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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
just wondering:
What would you like to suggest to INFPs around you in order to improve themselves?
(especially for male INFPs, because i think they have harder times dealing with themselves:mellow:)
 

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Here's what I've learned recently:
-Don't try to change your intrinsic personality. Accept your own unique strengths and weaknesses. Use your strengths and work to shore up your weaknesses. Try to branch out and get to know various types of people. (Those ENFJs can teach us a lot in that department!) I've learned a lot about dealing with and appreciating others, and I still have a lot more to learn!
-Let others accommodate your personality quirks. I find myself being very much a chameleon and adapting to someone else's personality I think before they even know what mine is! Showing who I really am is scary because I often feel that other people won't appreciate me for who I am. I'm learning that opening up and showing off your personality is often a risk worth taking. It's very freeing; I don't have to hide anymore. And if they don't like me, then so be it. It's usually nothing to take personally.
-Work on scoping out others. When you think you've found someone you can trust, trust them! It can feel like a total jump, but if you can tell that someone trusts you, it only makes sense to trust them back! Actually, if you don't, it can degrade a friendship. For instance, I have a couple friend I care a lot about, and I trust them a lot, but they either don't or quit doing the same. It kills me every time I talk to them to know that my trust isn't reciprocated. And I think my frustration comes out in other forms, thereby preventing them from trusting me. It's a vicious circle. :(
-Work on expressing your feelings toward someone. Many times I'll feel a deep connection with people, but I'm still too guarded, uncomfortable, and unsure about how to express it. Basically, I'm trying to harmonize my feelings with their expression.
 

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Seek out criticism (and learn from it)
This is not exclusive to INFPs.
I agree with this, too. Also, learning as much about myself as possible and being comfortable in my own skin has helped me objectively distinguish what criticisms I should listen to and which I should disregard.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Here's what I've learned recently:
-Don't try to change your intrinsic personality. Accept your own unique strengths and weaknesses. Use your strengths and work to shore up your weaknesses. Try to branch out and get to know various types of people. (Those ENFJs can teach us a lot in that department!) I've learned a lot about dealing with and appreciating others, and I still have a lot more to learn!
-Let others accommodate your personality quirks. I find myself being very much a chameleon and adapting to someone else's personality I think before they even know what mine is! Showing who I really am is scary because I often feel that other people won't appreciate me for who I am. I'm learning that opening up and showing off your personality is often a risk worth taking. It's very freeing; I don't have to hide anymore. And if they don't like me, then so be it. It's usually nothing to take personally.
-Work on scoping out others. When you think you've found someone you can trust, trust them! It can feel like a total jump, but if you can tell that someone trusts you, it only makes sense to trust them back! Actually, if you don't, it can degrade a friendship. For instance, I have a couple friend I care a lot about, and I trust them a lot, but they either don't or quit doing the same. It kills me every time I talk to them to know that my trust isn't reciprocated. And I think my frustration comes out in other forms, thereby preventing them from trusting me. It's a vicious circle. :(
-Work on expressing your feelings toward someone. Many times I'll feel a deep connection with people, but I'm still too guarded, uncomfortable, and unsure about how to express it. Basically, I'm trying to harmonize my feelings with their expression.
nice suggestions:happy:
sometimes i get confused about defining myself, maybe that's what you said as social chameleon and yes it's annoying because it tends to blend with your real personality creating a new you, that's what i feel..
and unluckily, i'm surrounded by ESFJs, INFJs, ISTJs, and INTJs, i haven't found any ENFJ in my life :frustrating:
 

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nice suggestions:happy:
sometimes i get confused about defining myself, maybe that's what you said as social chameleon and yes it's annoying because it tends to blend with your real personality creating a new you, that's what i feel..
and unluckily, i'm surrounded by ESFJs, INFJs, ISTJs, and INTJs, i haven't found any ENFJ in my life :frustrating:
Thanks!

Have you given the ESFJs and INFJs a chance? Not that IxTJs are bad people by any means; it's just that INFPs often click well with other Feelers. ESFJs are supposed to be a great match for INFPs. I'm living with one right now in my dorm, and she's awesome! She's really easy to talk to and is overall a wonderful person who can drag me out of my shell. INFJs are beautiful people, too. They're very private, so it can be harder and take longer to get to know each other, but they're really deep, and if you observe them a little bit you'll see how obviously caring and warm they are. :)

IxTJs can be a little harder to get along with, and I don't generally feel much emotional connection to Thinkers. I might like and appreciate them, but I just don't feel as connected as I would with Feelers. I would suggest getting to know the ESFJs and INFJs and learning to appreciate the IxTJs. I knew an INTJ who had a hilarious sarcastic sense of humor! It was hard to get along with him at first, but we ended up working it out just fine. :) Good luck!

Edit: I just now noticed that you're a male! If I remember reading correctly, INFJs are supposed to be a good match for an INFP male. An ExFJ female might come across to others as overpowering you.
 

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"Glance into the world just as though time were gone: and everything crooked will become straight to you." - Friedrich Nietzsche
 
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
i just broke up with an INFJ few months ago, it was a long distance relationship for 4 years and unfortunately all INFJ I've found so far seems to be way too complex to understand and sometimes are way too judgmental towards me, so i'd rather stay away from them for the time being..:frustrating:

An ExFJ female might come across to others as overpowering you.
errmm, sorry, but what do you exactly mean by this? my English is not very good :sad:
 

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i just broke up with an INFJ few months ago, it was a long distance relationship for 4 years and unfortunately all INFJ I've found so far seems to be way too complex to understand and sometimes are way too judgmental towards me, so i'd rather stay away from them for the time being..:frustrating:
:( I'm sorry. That must be hard.

hmmm....I'm not really sure what to say since I don't know many details about the ones you know. But just because you meet a few that happen to be the same type does not mean they are the same as everyone of that type. For instance, I know and have met a lot of people I think are ENFJs. Some of them are the best people I know and others have really hurt me to the point that they are no longer my friends. As for INFJs, they are complex; it's what keeps them continually interesting! And they do tend to have an excellent intuition and probably make judgments about people fairly quickly. But I'm sure someone else would know more about them being judgmental. My problem with an INFJ I know is that she's very private. I've known her for over a year. I still feel a close bond with her, but she's stopped opening up to me. It kills. :sad: Still, I wouldn't write off the whole type. There was a reason we were close, and some people have developed their personalities more than others.

errmm, sorry, but what do you exactly mean by this? my English is not very good :sad:
Well, I tend to think that ENFJs have stronger personalities than INFPs. Generally speaking, I've found them to be more outgoing, socially credible, and assertive than us INFPs. It also seems that they initiate more than us laid-back INFPs. For you, as a male INFP, I just don't see it being ideal. However, if you're talking about friendship, then, yes, go for it I suppose. But if you want a significant other, then an ENFJ female might not be the best for you. I could see her personality overpowering yours. But, like I said, all people of the same personality type are not necessarily the same, so it could still work! Just something to keep in mind. I'm sure other people have thoughts on this as well. :)
 

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crush your enemies under your feet! lament not, for they were WEAKER than you in the end!


*cough* well, maybe not...
 
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
:( I'm sorry. That must be hard.
indeed, moreover that just recently she finally dating the guy which was one of the many reasons i broke up with her.., just knew it yesterday and it kills me, as if God came down to me and slam His gigantic sledgehammer right onto my chest..:frustrating:
for past few days before, I thought I've gotten over her, but sadly.. i haven't:sad:

So today, i cleaned up all things that will remind me of her, throw them away, and get my ass back to work, hoping for better tomorrow..:dry:
 

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I would tell them to accept themselves as who they are. It's easier to bring what you have to its full potential than force yourself to be something you're not.
 
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indeed, moreover that just recently she finally dating the guy which was one of the many reasons i broke up with her.., just knew it yesterday and it kills me, as if God came down to me and slam His gigantic sledgehammer right onto my chest..:frustrating:
for past few days before, I thought I've gotten over her, but sadly.. i haven't:sad:

So today, i cleaned up all things that will remind me of her, throw them away, and get my ass back to work, hoping for better tomorrow..:dry:
I think that's a good start. And, yes, life will get better! However, since you were with her for four years, it will probably take a lot of time to get over her and grieve fully. When my first boyfriend and I broke up I remember that it helped me if I allowed myself to be completely miserable for a little while. I didn't try to fight or suppress the pain. I allowed myself to express it and be a little "selfish" for a while...but not to the point that I kept reopening the wound; that wouldn't be beneficial. I relied a lot on my friends and family for support. I also thought about what I needed and how I could get it. For instance, if I needed to be distracted, I started up a conversation with a friend or family member and talked about anything but my breakup: about them, about their day, about life, homework, whatever. Or maybe read a book or got online and read interesting articles. Or if I wanted to deal with it, I searched Google for articles on grieving and getting over breakups or called friends or family for help. Aaanndd, if you need some place to talk, I'm sure if you posted a thread about it, we INFPs would be quite happy to help out. ;)
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Bless you, En79:happy:
just recently i realized that INTJs are quite good in getting rid off my emotional sides, glad to chat with those INTJ girls, they get me back on track and not let me grieving over her so much:wink:
It's a shame though for me as a man to be so emotional and the girls are actually the one giving me advice:frustrating:

I think i should suppress my emotion a bit so that i won't lose control of myself.., any suggestion on doing it?:tongue:
 

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Bless you, En79:happy

I think i should suppress my emotion a bit so that i won't lose control of myself.., any suggestion on doing it?:tongue:
But the emotion is what makes you you! Why would you want to loose it?
 
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