[Breton]

If we were happy most of the time people would like us a lot more. I mean I know every type has its downsides, but I don't think there is even such thing as a normal day for an infp. I know that when I am happy I can talk to anyone and the best of me comes out. I just wish that even when I wasn't in a good mood I wouldn't have to be shy and too analytical to make conversation.

 

[Mataes]

I think if I worry too much about being happy, I just end up making myself unhappy. I've sort of come to accept that that not-happiness is normal. In that way I've sort of come to terms with the unhappiness. Which sometimes makes me happy.

On the subject of talking to people, I spent a few days reading websites about flirting and interpersonal communication, and I just sort of keep those little things in mind when I'm talking to people. Its not so hard if you allow yourself to mess up and look like an idiot. Heh.

 

[Cmk]

I think you are right about it. The thing is that it's a circle. We become happy if people like us, and people would like us even more if we were happy. But we can't rely on people, therefore we must seek out the other things that makes us happy.

I am often irritated at school, which makes people shy away from me. But the days that I am in a happy mood, I attract people much more. No one wants to be with someone who is in a grumpy mood, but it always makes me even more grumpy if I can feel people are making a distance to me.

So the questions is: How can we be happier? What makes us happy? And in the end it is also about breaking the circle of bad reactions among people. (such as being too distant and reserved or giving off uncomfortable vibes)

I often question myself if my reactions are proper, if it is good for the situation. Especially if I am with people who I like and want to know better. I am quick to make a judgement about their thoughts, such as "oh god, she probably thinks that was weird of me to say" and "Why doesn't she/they look at me, are they ignoring me?!"

But we have the control inside ourselves to be happier, to break the circle of habits, to change things around us. It's a question about taking responsibility of our own life!

 

[Danke]

I think you are right about it. The thing is that it's a circle. We become happy if people like us, and people would like us even more if we were happy. But we can't rely on people, therefore we must seek out the other things that makes us happy.

Such an awful circle! I find myself going through cycles of being particularly social. I get into the circle, and am so happy for awhile. But then I run out of energy to stay social, and then I withdraw from people, and then it's sort of crash and burn where I just feel lonely and disliked (this is the point where I feel socially awkward again). I'm still trying to find the balance between being social, and having enough time to myself so I don't burn out.

 

[RoughEstimate]

We see melody in misery, almost need it to grease the wheels for positive energy to cycle back around.
INFPs, I've noticed, seem to all be extreme "appreciators".
We appreciate things because we have an overwhelming ability to recognize the stark opposite and apply it to that "thing".
I've spent a lot of my life viewing things in comparison, I think more than a few of you share that trait.
Sometimes, though, that specific "opposite" becomes the focus and we abandon the virtues we originally saw for fear of what we've fabricated out of the latter...
Or, that's just me...I'm a frootloop, as you can see.
With some tuning, I'm slowly breaking my own mindset. I don't want a "mindset" at all. We're a lot more complicated than anyone ever told us we were, the human species, I'm sure of this much.

 

[ComedianINFP]

@Breton I know your frustration, and I feel sad to think of you struggling. Just to encourage you, although there isn't a quick fix, it is possible to learn to be friendly and pleasant to be around while you are feeling shy and introverted without feeling like you are emotionally snapping in half. My work requires me to have a very pleasant game face under stressful circumstances, and rather than harm me, it has helped me to learn to rise to the occasion (not always... but often). And I know this might sound silly, but sometimes you can even draw upon your shyness and introversion to connect with others, because not everyone needs to talk to an extrovert all the time. I don't know if that helps but I'm cheering for you and I believe you are going to work this out.