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Even though life feels much better, there's something I just lately had to cope with. Maybe some of you are familiar with situations where you're counseling someone, get too comfortable with that person and that person with you, and at some point you fall in love? Well, that is what exactly happened to me, I fell in love (although I love everyone in a platonic way, I had more feelings than this for her) and that was a mistake and I just couldn't control my feelings to avoid that.

It was unrequited love because she didn't feel the same for me and there was no hope that she would have. This unrequited love made me feel pain and I was worried all the time. During last couple of days I couldn't cry and I tried a lot to make myself to release the emotion from being suppressed. I was frustrated and my mood swinged. I meditated, listened to sad music, listened to self-hypnonis record that makes me cry everytime, screamed to my pillow, hit my bed with mt pillow... but none worked...

What I did with her then? I stopped talking to her, I told her that since there's no chance she'd feel the same for me I cannot be her support because it just hurts me so much. She told me that she hasn't felt better for a long time and that she now can go on on her own. I'm really glad about that since I thought me leaving all the sudden, leaving her no support would kinda crush her. I also told her that I'll talk to her as soon as I have recovered from this what I feel for her and how this unrequited love made me feel (I really don't know how long this would take...)

Alright, yesterday evening, that was the time when I was able to release my emotions, I talked to a very kind person I met here on PerC. It was that I wrote down everything, every single bit that made feel sad, fear, angry, hopeless and so on. It was like admitting myself that I was really feeling sad, and before that I was just, I don't know, perhaps avoiding this and protecting myself.

What did I learn from this? Even though this went this far I'm not stopping being a counselor for those who needs it. I need to change strategy to avoid myself falling in love with person who I am counseling, one move would that I search that person who I can fall in love for real, so there no longer is that fear that I'd fall in love with the person I'm helping.
 

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You are only human and sometimes we can't help who we fall in love with.You seem like a very compassionate and empathetic person.You have helped this person move on in her life,and you are not bottling up your emotions which is a good thing.I am glad that you could talk with someone about your situation and write about it here.
 

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I agree with above person. You can't help but fall in love. You can't choose that person. It just... Well happens. But, I hope you can find someone with a more mutual feeling, so you can help each other become awesomer. :)

And journaling, writing down your emotions always helps.
 
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