Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 67773 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,508 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I want this to be a place where we can talk about what is really going on in our minds. Let out your feelings, your thoughts, desires, and confusions of every kind. If you have an insight, or a depressing thought....do share. There are no boundaries here. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
377 Posts
as a person who spent a good portion of my life doing everything in my power to stifle supress and down right destroy all emotion I have a hard time with it now. I did my absolute best to eliminate it, because for the most part the shear magnitude of negative feelings I had been gathering in my life was going to drive me insane. So I did the one thing that I could do at the time and that was suppress, bury and kill all semblance of emotion. If I wasn't being crippled by it, then I could at least go about doing something about it and work towards a solution.

Now I'm older and life isn't as bad as it was, so I've been trying to really experience emotion again care about things. Let other emotions beside the occasional spot of mindless rage consume my being and steal my ability to reason. What I've come to realise is for the most part, I feel like my emotions don't belong to me. like their some distant thing ignored and suppressed for so long they seem awkward and clumsy and over powering. They erode at the self control, and dedication to reason I have crafted over these many years and I often feel lost.

Unwilling to admit to people I know that I could even feel things deeply, or that anything really matters to me. No one knows me truly and for the most part no one really cares too. Which in some ways is comforting because the notion of somebody getting close enough to actually injure me again and leave that gaping black abyss. That chasm of hopelessness, frustration, and deep sadness, that suffuses my body until I have no choice left but to put most efforts into fighting the feeling. Fearing what it might do to me and what horrible pitiable creature I may become if it's left unchecked.

I feel a bit like a coward, but I realize, that the realization will in fact allow me to confront this issue boldly and with open eyes. This is one of the first time I've really admitted my frustrations, or even having fears or weakness of any sort. I may say I'm wrong but will in general never admit to it being an issue of me as a person being incapable of being right in the situation. Here I think it is an issue of me as a person and I'm going to try and confront this screwed up world of feeling I willingly buried. It scares the living shit out of me, and I don't really know what I'm doing anymore but I'll at least try and if I fail I'll dust myself off and go at it again. After all it's only failure if you accept it.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,764 Posts
I repress most of my emotions and feelings in real life unless someone taps into the reservoir of anger which sometimes boils over.

I laugh uncontrollably at stupid humor like The Office and the Onion News Network. Sometimes I laugh so hard that I cry. But I never show sadness beyond my normal blank demeanor. At funerals, I don't cry. I just carry a heavy weight in my heart until the sadness yields to my usual melancholic temperament.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
62 Posts
...It's like I have this great void in me, and then, once there was a bird, gabba gabba, I forget to brush my teeth sometimes, I need to do the laundry and I hate doing laundry, I dunno what I'm gonna eat today, why does nothing ever happen? I eat way too much snacks and junk food and I should exercise more. And the tap water in these apartments really suck, and I can't find that one brand of lactose-free milk that I can actually drink, and I've only been drinking Coke for days, and I like to take long walks and I wish something would actually happen during them, you know this xkcd comic where this guy complains that the empty city at the very earliest hours of morning isn't as good a place to meet people as it should be? I agree. I watched part of this movie called The Bird People in China, it really wasn't anywhere near as good as expected, I'm kinda disappointed but I intend to give it another chance. An ink eraser is an instrument used to remove ink from a writing surface. There are two types: a traditional metal ink eraser, in which the ink is literally scraped off the surface, and the chemically imbibed ink eradicator, in which a vinyl eraser is imbibed with a substance that chemically reacts with the ink to remove it. I spoke to a guy at school today during chemistry class, he didn't seem too friendly or too bright. Me and my roommate are conducting this experiment where we are only talking english at home, and we're swedish. I had a short conversation with a finnish girl, she was nice. Some worker houses from the 19th Century still remain in the area close to the estuary. A substantial Post War Local Authority housing estate was developed in the 1930s. Further local authority housing was developed in the 1970s and in the early 2000s more housing has been built. About 28% of the properties in the area are detached houses with about 36% of the housing stock being semi-detached. I have tinnitus sometimes for weeks in a row, then it disappears. I also have recurring migraines. The wall's moat has also left its mark on London; it forms the line of the street of Houndsditch. This was once London's main rubbish disposal site and was notorious for its appalling odour; its name, according to the 16th century historian John Stow, was derived "from that in old time, when the same lay open, much filth (conveyed forth of the City) especially dead dogges were there laid or cast." The moat was finally covered over and filled in at the end of the 16th century, becoming the present street. Is that George Lucas behind the camera? This equipment is fully digital and does not require the use of film. The cameras are activated by a loop embedded in the road surface and will take three pictures. The first and second photographs will show the movement of the vehicle and the third is a close up of the vehicle to determine the make, model, colour and registration number. The time and date will be recorded with each image. These images are down loaded direct to the viewing office for processing via a standard ASDL line. This equipment was type approved by the Secretary of State in May 2003. As is the case of fixed roadside Gatso cameras, there is a requirement to have secondary check marks painted on stretches of road covered by RedSpeed digital speed cameras. The marks are placed exactly one metre apart, so the distance travelled by the speeding vehicle between the two photographs can be calculated. This is done purely as a safeguard for the driver to ensure the speed registered by the camera is accurate. With digital cameras, the speed between the check marks is calculated automatically by the processing equipment. Where there is a discrepancy or the equipment fails to produce the secondary speed check, no action will be taken against the driver. Kyle, your word is "phylum"...



tl:dr; So lonely, dunno what to do.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,248 Posts
Okay well... I am going to let some of it out. You don't want it all. Believe me.

I am tired of getting hurt. I am tired of getting emotionally attached to people so easy and then have them rip that away.
Why can't I ever make any friends? It really bugs me. My newest friend has been my friend for six years now. Every time I try...I fail. I will try to take initiative and strike up a conversation. This doesn't ever go anywhere. Is as if once the talk is over, regardless of how long or short it is, it goes back to the way it was prior to the conversation. I really don't like my social awkwardness. It's hard enough talking to another guy I don't know, but when its a girl... I am a complete idiot. I really get that thread about how guys get dumber talking to beautiful women. It really bothers me that for one reason or another the befriending challenge largely extends to even online, where I am much more social. Do people hate me? Am I invisible?

I really dislike my intellegience. I consider myself a dumb INFP. I haven't played an instrament aside a recorder, at least thats what they called it back in 4-6th grade. I like music but I am also very picky on which I like. I can be a decent artist but I have to have a reference, and a bit of time to draw. I don't particularly get any enjoyment out of drawing either. I like working with wood, but the tools for any project I would like to do are a bit expensive. I miss karate, I want to go back into the martial arts. I don't have the time nor money to do so however. I REALLY want to take up archery: not as a sport, just for recreation.
I hate homework. I am in college but in a Junior college. They give much more busy work than normal colleges from what I observed. It is really annoying. I have a horrible memory for specifics. I can't remember names or formula or details in literary work. While as a person I am fine with this, it is a bit bothersome. The details are what everyone expects you to remember. *sigh*

I worry that I wont find a girlfriend again. I haven't gone out on a date in 3 years. I am 22 and have no real strategy on even going about finding one. I can't even seem make new friends so this seems like an impossible task. I really, really, REALLY, don't like my lack of hobbies. I have things I want to do, but unfortunately I can't afford them because I don't have a job. I don't like not having a job. I must have a secret label on my forehead saying "Don't hire me, I am made of nuclear waste and fail!" I have been looking, albeit not constantly for a job since my first year out of high school. I graduated in 05 if you were wondering. The town I live next too sucks freaking hairy monkey nuts. Unless you want a job in retail or fast food. Good luck finding anything. I believe this lack of choice is a big part of why I don't get hired, along with my college schedule. I would think an INFP male would be a horrible salesmen. I want to get out of my Junior college already. I am almost done but the classes I need to transfer are stacked in a way that has postponed my transfer be over a year.

I really worry about my future career plans. I have no idea what I want to do. I thought about teacher, but lately all I hear on the news is them getting the short end of the stick.

I feel hollow, or perhaps dead inside. I don't know how you categorize this but. I don't get "energy from either talking to "people" or being by myself. I only feel energized when I am talking or just being around people I care about: which is something in very short supply these days. I feel as if my dreams are becoming more and more distant and distorted as I try to "compromise" to get what I want. Occasionally I meet cool people online, but I often wonder where are they in real life? I usually give up because I assume they are in a similar position I am, which means I will have to either be lucky enough to get partnered up with them in a class, or go door by door asking if there is an INFP in the house.

Since about a year and a half ago, I started to laugh quite a bit more. I laugh at just about anything, granted I am comfortable with the company. I do wonder though if I am really happy or just using humor as an emotional high to get over my gloom.
I always feel and think like when talking to the opposite sex, that they probably think I am trying to come on to them. 99% of the time this isn't the case. I need to get over that issue, but I don't know if its just me thinking this or if it really is the case.

Okay, while that was a bunch of negative mumbo jumbo, I figured I would talk about some more positive things, despite being in a sad mood for the past five days. I do like my personality by and large. I like being kind and good. I like having complete faith in my values and morals. I like knowing that when I give my word to someone, I go out of my way to try to fulfill it. I love love, even if I don't get as much as I would like. I look forward to having children some day. I think being a dad would be very rewarding. I like seeing things in a different light from people around me, even other INFPs. I like that I can, at least I think I can, see problems from many perspectives. I had to learn this in my previous relationship to defuse tensions, expand ideas, etc. I really like my dreams, even though some of them can be a bit dark and depressing. I also like the rain, I know, a bit random. I like how my imagination takes off when reading or watching something I really enjoy. I feel as if I am in the reality that I am experienceing.

I would add more but, I am both pressed for time, as I have to start getting ready for class soon, and that I am still a bit depressed(?) about a multitude of things. Not to mention a bit angry at myself for a undisclosed reason. The anger part is legit and I am dealing with it properly, other overwhelming things have just slowed it up a bit i'm thinking.

If any of you feel like saying hi or w/e please do. I come on PC not just for information, but to talk and get to know people. I have to get out of my comfort zone to get things solved, and PC is a nice first step. Almost everyone knows about the personality types, If only people in my area shared the same parallel.

Random thought from just that last part: I should go to school one day with a INFP name tag on my shirt to see if anything happens. Not like I am worried about becoming a social outcast, I am already there! Thanks for reading my rant, thoughts, or whatever you would like to call the abomination above. ^ :proud:

Edit:

I wrote more that I thought >.< sorry.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13 Posts
I feel like one in a million when it comes to accepting people for who they are. My lover even said that he's never ever seen anyone as accepting as I am, and he even has a hard time believing it.

This sucks.. cause there's always people bashing other people and I'm always like, Why? Just let them be.

And that's what on my mind.
 

·
Cafe Legend and MOTM Jan 2011
Joined
·
15,420 Posts
I lost part of myself several years ago, and have only been going through her vacant motions ever since her disappearance. I have trouble feeling nurturing toward anyone or anything, and overcompensate by giving off the impression of being excessively everything I wish I still were. My heart is dead, and all of my motives are secretly selfish. I am full of pride, and even now while I am writing this, I am thinking about how others will perceive it, hoping they will find my sincerity clever or brave instead of feeling distanced by the magnitude of my previous lack of authenticity. I imagine that being honest about being dishonest could unravel the things I have bound and lift every curtain that hid the emptiness, breaking me open until the room would suddenly fill with light and would give off the illusion of never having been truly vacant. I know better. This illumination reveals the barren walls rather than painting them with substance, and I am nakedly nothing. My temple waits to be refilled, drawing in all of the love I can gather or steal, burning to ashes while providing neither light nor warmth, truth nor love. I worship both, but own neither. In order for one to be effective, I must have both, or else each is rendered dangerous, the inauthentic love of lies or the brutal attraction to loveless truth that only empowers the unloving core. Having no love, I choose to remove truth as well, to avoid the disaster of imbalance. This is the wrong direction, and I know it. I continue my implosion even with awareness of how my disaster is structured.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,151 Posts
I feel like I've contorted myself beyond recognition. I've had my ability to love and to trust strangled from me by the most prominent influences in my life and to cope I've become something I don't feel is true to me. I can't find any sense of congruency between the way I am and the way the world is. After spreading myself far too thin between people, I've inversed and built a strong wall to keep everyone out. I've tried to free myself by locking myself up from even myself at times, and I'm only now beginning to see the error in this. I'm trying to break free but I can't find the weaknesses in my own fortress. I want now more than ever to experience again true connection, but I'm unable to let more than a small sliver of myself through at any time. I don't even know if the walls were meant to keep me in or to keep everything out, but I know that anytime I get a chance to chip away another day in the real world passes and I'm torn to do mind numbing work and must put myself on hold. It's frustrating and I just want to get away for a very long time to get myself in order, though I fear it's exactly that mentality that got me here in the first place.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,990 Posts
I often play different roles in video games, but I secretly like shotguns, though I would never admit it

I mean, the shotgun is such an outcast weapon to have, it's short ranged, has a slow firing rate, basically good for game birds or clay pigeons, but damn is it manly

it's so awesome to charge a sniper with it, run from cover to cover while he tries to get me with his sissy rifle then KABLOW I give him a lead salad right in his face haha :laughing:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,508 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
What the hell am I doing here? Really....do any of you ever think about how completely random life is? Like what in the world......I live on a floating ball that has been here for billions of years.....and has amazing nuances everywhere you look.....I live in america......I am a male......what are the odds? Life is so mysterious....yet how can I be so bored sometimes? Life is so mind boggling. Sometimes I just sit and think ...what the fuck?

I always feel like tearing down the walls that we put up between us. I hate boundaries for some reason. I want to destroy anything false that we feed ourselves to make ourselves feel better..... I feel like an explorer. I want to tear down everything until I get what is real....what is true....and by truth...I guess I mean...what is true within. I guess T's are better at finding the truth of our outside world. I want to know who we are and why we are.

There is the burning feeling inside me.....this tension......that makes me.....almost angry......in fact I am angry. So many questions that are never answered.....but I know that when they are answered....they will not be enough. I am constantly pushing the envelope.....constantly on the edge ....towards the infinite....

This life....pushes me towards an oceanic consciousness.....life without boundaries. This reminds me of Chris McCandless of Into The Wild. He actually ...literally....destroyed his boundaries. He went away ....and said fuck the world....in search of the self...the true self.

Then I ask myself...why? Why the fuck should I even do this? Rationally....it makes no damn sense. It is almost like masochism. Why would you put yourself through the pain of uncertainty in search for a truth that is always one step away.....you will never reach a conclusion you are happy with.....

Yes I am stuck in Fi. I know. But fuck just let me be me for 2 damn seconds before you blast your opinions and perception onto me as if you are God.

Can I say what I feel without you telling me how to live? Can you do that?

I look all around me....and for the most part.....all I see is a bunch of dead cardboard cut outs of each other. Where is your passion? Where are you? Live damnit. Quit being so damn afraid of your emotions. You call me weak? You dare call me weak when every single time you become sad you shut the door like you saw a damn ghost?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,962 Posts
everything seems like a language to me, that's what i've been thinking about. really, anything and everything, it's a language really!

and it drives me crazy when people interact superficially, and miss what you're really trying to say underneath it all. and how superficial understandings can be taken out of context and indicate apparent hypocrisy, or seem paradoxical, even if underneath it all, at the realm of what you're really trying to say, it ain't necessarily so.

and how awesome it is when someone really listens, and really hears what you're saying, however you're trying to say it. and how awesome it is, when you don't even need words, or whatever the vessel of whatever language you are speaking is, to say what you're trying to say, sometimes an empathetic connection can communicate a whole lot more than words ever could.

and just about how both secure and liberating those true, deep, empathetic connections are! though, of course, that's part of the art of using language, being able to make those true, abounding connections despite the limitations of words. or that's part of the art of working with the limitations of whatever medium you are speaking through. or trying to speak through.

and how vital listening to others is to being heard yourself.

and how ideas, and reality even, are so limited by whatever limitations in language we accept for ourselves, ignorantly or apathetically or both.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,508 Posts
Discussion Starter #19
everything seems like a language to me, that's what i've been thinking about. really, anything and everything, it's a language really!

and it drives me crazy when people interact superficially, and miss what you're really trying to say underneath it all. and how superficial understandings can be taken out of context and indicate apparent hypocrisy, or seem paradoxical, even if underneath it all, at the realm of what you're really trying to say, it ain't necessarily so.

and how awesome it is when someone really listens, and really hears what you're saying, however you're trying to say it. and how awesome it is, when you don't even need words, or whatever the vessel of whatever language you are speaking is, to say what you're trying to say, sometimes an empathetic connection can communicate a whole lot more than words ever could.

and just about how both secure and liberating those true, deep, empathetic connections are! though, of course, that's part of the art of using language, being able to make those true, abounding connections despite the limitations of words. or that's part of the art of working with the limitations of whatever medium you are speaking through. or trying to speak through.

and how vital listening to others is to being heard yourself.

and how ideas, and reality even, are so limited by whatever limitations in language we accept for ourselves, ignorantly or apathetically or both.

I was talking to my gf? friend with benefits? person? about how the english language does not seem to communicate emotion effectively. I feel so tied down in this language. My gffriendwithbenifitsperson is half russian and speaks the language fluently.....andd she loves it. So yea.. i dunno. Do you feel that way?
 
1 - 20 of 67773 Posts
Top