Personality Cafe banner

1 - 10 of 10 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
71 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So, I am diagnosed with Clinical Depression and Chronic Bipolar. At random times suicidal thoughts will come into my mind. I don't know what to do. At this point in life I am very happy and content with where I am, but the thoughts never cease. I have been a closet cutter for about 5 years now. I don't know how to deal with thoughts of self harm other than to satisfy them. But now the suicidal thoughts have invaded and it scares me. I have tried counseling, journaling, meditating, and many other techniques. I need help dealing with this. I just recently got out of the hospital after attempting to take my life and I don't wanna die but I don't know what to do to stop these thoughts. Does anyone have any advice on what I could possibly do to end these intrusive thoughts?
 

·
Registered
INFJ 9w1
Joined
·
2,473 Posts
After reading your OP, I have several questions. How far do these thoughts typically go? Are they usually just general thoughts like the sudden realization that life is only temporary or that you could end it if you wanted to do so? Do you play out scenarios in your mind or make plans about how you would commit suicide if you wanted to do so? Do you sometimes feel like suicide could be the "answer"? Was your recent hospital visit the first time you tried to end your life? Was it an impulsive decision or something you had been contemplating for some time?

To be honest, I don't know if there is anything you can do to completely stop or prevent these thoughts from occurring. If they are just general thoughts about the fragile nature of life or something similar, I wouldn't worry too much. If that were the case, I would suggest not to pass judgment on yourself for having such thoughts because that increases feelings of shame and guilt and attempting to block those thoughts can cause you to have them more frequently and with more intensity. I would also suggest to try to just let those thoughts flow. However, because you have tried to end your life before, these thoughts are serious.

The best thing I can think of is to make sure that you have people around you who you can turn to and who can hold you accountable. You need people who can check in with you periodically to see how you are doing. The reason why I suggest this is that it has been proven that people who have more contact with other people and feel a shared responsibility or sense of belonging are less likely to commit suicide.

In addition, these thoughts could be a side effect of your medication and perhaps you were prescribed something that does not work with your body chemistry. If this is the case, the thoughts would be provoked by the medication and life satisfaction wouldn't necessarily prevent these thoughts from happening. If you suspect this as a cause, I would suggest checking with your GP or psychiatrist and charting the frequency of these thoughts and when they occur so that you have something objective to refer to.

I am sorry if this advice is not exactly what you're looking for or is not sufficient.
 

·
QUEEN PEEN
Joined
·
9,303 Posts
So, I am diagnosed with Clinical Depression and Chronic Bipolar. At random times suicidal thoughts will come into my mind. I don't know what to do. At this point in life I am very happy and content with where I am, but the thoughts never cease. I have been a closet cutter for about 5 years now. I don't know how to deal with thoughts of self harm other than to satisfy them. But now the suicidal thoughts have invaded and it scares me. I have tried counseling, journaling, meditating, and many other techniques. I need help dealing with this. I just recently got out of the hospital after attempting to take my life and I don't wanna die but I don't know what to do to stop these thoughts. Does anyone have any advice on what I could possibly do to end these intrusive thoughts?
What medications are you currently taking? I once took lyrica for my back pain, and I became superbly depressed and had suicidal thoughts. My suggestion: check all of the side effects of the medications you're taking. They could really be fucking with your hormones and brain signals.
 

·
QUEEN PEEN
Joined
·
9,303 Posts
Also, not to touch on a nerve, but why do you cut? There is a point, I promise. People do it for different reasons, but what's your reason for it?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
205 Posts
To be frank, the most important thing here is to immediately talk to your doctor, psychiatrist or other professional who you are receiving treatment from. We are not experts; neither are you. Indeed, suicidal thoughts are one of the things you should immediately bring up with them, since, as @Ace Face mentioned, this could be a side effect of whatever medication you are taking. This could be a sign of a problem with your medication, a complication from stress or something similar, and these problems should be best handled and have the best chance for remediation with someone with medical expertise.

If you are not on medication, or have not faced successful treatments in the past, then potential alternative treatments would be best discussed with a doctor. If you do not have someone available for this, now would be the best time to get one, up to and including going back to the hospital. The fact that you have a history makes this all the more problematic, and the best thing we can recommend, and the best thing you can take as a recommendation, is that you seek medical assistance now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
71 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
so umm..i used to take neurontin and i cut cuz i like the feeling of having control over something
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
81 Posts
What do you mean, "used to"? Did your doctor take you off of it? He must have given you something else for the seizures/pain.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
703 Posts
so umm..i used to take neurontin and i cut cuz i like the feeling of having control over something
Neurontin hasn't been shown to be effective with bipolar treatment and if you are depressed it can exacerbate your sad feelings.

I don't think Ns can be bipolar, but you are S so imo you can be. What happens with bipolar has to do with the sensing NMDA receptor and a chemical called glutamate. When a bipolar is happy, they are manic: they talk fast, have sex often, are great fun to be around, spend money like crazy, drink, do drugs, work out, and don't sit still. What is happening here is that all the brain chemicals that cause stimulation are in high gear Dopamine, Serotonin, and Glutamate. Life is good... and then the crash comes.

To call the depressive phase of bipolar "depression" is not accurate, it is a complete draining of a life force. Bipolars don't feel badly. They feel nothing. This is due to the fact that the serotonin, dopamine, and glutamate levels are all low. For what it is worth in women, this occurs in the second half of their menstrual cycle typically.

Usually bipolars cut themselves not because they feel nothing, and at least with the cutting, they can feel their life draining out of them, so they can feel something.

The medical treatment then is geared at moderating the extreme swings in bipolar disorder. If manic, doctors prescribe medications to lower dopamine, serotonin, and glutamate. The oldest (and of the best drugs) is Lithium. Others drugs approved for manic bipolar include Zyprexa, Risperdal, Tegretol, and Depakote. Antidepressants can be used but they are not to be started when a patient is manic because the mania may actually worsen. But if you are depressed, then it might make sense to put you on Prozac or Well Butrin type drug now. Both are cheap medication.

Given that you are depressed at not feeling anything, do you find yourself going for caffeine and/or foods that contain MSG because those would raise glutamate levels? I would guess that you smoke as that raises dopamine, and smoking probably makes you feel better.

What you have to understand Neon Rainbows is if I deprived someone of glutamate, they would feel nothing. They couldn't even form a memory. That is what bipolar depression is: feeling nothing. And if you feel nothing, you may think that trying to kill yourself means that you get to feel something, but that is not the answer. You need you to get your glutamate levels up. If I deprived any mammal of glutamate, IMO they would want to kill themselves.

YOU can get better and beat this!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
71 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I must say that I am no longer on medication, because the doctor has given up on finding a working med. I have been on pills since I was 6. They have not found a medication that works without giving me a very serious side effect. I thank you for all the information I have received. It is all much appreciated.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
72 Posts
I started having suicidal thoughts at a young age, have the clinical depression, and have been told i might be bipolar (wouldn't be surprised), my father recognized it--he'd had it all his life too, and he told me to try and hold off til I was in my mid-twenties. For me, (and I get it's different for everyone,) it actually did ease a tiiiiiiny bit after this age
but what really got me, and put a stop to any real danger of me going through with it, was when my brother almost managed to kill himself in a suicidal attempt. The pain it caused my family and I was so great--I wasn't even that close to my brother, but it hurt beyond what I thought was possible to heal from. After that, although I live with the angst, it put an end to my suicidal ideation. I feel like I don't have the right, and that I can't do that so long as there's even the slightest chance someone might love me. I used to be a staunch supporter in not only the right for euthanasia but also in the right to kill oneself, but no longer for the latter.

not sure that helps, but hangs in there. and know, that it's not just yourself that you're harming. when your pain ends (depending on your theology), theirs will just begin.

also, and i know it's lame, but there's serious truth to it: eating right, exercise, and sleep--those things can wreak havoc on one's emotions and body chemistry. Try to find some kind of exercise/activity to do at least three times a week for an hr or so; it really does help after a while. same with trying to not sleep too much nor too little.

and i'd also check your meds; many can increase suicidal risk and thoughts inadvertently.

hang in there pls. keep posting if it helps. if any of my words anger/hurt you, I'm sorry. I hope they help.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Neon Rainbows
1 - 10 of 10 Posts
Top