INFP 4w5 sp
I'm not doing so well tonight, my mom who I'm very close with (but she lives far away) has to be tested for covid because a co-worker has it. I'm trying not to fall apart before the results are in. Meanwhile we have some friends who don't seem to be taking this as seriously as I think they should and keep wanting to get together. So tonight my husband went star watching and saw the commet, which is great, but.... when his friend expects to ride in the same car there.... I'm really not okay with this, and I'm so bad at knowing how to say anything because I feel like every time I speak up about anything people - doesn't matter who, even people who are very nice and care about me etc.- just tend to brush me off or react to me as if saying my opinion a all is Always making a bigger deal than necessary about everything no matter what it is or how I say it. Even they're mainly spending time with us outside, I am not feeling comfortable with this because they don't wear masks and they have a small child just like we do and there's no keeping the kids distanced from eachother. I do not feel safe at all and I want to scream and cry, it's hard not to feel like I'm being rude trying to avoid them, but... yeah. When someone else thinks you're just being stupid about it it's really hard to not be interpreted as rude I guess. My husband doesn't seem to be as concerned about getting together with them as I think he should be either, maybe he's just more trusting of them, or maybe he has a hard time saying no to people he cares for too, or maybe he really isn't concerned, I don't know. I know we need to talk more about this, but I'm feeling afraid that everyone else who isn't as... capable of waiting out isolation as I seem to be, is going to feel like I'm being difficult and uncaring about others because I'm not willing to see them when they're feeling a strong need to get together. Ugh, I don't know. I don't know how to talk about this with anyone because I'm so afraid of people being like they have so often been in my life, brushing me off. I take the possibility of a horrible lonely death very seriously. I take the possibility of people I care about dying a horrible lonely death seriously. Very seriously. I mean... you might say well you ride in cars don't you, yes I know, and I'm always slightly worried about getting in a crash, I don't not think twice about it. I know you can't be totally safe all the time, I'm not so crazy as to let every possible fear keep me from getting out of bed, but I'd also prefer to not increase my risk and worry when it can be helped. And no we don't HAVE to get together with anyone at the park for the next year (or two or three) if need be. I can wait it out. I guess other people don't feel like they can. But the substance of relationship, for me, is primarily in the exchange of thoughts and feelings which is possible with phones and texts and videos, why this "NEED" to see in person? I know everyone wants to just get back to life as it was, but that's jus not realistic if you ask me. And then my best friend went to bed while I was still trying to get my daughter to sleep and so I didn't get to talk anything over with her, and she's the only other night owl I know that I could talk with tonight to help make me feel ready for bed. so here I am. Thanks for being here per-c.