Personality Cafe banner

1 - 3 of 3 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
45 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I get asked what having synesthesia is like fairly often, so here are some thoughts I put down in a topic about it.

I wish I had Synesthesia. The world would seem so beautiful if all five senses were linked. I could taste an emotion, smell a word, color a thought. . .
I have sound-color synesthesia - that is, I "see" the colors of sound. No, it doesn't tint my vision or anything like that. I see colors in my head, just like you do if I asked you to think of the color purple. The difference is music and sounds will make me think of a color involuntarily, and there's no turning it off.

Believe me: you don't want this. I wouldn't have wished this on Hitler.

You're curious what it's like, which is natural. It's something new and funky, and we tend to think of how cool it would be in one situation or another when we don't know what it's like for ourselves. Why shouldn't we? So I'll start there and try to phrase it as best I can.

Tranquility energizes and heals; rainfall, the hush of ocean waves, a campfire, even something as simple as a floor fan. These are gentle, non-intrusive ambient noises that have the benefit of cancelling out offending sounds. You're free to concentrate on your own thoughts for long periods of time, and slowly tease out the anxieties and negativity you've built up over the day. You're more productive, more positive, and maybe even a little more creative. It's the best part of the natural day for relaxation, but music is how you become empowered.

Music for a sound-color synesthete has a direct linkage to their mood and mental state. Over time you learn to coordinate a song's color profile to your mood, which gives you a choice in controlling how you feel. Fully immersed in sound, if you can scratch that itch just right, it's an instant and very powerful result: the song you've heard 783 times before still sends a hair-raising shiver down into the ground like a thunderbolt, your heart races, and the colors are so bright they feel like they're going to burn a hole through your skull. With a boost to your confidence and sharpened mental faculties, you're experiencing your most intense mind state. You feel unbreakable and domineering. Strong, sharp-minded, unstoppable. The sensation is addictive and wonderful, like a drug that never wears off and that you never build tolerance to. You want to feel it every minute of every day, and if you could, you would never sleep or fail or falter.

But you can't. You won't. And you never will.

At your peak you stand before a vertical cliff, and the winds are forever against you. The slightest distraction - be it a car horn, a dog barking, your cell phone buzzing, a child laughing in the distance, or someone talking as they pass by - these will violently rip you out of your tranquility. Their colors invade your mind and can remain there for minutes on end. Each time your attenuation is broken, you fall further from your peak, and every landing is bone-crushing. You focus destabilizes and you've lost your train of thought, and recovery is slow if it's to happen at all in that environment. Your only hope is to find some way to cover up the distractions and re-submerge yourself into your music.

Continuous interruptions wear you down mentally and emotionally, sometimes to the point of violent thoughts and reactions. Crowds and loud environments are your lifelong archenemy. If you spend any more time in them than you have to, you become mentally rubbed bloody and raw. It's not long before you've clenched your fists and teeth to the point of pain. You're shivering with anger. Thousand mile stare. Your skull feels pressurized. You speak to no one. The only thought you have is getting away right now. All other thoughts and instincts drown in a volcanic sea of red. You're liable to acting recklessly and completely out of character if it means just being able to find isolation. Willpower is your savior in overcoming your most violent impulses, but it's not something that can be adapted to through repeated exposure. You must plan your activities with this forever in mind.

Having an incredible sensitivity to sounds means you'll only find peace and relaxation in seclusion. I'm quite certain my synesthesia has influenced my personality to be biased towards introversion, misanthropy, an awful self-image, and a bitter overall mood - and I obviously don't mean that for the better. It's a cage for your brain from which there is no escape, and your only choice of medication is delivered from the end of a metal barrel.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
45 Posts
this was beautiful. i wish i could switch brain chemistry or whatever it is with you to make you happier. it sounds like a burden to have to manipulate your environment all the time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
45 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
saratheswan;bt33395 said:
this was beautiful. i wish i could switch brain chemistry or whatever it is with you to make you happier. it sounds like a burden to have to manipulate your environment all the time.
Thank you. I wish I could get rid of it too, but only if it didn't have to affect anyone else. I've had all my life to learn how to cope and I'm still a wreck. I can only imagine what it might do to somebody if they experienced a sudden onset...
 
1 - 3 of 3 Posts
Top