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Discussion Starter #1
It’s like being on a hamster wheel on Fe crack. My brain says no but my impulses just say vomit whatever you feel. It’s getting more and more ridiculous.

And I care WAY more about my relationships with shitty people or the shade they throw than I should.

I don’t think I have been in an Se/Fe loop since I was like 20.

I was in a Ti/Ni loop like 6 years ago for 2 years but that was not causing as much of an issue in preserving my functional social persona.

Where as this loop is causing severe damage.

I just keep ignoring my Ti socially which is not like me. It could be because prior to this loop I had more everyday use of my Ti in appropriate exercise just at work etc. Where as I have no consistent productivity and purposeful use of my Ti.

I just know I’ve gotta get ahold of myself and get back to myself and get out of this grip. I’m struggling I think because of inappropriate outlet. Not sure.
 

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Plague Doctor
INTJ, 5w4, Ni-T type
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Are you basically saying that you're overworking yourself bending over backwards for other people? Sorry - I'm not being difficult if it seems I am. I just want to make certain that's what I'm responding to. If so, I had a similar thing going on in my life somewhat recently. What helped was writing down what my priorities were with myself as #1. That can be extremely difficult when one has children, friends in need, etc ..., but I did.

And I had to remind myself daily that I was the most important priority in my life enough times until I stopped basically caring more about other people than I was caring for myself. I don't know if this helps or not or if you were even asking for advice (if you weren't sorry - I hate it when people give me unsolicited advice), but it just struck me because I related.
 
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INFJ 4w3 sp/sx
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I just keep ignoring my Ti socially which is not like me. It could be because prior to this loop I had more everyday use of my Ti in appropriate exercise just at work etc. Where as I have no consistent productivity and purposeful use of my Ti.
Bingo. Looping always occurs because we neglect our auxiliary extroverted function (if we are introverted) or because we neglect our auxiliary introverted function (if we are extroverted - your case).

I have lots of experience with looping (Ni-Ti) myself and I know it sucks. It makes something that shouldn't feel exhausting (your auxiliary function) feel exhausting and unnatural; sometimes using it feels "pointless".

In my case, Ni-Ti turned me into an isolated schizoid who didn't want contact with anybody and was constantly overanalyzing stuff inside my head. I needed certain types of "push" or stimulus from outside (Se) to engage with people (Fe) and during these precious times I remembered how much I fucking love Fe and how well I feel when I use Fe. I noticed how stuff usually went wrong in my life when I stopped using Fe as often as I should be using.

I recommend you doing the same. Focus on your introverted functions. They are there; they won't be going away, you're just feeling kind of tired of them right now. Instead of being reckless in your pursuit of validation from other people (Se-Fe), try to get in touch with your Ni - even if it is weak, it is there - your inferior Ni dictates how you feel the need of having a broader sense of meaning in your life. Then try to get in touch with your Ti, which is the judging function that should be "regulating" your Se impulses and actions. Ti is that impersonal, cold bitch, systematic force that will help you to keep your priorities in the right place. And I'm sure you fucking love using Ti just like I fuckin' love using Fe, it just happens that your life circumstances aren't helping you to keep your psyche well-balanced right now.
 

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@Sensational I'm sorry you're going through this. First step is figuring out what's going on and you've done that much. So, you've reflected on what's caused this. What can you bring into your life that will exercise more Ni-Ti? Maybe meditation, I know it sucks but it has helped me before. Have you been taking care of yourself? Sleeping enough, eating right, getting enough exercise outside? If not, this is something Ti is good at.

The worst part of going through a patch is trying to get alone time IME. People thinking they're helping by trying to force me to talk about stuff. I don't know if it's the same for you, but it takes a lot of introspection before I have my thoughts in order so that I have something meaningful to talk about. It sounds like you've done the first part. If you're like me, you're going to need to digest this mess but you might be able to make some gains out of this in the long run. I would consider it an opportunity to look a little further down the road and figure out what you want and what you'll need to do to get there. I've probably just rambled a lot. I don't know if that helps at all but I know you'll figure it out.
 

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Discussion Starter #5 (Edited)
@brightflashes thanks. I didn’t take it as unsolicited advice at all. I left it sort of vague. So I appreciated feedback.

I’d say you’re somewhat on point with maybe some of the things that have resulted in this loop. I am suffering between oscillating in some resentment with some people who took advantage of my sense of duty or turned their backs on me. Who I considered friends or people I was loyal to and stuck my neck out for at earlier points.

Alot blew up in my face. At one time simultaneously. I got engaged to a superior my work told me I had to leave for her to keep her job. Found out she cheated on me a week after I left the job. They did push her out too after. But anyways I invested a lot there work wise. Felt sold out by some friends who sorta turned their backs. And tossed out by everyone. I did make mistakes as far as exposure on policy yes. But I assure you I didn’t like ‘have it coming’ or something. I worked hard and treated people well.

I helped one friend with her resume etc and had taken her wedding photos the wedding photos disappeared on my flash drive and into a black hole on google chrome. The ‘friend’ who I happened to of trained to be my replacement got the better job with the resume I helped her with. And basically just stopped talking to me after the accident with her photos.

I’ve been at a slow stand still trying to repair and get back to where I was. But seeing how ungrateful and dismissive some people have been has really upset me on top of everything else.

@Aiwass I think you did a good job explaining that I NEED to force myself to use my introverted functions. Even more and try to block out these things haunting me and stick to longer term focus.

@Roslyn thank you. I gotta just get my shit together. I think you’re right on using Ti to control better personal habits to utilize Ti and distract me with things I can control like you said with health.

I definitely appreciate the feedback:
Im struggling to balance my own accountability for some poor choices vs also validate my frustrations with some people who seemed to of washed their hands with me after I wasn’t of use.

And trying to repurpose myself. I know in order to do so I need to focus on productive longer term goals. And focusing on things that I can control in my life. I have been making headway with that slowly. But because that is not an over night accomplishment, day to day I get caught up in not only my emotions but displaying them publicly on Facebook (which really is not like me to do to have public outbursts prior to this year), and I’ve had a few fixations with a few things to do with many other family or friends. It’s not one thing it’s a combination of several things at one time.

I know that I’m not imagining everything, the problem is that usually I wouldn’t fixate the same as I am now or react in a way that makes situations worse like I am now. Like public outbursts on social media.

I honestly handled much more severe life changing circumstances better, than I’m emotionally handling this year.
 

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Plague Doctor
INTJ, 5w4, Ni-T type
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But seeing how ungrateful and dismissive some people have been has really upset me on top of everything else.
Wow. That sounds like a complete nightmare. I don't know how you could be holding it together so well - and I don't say that jokingly. You're actually forming coherent sentences, so you have that.

Just want to say the above, specifically, is what I'm having trouble letting go of. It sucks because I honestly feel like it wasn't expectations ... I feel like it's just the normal way any decent person would respond to anyone.

Just knowing this bit of what's going on with you though ... I really hope this gets better for you. That's way too much stress than anyone should have to be under.
 
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@Roslyn thank you. I gotta just get my shit together. I think you’re right on using Ti to control better personal habits to utilize Ti and distract me with things I can control like you said with health.
The problem is we're always okay. Except those few times when we're not. Most things are easy enough to ask for help with but when it comes to emotional well being we can get extremely insular. Anything else runs counter to every instinct. Resilience is good but outbursts don't express the truth and don't serve your best interests. It just isolates and alienates. Slow down.

Personally, if Se-Fe is running the show: I don't get a lot of sleep, I don't eat enough, exclusively indoor exercise, home becomes a charging station instead of somewhere to unwind. 3-5 hours sleep, not enough caloric intake in a 24 hour period and I'm back out there running from one thing to another to another until I'm near collapse. Back to the charging station, minimum input and back out. It's like living in the spin cycle of a washing machine. Expelling a lot of energy but spinning tires and not getting anywhere. If that's anything like what you've been doing, slow down. We are not machines. If you're not digesting (Ti) what's happening, it's all pointless crap anyway.

I definitely appreciate the feedback:
Im struggling to balance my own accountability for some poor choices vs also validate my frustrations with some people who seemed to of washed their hands with me after I wasn’t of use.

And trying to repurpose myself. I know in order to do so I need to focus on productive longer term goals. And focusing on things that I can control in my life. I have been making headway with that slowly. But because that is not an over night accomplishment, day to day I get caught up in not only my emotions but displaying them publicly on Facebook (which really is not like me to do to have public outbursts prior to this year), and I’ve had a few fixations with a few things to do with many other family or friends. It’s not one thing it’s a combination of several things at one time.

I know that I’m not imagining everything, the problem is that usually I wouldn’t fixate the same as I am now or react in a way that makes situations worse like I am now. Like public outbursts on social media.

I honestly handled much more severe life changing circumstances better, than I’m emotionally handling this year.
2020 is a dumpster fire. I've basically written it off and I think a lot of people have. My advice: Get off FB, slow down, reflect, make longer term plans, get the help/resources you need to make that happen. Maybe don't jump straight to reinventing yourself. I think it's tempting to start working towards something but if you haven't already taken the time to get enough sleep, eat properly, exercise and reflect first, you're just spinning your tires. Repurposing yourself without a solid plan is just change for the sake of change. It's unlikely to fix anything.

I might be wrong, just remembering my own experience here and basing advice on that.
 

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I'm usually at the risk of using my Ti too much thus offending people I don't mean or being too harsh with my "truth".
 
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A good night sleep, isolation and having a non-social purpose to fixate on usually fix me. As late as yesteray I was "SeFeing", I was somewhat of a minor arse and couldn't leave people alone.
 
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Is there a new technically oriented hobby you could try? Is there are any skills training you could do/learn related to your field of work?

Are there any new topics/subjects/etc that interest you, that you could take time to study in depth? This tends to help extraverts focus more on their introverted functions.

You could also create your own critical analysis or something similar, in a subject or area that interests you. It doesn't have to be anything "fancy" haha, just something where you're dissecting an idea/concept, breaking it down into its components, etc.

This problem is basically overemphasis on tertiary Fe. The focus shifts too much to other people and their emotional reactions to you. This can also lead to validation and approval seeking behavior. This is also what is behind the "trolling" stereotype IMO. Saying stuff to get emotional reactions. Either good or bad, it doesn't matter, just get a reaction. You become too dependent on the outward reactions of others. Everything becomes about obtaining the next emotional reaction from others. And then caring a lot about these reactions, much more than you would normally.
And it does lead to (even) more impulsivity than normal (for an ExxP type). Because whatever impulse control was provided by the auxiliary function, it's now more limited.
 
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