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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hi everyone, sorry for bothering you again. I'm struggling with my personality because it looks like I'm not really achieving any positive change, and I have to admit I can't figure it out myself. It's like I'm committing the same mistakes over and over again. I've pretended I'm ok, but the truth is I "hear" my thoughts banging against a wall repeatedly. I don't know what's happening, I've become more emotional - or, better, irrational. Someone suggested to take a look at the inferior functions and the grip. The problem is, I can easily identify with various descriptions, often opposite ones (i.e. inferior Fe, inferior Ti). What could it mean?
I have to add that almost everything I do and say is not an authentic manifestation (except this thread and the "What's my Socionics?" one), I often think "what are they seeing? what do they want to see? how much will they like me if I do this instead of that?" but often fail at making people like me as well, because I end up saying the wrong thing, being offensive and such. But I really just want to be liked, and when it doesn't happen I say to myself "well, I actually just wanted to provoke them" and start behaving accordingly. I pretend to be tough and that I do not care about others, the truth is I'm afraid I'm incapable of communicating with people properly and, as a result, I'd be hated and/or disliked. Which is happening anyways. I'm afraid of socializing because I fear I'm going to say the wrong things - I don't fear I may hurt others, I fear I may sound dumb or nonsense or too quite. I end up being hyperactive, exhibiting ideas and making jokes compulsively and saying the wrong things (i.e. offensive jokes).
So, I've read this article about grip experiences and this is what most resembles me (I'm attaching some pictures hopefully you can see them, otherwise I'll edit this post so I can share the links alone):

I have to add that people in a MBTI group chat think I am in the Fi | Te axis with underdeveloped Fi and unhealthy Te, but I honestly can't identify myself with the Te extraverted loop this much, while I think I'm more in an Fe-involving loop or grip - although I know it could look different out there, I know what I want to achieve by acting that way. Still, I don't discard that option because I may be biased.
Sometimes I read people claiming that types have their own communication style, maybe my writing style may indicate something to you?

Sorry if this post is long, but I'm exhausted by my nonsensical inconsiderate behavior. While my personality doesn't grow, people also get hurt. I'd end up being alone and I can totally see why, I couldn't blame people.
I'm 21 and I don't know who I am. That feels stupid.

P.S.: Barred sentences have nothing to do with me.
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