Personality Cafe banner
1 - 20 of 53 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
180 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Why are ISTPs so attractive to me? They're just so different and interesting and almost always badass. When someone told me ISTPs were supposed to be a good match for ENFJs, I laughed for a pretty long time. And then I looked up famous ISTPs and well, um... I don't know anymore. :shocked: The more I think about it and research it, the more I realize that ISTPs make up a huge chunk of people I am hopelessly attracted to. In fact, I'm pretty sure the character in my avatar is even an ISTP.

It seems like other NFs would be a better match for me, or at least either an N or an F, but my relationship with SFPs haven't gone very well and I'm not attracted to NFs in a romantic way. I'm not even attracted to INTPs, which is supposed to be my perfect match. I'm not looking to date anyone, honestly, but I'm a bit confused. I feel like I would be too sensitive for a T, right? But maybe it would be refreshing to be with someone who doesn't say nice things just for the sake of making me feel good. I can't really tell.

Any horror stories? Success stories? Do ISTPs even have any attraction to ENFJs, or are we too extroverted and bubbly and warm-and-fuzzy for them? Does it make a difference if it's a lesbian ISTP/ENFJ relationship? Just curious. As I said, I'm not interested in dating right now, but I'm sure some day I will be, and gosh darn those ISTPs are awesome. :ninja:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,772 Posts
One piece of advice, they're just four letters. Don't get your head too wrapped up in them until you go all crazy :crazy:.

ISTPs were supposed to be a good match for ENFJs
We're a good match for ANYONE cause of our brand of Fe. Who we end up is just whoever floats our own boats. I prefer NFs cause I like the whole dreamy lovey dovey bubble thing but I can certainly dig INTJs as well.

This is where I realize I should tag @Falling Leaves although I'm not sure I've been doing it too much or not... Heck, whatevs, this might cheer her up anyway.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
180 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Oh, I know it's just four letters...but it's a surprisingly good way to (quickly and just basically) understand the majority of people I come across, and I'm all about communicating effectively and understanding others. Once I realized someone I despised (but had to work with on a regular basis) was an ENTJ, I realized why they came across as mean/rude/arrogant all the time and was able to control some of my own instinctive reaction to them. As far as I know, we've been getting along pretty well ever since. So for something as big as a relationship, the MBTI seems like it could be a useful tool in figuring out some of that early compatibility. I'm just confused as to how an ENFJ and ISTP could ever get along. It *sounds* like a recipe for disaster, but I can't really picture it. Maybe it would be perfect.

INTJs are really hot, too. I have several crushes on INTJs, although it's always iffy whether we will actually end up getting along. The vast majority of my friends are INFP and ENFP, and we get along REALLY well, but I can't say I've ever had any attraction to them beyond a platonic interest. I adore spending time with them, but it's almost too familial. That might be because nearly everyone in my family is also an NF... who knows? Regardless, I don't seem to have any non-platonic chemistry with the NFs. It would be ideal if I did, because we tend to really understand each other and communicate easily, but so far that hasn't been the case.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,801 Posts
I love the ISTP mindset, driven and inspiring, makes me want to go do something. I like people who get me going and engaged. Buuuuut!... not cuddly enough for me. I kinda want a teddy bear, not so much a comrade. Would make awesome friends though. Just my preferences o:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,752 Posts


Sorry, after seeing the title, I couldn't resist :tongue:

As for ENFJs and ISTPs together... hrrmmm...

Well, the issue with that is that you'll have to prepare for an emotional deficit in your relationship. You'll not get much loving affirmation from us.

If you do approach your ISTP with Fe-shows of affection and love? Expect them to back into a corner and start hissing.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,913 Posts
I can imagine that a ENFJ 9w8 is a better match for the ISTP than the ENFJ 2w1 or 2w3. The latter will leave the relationship with utter disappointment because ISTPs are not well know for their over-affectionate behavior.

So as long you as are assertive (as a 9w8) and tell them what you want and need, the ISTP could be a good match. The ISTP is your shadow, I hope you know that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
180 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I can imagine that a ENFJ 9w8 is a better match for the ISTP than the ENFJ 2w1 or 2w3. The latter will leave the relationship with utter disappointment because ISTPs are not well know for their over-affectionate behavior.

So as long you as are assertive (as a 9w8) and tell them what you want and need, the ISTP could be a good match. The ISTP is your shadow, I hope you know that.
I think ISTPs are actually my opposite, because we have all the same cognitive functions, just in reverse order. I'm Fe, Ni, Se, Ti, and ISTPs are Ti, Se, Ni, Fe. I think my shadows are ISTJ and ESTJ (Te, Si, Ne Fi), right?

I'm pretty assertive and good at communicating what I want, so that makes me hopeful. :D
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,913 Posts
I think ISTPs are actually my opposite, because we have all the same cognitive functions, just in reverse order. I'm Fe, Ni, Se, Ti, and ISTPs are Ti, Se, Ni, Fe. I think my shadows are ISTJ and ESTJ (Te, Si, Ne Fi), right?

I'm pretty assertive and good at communicating what I want, so that makes me hopeful. :D
When you share the same cognitive functions but the order is reversed, in your case the ISTP and in my case the ISTJ, we refer to it as your shadow/shadow type/anima. But there is also such a thing as shadow functions and they should be seen separately.

In your case your shadow functions are Fi, Ne, Si and Te in this order. (INFP)

Edit:

I hope I am not making this too complicated but I want this to be perfect.

We have actually 4 shadow types. I am an ENFP: Ne, Fi, Te, Si and my shadow types are based on stress level:

INFP - Fi Ne Te Si
ESTJ - Te Si Ne Fi
ISTJ - Si Te Fi Ne
ESTP - Se Ti Fe Ni

So that makes Te Si Ne Fi is your worst stress level (ESTJ)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
180 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Ah, okay. When I called ISTPs my shadow type, I was told in no uncertain terms that ISTPs were my "opposite," but I guess there are multiple schools of thought on the topic. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,908 Posts
@stillalive you won't reach any conclusions about who's a better match for whom. It's all a mess, and many times theory was proven wrong by real life stories.

You're right though, ISTPs are indeed attractive. Both guys and girls.
And it's funny you mentioned INTJs too, as I find them to be totally annoying yet amazingly hot.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Falling Leaves

·
Registered
Joined
·
180 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I don't find them annoying, I just find I'm on edge around them because I always get the impression *I'm* annoying *them* with my chatter and emotion and I always want to impress them. But several of my gal friends are INTJs, and we get along okay. ^_^
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,695 Posts


Sorry, after seeing the title, I couldn't resist :tongue:

As for ENFJs and ISTPs together... hrrmmm...

Well, the issue with that is that you'll have to prepare for an emotional deficit in your relationship. You'll not get much loving affirmation from us.

If you do approach your ISTP with Fe-shows of affection and love? Expect them to back into a corner and start hissing.
Hm, I'd argue that things would be pretty different in the context of a romantic relationship, though.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Falling Leaves

·
Registered
Joined
·
381 Posts
Hm, I'd argue that things would be pretty different in the context of a romantic relationship, though.
I would hope so. I admire most celebrity ISTP works and their work ethics. It might be what draws me in to Ellen Page :tongue:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,752 Posts
Hm, I'd argue that things would be pretty different in the context of a romantic relationship, though.
Haha, well, I'll admit to using some hyperbole in my post. :tongue:

ENFJs and ISTPs are two of the more conflict avoidant types, so you have potential for a fairly stable, happy relationship - additionally, we're also both willing to put in what it takes to make it work. I believe ENFJs balance us out; at the very least, they're more than willing to make up for the emotional black hole we bring to any relationship, whereas a (healthy) ISTP will never try to take advantage of the ENFJs giving nature (although, admittedly, we may take it for granted).

HOWEVER, I do also think that there is a flipside to that. An ISTP isn't going to tell you every day that they love you, nor will praise come very often. Because of this, you may often wonder if your ISTP really loves you. Some days we can be very sweet and playful, others we can be cold and distant. It depends entirely on our mood.

Inversely, it can be very easy for an ENFJ to smother an ISTP; we like independence, our own space. Where you will probably feel inclined to keep some kind of constant contact going, an ISTP needs breathing room. This is important to us because we hate to feel 'boxed in' to a relationship.

For it to work, I believe the ISTP needs to learn to communicate better, whereas the ENFJ needs to learn to respect boundaries.

---

From a personal perspective, the pedestal ENFJs put their loved ones on is way too fucking high; in honesty, that kind of intense, loving admiration makes me uncomfortable. It would always feel like they love me far, far more than I love them. I'm not sure if I could adequately reciprocate.

Why do you think it would be different?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
180 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I can imagine that a ENFJ 9w8 is a better match for the ISTP than the ENFJ 2w1 or 2w3. The latter will leave the relationship with utter disappointment because ISTPs are not well know for their over-affectionate behavior.

So as long you as are assertive (as a 9w8) and tell them what you want and need, the ISTP could be a good match. The ISTP is your shadow, I hope you know that.
Okay, now that I've looked into the Enneagram stuff a bit more, I'm fairly certain I'm a 7w6/793. Any idea how that might affect the ENFJ/ISTP thing? I'm still pretty new to all these numbers.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,535 Posts
Thanks. I'm a huge fan of ENFJs myself. Yeah, about that "perfect match" business, scrap it. Your perfect match is whatever person of whatever type you find most attractive and most compatible with you personally, and that varies tremendously within types. The ISTPs in the forums here have a very wide range of what types they find attractive. It's one thing that type cannot determine. Personally, I feel about ESTPs the way you do about ISTPs, and experience tells me it works for me. But I haven't really noticed any other ISTPs reporting the same thing, so it's a very individual thing.

I've often wondered about the likelihood of ENFJ finding ISTP attractive, because a) I adore ENFJs (not necessarily romantically but personally), b) my best friend in high school was an ENFJ (girl) and I've never had a friendship like that before or since and would love to have one like it again, and c) I have an ENFJ guy friend now who is an incredibly good and steady guy but rather hot-cold with me, not in a playing games sort of way (he's a really good guy, he doesn't mess with people except in fun) but in a way that makes me wonder if he's got feelings he's keeping in check. Which would baffle me, because he's such a genius of the social realm and I'm such an idiot in it (or at least feel like one) and I couldn't imagine what he would see in me, but I don't know how else to interpret his behavior.

Anyway, no way do we (well, I) find you too extroverted. I don't think I personally could be in a relationship with an ENFJ, but that's because I'm not really attracted to guys who are more feeling than I am, I'm attracted to those who are stronger in Se than I am and just as rational. (Did I mention I really have a thing for ESTPs?) Extroversion, though, I find attractive and complementary, and to be honest I could probably get along well with an ENFJ guy if he were mature (in charge of his feelings and strong in Se) and willing to be patient with my ISTP quirks. Finally, I'm not into PDAs but I'm a very physical person. When I'm alone with a special someone I like there to be physical contact. It's not mushy mush affection, but it's attention.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,961 Posts
Why are ISTPs so attractive to me? They're just so different and interesting and almost always badass. When someone told me ISTPs were supposed to be a good match for ENFJs, I laughed for a pretty long time. And then I looked up famous ISTPs and well, um... I don't know anymore. :shocked: The more I think about it and research it, the more I realize that ISTPs make up a huge chunk of people I am hopelessly attracted to. In fact, I'm pretty sure the character in my avatar is even an ISTP.
It's because ENFJs and ISTPs have same cognitive functions, so they are like missing parts of one another.
ENFJ's functions are Fe Ni Se Ti while ISTPs functions are Ti Se Ni Fe. Exactly same ones but in reverse.

In socionics this is known as duality relationship. Read under EIE-LSI: Making Duality Work
List of other ENFJ relationship types
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
55 Posts
Success stories? Ehhh, more like success, failure, work-in-progress!
I dated an ISTP for a year but broke up about 5 months ago (kind of my fault for pushing him into a corner) and decided to remain friends. Now, we're not officially together but we're giving each other breathing room to grow as individuals and seeing how things progress between us in about a year. (I say a year because that's when he makes the momentous decision of either applying or not applying for this army doctor scholarship thing) Getting back together in the future is not out of the picture but it's the wrong time for us now. (he's six years my senior but he'll only be one year ahead of me in medical school)

He is one of my three best friends and the only one that I've truly let the entirety of my guard down around. We are really complementary, though we clash a lot when it comes to the sharing of feelings and how much we let other people affect us. I'm really sensitive and dissect everything that is said by anyone to find meaning. So sometimes, he just means what he says and I don't understand because there are so many shades and connotations that it's never so simple. Also, sometimes he doesn't realize that the things he says might offend someone else, if he's feeling passionate about something. And if I'm there, I can steady him and navigate the conversation into more peaceful waters. YES! The "flow" between us is best seen when there is a third party involved.

Just understanding what eachother means most of the time has been the greatest challenge. He's taught me how to vocalize what I'm feeling and thinking. And he's patient with me when I tell him I'm not sure what I *want* for dinner and that what I *want* is pretty flexible -- to which he replies that that is a lie, because there's actually a right answer and I just need to think harder.

He's VERY opinionated and judgemental but not a lot of people let on. That makes me the slightest bit self-conscious sometimes, but I tell him things anyway because in the end he operates how my wants do, his judgements are flexible and don't impact his opinion of me.
He's had to learn that I like to discuss feelings and any potential issues before they become issues. I dream up issues and hypothetical situations so we can be prepared when we're faced with them. And I've had to learn that I may get comfort from the conversation and planning but he is going to be annoyed and prickly for upsetting the peace with things that aren't even issues yet.

The positives? We can brainstorm like crazy and he calms me down. SO WELL. It's not easy to get me to see reason and breathe, but his presence is just....like the eye of a hurricane. He's also a trivia machine so we talk, he corrects me if I get some obscure fact wrong or my grammar is incorrect but I do the same to him. I spew out whatever my imagination is currently spinning and he listens without thinking I'm insane.

His entire being, is everything I am not. Calm, rooted yet somehow independent and free-spirited, emotionally stable, introverted. I love that he's puntastic in multiple languages and kind and giving. He admires me for my social graces and ambition and kindness too. One thing there is plenty of is mutual respect.

ISTPs don't generally give a lot of public affection and the affection they give is only given when they care about you a great deal. So I don't have many complaints other than, yes, dealing with the hot and cold moments. He's learned that I just like to be nearby with a foot under his cushion or on his lap reading when he plays videogames.
Let's not forget to mention that it's the most rewarding experience to get him to open up in the bedroom >.> That was another journey.
He's very appreciative and used to vocalize it more, but now he is more a of a show-er of affection (This I think is more love language based than type based though.)

I will say that this relationship, for me, has required THE MOST effort to be understanding. The magical clicking is initial, the road is bumpy. When it works, it's magical and when it doesn't....prepare for extended prickly feelings.


Sorry for the long rambly message but I tried to be as general as possible while still providing some detail about my experience. (I have committed to three ISTPs but this one is the most successful and most long-term one so far)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,743 Posts
I envy ISTPs. They are fairly often good at analyzing things, but also have a strong view towards the objective data, and especially if their Se lens lends them to be energized by working with their hands.
 
1 - 20 of 53 Posts
Top