About the "kid self never being able to enjoy Disneyland": alas it is cost for being INTJ. Using reason to see the bigger picture and realizing what's really going. INTJs have an extremely difficulty time lying to themselves as well as turning off the analysis: this means Disneyland is seldom fun for long.

In general, I am envious of your experience: you have experienced an enigmatic almost cosmic experience. I never have direct experience of such a thing.
 
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