Personality Cafe banner

67721 - 67740 of 67758 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
107 Posts
(requesting to delete a duplicate post)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
107 Posts
Oh my! Oh my! PerC has changed. It looks really cool now, I hope I won't get lost. Haha. I joined earlier this year right before they changed the look.

So, I picked up a Manhwa to read online during this pandemic (I say this like it's some kind of season or the weather... during this winter, or during this storm... LOL). The Manhwa's called, "Cheese in Trap." If you bore easily, probably don't pick it up. But it's quite interesting anyway so I continued reading it. It interested me because the story and plot really focuses on the characters' personalities and made me, an MBTI enthusiast, naturally, interested. Please read it if you want to test your typing skills too haha. I wanna know if we get it right.

Well, it's a vent thread so I guess I'll remark that the reason I picked up this Manhwa is because I have trouble going to sleep recently. Ugh! There is just so much on my mind. Last I was here, I got kicked out of the condo apartment I was renting ONLY BECAUSE the owner suddenly decided to sell it and we, unfortunately, haven't signed the contract. It was being delayed, yknow, and I'm a nurse by profession, I needed to start the job I got real soon and needed to move-in, but like, only 2 months in, even while I paid in advance, they cancelled everything. I'm a little dimwitted to not have noticed why the contract was cancelled. Anyway, so I had to move out, and the commute became 3 hours. And I had to take fewer shifts (I can do this because it's a clinic and I was starting out as a part-timer before I could be made a regular, yeah, it's this way in my country), but when the pandemic became big, and we were hit hard as an Asian archipelago and third world country, public transpo came to a halt.

Oh yeah, they did say something about free service for frontliners, but they weren't going to bring someone over who was from a totally different city. Plus, I was crashing at my best friend's place and she lived with her mom and a 2-year old kid. Like, how can I be selfish and possibly contract COVID-19 while at work and take it home to them? But I was guilty for WEEEKS because I couldn't get transpo or move out, and the people at the center was understaffed. But I guess they're fine now as they've found someone. And when quarantine measures lightened, I called for a cab, decided to move back to my home town since I don't have money to rent a place to go back living in the city I used to work.

I'm a little frantic about getting a job here in my hometown. I mean, I haven't applied yet, but I'm scared I'll expose my family to this horrible illness.

I'm still having insomnia thinking about it. I have been doing some online freelance stuff lately so I have a little income. But it's not the same as being out there. Well, we're planning to renovate a floor in our house that originally we meant to rent out. That could be where I could stay for a while if I decide to go back out there.

I feel like I've been making excuses also to myself and being hard on myself for not getting things right. I'm glad I could get comfort and reassurance from my friends, and from some people here on PerC. Still, I can never truly erase the fact that I should be out there.

Wish me luck as I'm looking at a prospective job opportunity nearby. It's not a hospital, my specialty doesn't require me to work at a hospital. LOL. But I might also get a call from a hospital. I'll still think about it and weigh the pros and cons. LOL. After all, what the heck is money if I get sick and die?

Some people have said it's so weird for me, an INFP, to be a nurse.

It's not exactly weird but it is definitely a struggle because the skills required in this job is not natural to an INFP. I have to focus harder, try to pay attention more and stop being in my head so much... spacing out is a huge problem, too. I try to drain my thinking a little before I start (does that make sense to fellow INFPs? Haha), but it's still difficult sometimes, most of the time.

That's all for now. If you're me reading this from the future, probably don't feel bad for me, okay?

And if you're someone who finds this post eerily familiar to a person you know, she's probably not me but still, go check on her, say Hi and ask her how it's going. Okay? Thanks.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Pensive Fine

·
Registered
INFP 459 sp/sx
Joined
·
62 Posts
I enjoy myths. I think the myth in my signature is interesting. I wonder if I had instead chosen to have a quote about Demeter as my signature: would people presume I worship Demeter?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
22 Posts
Appeared in this forum after a long time.

I am really happy but I don't understand that why do I don't let go. Means I can forgive people, but I want people should spend time with me the way I spend time with them. Know everyone is busy,but still I expect a lot. I shouldn't expect but still my mind is in a meaningless cycle. I can't change the things happened with me. During the February, my leg got injured, my right leg ligament were completely teared. It was so disheartening. None of friend came to my help, when I needed them. No one lives to fulfil my expectations, but still my mind is a devil one. My heart forgives easily, but my mind. I can't control those thoughts. Thinking on the positive side, my friends didn't help me which made me realise how strong I am. Means I am enough for myself.

BUT THIS MIND!!!!! ARGHHH!!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
22 Posts
Appeared in this forum after a long time.

I am really happy but I don't understand that why do I don't let go. Means I can forgive people, but I want people should spend time with me the way I spend time with them. Know everyone is busy,but still I expect a lot. I shouldn't expect but still my mind is in a meaningless cycle. I can't change the things happened with me. During the February, my leg got injured, my right leg ligament were completely teared. It was so disheartening. None of friend came to my help, when I needed them. No one lives to fulfil my expectations, but still my mind is a devil one. My heart forgives easily, but my mind. I can't control those thoughts. Thinking on the positive side, my friends didn't help me which made me realise how strong I am. Means I am enough for myself.

BUT THIS MIND!!!!! ARGHHH!!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,822 Posts
My father is a cop in Chicago, and called me earlier tonight. Naturally, because we're black and there's been a lot happening there as well as here in Atlanta, the conversation turned to all of the crime this last month.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that we shared the exact same mindset, all the way from what happened with George Floyd, to the looting, to the black guy who was "unjustly" shot and killed by a white cop after he took the taser AWAY from said cop and threatened him with it. I felt so comfortable talking to him that I went as far as to say, that we couldn't even prove that the cop who killed Floyd was racist but that that part shouldn't matter to begin with; a crime should be bad enough just because it's a crime and race should have nothing to do with it. He even agreed with that. It was all extremely refreshing due to the fact that, especially with the high number of blacks in Atlanta, the general consensus seems to basically be "black looters? A-ok. Every white cop? They kill us, so why don't we kill them!" And so forth.

I've decided that the most I'm gonna do until more people start waking up, is to vent to those closest to me who love me no matter what and who understand where I'm coming from, even if the rest of the world is adamant about accusing me of being 'white deep down,' for not wanting to call something racist without any evidence whatsoever.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
7,757 Posts
the fuck knows, I'm tired
-----------------------------------------

moving, moving,
life keeps on moving
trends
trends in music
trends in theme
trends in every colour and tone and style

that ad,
the one that just played
its angles and its tune, they'll be dated
give it a year
we will wonder how we ever fell for it

why are we drawn to trends?
the fresh becomes repetitive
it loses its magic
magic is power, but only temporarily

But timelessness? timelessness prevails
we know this already
why do we discard the knowledge we already have? why do we still want more

the best songs have been made
when can we enjoy it
the music

when will it be still?
is this why I get ill?
does life want me to stop moving first?

listen

And love and peace
what of it?
the more we try the less of it there is

I just want to hide
it all gets monotonous

But I'll get bored
at some point
I will

And then I will move again, too

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
7,757 Posts
DAY BY THE RIVER

that's what you think about me
that I'm damaged
just a little girl

even after the love I gave you
in my imagination
And yours

it's not enough
it never is
But why

you think I don't know what a relationship is
so I ask
how does it work?
do you know?
if you did
wouldn't we be in one?

can't you just admit
you don't like me
for the long term

even though you could have loved me

instead of deflecting,
projecting,
expecting

pre-existing perfection
that I already expect from myself

I 'spose I ought to thank you
for holding up the mirror

but no one tells you what to do
when the glass is broken

hey look - i can see my heart
(ha ha!)

do you think the shards can be glued together?
would the damage be hidden that way?
hey babe - does my crack look big in this?

you think I don't know how to be in a relationship

and I didn't ask how

because I am not convinced
your more years on earth
make you know more
about relating to me
intimately

but rather, all the more hesitant

So instead I shone a light
on the fact that
well
your marriage didn't work
did it

you got offended
I blamed myself
for ruining what could have been
I cried
you hugged me

And I saved myself
And the world
from another self-help book
written by someone
who holds up faulty glass


Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,822 Posts
I don't think I'll ever not love Korn. It's too bad it's merely considered a lot of people's guilty pleasure nowadays because when I'm down, "Falling Away From Me" is just the thing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
331 Posts
I’m just gonna post here because I think my brain is Very Confused about my...romantic orientation I guess. For a long time I’ve identified as asexual and “at least” heteroromantic cause I wanted to I leave it open to other possibilities. I’ve felt romantically attracted to very few people and usually only men (recently got out of a 5 year relationship with a man), but I wasn’t opposed to the idea of being with a woman or another gender person if it came up. But as a hetero ace you’re kind of like a shadow queer (no one knows unless you’re trying to get into bed with me), so as long as I was in a relationship I really didn’t pay attention to any other possibilities. but now I keep having dreams of being with a woman and I feel like it’s my heart telling me something. I had a dream last night that I acted in a movie in which I was in a couple with a woman and I was really into it, and after the movie came out and we were walking out of the screening, I was still in the habit of acting romantically towards her. There was something magical about touching her and she looked at me a little weird. Anyway I’ve had a few dreams along these lines lately, and when I look back I realize there have been other dreams going back years as well. It feels like my body has been trying to send me a message all this time. I feel surprisingly not stressed about it (I honestly would have expected some internalized homophobia from myself), but it is definitely a surprising new thought. In retrospect I can only think of 3 women in real life that I may have been somewhat attracted to romantically. But that is something. I’d say I’ve been attracted to about the same of number of men, it was just more obvious cause I expected and invited that attraction. This also means I kind of have to test and validate this theory by dating women? Which...idk that idea’s a little intimidating. I usually feel more comfortable befriending and hanging out with guys. Is that a sign of something in itself?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
331 Posts
Someone admitted to me that she felt in love with me after knowing her for four days. She wanted to kiss me, to have sex with me. She admitted that she had feelings for me and that she seduced me. I said rejecting and disappointed her was the most difficult thing i had to do in my life. My stomach die hurt a lot from it. She's 43 years old (i'm 24), is a married woman and has three children. Her oldest son is older than me. She has relationship problems and an alcohol problem. This is the weirdest day of my life. I'm not feeling well. It's not fun to reject someone.

She hugged me, purred me. I felt uncomfortable. My stomach really hurts. She went to my pants, trying to open it. I all allowed it because I have such a hard time saying no we can't. I just didn't want to disappoint her. She said i'm a hot young boy who's very aged and mannered for my life. She said i have the beautiful eyes of the world (a lot of girls tell me that). I almost want to cry. I have such a hard time now.
Hey that’s not okay... that’s definitely sexual assault, if she did those things without your consent. And no, being too shy or scared to refuse her does not count as consent. It has to be an enthusiastic and sober yes. I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s totally normal that you feel bad after that. Is there anyone you trust who you can talk to about this? What she did is illegal and you could report her if you want to. But at the very least talking to a counselor if you can find one is a good start. Sending hugs.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
39 Posts
I wish I could have either stayed gone or not done that at all. I wish I could have explained myself better. I wish I could have found the right words to articulate my thoughts. But I don't want to return if she misunderstands me or thinks I'm doing it for the wrong reasons. That really bothers me. I want to talk it out but I feel like that wouldn't fix it. I feel like it's pointless and I'm so sad. I never wanted to let go but I've ruined it now, right. Even if I return, I might just mess up again. I feel so sad.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,786 Posts
My anorexia is coming back and I know it... I'm restricting hard, although I did binge today, but i'm still under 2000 kcals. I didn't manage to lose weight recently, because of circumstances, but I hope to lose 5kg as soon as possible, to get back under 70 kg again, which is my first goal. The problem the control i need to have is returning, and my ED is returning, and I know it and I can't do anything about it. I also don't know which actually was first... A friend said i had an ED already since 2013. It's been on and off for like 6 years. I know periods where I didn't ate anything at school and having a weight as low as 55kg and being proud of it. I wish i could get back to 55 kg again, which would be a BMI of 16... Than i could be happy. But i also want to be a huge runner again… I feel like i'm making progress on running, but i have a long road ahead of me. I just want to be the skinniest runner ever... lol. I however realize that I have a slight form of an ED... and it's very periodical… However overeating is also a symptom of an ED. Ideally, i want a weight of 48kg. I think i'm ridicilously fat now… but the problem is my beliefs and views are irrational and i know it... I however think I could be healthy at a BMI of 14, and i want to maintain a BMI of 14. For that, i need to lose 30 kg.

I haven't cut in 3 weeks now which is good. It's hard to not cut, but I can manage it... I don't think I can stop though. I need to cut from time to time. People in general don't understand what I go through too… They think i don't want to become better, but it's just an addiction and i will have to live with it for the rest of my life.
 
67721 - 67740 of 67758 Posts
Top