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Discussion Starter #1
My girlfriend of several months just broke up with me.She is a possible ISFJ like myself or an ISFP/ESFP.She went all weird on me when I objected to her spending the weekend with an ex girlfriend.She did it anyway despite my uneasiness.We live several hours away from each other and had not seen each other for a month.We are both bisexual and she wanted an open relationship and I agreed in part because we were not able to see each other often,and knew that we would both be lonely.But I had no desire to see other women without my girlfriend present.I had no issue with her being with men however as I still see an ex boyfriend of mine occasionally and also have a male fwb.

But my girlfriend broke up with me citing jealousy and other reasons.I don't think that was the only issue leading to our breakup as she has been putting off visiting me for several weeks now and had been looking forward to living with me but had become very hesitant.She is also almost 10 years younger than me and I think very immature and petulant for her age.She was in a previous relationship with an abusive male ex,but was apparently still living under the same roof as him she said that she still had to honour the lease till it expired.She also told me that she didn't want to be in a relationship and that she felt guilty for leaving her ex to be with me.I was supposedly her soulmate and love of her life and this was all very puzzling for me.

I am trying not to let it get to me,but it is not the first time that a relationship with a female has soured.My previous relationship was with an ESTJ female just over 3 years older who lives about 2 hours away from me.My recent ex lives 3-4 hours away from me.My ESTJ ex after six months of being in a relationship broke it off with me saying that she didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone,but is now back on the dating site seeking a female to be with.I think she just didn't want to be with me,but didn't want or know how to tell me.And she surprised me after my recent ex broke it off by offering to be my friend with benefits.She and I have remained friends but are not close.She was going to visit me but something came up and she couldn't.

I don't know what I am doing wrong!!! I realise that I may have been too clingy/suffocating with my recent ex,but don't think that was the case with my other ex.I may just be too over eager and rush headlong into relationships too quickly.I also get manipulated/played very easily and think that my recent ex just may have wanted her cake and everything else that came with it.She wanted a relationship,but freedom to do her own thing too,which I wasn't really comfortable with.I still want a relationship with a woman in future,but going to just have fun for now with no strings attached or commitment and if I meet someone who wants more than that will see how things progress.

I just don't want to get hurt again,it has happened too much in my life,all I want is some happiness for a change and I thought I had that with my recent ex until it all went belly up.I only came out to my family and friends earlier this year and have only been with a handful of women in the past two years since I decided that I would rather be with a female than a male, and all have hurt or disappointed me in some way or other.
 

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I'm sorry but, she was 10 years younger than you and very immature for her age? That's kinda creeping me out... that you would intentionally date someone you think of as basically a child. And then you're saying she was manipulative? So she's childish/immature and controlling at the same time? It sounds to me like you have an issue of needing to grow up a bit. You say you were seeing other people but weren't comfortable with her seeing other people. You say you want forever but you're looking for something with no strings attached? Honey, you're living in a fantasy world in which you can do no wrong.

99% of the time when somebody complains about their relationship and says, "What am I doing wrong?" YOU are the problem. People are gonna troll the hell out of me saying I don't know the situation, blah blah blah. You're immature, and you date other immature people in order to blame your insecurities on their shortcomings. It's as simple as that. You're immature. Take some responsibility for yourself.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Am sorry @devoid but I have to disagree with you.She is 36 years old ,so technically an adult by my standards.And by that age should be mature.And she wanted the open relationship.I agreed because I loved her and did not want to control or manipulate her.We agreed that it would be men only,and she kept me dangling on a string by constantly saying that she would visit me and not following through. She also refused my offers to transfer her money for her fare down,or drive up and get her.I am not saying that I am blameless,I agree that yes I am a little insecure and perhaps clingy also.But I think that I am mature enough to not just pull the plug on a relationship without discussing things properly.It was all done by text message and she just dumped me like a hot potato,didn't want to have a proper and in depth discussion about our relationship.You are entitled to think what you like,but no you don't know me or the situation I was in.
 

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@AussieChick You only said she was 10 years younger, so maybe devoid assumed she was in about her early twenties.

Aussie, you kind of sound like how I sometimes sound lol. Just pick yourself up, you'll find a/another great woman for yourself sooner or later. Your girlfriend didn't sound right or ready for someone like you anyway. There's SOOOO many reasons why she could have wanted to spend the weekend with her ex, I'm not even going to try to guess the reason(s). I agree that jealousy wasn't the only issue leading to your break-up. Also, she possibly has issues she still needs to work out, in dealing with the hurt from her abusive male ex and such.

In regards to your last ex: "I think she just didn't want to be with me,but didn't want or know how to tell me."
I've had a girl do that to me before. Just try to take it as a compliment. She probably thinks you're a great person and didn't want to hurt your feelings by officially dumping you. You sound like a kind, tender-hearted person.

I totally understand not wanting to get hurt, and wanting happiness for a change. ((HUGS))
Everything will all work out.
I don't necessarily think you did anything wrong with either woman, it just may have been bad timing for them to have been with someone like you.

Also, don't say you "Suck at same sex relationships!" Have hope <3
You've only just recently come out and all, give yourself some time; it doesn't sound like you've spent too much of your life dating women.

My girlfriend of several months just broke up with me.She is a possible ISFJ like myself or an ISFP/ESFP.She went all weird on me when I objected to her spending the weekend with an ex girlfriend.She did it anyway despite my uneasiness.We live several hours away from each other and had not seen each other for a month.We are both bisexual and she wanted an open relationship and I agreed in part because we were not able to see each other often,and knew that we would both be lonely.But I had no desire to see other women without my girlfriend present.I had no issue with her being with men however as I still see an ex boyfriend of mine occasionally and also have a male fwb.

But my girlfriend broke up with me citing jealousy and other reasons.I don't think that was the only issue leading to our breakup as she has been putting off visiting me for several weeks now and had been looking forward to living with me but had become very hesitant.She is also almost 10 years younger than me and I think very immature and petulant for her age.She was in a previous relationship with an abusive male ex,but was apparently still living under the same roof as him she said that she still had to honour the lease till it expired.She also told me that she didn't want to be in a relationship and that she felt guilty for leaving her ex to be with me.I was supposedly her soulmate and love of her life and this was all very puzzling for me.

I am trying not to let it get to me,but it is not the first time that a relationship with a female has soured.My previous relationship was with an ESTJ female just over 3 years older who lives about 2 hours away from me.My recent ex lives 3-4 hours away from me.My ESTJ ex after six months of being in a relationship broke it off with me saying that she didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone,but is now back on the dating site seeking a female to be with. I think she just didn't want to be with me,but didn't want or know how to tell me. And she surprised me after my recent ex broke it off by offering to be my friend with benefits.She and I have remained friends but are not close.She was going to visit me but something came up and she couldn't.

I don't know what I am doing wrong!!! I realise that I may have been too clingy/suffocating with my recent ex,but don't think that was the case with my other ex.I may just be too over eager and rush headlong into relationships too quickly.I also get manipulated/played very easily and think that my recent ex just may have wanted her cake and everything else that came with it.She wanted a relationship,but freedom to do her own thing too,which I wasn't really comfortable with.I still want a relationship with a woman in future,but going to just have fun for now with no strings attached or commitment and if I meet someone who wants more than that will see how things progress.

I just don't want to get hurt again,it has happened too much in my life,all I want is some happiness for a change and I thought I had that with my recent ex until it all went belly up.I only came out to my family and friends earlier this year and have only been with a handful of women in the past two years since I decided that I would rather be with a female than a male, and all have hurt or disappointed me in some way or other.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
You are right @Zletta they were both my first real girlfriends .The first relationship lasted 6 months and she was 3 years older than me and had never dated or been in a relationship with a woman before.Although she had been with one once before me.The most recent relationship lasted 2 months ,however we had known each other for a year before that,but lost touch for awhile.She had been with more women than I had been with.I had only casually dated a woman for a few months before then,and had a couple of one night stands with bi-curious women.Thanks for your response it is very much appreciated.My recent ex wanted to have sex with her ex girlfriend and I wasn't jealous,just uncomfortable about it is all.We didn't agree that we could be with women while we were apart.We only agreed that it could be with men,but that doesn't matter now.The thing I find most annoying is that she did it anyway,even though she knew I was unhappy about it.I'm over women for now,relationship wise anyway.Maybe I just need to take some time out for myself for a change.
 

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I think that at the end of each relationship, it is important to do some self-reflection. Its a good thing your doing that, but don't be overly critical of yourself and don't repeat the same mistake twice. I believe you learn much more from failure than from success. Much wisdom can be gained if your looking for it, such as what you want from a relationship, knowing what is unacceptable to you, how you wish to be treated, etc.

Its not a bad thing to be loving and accepting, but learn to respect yourself and only accept those that respect you and what you want. Don't clam up completely, if your going around putting your hands up to guard yourself all the time, when a good thing comes along you'll not be open to catch it.

As for sucking at same-sex relationships..well no one expects you to be an expert, its not like you got tons of experience under your belt. Go out there and keep trying, you'll learn and grow. Your confidence and comfort level will grow. But who is to say you'll even have to go through this process, your next romantic relationship could turn out to be the one that lasts a lifetime, but you'll never know until you try again.
 

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As for sucking at same-sex relationships..well no one expects you to be an expert, its not like you got tons of experience under your belt. Go out there and keep trying, you'll learn and grow. Your confidence and comfort level will grow. But who is to say you'll even have to go through this process, your next romantic relationship could turn out to be the one that lasts a lifetime, but you'll never know until you try again.
^^^ This.

You need to realize that you have only really started doing this for two years. It isn't like you've practised and learned how to date women for the past 20-30-odd years, like most women our age have with dating men.

Imagine, if you will, that you have gone back to being a gawky 15-year-old teenager once more. Dating boys wasn't easy, was it? Yet you kept doing it, figured out how their brains worked, what was needed, etc etc.

Just have to keep trying with the woman side of things now. Eventually you'll figure it out, it'll just be a slow and awkward process for a few years.
 
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