[SeekingMeaning]

Hey all. I'm new here. Anyhow here it goes. I've seen posts regarding the innocence/angel angle, but I'd like to analyze it a bit further.

Does anyone else feel like, you are perceived as being overly ignorant, naive or innocent (this sounds common amongst INFJ), but that deep down you feel that you are this way due to some humility that came from pain and suffering throughout your life at different points?

I get called an angel, deep, caring, and a bunch of things which sound annoyingly soft (and often get called gay by the extroverts) and sometimes it feels like people take it for granted like I was born this way into naivete or rose colored glasses, or that I had the perfect life.

Sometimes I think I understand how the world works far better than others, but that I act against what I see strictly because my code of ethics shows me x number of avenues to take but I strive to go for the ethical one. Not because I want praise, or expect others to notice, but simply because I'd feel rotten and guilty if I knowingly did it any other way. I've turned down casual sex relationships on a couple of occasions because I didn't want the girls possibly getting attached to me because I knew I did not care about them (although it would have been a great time). It felt too much like an illusion, like they would never know me (and I often hate being chased).

Largely I feel that I've come to be developed like this because of all the different painful experiences that life has thrown my way from childhood onwards. I've been through several painful things that dragged out for years.

Part of me feels (or tries to rationalize) that the reason people can mistreat others and be hurtful is strictly because they've not been through something equally difficult in their life (of course we all go through different sorts of pain). In this world I am certain that everyone suffers. But the extent to which they suffer is what causes me to question how much it shapes us into being INFJ and caring so much.

This isn't about ego, and I'm not trying to whine on about having a difficult life, but more like my attempt to rationalize and understand who/why we are this way. I do not see myself as being born an INFJ but moreso that I evolved into one (I think many would agree).

I look forward to hearing what others have to say on this, particularly INFJs. You don't need to enumerate the painful things you've experienced necessarily (as I like my privacy, too). Thanks!

 

[red riding hood]

Welcome and glad to have you. Now to try to respond as this is rather deep and a lot more than a simple answer I may take a bit sorry.

Does anyone else feel like, you are perceived as being overly ignorant, naive or innocent (this sounds common amongst INFJ), but that deep down you feel that you are this way due to some humility that came from pain and suffering throughout your life at different points?

I get called an angel, deep, caring, and a bunch of things which sound annoyingly soft (and often get called gay by the extroverts) and sometimes it feels like people take it for granted like I was born this way into naivete or rose colored glasses, or that I had the perfect life.

OK I totally think people perceive me as ignorant and naïve and so on, it can annoy me at times, but people are entitled to their opinions of me, even when they are wrong. I have always been this way and I had a great child hood I think it is more biological for me, not that I have not had hard times, but over all I had it very good, and I had it really good as a kid, great family great parents. Maybe it is biological and environmental both.

It really makes me laugh when people call me an angel and sweet and stuff, how little they really know me (but most people really never know me well I keep people at an arms length) people that know me well laugh when others call me that stuff, just because most of them have seen me go off or heard about it. I have no trouble standing my ground; I am five foot three and have actually stood on a bed and made a man who was almost seven foot back down because he was afraid of me. I once jumped on a guys back and bit his ear because he was trying to sneak up behind and hit a guy friend of mine with a bottle, people are always so shocked to find out things like that about me, they usually just see the gentle loving side of me and have no clue at all that there is a fighter underneath.

Although, of all my choices civil disobedience and peaceful resistance are my preferred choices for handling things, but most people never realize that if you are hurting someone this little girl can throw down in about two seconds .

Really I don’t care much what other people perceive me as, at the end of the day I am the one who has to live with myself forever, and by gosh golly I care about what I think of myself and who I am and what I have done, much more than what others perceive me as. I define myself thank you.

Oh and when people call me things like gay and so on, I just say gee thanks the gay people I know are really cool I appreciate the compliment. I don’t like it when people try to use the word gay as a put down it ticks me off.

Sometimes I think I understand how the world works far better than others, but that I act against what I see strictly because my code of ethics shows me x number of avenues to take but I strive to go for the ethical one. Not because I want praise, or expect others to notice, but simply because I'd feel rotten and guilty if I knowingly did it any other way. I've turned down casual sex relationships on a couple of occasions because I didn't want the girls possibly getting attached to me because I knew I did not care about them (although it would have been a great time). It felt too much like an illusion, like they would never know me (and I often hate being chased).

I know what you mean, I know how the world is I just don’t accept things that are wrong, just because someone else is stabbing another person in the heart does not relieve you from your obligation to help the victim, and a person would probably feel pretty darn bad if they watched someone stabbed to death and did nothing. I know a much more dramatic example but similar, we see something that we know is wrong and we want to make it better, that does not make us naive stupid or unable to see reality, we see two things we see reality and potential to make it better.

Oh and my hat is off to you for thinking of the women, as opposed to just satisfying the urges of your winky. You have earned a lot of my respect with those words, oh and I too hate being chased in any way.

Part of me feels (or tries to rationalize) that the reason people can mistreat others and be hurtful is strictly because they've not been through something equally difficult in their life (of course we all go through different sorts of pain). In this world I am certain that everyone suffers. But the extent to which they suffer is what causes me to question how much it shapes us into being INFJ and caring so much.

This isn't about ego, and I'm not trying to whine on about having a difficult life, but more like my attempt to rationalize and understand who/why we are this way. I do not see myself as being born an INFJ but moreso that I evolved into one (I think many would agree).

I do not attempt to rationalize why some one would be cruel, cruelty will really tick me off big time, I may want to understand factors that lead to a situation, to help prevent their reoccurrence, but I never ever except rationalizations for anyone’s cruelty, I used to but believe it or not my experiences have probably made me less forgiving in life.

I think there are tons of reasons that people hurt others, but really I think that it all boils down to a lack of empathy, a car has never hit me, but if I see someone hit by a car, I sympathize with the pain it must cause. Different people empathize more or less with others, I think people with less developed empathy find hurting others easier, and then there are some really sick people, who actually take pleasure in hurting others, and that has been scientifically proven, that some sociopaths that turn into killers, have the pleasure centers of their brains stimulated by watching others hurt, it is like a favorite food to watch some one tortured to death for them, they are some sickos. But most studies have shown that different people have varying ranges of neurological responses to watching others in pain, and I think that is how we experience empathy. Now how do I think those neurological response develop? Well I think it is both a mixture of experience and biology. I think it is that way for every personality and every person it is nature and nurture both.

I am always evolving, I am always growing, and although I may feel lonely and weird at times, I like what I have grown into. People can think what ever they want of me, so long as at the end of the day I know I have done my best to be an instrument of love and peace, then I am going to be happy, and when I F up I am only angry with myself.

and I don't think you were looking for anything other than understanding and expressing curiosity, which are all good things, I hope my posts helped at least a little, and I am glad you are here and welcome :laughing:

 

[R22]

Hi seekingmeaning-
This is something I can relate to as well. Like you, I have not only had a number of painful experiences in my life, but I also didn't have the best upbringing, so I think in my case life experience just augmented characteristics that were already there. I too try do the right things even when no one is looking or when I can 'get away' with something, mostly for my own peace of mind as I do not get joy out behaviors that I know are wrong. Also, the painful life experiences that I have been through, instead of making me hard or mean, have made me more compassionate and less likely to become judgmental or nasty. Though I absolutely have an angry side, I tend to shut down and withdraw when I get this way, as I do not want to take my anger out on others. INFJs aren't that common anyways & tend to think a little differently, so I have come to understand that I'm not going to come across too many people who share my viewpoint.

And being caring, deep, understanding, etc are all positive qualities, I think sometimes people try to use them as a put down or something, but I think as long as you are true to yourself and carry yourself in a way that you are happy with and can live with, then it's really not for anyone else to judge or to try to shape you into something you are not. And as far as being innocent/naive/ etc, I think for me it's the opposite, the more I learn and the more I see how the world works, the more I understand and tend to keep things to myself, as I realize how fruitless it can be to try to shove your opinion down someone else's throat. I do try to think through, 'why do I need this person to agree with me?' before getting into it with someone. More often than not, I realize it's just not worth it to me. So it's not that I don't know what's going on, I just don't always share it with others, and people can misread that as innocence or naivete.

 

[plzNthx]

At the risk of initiating a sob story, I'll just say that I grew up without a father, and often retreat up into my head to fulfill any romantic needs (fantasy>reality and such). I just see the cost/benefit as greatly skewed towards the former, and it just kills me to see my good friends throwing themselves into relationships in order to fill some gaping-- if invented-- wound. I'm in college now, where sex is often THE defining characteristic. I haven't met anybody who's cared for more than my container, never looking past the surface. I'm not for that, but I'll sit there for hours listening to my friend tell me that "the one" took 16 shots last night, threw up over the balcony, and made out with some skinny brunette in front of her. I've never put myself in that position; therefore, I am the innocent one.

And that's just romance. There's a whole buffet of pain that humans subject themselves to.

Personally, I think ignorance=innocence=bliss.
Some people just have their definitions mixed up, because, damnit- I'm aware.

 

[Kevinaswell]

I wouldn't say that you EVOLVED into an INFJ. Because that suggests that ANYONE is equally as likely to do so, which isn't the case.

I think it's much more likely that your INFJ ITSELF evolved to perform this particular way BECAUSE of the experiences you've had.

Also, I have never seen any other type be so hurt by the wrongdoings of others than the INFJ >.<

Sorry people are d bags, guys.....